Kindergartener Acting Out..... I Need Your Suggestions!

I dont really have any suggestions because my 5 year old son just started kindergarten. He was the most sweetest little boy and he listened to me. Now as soon as he gets home from Kindergarten he gets my other kids wound up. He wont listen, he talks back. Timeouts dont seem to work for him. Cause he'll yell and be loud when he's on his timeout. Its so hard. I have three kids all 5 and under and by the time 5pm rolls around i am ready for all them to go to bed. 3 against one. So if you find out any suggestions about are 5 year olds please let me know. And i'll do the same.
A.

I feel for you! I have a son who is VERY similar in behavior. If it's any consolation, they do act that way after a move and major change like starting school - but it calms down just when you think you can't stand it anymore. Stand your ground, don't threaten anything you don't intend to do. Everytime he starts to act out or talk back give him 1 warning and then put him on time out(a chair or bench) and ignore him completely for time he's there - set a timer if you have one. The only time you acknowledge him is to put him back if he gets up and look him in the eye and tell him sternly that he's staying on time out for whatever he did. He's probably too young to play outside unsupervised. But make sure he knows he won't be playing at all if he can't behave. Make sure you praise him verbally and give lots of hugs for the good things and let the bad ones go once the punishment is over. If you're consistent, he should shape up!

T.-
First of all I don't think that spanking, yelling or arguing with your child/children is going to help you or them. I strongly recommend the book or movie 1,2,3 Magic. I am a mother of a 7 year old, 4 year old, and a 9 month old and I have read the book and rented the movie (from the library). It has done wonders for my husband and I. Using the 123 magic technique will not stop the tantrums from starting but it will help them stop. I know that there is nothing fun about a 45 minute tantrum!! Read the book and follow through with it. It will be hard, but I am sure it will work.

Good Luck

If you have any ?'s e-mail me at ____@____.com

T. B

I also have a 5-year-old daughter and have had this problem for a while now too! She has gotten better but she still has her moments…daily or at least a few times a week. The only difference it that I know where she is learning this offal habit! I would suggest when he is out playing and does not want to come in for the night...Tell his if this is how you are going to behave them tomorrow you can not play out side with your new friends! Make sure he knows it is because of how he is acting! This has worked on my daughter! I am very honest with my daughter and tell her how it is...to a point that is! My guess of why he was afraid because this is new behavior and he didn’t know how you where going to react to it all!

We also have the problem where no kids are supervised out side even 6 year olds are alone with no parent supervision; throwing rocks at the townhouses with kids right in front of him! I have felt like I was there parents, I wish this was not the case and I have always wondered how come this kids keep on getting worse and worse…well now I know why! How sad is that, it’s almost like they don’t care or make time for their kids! I now as a full-time working mom it is hard but that is my responsibility and no one else’s! I am the only parent out there playing with the kids! I have not yet figured out how they can’t be watching their own kids, but I will never understand that!

If she wises for something then she does not get it! Now that maybe a little extreme at first (only you know your child best), maybe one warning at first! If my daughter is talking/crying to me but using her "whinny" voice I tell her she has to stop winning because I can not understand her at first she got mad at me, but that didn’t last very long once she understood why I was saying that! I use a very calm voice at first if she contuses I just send her to her room or put soap in her mouth, if it is really bad!! It her room she has no toys so I can do that! I don’t think child should play if they are in trouble! With the sassiness that kids learn (it’s almost like they are 15 years old!) I first tell her she is talking sassy to me; I don’t think they hear it in there own voice if they are around it…kids or what not! If she does not stop and apologize to me then I put soap in her mouth, but I have only had to do that a few times (2 or 3 times)! It’s almost like she does not notice that she is talking that way to use (me and my fiancé) I hope this is just another faze she s going through, but I am not sure on that one!

I hope this helps you!! GOOD LUCK, let me know what did work, if I have not tried it I may just have to!

K.

Hi T.! Sorry for what you are going through, however; I see it all the time! My sister is my neighbor, and one of my nephews is going through this too. She could just about pull out her hair by the end of the day! Truth is, I think they all pull this. They want to see if you do what you say you will do. Being a single parent, I know that if I tell my kids something-they better do it, because there is timeouts or being grounded (my kids are older), for their consequences. My only advice would be to keep doing what you are doing, and make clear the expectations and consequences of his actions. It is hard at first, but sooner or later, they "get" it! Hope this helps you out some!

My goodness! Are you sure you aren't living with my child?? :) My 5 yr old just started Kinder. also and has gotten to be unbareable. The worst part is being I can't seem to find a method of control, my 2 yr old son is starting to ignore and throw tantrums a lot like she is....not just your normal TERRIBLE 2's tantrums. He is playing monkey see monkey do. I don't know what to do either. I often think to myself, "I can't wait to get back to work...at least that is a break from you two." I hope someone out there has something that can help us. I have tried all that I can think of...

I am a kindergarten teacher so I sure understand how those five year olds can be! I hear all the time from parents at conference time, Are you sure you are talking about my child? when they hear what a great student their child is. I also have a three year old daughter who just started preschool. She is basically very well behaved - especially at school. I have found that since she started she acts up a little more at home. I think there is a correlation...she has to keep it together and follow all the rules at school but when she gets home she wants some power so she acts up a little. Maybe this is the case with your son too? My advice, be consistent and hang in there! It sounds like you are doing a good job!

At 5, I feel it is not too young to start taking away privliges (I word it as you have a choice, come in now or don't lsiten and you don't get X later). I have actually packed up things in my daughter's room and put them in the basement so she couldn't play with them because she refused to clean her room and I refuse to argue with her about it anymore.

T.,
I couldn't help but laugh when I read this! It's as if you are ME writing this! My almost 5 year old daughter just started all day 4K too and it's like a totally different child comes home to me every night! She talks back, whines about every tiny little thing ( I thought I was over the terrible 2's!!) I can barely take her to a store with me anymore without her losing her cool! I do the time out's and 5 minute breaks, but nothing seems to work! So I do feel a sense of relief now knowing that I'm not the only parent that is seeing their child's behavoir change so dramatically! The one thing I have been doing is trying to switch the focus when the meltdowns or back talk occurs. If we're out at the store I will pull her aside and let her know that what she said was inappropriate, she get's 3 warnings, on the 3rd time we leave the store, and then I just go about my shopping trying to ignore whatever behavoir just happened. I also ignore her at home, when she runs away from me (and this just drives me nutty) I will turn around and walk away from her and say "fine then." Then she comes right up to me. So I think it's a matter of finding what your child will respond to. My daughter is very emotional, so if I act like I'm hurt by what she's doing, she will feel bad and stop most of the time. Sorry for the novel on this!! Good Luck to you, I hope this doesn't last long for us haha!!

My five year old also started doing this recently. There is NO supervision of the other kids in our neighborhood (and we're on a very busy street, no less) and kids as young as seven are using words *I* don't even use. We finally said he wasn't allowed to play outside with them anymore. Instead we'd take him to the park down the street, but were running into the same issues. (ie talking back, refusing to come home, etc) It later escalated into not eating or doing his chores.

What we did was start taking the object in question away and putting it on a shelf in the living room. (ie toys he didnt pick up, toys he threw, etc) If he didn't eat his dinner in a reasonable amount of time (he's been taking up to two hours to eat a bowl of cereal) it got put in the fridge and he'd eat it at a later meal. If he used bad language or was being sassy, we'd wash his mouth out with soap (I know this seems a bit harsh, but he began using some VERY colorful words that are absolutely innapropriate for a child of any age and soap has nipped it in the bud).

In order to get his toys back off the shelf, not only does he have to behave for the rest of the day, but he has to do something helpful/courteous for someone else. Another thing I pointed out is that his little sister is going to learn from what he does, and if he's naughty, she will be too because she sees him doing it (but now I'm dealing with him being a tattle-tale everytime she does something).

I'd also ask his teacher if there's been behavior problems at school. Does he act like this in class? Do other kids act like this? It may explain where it's coming from, or he may just feel over-whelmed at all the changes he's gone through recently (moving, school, etc). Maybe talk a little every night at bedtime about how his day went (positive things, not about his behavior) to show that he still has some stability and control when everything is so new to him, and that you're still here for him and he doesn't have to act out to get your attention.

Good luck! I know how frustrating this is. :) Let us know how it turns out!

T.,
you are right it is more effective to teach our kids to abide the rules out of self respect rathr than teaching them to fear us. that just closes so many doors. i remember when i first had my kid, everthing was so ieadlized. but then puberty hit. sometime a little fear of mom won't hurt, if you use that angle rarely. after all my daughter only told me that i suck donkey b***s once. I am jst saying on rare occasaions it is you that needs to get thier attention so that the remember that they are royalty. ( a concept i use with kids developing thier own morality < you are royalty you are the child of a king! now behave like a child of God > reguardless your kids are your princesses and princess)
hope this helps.
L.

Hopefully it's just a reaction to all the new changes in his life right now. (New home, new friends, starting school, etc.)I would say really stick to your routine of the 1/5 minute warnings and if the other kids are playing too roughly in your neighborhood, explain to your son the need for him to come inside and find something fun for him to do indoors. (Are their any friends from your old neighborhood that could come over and play with him??) Good luck!

I to am laughing as I am reading this.. My 5 year old son has been doing these exact things also since he has started Kindergarten, and that too saying words, I don't use around him..
But most of all not listening or doing what mom and dad say.. So we have packed all his FAV toy's in boxes and told him we are going to give them to kids who listen and are nice to there parents,brother and sisters, and there belongings. Really they are in the attic of the garage till he learns. And we have been doing time outs as well.. And with the naughty words, I use soap ( not REAL soap,listerine strips breath fresher ( he HATES them, but it has worked sooo well!)
Good Luck