Hi Mama's! I am really frustrated...perhaps it's because I am pregnant, but I feel like every time we tell someone that we are pregnant (it was NOT planned, but we ABSOLUTELY see it as a blessing!) we seem to get the same response! Everyone knew that after we had our youngest that we were DONE. At that point people kept asking, "Are you going to try again for a girl?" And our response was always, "No we are DONE!" Well, now that we are pregnant, people say "I thought you were done?" And we say that we thought we were done. EVERYONE'S response seems to be, "You know, there are ways to ensure that doesn't happen?" I am SOOOOO sick of hearing that. Unfortunately, the way we chose to prevent pregnancy was not 100% effective - NONE are. I guess, I am looking for a clever response - I feel like people think that we don't understand the basics of birth control which we do...let's face it, people who have tubal ligation, etc can get pregnant. Any thoughts - I am so sick of this kind of smarty pants remark that I would like to have a smarty pants response! Thanks in advance!
First of all, I want to thank everyone for your help and witty responses! I know it sounds quite childish and trivial, but it is getting VERY old and quite honestly even though we didn't plan this baby, I don't view this or any child as a burden or a "mistake". Every child is such a blessing - mo matter what. I have had at least 4 or 5 people make a comment about the "mistake" child and I quickly let them know that thsi is CERTAINLY no mistake. I appreciate everyone's understanding and at least I am not the only out there getting this rude treatment. What has our society come to when people think that it is acceptable to say whatever they want without regard to other people's feelings...And it is not just starngers - it is friends and worse yet - family members. I actually had one family member ask us, "What were you thinking? You should have gotten your tubes tied already." That's a really nice way to talk about someone's unborn child, huh. I have been telling people thus far that we thought we were done but God had another plan. Unfortunately, people tend not to give up and inform me that God doesn't provide birth control - dr's can however prescribe it. Anyhow, thank you all again for being the wonderful support group that all Mom's need and deserve!
I would take the positive road...
"I'm so glad we didn't! This pregnancy is such a GIFT! Can't you see I'm glowing?!"
Congrats!!!!!
Tell them you have so much fun getting that way that you lost the odds and then smile like the cat that ate the canary........bet they aren't having that much fun! and there is always " I am trying to understand how that concerns you so I can answer" or my grands' fave " I will forgive you for asking if you will forgive me for not answering"......
I guess I'm really tacky, but I love to go with shock value when someone is being a butt. I would be tempted to say "Well, yes, but we ruled out abortion. I'm surprised you'd go for that!" And then see them shrink and start for the excuses of how that's not what they meant.
When people ask me how many times I've been married, which is a sore spot with me, I answer with "I think 7...I'm going for Elizabeth Taylor's record..." They usually get that it was a rude question, and to leave it alone. It doesn't matter how many children or how many marriages someone has. It matters how they answer to God in the long run. Funny thing is, God is in charge and already knows why He has sent us the blessings he has sent our way. Good luck!
Maybe a simple "Apparently not" or "Not the last time I checked" or "Looks like we weren't". Don't let other people's rudeness affect this wonderful time that you should be enjoying! Congratulations!
My oldest son is 19. My daughter 15. My youngest is 14 months.
Did I plan on getting pregnant? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD HAVE??
But when asked..."What were you thinking?" My reply is simply: "I bet you asked that same question when you had your last kid huh?" or "I know you were thinking the same thing when you had *insert name of child here*"
You ask a stupid question, you get a similar response.
I love my children. They aren't a bore or a burden. Some women can't get a grasp on that concept and are just waiting for the 18th birthday.
Smiles to you. Good luck.
Hi A.~
I find saying ,"Excuse me" in response to their rude question is often a really effective way of mirroring that they are being an A**,lol. This makes them have to repeat the rude question twice. Sometimes people just say things before they think-this gives them a moment to think about it and choose NOT to ask it. The really rude ones however, will ask it again. Now that you've weeeded the good from the bad-feel free to insert some of the clever responses the previous posters have posted(BTW, I love the "I'll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering" among others).
Congrats on your pregnancy!
N.
I love these responses. I would tell them something along the same lines as the last two mentioned. Of course, I am a smart a** as well. I might tell them (in addition to what the others have said) "With so many rude people walking around, we were just trying to even out the odds with raising polite children." You could even say, "With three you get eggroll." (Please no one take that as a disrepect. It is not meant that way.)
Neither one of my children were planned. My son is a condom baby who we tried for years for and then I said forget it at 27 years old. My daughter was my being stupid and not using b/c of any kind. He was an "Uh oh!" and eight years later she was an "Oh sh**!"
Or you could simply tell them, "You know, I seem to remember you saying that you were going on a diet and you didn't." Or "you were going to quit smoking and you didn't." Or "you were going to quit being such a know-it-all and you haven't done it yet." If they want to pick at you for a decision you made and it didn't happen that way, point out how they have done the same thing, but in a different manner. "Sure, we said that we were done. We also said we were going to quit socializing with a**holes and quit listening to what morons have to say. Two out of three ain't bad."
I understand that they are probably just kidding around and being "cute," but they really need to get over it and find another dead horse to beat. We have all had these wonderful plans that did not come to pass. It's life.
Tell them you changed your mind!
Or, when they say, "there are ways to prevent that you know" (i've actually had a doctor say this to me, and I never went back), you could say, "yes, but unfortunately your parents didn't figure that out a bit sooner", or something like that!
:) I also like the one about abortion... sarcasm is an art.
I have one child and everyone keeps telling me he needs a little brother or sister. And my number one response is "As long as I have a choice I choose not, but if God says so then I will!"
Unfortunately we sometimes think that we have control over everything but in the end God has the final say!
This should politely solve your problem!
I had the exact same problem. My husband and I have an unexpected blessing ourselves. When Emily was born, this was both our 2nd marriages and I was 38 and my husband was 50. Usually after the laughter subsided is when the rude questions came out. I've always been amazed at how people feel completely comfortable commenting on or asking questions about such a personal issue. Rather than focusing on the wonderful gift God is bestowing on you, they focus on the physical aspects of how it happened.
In any case, I've always referred to our daughter by saying "Yes, we have an unexpected blessing from God." I find it amazing that it always shut them up.
I am so sorry that you're getting frustrated with this ignorant comment from people. I think rather than coming down to their level and showing them how irritated you are I might just ignore them like they didn't say anything at all. When all is said and done you will have a beautiful new baby to love and cherish and who cares what other people have to say. Congratulations on your new addition to your family!!
I am going through the same thing. I just married my second husband last March and we were happy having just my daughter. More kids were out of the question. Of course she was three at the time and you know how two and three-year-olds are the best birth control, we were done. But I got the baby bug and gave it to my husband so we are now trying.
These responses are just what I need to tell all those rude "I thought you were done" people. So Thanks!!!!
Hi A. and first off congrats to you and your husband. Now for some of those ever so rude comments you might try the one I used a few times that made people look at me as though I really done lost my mind. For the ones who keep saying they thought you were through having kids act kinda stunned and say "What I'm pregnant?" For those that ask about the gender say something like "we are trying for whatever we recieve". Now for the snooty birth control followers just tell them you can see birth control didn't work for thier mother either. I know these all sound rude but when your recieving all the rude comments being a little bit foward doesn't really hurt either, it lets them know that your aware of what the choices were and your grown and its yours and your husband decision to have another grace from God in your life not thiers. Well take care and I hope all works out for you just remember a joke back can sometimes stun the most opened mouth.
I have 4 girls plus we started really young so I got alot of these stupid remarks also. I'm kinda tacky when my buttons have been pushed & a smart a**. So, whenever someone asked if I knew how to prevent that I'd tell them "No, I didn't know that. How?" That shuts them up & they usually don't know how to respond, so they just stand there with their mouth hanging open. It used to make me so mad! While we didn't "plan" any of our children, we were very happy when we became pregnant with each one. & for someone to say those things makes me feel like we shouldn't have wanted them, which is insane! Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I get the same thing sometimes but we actually changed our minds and tried for the one I am now 35 weeks pregnant with. One of my "best" friends will NOT quit saying I thought you were done--like we have no right to change our minds. Even though you didn't plan it, I know how excited you must be. Try not to let people get under your skin. I like the lady's response that said to answer back No--HOW? That would shut me up if I said it!! :) Hang in there and CONGRATS!!! C.
I would probaly say ... "Well you know I thought NOT having sex was the best birth control. Guess we were wrong! Maybe I should have stoped eating watermelon too."
Try to keep a straight face when you say it.
Hi A.....while my situation was actually the opposite, it just reaffirms that people are always going to have an opinion about everything and won't hesitate to share it, welcomed or not. The best thing you can do is just smile and say "Well, God wasn't ready for us to be done." there isn't much arguement that can be made there. :) When my husband and I announced my pregnancy one of my friends said "Oh wow, was this a surprise? I didn't know you were trying...." My response to her was "No, its not a surprise, we do know how these things happen. And no, you didn't know we were trying because we didn't tell anyone." My husband didn't want to deal with everyone knowing we were trying and continously asking us about it, so we didn't tell anyone until it happened. Definitely don't let it bother you...people will always have something to say about everything, whether welcomed or not. I also like the persons reponse "No, I don't know how it works, can you explain it?" :) Congrats!!
We were done. God wasn't. I / we can't wait to meet his latest blessing. I'm sure you can't either.
Don't know about smarty pants, but it's definitely how we felt - and changed the whole tune of the pregnancy.
My four year old happened despite birth control pills, blocked tubes, and a condom.
My 2 year old happened despite Mirena and those same mostly occluded tubes.
God only knows what he will send in response to my tubal.
Congrats!
Respond with,
"We're pregnant! I know our mouths said we were done, but in our hearts we wanted another one!" & we couldn't be happier. Don't give them the chance to give their remarks.
Happy baby to you!
