Looking for Some Answers to a Bad Situation

T.,

I know what you are going through. I had someone very close to me go through the same thing with her child. It basically took her mom spending more time with her and paying more attention to her for her to turn around. She knew when she got in trouble at school or kicked out of school that mom would pay more attention to her. Regardless that it was discipline, but she still got her mom. Try to sit down with him. Spend a little more time together. Even if it watching tv, playing a game or going outside. Show an interest in what he is doing. Give him that little extra love that he needs right now. I am not quite sure where dad plays in this at all, but if he is not around, you are going to have to try to fulfill those shoes too. I know it is not easy, especially with working and all, but sometimes you have to put things a side. We will be praying for you and your son for guidance. God bless you and your son!

im not being nosey but it sounds to me like is he ant get much attion from u when ur at work he is with a baby sitter right. u need to take time and spend with ur son i know that u have to work but u also got to see it his way untell he gets attantion from u he will keep acting out. he is acting out cause he hardly get to spend time with ya. life is short and he will only be 9 once so spend more time with him and not the babysitter

It is so much easier said then done for someone to say to put your job off to spend time with your son.. Definately he needs that but I have to work two jobs to support my kids so I completely understand where you are coming from. You cant just quit your job. Then whoes going to take care of you and your son. So your in a really hard situation. Good luck with him and I definately can relate where your coming from.

T., I hate to say it but the obvious is your son needs your direct input about his behavior. this means you NEED to be around more. that suggetion is easy enough said, as a single parent I know your doing the best you can to provide for your son. The first place to go is bellsouth and rework your schedule so that your around for him after school and a mentoring program would be great. The important thing is that your schedule coinsides with his because as a child of a single parent myself he needs to know that he's number one. Despite being a very independent young man he still needs his mom I'm sure and you have to do double duty and if his dad is avaliable he needs to make sacrifices also to visit more often. Your wise to recognize that this could be the beginning of a very difficult path for him and you also need to recognize that you could be the only solution. Good luck and stay strong. M.

T.,

Have you taken time out to tell him you love him? If not, maybe you should say it more. Plan a special outing with just him and you on the weekend. Do this often. Show him you love him. I KNOW coming home from work and you are tired and what not, but just love him. He's at an age now where he can understand that you work to support him, maybe you can talk with him about your family situation and he'll feel a bit more like he needs to help out. Assign him some responsibilities to help you around the house, but first explain to him that you need him to be responsible before you just throw this on him as a chore. Let him be part of the planning in what things he'll take on in the home. Make a chart. Check off the things he does each day. Getting a certain amount of things done in a week earns a reward. Maybe not necessarily money, an activity that you guys do together. Maybe a road trip to a nearby town and stay in a hotel with an indoor pool, order pizza and watch a movie. Time like this with you will build a bond between the two of you, and maybe even improve his behavior.

Good luck.

I think the big brother group is a great idea or find some kind of activity that he is interested in with children other than these bad children. As for discipline I am a big advocate to making the punishment fit the child. I am not for nor against spankings and I dont know how you feel about this, but I will say talkings, and taking toys away are not working. I would keep up with the talkings because that may later work if you can get him to actually talk back to you and not just stoneface listen. I was a child that you had to talk to and make me realize how I disappointed my parents. My husband who has ADHD since 5th grade (cant diagnose this until after age 8) and the only discipline method that worked for him was spankings. His parents even tried talking, taking toys away, taking truck away, etc. those never worked for him. Talk to your child and ask him how he feels about certain things. I am a firm believer in talking but add something else with it so they realize you are serious. If that method doesnt work try another. Find other group activities in your area for you child. Those activities kept me out of trouble. Also I agree fully with Susan.