Love and Logic...I Need Advice!

you need a cheat sheet! Use a poster board, title it with headers (not listening, etc.) , & then list the important points under each header. Post this on the frig & live by it. Peace!

Okay, here's one of the basic L&L rules...choices. Don't tell or ask your child to do something....example: are you going to wash your hands for dinner in the kitchen or the bathroom? Would you like mommy or daddy to help you get your pajamas on tonight? Do you want to go upstairs to bed now or in 5 minutes? You get the idea...

If (and possibly when) your two year old refuses to make a choice, tell her if you can't choose, mommy will choose for you...then you make the choice and "make" her do it...example go ahead and take her upstairs, etc. If a major fit ensues and you can't function around it...time out...or sing the "uh oh" song. If you don't know about that, it's in the book just find it. "uh oh song" is basically time out.

I really think that's the crux of the whole system. Remember though ONLY give two choices that you are okay with, never give a choice you don't want, b/c of course that's what your child will pick! If you forget to give choices and your child tells you no then just kind of make it happen by saying, something like uh oh, looks like you're not making good choices, I guess I'll have to make choices for you...it gives the idea that you're still following the system even if you "mess up"! ;)

I LOVE Love and Logic and used in my classroom and with my own children. It works and it's great (but it is hard to do sometimes, I know!)! Hang in there...I personally think it's the best form of discipline/approach there is, I'm not an expert, but I've used it a lot, so please let me know if there's anything else with which I can help!

Thank you for asking for help here.
Don't worry about remembering stuff from the book.
If you internalize the premise, the intention, you'll be fine.
As for doing what your mom did,
if you thought that was the way to go,
you wouldn't be trying to learn new ways of parenting.
Good luck!

It can be tough to parent a 2 year old and Love and Logic offer great tools. First, avoid offering yes or no questions. Offer choices instead. "Do you want to wear your blue shoes or red shoes? If you don't make a choice I'll have to make one for you." And then decide and let your 2 year old deal with the consequence whether good or bad. They will decide next time! And if they just flat out refuse then tell them it's a sad choice but one they will have to go with. So if it means no shoes, then no shoes it is. (Unless of course that really can't be an option!) Reading the book again would be really helpful too. Best to you!

Natural consequences.

I agree with giving choices, and if you child refuses then you impose the consequence that makes sense (not punitive) He will soon learn to make a choice and follow through.

Your son is only two so this example may have to be modified depending on his understanding.

For example You: "Honey, did you want to put your toys away now or in 5 minutes?" (of course he tells you 5 minutes, so you come back in 5 minutes)
"Okay, it's time to put the toys away!"

Child: "No, I'm still playing."

You: "No problem sweetie. I will do it for you."
Then pick up the toys and put them away. Do not be angry and if he throws a fit be sympathetic by saying something like, "I know you love these toys, but it's time for....." Next time he says he wants to play with them you say...."I'm sorry sweetie, but last time you played with them you didn't want to put them away and I don't want to do it today." Stick to your guns. Your child will soon learn that when you say "No problem," he better hop to it, because it is not a problem for you, but it is for him.

Tori H. has some great advice. It is mostly about the choices. Remember, if your child doesn't make a choice within 10 sec, you make the choice. Don't use "yes or no" questions. If you say, "do you want sandles or tennis shoes?" There is no option for "no!" If child still answers "no," you say, "ok, mama picks the tennis shoes." Child has to live with the consequences of his/your choices.

Sometimes there are times when you can't give them a choice. That's when you say, "Mama's given you lots of choices today, right? Now it's my turn to make a choice. I need you to...." No options. And that is ok!

The "uh oh" song is a great tool too. After a couple of times, you just have to say "uh oh!" in a sing-song voice and the inappropriate behavior is gone!

Review the book again. Check out the book on CD. Sometimes if you hear something aloud you remember it better. Plus you can listen to little bits of it in the car.

They also have a website....loveandlogic.com. Resources there, as well. They even have a 1800 # you can call for advice! I have never used it but have seen it advertised.

I always try to remember to make their choices simple and only two choices I can live with. For example...I want him to have the choice of what he wears but it's slightly rainy outside with a high of 72, he can wear pants, shorts, tee, light long sleeve, etc...pretty much anything that's comfortable.

I pick out 2 outfits that I find acceptable and show him both and say which outfit do you want to wear, he only gets to choose between the 2 or I pick and he just has to deal with it. As soon as he says no and wants to pick something else and I let him i have lost the benefit of the lesson. If I know he has issues with either outfit, like he hates Tigger but loves Thomas and I pick out two Tigger outfits, then I am asking for an issue to happen.

Here is a link where teachers are discussing the things they have implemented, it gives lot so f good information:
http://www.proteacher.net/discussions/showthread.php?t=51125

And of course the Love and Logic website discussions:
http://www.loveandlogicforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=24

I also suggest that the reason Love and Logic works is that it's a philosophy or way at looking at discipline. There are no rules. Internalize the philosophy. Make what you read, make sense in your own mind and then go with your intuition based on what you've learned.

I had difficulty deciding on how to give every experience a natural consequence. I did learn over time that it was easier and came more naturally. As to how to react to no. First, as Gamma G. suggested give him choices as often as you can. This helps to eliminate the out right no.

Another way to manage is to say after you get dressed, we'll have breakfast. Do you want scrambled eggs or cereal. Give him something to think ahead about often will distract a child from thinking about the now.

It's been so long since I read Love and Logic books, I don't know if this is a part of that style or not. I'm a firm believer in adapting several different methods to fit my child and circumstances.

No is difficult to handle. My 7 yo grandson is still big into no and when pushed to co-operate he'll hit and kick. He's in a special class and they don't know what to do. So don't feel badly. What works for me is to physically stand firm and wait for him to realize that I expect him to do it. I don't push or try to force him to do it. I just expect that he will and calmly wait. I don't talk. I ignore his comments. I just quietly wait, standing nearby and looking at him. This takes more time but it usually works unless I'm asking him to do something he feels very strongly about.

Another difficulty for me was accepting that I didn't have to win battles. My goal is to gain compliance. When I feel that we're getting into a battle, I'm the one to back off. Sometimes I have to give myself a time out so that I can regain my good feelings. It's easy to lose site of the goal which is for example to get out of the house on time. At 2, if he's refusing to get dressed, take him to child care in his jammies with his clothes in a sack. He had the choice of co-operating or not. When he chose not to cooperate the natural consequence is for you to take him as he is. It took awhile for me to realize that there really are no rules per se. There is getting the job done while maintaining integrity.

There is a method called 1-2-3 _____ . I don't remember the full name and can't find my book. It's been mentioned several times on this site and I wish I'd known about it when my grandchildren were toddlers. I'll see if I can find it.

What I remember about Love and Logic is to focus on treating our children with respect and to administer logical consequences for both good behavior and negative behavior. Praise more often then criticize. Be genuine in your praise. Respond respectfully at all times.

I am problemly wrong....I dont "parent" out of a book. Nor, do I parent from what is on the web. Go with your gut. Do what "yo mamma did"...do what your "Grandma did".....you HAVE to know what is right. Follow your gut....

:)

I don't know if our parents had cheat sheets or books or websites or whatnot to turn to for answers, but what did happen when tots (and teens) talked back, they got sent to the timeout corner, their room. This at least bought parents time to think through the consequences.

Would it help to read through the book, pick out the bits that are particularly relevant to you and your situations, write or type them on pieces of paper, and stick them on your fridge? Then there is something short and concise that you can refer to quickly if you happen to be home. Or keep them in your purse for when you are out. Just a thought.