Military Mommas, PTSD Questions

PTSD can really effect every aspect of their lives. On thing he should have gone through is reintegration counciling. That's one of the hardest parts of coming back. I have a friend that is going through the same thing right now with her DH and what's helped him is one on one counciling. PTSD can show up as many different things. and can show up months even years after.
Now when he does video games is he doing them with his buddies online? that may be a way for him to relieve some stress.
Talk to him ask him to schedule his video game time, and tell him to schedule kid time as well.

My husband and I use humor.

We recently had an oh that is why I married you moment. This assignments he works really long hours. Longer time at the office, which means more stress on me. Not that his job isn't stressful on him. But laughter is the key in most situations.

I know you are about to pull up anchors and move but don't let that stop you from making an effort. There is always email to talk with someone. Go and seek out friends and people who have dealt with this before. Get there email address and TALK!

You might have to just let him be on the days he needs to be alone but don't let him feel like he is ruining your day or being a burden.

HUGS!!

ps guys don't like to talk about it all the time....but keep the door open and let them know you are ready to listen at anytime.

pss I didn't mean that you are hounding him with this but sometimes they don't want to deal and just want a snuggle, you know?

My husband is currently deployed, and PTSD is something I am very concerned about. In this month's Foundations magazine (it's a National Guard mag) there is a story about a soldier and her struggle with PTSD. She has been at Walter Reed for 2 years dealing with it, so no, 18 months isn't unheard of. I don't know if they have an internet version of the story, but you might want to look into the story of Ashley Crandall and see what you find. My heart goes out to you and your family. There are way too many "casualities" of these wars and it's often the ones you cannot see that can be the toughest to overcome.

Hi P.,
We've been through several deployments and have been around countless deploying/redeploying soldiers for many years. The thing I have found (in our case as well as others) is if reintegration issues were not addressed at the get go, they do not tend to straighten themselves out on their own. For example, my husband came home after a year long deployment and he seemed, like yours, checked out of our family. It felt like he was more involved during the deployment than after it. I told him that I wanted to address an issue with him and that he had to agree to going to counseling if we couldn't solve it. He agreed to that stipulation. Luckily, my husband realized he was behaving that way and we explored the reasons why (stress of commanding, too much to deal with and not enough coping mechanisms, etc) and he slowly made his way back to his normal self. Lucky for him because I was this close to having a pregnant lady meltdown on him! I know you are ETS'ing this week, but why not make an appointment with a Military Family Life Consultant? They will meet you anywhere (except your home for their own safety), and they don't keeps records/report to the chain of command. If you are religious, maybe go have a chat with the chaplain. I am not religious myself, but if I find a chaplain I like, I don't mind having a good, honest conversation with him. They have such great insight into the mind of a soldier as well as the needs of the family. You can also try Military OneSource, they can provide resources as well. Good luck to you all!

I am a wife of a retired veteran. Even after separation from the military, there is still help available to your husband through the VA, Wounded Warriors Project, and other veterans organizations. The VFW has Service Officers who can refer you and your husband to programs and organizations that can help with PTSD. Other veterans groups are available to help you find help. Counseling is going to be necessary for both of you. But if he refuses to go, you should go by yourself to help you understand what is going on with him. He has suffered terrible trauma and really needs help. If you are in the San Diego area, the county has Service Officers to help veterans. You can also find Service Officers at VA offices. Don't give up on trying to get him help. And get help for yourself too. My prayers will be with you.
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Hi P.,

We're military as well. My hubby only spent 8 mo's in the desert, but I know exactly how you're feeling. We made it through the craziness, but it sure a heck wasn't easy.

The way he explained it to me was living in a combat zone was living in a state of constant, heightened awareness. And going from that, back to the calmness of homelife .. it can be near impossible. The video games bring that "stress" back, it "feels" the same.

I took the damn video game out of the house, sure the hubby wasn't too happy .. but this was what forced him into getting back to real life.

And I never let up - I would talk and talk and talk.

from one military wife to another, i wish you the bets of luck .. and when times do get tough, remember that he is HOME and ALIVE when he is driving you nuts .. so many will never get that chance.

P.,
I really don't know why the military doesn't offer eye movement therapy. I went to that after an armed robbery/home invasion and it worked amazingly well. I think it would be worthwhile to find a counselor who does that. Check out www.emdr-therapy.com for more info.
Good luck and God bless.

My husband is not in the military but has suffered with kidney disease for most of his life. 4 years ago he went into full-blown renal failure, and his behavior was very similar to your husband's. It has been a HUGE battle to remain patient and loving when my husband is yelling, rude, and just checks out all the time. For him he works on his computer constantly, not even answering questions when I'm standing right next to him.

I don't have a perfect solution. What has kept me going is remembering that this is not the man I married, his personality has changed. He needs as much love and support as I can give him, and since I'm in the thick of it with him, I'm the best one to really support him. I also take quiet time for myself every single day (often only 20 minutes), so I can recoup from the tense environment. We have two small children, so our house is active.

The other thing was told my husband straight out, I don't appreciate your behavior. I know you don't feel well, but I don't appreciate you taking it out on me. That seemed to help him snap out of it some of the times.

In addition 5 years ago I almost died from a ruptured aneurysm. That experience left me with severe PTSD. I was petrified to exercise or move too much lest something else inside me explode. I also became super anxious that something tragic would happen to my kids. Between my husband's behavior and my inner anxiety I was a nervous wreck all the time.

I did several different therapies to get to the other side of it. Last year I did Lifespan Integration therapy. I would really urge you to look it up and see if there is somebody in your area who can do it. It's a very simple therapy, like a guided meditation, and it has profound results. I asked my therapist if this would work with any kind of PTSD, and he said he was working with the local veteran's groups to set up a program for veterans. He said this would be very, very helpful for them. I only went 10 sessions and it resolved the intense anxiety I was having. I don't take any more medication, and I rarely have any anxiety anymore.

Blessings to you, your husband and your family.
B.

In the military they have support groups that you can join and they can give you good leads to civilian ones too. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel and tell him that you think it's best if he gets help and talks to a counselor about what is going on with him. You can ask your FRG leader (Family Readiness Group) about resources they have for them. They should have given you some paperwork after he came back from deployment that has numbers and rosters of people for you. But I have been through my husbands deployment as well and this is what they did for us when they got back.