Mom Going Through Terrible 2S?

Hi K.,
My son is 16-1/2 months and started hitting quite a while ago - not too bad when it started but now when he gets angry that is what he does. The only thing that works for us is for me to just say "Oh no, can you be gentle with Mommy (sissy, daddy, etc.)? Show Mommy how you can be gentle." And it might take one or two more hits but once he does it gentle, I give him lots of praise and a hug and say thank you for being gentle. And usually that distracts him enough from what he was so upset about. I have just found that when I try to discipline him when he is in one of "those" moods, I might as well be talking to myself. It frustrates him and me. So - this seems to being doing the trick for now... but it is ever changing as we all know. Good luck.

K.... after reading this it sounded like you were describing my son! Well aside from the fact that he doesn't have a sister and we don't have a cat! ;-)LOL.. not thinking it is funny, but it makes me feel normal again! He turned 2 in the beginning of Jan and is seriously trying to live up to the terrible twos! His screaming thing started about a week ago and its driving me nuts. I am going to watch your post, cause I need the same advice. Please just know that we are in the same boat and that we are going through exactly the same right now. ;-) The lady that wrote about the zero policy for hitting and screaming... yes I thought I had that too. But kids are different. We are being extremely consistent as to telling him NOT to hit and to show him what we like. Soft touches, hugs and kisses.... problem is -- it is really hard to negotiate with a 2 year old. He mostly does it when he is tired or frustrated (over stimulated). I am being positive about this, because everyone tells me when they get older and you can "get through to them" and it will go away. He has gotten a bit better, but it still happens from time to time! Good luck!!!

I am sorry but I am old fashion. If this was my child I would tell my child to stop, if the child doesn’t I would give him just one swat on the butt. Just enough to scare him not to hurt him. I would tell him no, if it continues, do it again until he does stop. When my kids were little I tried many things and it didn’t always work. I was tired of trying different things that didn’t work for long. When the children are little one swat seems to work. Then when you tell them no, they know that this might happen and they stop the behavior. If you do this when they are young most times you don’t have a problem when they get older. I also learned that being consistent helped to. If I nipped the bad behavior right away that seemed to help me too. Children know how to push buttons. There are times that bad behavior will not be tolerated or it will get out of hand. If you discipline them while they are young, they will do well in the teenage years. Stay strong, I know children are a blessing and a lot of work. The mother is the glue to the family. Keep up the good work.
V.

Hi K.,

Two can be a difficult age. They are able to use their limbs, their mouths, and get pretty much wherever they want to go. My two year old boy is very active like yours is, and when he gets bored or tired, he will start with the naughty behaviors. Usually what I do to try and calm this down is to use distraction, we read, play with play dough, work puzzles, color, play with a new toys, etc. If that doesn't work, then we move to time-outs, and eventually nap time. Sometimes also if they are hungry, we will try a healthy snack, like fruit or yogurt, and that will also get him out of the situation.

Also it is important to teach him that it hurts others to hit. When my son hits, I will say "ow! that hurts!" And then show him with his hand how to give a nice touch, and remind him to be kind or gentle. Two year olds do not empathize with anyone else, and they usually enjoy a loud reaction, so basically show him how to be kind, and then use distraction to redirect him.

TIME OUTS!

In honesty our 2 & 1/2 year old is pretty well behaved. We go through some intense days and little streteches. What we found helps A LOT is to

1) use time outs -- count to 3 and then it is time out. We've found though that if we actually get to #3 he has to go to time out, otherwise he tries to "listen" after we've already directed him to time out. Now we get to #2 and he gets moving.

2) Get down on his level and make him look us in the eyes when we are redirecting. If he won't do this he goes to timeout.

3) Ask him to "follow directions" instead of saying "not listening" --- for whatever reason he gets this concept better. They've seen an improvement at daycare too.

4) Use a timer for transitions -- ex: bedtime. Our son gets to set the timer and when it beeps it is time to get moving.

Good luck.

I used to say.. the wonderful ones... terrible twos.. trying threes and finally fours. Each stage had it's own set of challenges. I would definately address the issue of hitting because if you don't nip this in the bud now it will continue and be harder to break as he gets older. Be firm when saying we do not hit.. find an appropriate discipline when he does and redirect him to an appropriate activity.

The twos certainly are tough! I'm a big fan of reading, and I really liked "One Two Three Magic" for an overall approach. It's largely written for older kids, but one of his ideas is that you need to avoid being sucked into a battle; just stop the behavior and move on. Time outs can be good, though sometimes 2-year-olds don't quite follow them. For hitting, I would take his hand and say firmly "no hitting!" Then I would take his hand and use it gently to touch the person he had hit (softly touching your own cheek, for example) and say "gentle." I've had a lot of success with this approach with hitting, reinforcing--every time--both that the hitting is not okay and that there is an appropriate way to touch.

About the screaming, it may help to sort out why he's doing that, and it may be the same reason he's hitting. For example, my 3-year-old gets very obstinate and can even become aggressive when we try to discipline him. We've recently realized that he's more sensitive than he seems, and his feelings get hurt. When that happens, he acts angry. So we try to speak more gently with him, and we end up in fewer power struggles. Understanding why he does things may help with getting behaviors to change.

Good luck. Two and three are tough, to be sure!

As you probably know, no kids is like another, although they are coming from same parents. I have an 12 years old girl and almos 6 boy, they are oil and water.
Boys are more active then girls.
I think that you should not let him go through the world kicking and being wild. Is not good for them neither, is very stresful for them to be noise, beleive it or not.
Mostly, I think is to call attention.
You have a lot of books, you can go to a counselor and ask in your particular situation what you can do. Ask other mothers, like you are doing it now. But never, ever, give up. Help also your self to learn relax strategies to be more patience and pray, no matter with religion you are, is always a divinity who will open a window when you feel trapped. And always remenber, you are doing the best you can, it doesn't mean you have to be the best mom in the world.
god bless you and that free spirit who need to calm down.

Do you think he may be doing it to get attention?

We have a zero tolerance policy for hitting behavior of any kind (hitting, pushing, swatting, biting, pinching) and neither of my children ever ever did that. But toddlers at daycare did and kids in kindergarten did and I can tell you, kids that don't get a firm grip on this behavior as toddlers have a hard time catching up on social skills in school. Teachers do not have time to parent. A favorite non-physical punishiment in our house (actually can do anywhere and is especially effective in public) is to make the misbehaving child stand in the middle of the room while the rest of the family continues going about their activities. Works better than a time out in their room or a swat on the bottom.