Mom of 2 - Abington,PA

Can you put him to bed earlier so he isn't so tired? And is there a reason why he's waking up in the middle of the night? Maybe that's something to work on too. Or, is there a way you can cut down his hours at school? One of the boys that goes to the same school my daughters do was almost asked to leave the school because he was hitting other kids. As a first step, they kicked him out of before school and after school care. Now he gets there at 8:30 and leaves at 3 when the other kids do, and his behavior at home and at school has gotten much better. Perhaps your son is having problems because it's just too much time at school in addition to being tired?

He is obviously frustrated by something. If you could work with the teacher and figure out what is leading up to this it would help. He needs to know "he can share", "he can use his words with other children" and "he can put himself in a time out", when he gets angry or frustrated.
Compliment him when he does NOT hit in situations.

Why does he get up during the night?
Be sure to figure out and then solve that too.

When you meet with the Director ask them what they suggest and how do they handle it.This way you can follow the same things they do at home.

We just always taught our daughter, "we do not hit" and "hands to ourselves."

Of course she does not have any siblings and most of the neighbors were little girls so we all used the same language. At her daycare/preschool, they also used this language, but there was 1 little boy that hit a lot in her class. Apparently he had an older brother and apparently they hit each other a lot at home.

I would find a way for him to get a good night's sleep. Do you know why he gets up that often? Have you talked with a pediatrician? I agree that he is having this much difficulty because he's overly tired and would focus on fixing that part of the situation first.

Is he not getting enough good sleep because he has behavior issues? Is he anxious? Does he have health issues that could be fixed? Is home life calm and stable? How do you help him get to sleep and get back to sleep?

As to hitting, does he know what the consequences are for hitting and are they meted out immediately in a calm and unemotional manner? Do you use the same or similar methods at home that they use at school?

Is he getting enough attention for the good ways in which he behaves?

He is hitting to get some need met. First find a way for him to get enough good sleep so that he's not so vulnerable to his emotions. Then search for what need gets met by his hitting. If it's out of frustration, take a look at what frustrates him and help him learn ways of handling those situations.

Reading books and talking will never stop hitting. It takes discipline. My kids don't hit even if they're tired, because they are not allowed to hit and there would be a serious consequence, which they learned when they first tried it (natural to try it) therefore they only tried it once. You need to give him a serious consequence when you hear he has been hitting. At 4,he's old enough to understand after the fact at home. Then the next time you're on the way to school, remind him what will happen if he hits. Once he gets it that he never gets away with it, he'll stop. At home, always deliver his firm consequence immediately. No matter how much he "understands" what you tell him about hitting not being nice, without a deterrent he's got no reason not to fulfill his urge the next time he wants to hit. After all, he just gets nice books and talks if he does it.

Be sure he has lots of love and structure and discipline and PLENTY of healthy food and exercise during the day. Only natural sugar from fruit and only early in the day. Feed him a piece of toast or other carb 1/2 hr before bed. These things will all help him sleep.

Your son is probably really tired poor guy! How long is he in school? How many hours? He is taking out his frustrations by hitting. You need to teach him how to deal with his frustrations in a more productive manner. Give him suggestions, role play with him, keep reading books about it. My son really liked the book "Hands are not for hitting" and I would also role play the stuff in the book too.

Is there a reason he wakes up several times a night? Does he have a good routine before bed?

Hi, J.:

Sit down with your family and ask your son these questions:

1. What Happened?
2. What were you thinking of at the time?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
5. What do you think you need to do to make things right?

The family members answer these questions:
1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3. What has been th hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

The child and the family come up with a plan to make things right and what will the consequences the next time the inappropriate behavior happens again.

Good luck.
D.