Mommies like to Have Fun Too

I KNOW!!! The constant need for drinks and snacks!!! I'm scared to walk into the kitchen, because the minute I do a chorus of requests comes flying!!!
I know it's getting to me when I take a trip to the store (I don't get to very often alone because my husband always travels) and rather than running in and shopping right away, I just sit there and listen to a few songs on the radio ALONE.
I haven't read other answers, but I'm assuming you may be getting reamed here for lying to the hubs, so I'll skip that and say when my husband stays out late partying when he says he'll be home soon-I actually do start plotting divorce....:)

Wow I would have been pissed too.
Why can't you just tell you your husband you're going out with your friends?
Super immature :(

Yes, moms need some fun time too...but next time just be honest about it.

Your behavior was rude, selfish, immature, and disrespectful. What would YOU be thinking if your husband has said "I'm going to Lowe's...be back in a half hour!" and then was gone for HOURS?

You could have had a great time out with friends AND not had a husband who was worried sick about you lying in a ditch somewhere if you'd just said "honey, I really need a night out with my friends. Would you please watch the kids tonight?"

I hope you've apologized to your husband. He sure deserves to hear it.

ETA: After reading your SWH...my opinion still stands. You knew he'd be pissed and did it anyway when you could have talked to him beforehand. Seriously...grow up.

Ok, totally agree with you up to the "but I really went out with friends".

Why did you lie to him? You said you'd be right back, but you came back hours later. He probably thought you were in an accident, which is what I would have thought if my husband told me he was going to the store, would be right back, and was gone for hours.

And your attitude of "But I dont care, its not like he's gonna divorce me or something." Seriously? Are you 12? Yes, mothers need to have fun, get a break, relax, etc., but they need to be responsible adults when they do it. If he did what you did, you would be pissed off. If you behave like this all the time, he MAY divorce you. That's not a joking matter - I've lived through 3 divorces from the point of view of the kid. So grow up, find a way to build time in for yourselves and each other. That way you won't have to lie when you need a break.

Actually, that's part of why I did divorce my husband.

Of COURSE mom needs a break. But having to lie to get one? Bad juju.

I completely agree with you up until the part you felt like you had to lie to your husband.

You DO deserve time out with your friends, and your husband deserves to know about it.

How would you feel if he told you he was going to the store and was really in a bar? Not cool.

Just tell him the truth. I would be super pissed if my husband did that to me... and I would never lie to my husband like that either. Frankly, it's immature and disrespectful. Yes, I feel like you do a lot... but just come out and say, "Honey, I'm at my wits end, I need a girls night!"

If you feel you had to lie b/c your husband won't let you have some time off and help with the kids, then that is something you two seriously need to work on in your marriage.

And if this becomes a habit, then divorce could be on the horizon.

of course you need some alone time! there's nothing wrong with longing for that and TAKING that.
but i totally do not get why you would lie and then be gone for much longer than you said. if your husband did that, would you be okay with it? why does your need to have fun make it okay in your mind to lie?
sit down with your husband and work out how to get some just-you time worked into your schedule. apologize for behaving so irresponsibly (and i hope you really DO care that you upset him) and assure him you won't do it again, but be firm on what your needs are and work out how to meet them.
khairete
S.

I really DO like to have fun! And sometimes we moms just need to get away and have time to ourselves (as anyone else in the world does too). That said, I would be really mad if my husband said he was going to be "right back" and was at the store and just disappeared on me. I would never do that to anyone, husband included, because it's irresponsible, inconsiderate, and immature. Freakishly immature for someone old enough to have children. I'm surprised that you said you don't care, he's not going to divorce you over it. That's true. But down the line, I can see a very unhappy marriage or a divorce, not because of you going out with friends once, but for your flippant attitude.
What a big girl would do is say "Babe---I'm going stir crazy. The girls are going to ___ and I really want to go meet up with them. I'll be home about __, ok?" Jeremy occasionally goes out with a couple friends and he'll notify me as soon as the plan starts developing not because he needs "permission" but because he understands that we need to make arrangements and wants to check the schedule. He'll say "We want to go to the Boathouse Friday" and I'll say "Cool, I'm free. Do you want me to pick you guys up after?" (I give them their space, but am often the designated driver that picks them up and drives everyone home). If I'm going out I'll say "I need to get out for a bit" and he'll say "Go call your friends. Do you need a driver?" (I never do, I don't drink more than 1 cocktail if I'm not with him). Honesty and respect go a long way. Another option? Call a sitter and have a DATE----a real date, with your man. We do this every other week. You're not a teenager anymore. My advice would be to grow up, put your big girl panties on, and apologize to your husband.

This sounds more like a marriage problem than a "mommies need to have fun" problem. I can completely relate to the need to get out (sometimes, that need comes in the middle of the day!) but if you can't communicate with your husband about how you feel, or if he is not supportive of needing a break sometime, you two might look into counseling because that is a big problem. And if he is supportive, you still need counseling, because in that case, what you did was really passive-aggressive. Either way, I wish you the best of luck.

I completely agree that moms need some time alone and time for fun.

WHY did you not communicate with your husband? Instead you lied so now he will wonder if you are telling the truth everytime you walk out the door.

You said you'd be right back and it was hours? Sounds very passive aggressive and anger related to me. What if he needed you? What if one of your children needed you?

I can see why he was pissed. Communication is vital in a marriage. He probably would not have been pissed at all if you had just been upfront and honest from the get go.

Dishonesty and no communication are first steps to breaking down of the relationship. You sound very confident that he won't divorce you and I hope he does not but if you want respect.... you must give respect.

You were very disrespectful, dishonest, immature, and mean to do this to your husband. This behavior shows a severe lack of responsibility as well.

You bet I'd be laying out my plans for divorce if my husband had these behaviors. Don't be surprised if your hubby is too.

After I knew you were alive I would have been pissed as well. Absolutely parents need time for themselves. I don't know why you wouldn't just arrange this ahead of time with your husband and kids. This was very rude for you to pull with your husband. I really think this is a bad example for the kids, maybe this is what your pregnant 19 year old did with you. Don't be so sure he won't divorce you.

Wow, you are getting ripped on here:( What I get from your post is that if would have asked him for a break, he would have talked you out of it or had the kids lay a guilt trip on you for wanting to go out. I know that many posters are chewing you out on here about lying, being immature, disrespect, etc. But really, none of us know what kind of marriage you have. My own mother use to lie about many things to my dad because if she didn't, her life would have been miserable. She was saving her sanity and surviving. Unfortunately, not every woman is married to an understanding and compromising hubby.

Why didn't you just tell him that you needed a break and were going to go out with your friends? You need to be honest with your husband and not just disappear. It's great to have fun, but you do have to be a responsible person.

E.

Having fun is different from taking a break for yourself. If your intent was to go have fun with your friends and let your husband take care of kids without knowing, I would be mad too. However if you were tired and needed a break and you had a husband who would not understand, I could see how you thought that was the only way.

Next time, give him heads up, even if he gets mad, and if you know you deserve the break, go just the same for your sanity and don't worry. They will handle it.

Why don't you tell your husband you're going out with your girlfriends? You deserve to go out and enjoy yourself. I go out once or twice a week -by myself, with friends -for all sorts of different things (errands, going out to dinner, etc.). If my husband told me he was going to the store and came back hours later after being out with friends, I would be more than pissed!YES -you need to have fun and go out, but you need to tell him what you're doing, and he needs to be fine with it.

Wow, I totally agree with Markasa C. From what I perceive, you have already come to your husband many times before and he doesn't want to accommodate you. As a result, you felt you had to lie just to get a break (at least I'm guessing this is how it went). What some people don't understand, is that some husbands aren't very involved with the family (and watching the kids is the last thing they want to do, even though the husband loves his children). At any rate, I hope you and your husband can come up with a plan so that there is honesty in the relationship and you get to have some sanity. My prayers are with you.

I understand needed to get away , BUT . You shouldn't have lied. No matter if you think he would have said no. Lying to your spouse can start a slippery slope that you can't come back from. It creates trust issues. How does he know you won't lie to him again? How does he know you aren't lying about who you were really with?
Look at it from his point of view. What would you do if he lied to you about where he was going , who he was with, and what he'd be doing?
What if something had happened to you?

You seriously need to look at things through others eyes.

Sign up for a zumba class, cooking class etc. Do your own thing once in a while. But have a plan and let your husband know in advance so he will know he has to take care of the kids for a specific period of time. There is no doubt you love each other, but you also need to respect each other and each others time. It's not a good idea to bring the worst out of him and not fair to the kids to be with a grumpy daddy.

Ok so I read your so what happened answer, but I have not read all the other responses. Yes you were wrong to lie. But it seems like within a short time you told the truth. Listen... I get it. A couple of years ago I was done. Just stick a fork in me I'm done. Ended up picking a fight with my husband but at some point I stopped myself. I realized I just need out of the house for a little while. I don't really have anyone out here to just call and go grab a quick drink with. So I offer him a choice. I get the kids mostly ready for bed then I go and see a late(ish) movie. At first he did not like it. Until I said "I have to get out of here for a couple of hours or I will lose it. Do you want me to lose it? No, well then you get to choose, I'll go grab a drink at the bar by myself or I'm going to a movie. The movie, good choice honey!". If this was the first time you needed to escape he might not like it but he should get used to it. I went to see titanic myself on Friday night... A little stressed but I just wanted to see it without my husband snoring next to me. No fight, just said i was going. It will get easier. A mommies mental health is no laughing matter. I hope this opened up some dialogue between you two. Hopefully he "got it". Hopefully the kids were easy on him, so next time you don't have to lie (seriously try not to lie).

So lying is bad, but what comes out of it doesn't have to be. Good luck! We all have those days.

Based on your 'so what happened next comment' - I'm not sure what kind of responses you got. I honestly know how you feel - sometimes I threatened to "run away from home". lol. After some years of frustration, my husband and I agreed on a "mommy day off". AND I WOULD take it -even if I had absolutely no where to go. I'd find something to do outside of the home. We both worked full time - only my job didnt end when I walked inside the front door. My kiddies are big now, I guess I need a day off from the dog now, he has replaced the children as my shadow. lol. Stay encouraged. They grow up so fast.