Moms of "Older" Boys: Do You Feel a Strong Bond?

My son is now 16, and we have become very close as he has gotten older. There is just something so special about boys! It is a completely different bond than the one I have with my daughter, and much less complicated!

My husband and his mom have a super strong bond! So much it drives me a little crazy, I mean really? Two phone calls a day sometimes? :)

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you can have & hold onto a close bond with sons.

My sons will be 15 & 24 this summer....& we are testament to this.

With my older son, we share our BD. This means that we are very like in manner, attitude, & approach. There are individual twists to us....which we both applaud. For example, I do not have/nor want tattoos. He was 9 when he 1st asked his orthopedic surgeon to "put one on during surgery". He hated that we made him wait until he was 17!

My older son & I enjoy many of the same things, & I appreciate that my younger son is now embracing those things, too. We do movies together, we read similar books (or genres), we attend concerts/plays/etc, & ...yes, we do museums & historical sites .....& demo derbies, car shows, amusement parks.....all together. My husband, on the other hand, is hit/miss with a lot of this....preferring to spend his time fishing with our sons. (That's always his 1st choice.)

My younger son & I share a somewhat different relationship. We are more laid-back, he has a wicked sense of humor, & he doesn't have the chip on the shoulder that his older brother has. He is my car freak....& I totally get it (his father does not....which is weird). We are partners in crime quite frequently, & I love it!

Just last week, I was driving & my younger son/I were talking about something. I reached over & grabbed his hand....at the exact same time that he reached for me. We briefly held hands & then he said, "geez, Mom, you're insane....you know that right?" My response was, "yeah, right, Mr. Hand Holder!" & that's how comfortable we are with each other.....

2 weeks ago, I received a wedding invitation for my older son's childhood best friend. & it hit me like a sledgehammer. I will forever be the MIL, I will forever be the outsider....& I will never see my daughter walk down the aisle (she passed away 18 years ago). It hit me soooo hard that I just boo-hoo'd & sobbed. I shared this with my bestie & my mom. They boo-hoo'd with me...& I was surprised at how hard it hit all of us. This was simply something that had never occurred to us. Dance recitals, prom,...yes....but not the whole wedding/having babies thing.

My older son heard me on the phone. When I was leaving the room, he stopped me & sat down with me. He asked "what was up".....& truly wanted to know. When I explained it, he said...."soooo? What's the big deal? You're a big girl, you'll be a part of everything. You're being ridiculous, you know that - right?" As I explained further, he just shrugged & said, "nope, don't see it. You're different. You'll always be there. Please - who knows more about babies than you? I just hate the thought that my kids won't have you as a babysitter, because I know that you're planning on shutting down the daycare before then. That's the only thing that bugs me. Everything else is just you being a baby....you are part of my package deal."

Wow! It's not often that he expresses that much in any conversation! We usually have to be on the road before he really starts talking....as opposed to my younger son who never shuts up. Anyway, it was a very special moment & it was an eye-opener for both of us. I will take great care to be a good MIL...& I now know that he'll take great care to find someone who takes "package deals". Good question....Peace!

I had a strong bond to my mom all my life. But it was weakest during my teen years.

Based on your comments, why don't you have another one or two? I believe that moms with several children have stronger bonds than those with just one. I don't know why. It just seems to be that way.

Good luck to you and yours

I have 2 boys and 1 girl (ages 12,17 and 20). My relationship is different with each child. I try to spend time with each doing things that they enjoy. That may mean I am learning to play golf or doing something I wouldn't have chosen to do on my own, but that really allows me to get to know them and see them at their best.

Bottom line...try to make the most of the time you have with your child. Support them and love them, spend time with them and chances are the bond will be there...but it will be unique to the two of you.

Hi. I have 3 children: son age 23 yrs; son age 17 yrs; daughter age 16 yrs. Yes, I feel that I have a strong bond with each of my children. I am sure that they don't tell me absolutely everything, but we do talk - we communicate. They tell me many things, & they each confide in me. I have always made it a point to talk to each of them about anything. & Yes, there are things that my sons would rather talk to my husband about, but they also talk to me. I think we have become closer & closer over the years. It's great.

My suggestion to parents is just to be open & honest, & really make it a point to talk to each of your children. It's worked for us. You can have that special bond when your children get older. I have always tried to be a loving mom, & we've truly been blessed with our 3.

Good luck.

I feel pretty close to all of my boys, ages 5, 7 and 13. As my oldest gets older, I am learning that not only do I love him (of course) but I really LIKE him and the young person he is becoming. He's cool and funny, and has funny friends. He and a friend recently hung out in the kitchen with me and one of my girlfriends and they peppered us with "yo mama" and "Chuck Norris" jokes for a half hour. We were in stitches. Sure he drives me nuts, and I have to hold the line a lot on discipline, but at the end of the day he knows that I adore him. One of the things that keeps us connected is that he plays hockey and I am the hockey mom. I go to every game and many practices and that gives us a lot of "car time" to talk or just hang out and be. I make an effort to participate in his interests even though they're not mine. If he needs someone to stand in net while he shoots, I'll do it even though it's not my idea of fun. If he wants to bring a hockey net down to the parking lot or pond, I do that if I'm free. If he wants someone to practice lacrosse with, I'm game. When he was younger, it was finding fun in reading about sharks and dinosaurs, playing with legos and tinker toys and lincoln logs and cars, and watching Star Wars and Indiana Jones. I bet you do the same thing - just keep up with his evolving interests. My eyes glaze over watching him to stunts on a bike but that's his thing so I smile and wave and try to enjoy the stunt park.

There is a big age difference between him and my younger guys, who adore me now because that's what little boys do. As they get older, it will be taking interest in their activities, welcoming to their friends, and understanding and liking who they really are that will, I hope, keep that bond strong.

I have to admit that when I knew my youngest was another boy, I did mourn for a second. I'll never send a daughter off to the prom, be mother of the bride, have a daughter go through childbirth, or have any of my children really *know* what it is to be a mother and appreciate what it is to be a mother. My step-daughter now lives with us and it's not quite the same because she has a mom, but I have gotten to experience some of what it's like to have a girl and I now know that I am the bio-mother of boys for a reason lol! OMG the girl thing is just so much more work, and mine is pretty low-maintenance. The drama with her friends and boys and clothes and make-up? No thanks!

I can't tell you how many times I have heard about grown men who are still friends with their moms and/or talk to them on the phone all the time...from my coworkers, from my husband's coworkers, etc.
Examples:
My coworker says her husband is closer to his mom than his sister is. They talk on the phone almost every day. She provides childcare for them half the week as well.
My other coworker's brother lived at home until he was 40....then, when he married, finally moved....across the street! Super close to mom.
My own mom said that my dad insisted that they spend LOTS of time visiting with his mom. More than my mom wanted! (But she was gracious about it)
My cousin...super close to his mom, they chat on the phone, he always hangs up with "Love ya mom!" She also provides regular childcare for him and his wife's LOs while they work.
PLUS, new studies have been publicized saying that Mamas boys are better husbands. And Justin Bieber (SP?) came out with the hit song Proud to be a Mama's Boy or something like that.
So No Worries! It sounds like you are a wonderful mom who loves her son so much...I'm sure he can sense that and will always love you!!! :)

My son is almost 9 and we are soooo very close. Always has been that way with us. Sure he hangs with dad too at times, but truly he is more my 'sidekick'. We make each other laugh at the silliest things, we watch tear-jerker movies together and cry together ( my husband just shakes his head over this ;) , I love love love holding his hand when we're walking someplace, he reads to me, we exercise together and a load of other things. He's getting older way too fast and I don't know how he'll be in his teen years so I enjoy it now, haha, but I hope he'll always let me be this close to him.

Being the mom of a teen boy is sometimes so hard. THey can be rebellious, monsters sometimes. But they love their mamas.

Today my oldest called me on his break to ask about some legal/tax/car issues and needed advice. We had a wonderful conversation and when I asked if he were off he said no that he was about to get his butt chewed for calling me, but he didn't care, he missed his M.. He just melted my heart again like he has done so many times in the last 22 years.

He has never missed my birthday or Mother's Day. He calls about two or three times a month. He's in the Navy.
My hubby calls his mom every week, sometimes I call her and give him the phone and say, Hey, You just called your mom. THey are very close, it's OK, she's a great woman.

Keep taking him to museums and the like. My 10 year old loves to rummage through antique stores, so does the 22 yo. My 13 yo daugher rolls her eyes at me and says Really?? Again??

Do things "boyish" too. Does he like to go fishing, take him, go find frogs or tadpoles and put them in a steriite inside and watch them become frogs. Go to all his soccer games. When you show genuine interest in what they are doing they will reciprocate.
23 years ago my aunt said to me
"Every house needs a little boy."

"Boys go off to conquer the world in their career and/or get married, and the wife and her family takes precedence. " --

that is what i am scared of with having a son myself. however, i am not scared of not being bonded with him bc even though he is only 2, i know we will ALWAYS be close. my brother and my mom are super close and my aunt has 3 grown boys (two are 20 and one is 21) and they are all very close to her and always have been.

why dont you do things with your son that he likes to do? or find things that you both can enjoy.

Err, just so you know teen girls are awful!!!!

I don't really know what is normal. My older son and I used to do a lot of things until a rather awkward experience seeing a movie. I was 20 when I had Tommy and there was an assumption we were dating. Kinda stupid since we look soooo much alike but I digress. Ever since then he doesn't like doing things with me because even when we are not getting the looks he feels like we are getting the looks. He will go out with Troy and I though.

Still my daughters and I spend a lot more time together and talk more. It is kinda funny though that Tommy will call Christine for advice and she will call me for advice for him and then call him back. Strange I know.

Stupid people in the theater! :(

I think the most telling difference is when I am hurting. My older son throws up his hands and runs at emotions, my daughter will comfort me.

In the end I am glad I have both boys and girls.

Oh yeah, now when he was younger we played video games together. Even when he had friends over he would say hold on, mom can beat this level. I am a tomboy so I have no problem playing with my boys, just those looks!!!! Damn theater people!!!!

I have a 5 y.o. boy so I guess it's too early to tell but so far the closeness has been total. Even though he likes to do boy's stuff that do not include me, he has to come back to me for that warmth that ony springs from that natural bond between us. I hope he'll keep this up for ever as the love we have for each other gives me glimps of wonderful every day and makes my life so full of happyness. I don't have a daughter BUT I AM a daughter and I can tell you that not all mother-daughter relationships are wonderful. If you only think that eating disorders spring from a difficult relationship with the mother, you get the picture. This is not my case, but I am just saying. You know how complicated relationships between women can be. Growing up I have never been close to my mom because we are different on so many different levels and if she weren't my mother I doubt I would even choose her as a friend, for example, just because we don't have much in common. She didn't do anything wrong or whatever, actually I had a wonderful childhood in a regular family, but the bond between us has grown weaker over the years instead of stronger just because i grew up to be a completely different person than her, which can happen, don't you think? So I would not wonder about having a daughter, it's not written in stone that having a girl means having that special bond you are talking about. Regardless of the sex of your child, it's all about compatibility and unexplainable sintony.

My son (12) and I are very close.
I couldn't imagine having a daughter instead of him.
We read the same books, can talk about anything and we have the same sense of humor (and love museums).
A phone call every few weeks to my Mom keeps us in touch and I think it will work fine for us when my son is grown.
You can be close without smothering.

Me and my guys (19 and 17) are pretty tight. It's a different kind of thing than with my daughter (14). In fact, I had to drop my oldest Mama's Boy off at school all alone last September, a little like throwing the baby in the pool to teach it to swim, but he came back a different, better, stronger Mamas Boy. Gotta do it again soon with the next one.

:(

My former co-worker was always much closer to her son (first born) than to her daughter. Her children are both young adults now and I think she still has more of a connection to her son.

I worry my husband will feel like this given 2 daughters... But my dad had 2 daughters too and I was very close to him (still am). We did sports together. I was a bit of a tomboy. So on the flip side, if I were you, I'd get a bit into stuff your son likes... I don't have any direct experience but I think it happens for men with only daughters too and I think how much easier it is likely if the father and daughter share some interests - sports being an obvious one. So while it might be a bit of a bummer to never shop with your son for fun, I bet you can stay close if you get involved in what he likes. I'm hoping one of my daughters at least loves sports for my husband's sake!!

I think you will, if you nurture the relationship. My son is 15, and he is pretty athletic and popular, and he texted me last night "I love you" when it was night time, he was spending the night at a friends house. I about cried!! But his whole life, I have sat down and talked to him deeply about everything under the sun, including sex, and answered any questions he had about anything. My husband is right there with me, he is just not as brave as me!! Anyway, I think since my son knows how honest I am with him, he and I have a special bond. He is very respectful of me also. Now my 13 year old, he is a handful, and he has not matured yet, and I do try to talk to him but some days it takes all I have to get through a day with him, so I do not feel like I have as special a connection with him. Yes, I love him dearly, I just think my older son and I are on the "same page" if I can say it that way. And my husband and I have talked about when they grow up, and the boys always hanging out with the wives family. We hope to have a great relationship with our kids families when it comes time for it. That is what we also talk to the kids about, that we would like them around even when they grow up and have families of their own. You hear so many women on this site, and elsewhere, talking bad about their in laws. We all have great relationships with all our in laws, and we hope to keep it that way always. I also know how you feel about girls. I don't have any either. And some days, my hubby takes the boys and does fun things with them, and some times I do not participate. That is when I think having a daughter might be nice too!

I have a 15 year old son and I feel like we are close. We talk and hang out and listen to music together. He is lovable and still gives me hugs and will even kiss my cheek from time to time. We always say I love you. I like being able to pass on a good book I have read. He is starting to drive with a permit and that is a bit nerve wracking and he has made some bad choices that we had to work through, but he is a good kid, I feel just as close to him as I do my middle child who is 10 and my only girl.
I would say I spend more time with the younger kids, but there is and I hope there always will be a bond with all my children no matter how old they get.
My oldest likes to cook and so we do that together. It is all about finding something you have in common. Also making time just to talk helps...best time to get a boy to open up and talk is in the car...they can't go anywhere
= )
I am fortunate to have a pretty close relationship with my own mom and sister, but it is a unique relationship, my mom is not overly affectionate or good at vocalizing that she cares, but she has her own ways of showing us she does. Maybe that is why I have always been overly affectionate with my own children and gone out of my way to let them know Often how much I love them.
Relationships do not just happen, they take effort.

I have two sons (8 and 12) and I had some of your fears, especially as I did not grow up with a father, brother or even male cousins....I was very worried about raising two boys. Now I am so very grateful that I have sons. I am not sure what the future holds, but we are very close. We cook together, read the same books, talk about current events and of course we obsess about the SF Giants. My oldest is trying to get me interested in computer games, which I really hate, but I know that I need to buck up a bit and do it. My youngest is very open and wil talk and talk, while my oldest is more like me. I wait until right befoe he goes to sleep and check in with him then and we often have great talks. He knows he can trust me and when he is facing a tough choice he will ask for advice. I am not sure if this will last once he hits the teen years, but I hope it does.

After many tries my parents finally had a girl-me. Now they are ill and we all pitch in to help. My older brother is the logical one and middle brother, technical and me, emotional. We all love her and she has the same bond with all of us. I have a son myself and often wanted one more, but may want another son. We have the best of times and I know they may not be as close as they grow older, but I taught him to care about Grandma and hopefully that will teach him to care about us as we age. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

My boys are still young 7 and 4. But my dad is 58 and still has a very close bond with his mom. He used to work in the same city where she lived and he visited her often. Now he lives a couple hours away but still visits at least once a month and talks on the phone a couple times a week. I hope I am as close to my boys when they are older.

My son is only 3, but this is something I definitely think about, even though I have a daughter, too. I don't have a very close relationship with either of my parents and want to make sure I do with my K..

Just a few things...my husband is very close to his mom. My mom and I get along, but I would not say we are close.

Our good friend, the oldest of 4 K. (3 boys and 1 girl), is VERY close to his mom. After completing school, he and his wife moved back to CA and bought a house within 1/2 and hour of his parents. While they live in a beautiful area, I know it was very important that they be close to them. So...don't assume that your son and his wife will be spending all their time with her family--you never know! :)

My boys are 16 and 17. I never wanted girls and still don't. I don't think I am a girl type of mom! I have always been pretty close with them, sometimes one more than the other. Now that they are this age, there seems to be a much stronger bond than ever before. It's hard to explain but it's there. I think most of it depends on all the years leading up to now.

My Son is 32 and we are still close. He is married has one son he will be 4 in October ( I keep him a few days a week while they work) My son did a speech/paper in college on his hero and he wrote about me. I was invited to hear him give it I recorded it and cried the entire thing. I was so proud that of all the people in the world he picked me. We have a very special bond he is my only biological Son, my middle child. Each of my kids are special to me one is the oldest, youngest etc. I love them all the same. You too can have a special bond with your son as long as he knows you love him that is the most important bond you can ever have.

I kind of went threw the same feelings not too long ago. I have two boys, age 15 and 13, and for me its just a feeling of not having that someone to pass things on to. That doesn't really sum up all of the feelings, but its not like i'm a great cook or a have a great skill to pass down and my boys are every bit a part of me that a daughter would be, but sometimes it just feels like a different part. It was/is hard to accept for me, we are not having any more children, but it is getting easier with time, and the teenage years.

I didn't read anything else, and my son is only 4.5, but I can tell you what I see with my MIL and her 2 boys. She lives in Ohio, we live in San Francisco, and her other son lives about 2 hours from her, and they are EXTREMELY close!!! I've heard that boys gravitate towards their moms while girls lean toward dad, and to some degree, I see it with my kids: 4.5yo son and 20mo daughter. They both love Mommy AND Daddy, but you can tell :)

I think a lot of your relationship is going to be how you grow as a family. If you're involved with his life and make an effort even through the rough teen years he may experience (ALL kids go through the phase!!), then you'll be rewarded later when he moves out and starts his own adult chapter. :)

I have a son 16 that is really trying to find himself right now. I know it is hard for him at times because his dad is not around very often. His dad is in the same state but is too busy chasing the ladies to put any effort into coming to see his son. I try to bring about a good family bond but he just does not want to participate at all. I try to carry on a conversation with him and all he does is try to make it seem like I am stupid all the time. It is sad that the gene pool is so strong because he has so many of the same mannerisms and actions as his dad. He has a lot of the same thought processes also. I also have a 6 year old son and we are more on the same wave length. I hope we can continue to bond.

I have a 9 yo son and a 7 yo daughter. My son hangs out with me all the time! The key is finding something you both like. Ds plays soccer, so we pass the ball together, or juggle together, or I take shots on him in goal (we have one in the yard). He likes to just sit with (on) me and watch tv. We cook together sometimes. Every now and then he'll just come find me and announce he needs some Mom time and we'll go cuddle on the couch. My relationship with him is very different then my relationship with dd, but the bond is just as strong. Just keep finding things in common with him and you'll stay close. DH is much closer with his mom than I am with mine - she makes an effort to stay involved in our lives so we spend more time with her. It's not a given that boys will grow up and you'll be replaced by his wife's family, it really is dependent on how you treat both your son and his wife.