Mother of One

Hi A.: You sound like you have given this much thought and I think you are definitely on the right track. I have a son who is disabled and a daughter who is pretty much an only child. Yes he is a loving big brother but he cannot share in what she needs to do or be part of her life...besides he doesn't live with us and has pretty much his own life, so I think you've made a decision like me to be part of what you can be part of. There are two many people out there with two many kids, and no time to spend with any. I think Samantha is lucky to have you both. Judi

You have had such thoughtful responses and you probably don't need another, but I have one to share anyway. I'm an only child who LOVED being an only child. My husband is an only child who LOVED being an only child. We have one daughter and though I sometimes get the baby bug, I fully intend for her to be an only. It's a wonderful, special relationship and I think it's very likely that by next year if you ask if she wants you to have a new baby she will say no. I was 9 when I realized I preferred being an only to what all my friends had.

I am 38 and I am an only child. I also have 1 daughter who is 3 and I am trying to have another child. I had 2 miscarriages after her also. I actually enjoyed being an only child. I got to do a lot more activities than other kids could because they had siblings. Also I did not have to compete for my parents attention of have sibling rivalry. I have cousins and a lot of friends that I am close to. Some of my friends do not have good relationships with their siblings. Just because you have a sibling it does not mean you will like them or be close to them. If I have a second child that will be great. If I don't my daughter will be fine and so will we.

Hi A.,

My sister and her husband have one child. She's 14 and has ALOT of cousins and friends so she's very socialized and adjusted. I think the only problem with one child is that they can be spoiled or have an over-developed self esteem, for example those children on tv who think they can act/sing because their parents lavish so much positive feedback rather than constructive criticism. My point is that we should not spoil a child just becuase they are the only one and they have to turn out to be super-humans. It's ok if your kids doesn't make the baseball team, maybe they are really good at something else. Just raise them to share, make friends, feel good about themselves realistically and you'll be just fine.

One more thing, you have solicited advice here; but as everyone knows, the moment you become pregnant and all through every parenting stage you get more unsolicited and absurd advice than you can handle. Please feel confident in whatever you decide for your own family. No one walks in your shoes so no one can tell you how to live your life.

Best of luck,
J.

I am reading this on Christmas morning, totally exhausted so bare with my typing...as I am checking on a few online deliveries across the country and always check on my mama source friends..and that is why I am responding. I am an only child who had so much. So much time, love, and yes, much stuff. Along with faux fur coats, poodles and cadillacs (oi! so cliche in the 70s/80s) I also wore all of the family labels, oldest, youngest, most responsible, most precocious. People still asked me if I was spoiled rotten and admittedly, it still stings because I was bugged for the stuff and the talents I had nurtured, When I know only children now, I recognize their strengths and challenges. When my parents marriage fell to pieces, I learned the art of mediation, when my father was dying, I held him, arranged his affairs, consulted his doctors and sorted through his life, no siblings to share that with. When my mother went through chemo and six surgeries, I sat in the waiting rooms, alone..Yes, I had so much... I have incredible friends but friends have families, live a far and you often just find, as an only, doing it alone, is easier.. As a result, I am an independent pensive woman who thinks nothing of traveling alone, yet values traditional family life, creating and using my time with fulfillment comes naturally and looking at the world from a myriad of perspectives.. At the same time, when people ask me about life as an only, this is what I encourage and this is what our children, just two, will have to consider. Build a repertoire of adults in your life who will love them when you are gone..who will stay in touch and think of them, invite them over... This is hard stuff, what I am about to say, and especially sentimental on Christmas morning. As an only, your family tree is vulnerable to disease and life storms. As people age and die, move and move on, you branches snap off and you feel life's bitter cold and hot moments solo as well. When my father's dear friend called me last night from Sydney, Australia, I could smell my dad, our times together traveling...and when his friend, an old filmmaker called me right after and told me the entire story of Pinnochio in English and then in Italian, as I was trying to get out the door, I listened fervently because it made my Christmas to have a piece of my childhood find me. When my mother's friend called me while I stood in the middle of Macy's and was tipping over with shopping bags and worn out, I found a chair and we caught up, because she knew me when..and I will tell you, those people, those moments, thin out much faster for only children who are adults... I have always longed for a sister...not a fantasy of a perfect relationship, but for one. Same with a brother. As my children ask about grandparents who are in heaven already and about aunts and uncles, they turn to my cousins' cousins with a deep desire for connectedness. Holidays emphasize this...My cousins have loved me all these years, passed the phone around last night to wish merriness and are waiting our arrival today...but some things are just theirs and not ours. I respect that and I thank God my children have each other. I wanted 5 and keep hoping more children will coming into our lives to widen our hearts. I will also tell you that I need a few moments to compose myself when I have large play dates and the rumble swells..and then I go back in for more. I will always feel there are missing children and I know that each family dynamic is divinely designed. There is no perfect combination and families change. Love who we are given...
give them what we have. I rarely respond to other people's responses but as far as only children and 2 plus families and behavior issues, all families have issues and may benefit from support...intervention even. Only children are not afforded the same opportunities to negotiate, to step back and in, to forgive and make amends that children with siblings, unless they and their parents get into peer relationships..which I doubt anyone here would succumb to...point being is that one is a blessing, two is twice, and so the sayings go. Merry Christmas and congratulations on your babies

Hi A.,
I didn't see your original request, but when I saw the "what happened" I thought I would respond anyway. My husband and I had one child in 1997. He is a wonderful boy, but had many challenges as a toddler including losing his speech and being diagnosed with Autism. We were swamped with taking care of him, and didn't try again until he was 5. We had a horrible miscarriage experience at that point, and it kept us from trying again for another year. After that I was a full time student, and didn't want to quit school. Through those years as my son got older he would say he wished he had a brother or sister and he would mope around saying he was the only kid on earth that didn't have any siblings. Well, when he was 10, we were successful in conceiving again. As I got more and more pregnant, he started getting more and more concerned. When the baby came he started saying he didn't want a brother, and even told his auntie that "No one consulted him on having a baby". I still can't believe my ears. Our baby is 6 months old now and my older son still won't have anything to do with him. It was such a shock since he talked so much about having a sibling before we got pregnant.

I guess I just wanted you to know that they are never happy either way! ;-)

You will make the right decisions, and trust me, if God wants your family to have another child, you will. My 6 month old was a BCP baby. We were discussing for a few months whether or not to try again, and I guess God heard and decided to make the choice for us! We are blessed and happy...well, except my oldest, and I figure he will eventually get past it! :-)

Good luck!

Hi A.
Yes I am 43 yo and just had my daughter at 40 and she is now 2 and 1/2. I am a single Mom. I didnt plan it that way but the circumstances went that way after she was born so premature at 23 weeks and I had trouble with my pregnancy and we just didnt know how to cope as a couple. I have feelings about adopting because I know what its like to be an "only" child,I was one too! There are good and bad attached to the "only" part. I find that as an older Mom you are more prepared and responsible and but the older I am I find its harder for me to keep up,although my energy seems to try to anyway. I may opt for botox,porcelain veneers and exercise and OMG! A BREAST LIFT TOO to round out the "oh I wish I looked younger stage" I am going through. Maybe when she goes to Kindergarden so I dont scare the other kids. E-mail me if you want to discuss anything on this subject,I am open to sharing.

Also I feel that there are negative connotations to the word "Only" that I want to point out and I feel more comfortable saying I am the Mother of a single child instead of an only child...............

S.

I am a 45 yr old Mother of an almost 3 year old daughter. My husband is 55 years old. We were married for 8 years before we finally got pregnant naturally after we gave up trying! Abby Rose is the light of our life. She is a beautiful, funny, warm, loving child and we are just head over heels in love with her. Yes, we would love having other children, but with our age against us, we are just so grateful to have her. She has brought so much J. to our lives and both of our families as we haven't had a baby on either side of the family for many years. God has been so good to us and has blessed us with the most precious gift we could ever ask for. We feel so priviledged to be her parents and love experiencing life through her eyes. She keeps us young! In fact, I have heard, that the older you are when you have a child, the longer you live. So, we look forward to seeing Abby Rose have children! We are enjoying every moment with her. The spontaneous "I love you's" from her are the best. Merry Christmas!

Hi A.,
Merry Christmas! Just saw your "So What Happened?" post and so read the original post on having an only child. I am adding myself to your list of moms with an only! I will be 40 in 4 days and have a 4-year-old girl, Beatrix. We all have different stories, so I'll share mine, too. I was 35 when I had her, and she spent a few days in NICU for a breathing problem. She was a "high need" baby, as coined by Dr. Sears. She had GERD and was very sensitive to teething. She nursed a ton. She didn't begin to sleep through the night consistently until after the age of 2, when all the teeth were in. By then I was 37 and had been severely sleep deprived for this extended period. Last year my husband had a vasectomy. He is a recovering alcoholic and had been drinking regularly for some time, getting worse and worse. I didn't know if we would stay together, and I think my decision to not have more children was in part due to his alcoholism. But then he got sober, and I started to have regrets. Mostly, I think, because Beatrix has asked for a sister a few times. I am the oldest of 6, but my mom started having babies at 18, so she had much more time! I was also concerned about the increased risk of birth defects every year after 35. We got a cat, and I felt our family was complete, but we had to give her to my uncle due to allergies. So now we are considering a dog, and Beatrix actually said she wanted a dog more than a sister! We have talked about adoption, but I don't feel ready yet. I teach and perform belly dance, and I'm a writer who has no time alone to write! I want to be able to continue to stay home with my child, and we want to travel. My husband is an only child, and he traveled the U.S. extensively with his mother and also went to Spain. We moved to my hometown last year, where Beatrix has lots of little cousins close by. I know the feeling of trying to make peace with your decision, not wanting your child to be lonely, etc... Mine is very active, and I'm still tired, and it is easy to think it would be nice for her to have a sibling to play with, but then I remember how sick I was when pregnant, and how much work a baby is, and I realize I wouldn't have much time to spend with Beatrix. I would be so incredibly tired. I'm sorry to hear of your miscarriages. We are so blessed with our one, and that is what I try to focus on. When I worry, then I am not in the present moment and not giving her the time and attention I would like, which defeats the whole purpose. Thanks for taking the time to read this long response, and thanks for putting the question out there!
Blessings, R.

I also just read your "So What Happened" and I did read several responses, but did not read all of them, so if this is a repeat, I apologize. I just wanted to add: I am 35 and my husband and I have a 6yr. old girl. He and I married 2 years ago and after saving for a house we are now finally trying again. But now it looks as though my daughter will be 7 at the youngest by the time we have another one, so we are now looking into Foster Care through the Lena Pope home. My husband and I have decided that we have ALOT of love to give to children in need, and thought this was a wonderful way to give back. I just thought I would share this with you since you were not intending on an only child. You can check out info on their website if you are interested. There are an awful lot of kids out there that need love and would make a great sibling for your daughter!

Hello beautiful families,
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am a mother of a 4 1/2 year old boy. My husband and I decided to raise just ONE child after my 6 weeks post-partum check-up. It has taken about 4 years to get everyone to understand that we are not raising any more children for many good reasons. My body did want me to have another one when our son was 3, but I just left it at that. I now think about adoption and maybe becoming a foster parent, but I know realistically that won't happen. I know our son will grow up just fine if we don't FEEL SORRY for him. I am readind a book right now called, Parenting An Only Child by Susan Newman. Makes me feel better about our decision. I'm also starting up a 'RAISING ONE' SUPPORT GROUP on-line and in person in the West San Fernando Valley/West Valley area. If anyone is interested, please rely to this e-mail privately.
Thanks and be safe on New Year's Eve.

Hi A. (that's my middle name as well :)),
I am turning 40 shortly and have one daughter who is almost 4. Although I sometimes toss around the idea of having another one, I think this will probably be it for us. I work full time (including some travel) and can't see having 2 and living the same lifestyle. One good example is that we are flying to Miami tomorrow and since there were only two of us (meeting my husband in Miami where he is working for a couple of weeks), we got upgraded - it will be a much nicer flight being there and with only one to entertain. I know that with another child, my life would totally change. Also, my husband is 50 so that factors into it as well. Anyway, I don't qualify for 'over' 40 for 3 weeks, but thought I'd respond anyway!
S.

Hi A.,

My situation is a little different. I am a single child with little family in the area. My parents passed away over 20 years ago; I am 49. I wish I had a brother or sister, but many of my friends are my "sistes and brothers".

We are blessed with two boys; our oldest has autism and has taught us so much in life. I wanted our oldest to have a sibling, because of the autism and because we have little family in the area. Our second child was born right after I turned 41.

Yes, there are more challenges with 2, especially having one with special needs because we need specially trained aides, not just the neighborhood sitter.

These are just my thoughts, just another side to the topic. If I were doing it all over again, I would do it the same way. It's a personal decision. I also work from home, and my husband now also works from home. Those factors came into our decision.

L. Wossidlo
Mom to K.J., my handsome son with autism
Mom to P.J., my active son who keeps me moving

Hi A.,

I'm 40 and have a 3 yo daughter who is the light of my life. I always thought I'd want two kids, but after having her, I'm really happy and satisfied with just one. I have my hands full as it is with working full time and being a mom and wife so I don't even know how I would handle 2 or more kids and still keep my sanity. So one it is and I'll treasure her all the more :)

Merry Christmas A.. I know it's 6 months past your original post, but it caught my eye today. I just turned 50 last week, and just finished watching my 6 year old daughter open her many Christmas presents. What a joy she is to my husband (42 y/o) and I! Waiting so long to get married (41 y/o) and then trying to have a baby, we had to involve lots of medical professionals to successfully conceive. But, in the end, it was the most precious gift God has ever given us. The extraordinary effort, time and expense to have this child pales in comparison to the alternative of life without parenting. What did we do with our time before her? What real purpose did we serve before being parents? Sure, we did lots of great things as we were both working professionals, but life has such a new meaning now. I never thought I'd be a SAH mom, and don't really fully relate to that world, but have taken a short break from part-time working while I share her life and work on another part-time start up company. And BTW, I do have a very dear friend who is in her mid-50s with a 6 year old adopted child. We laugh about our lack of energy for the very active little girls, but they bring such excitement and social activities to our lives. We also believe that God brought us together as older parents of a single child. Neither of us have the energy for another, even if we could have a second child. But I must admit, it crossed my mind several times over the past few years, even possibly adoption. But now....we count our blessings, for we believe that God is helping us raise this child as a very socialized, loving, giving and intelligent little girl--just some of the benefits of having a single child. Even without family nearby, we have created a very social world for her with lots of surrogate family. Enjoy your blessings and the holidays.

Hi A.:
I just read this on Christmas and really enjoyed reading this posting! I am the mother of two and am about to turn 41. I sometimes regret not having three but my husband had a vascectomy a couple of years ago so we are done. We don't have any family close by and we did not want to bite off more then we can chew. My point is, we all have these important questions we have to ask ourselves in life and I understand much of yours was decided medically because of miscarriages. Thank you so much for opening up this discussion - it was fascinating. Thanks to all the moms who shared. For the record, I was the youngest of four but was much younger then the other three so I was kind of raised like an only child. To be honest, I am probably the most well adjusted in the family because my parents were a little older when they raised me and perhaps had more insight on life.

I just read through some of your responses and was really surprised to not find any of the parents of only children for whom that was their first choice. I have one daughter and am perfectly content. I could change my mind in the future I suppose but now I don't feel the desire for more and I love being able to give as much focus and attention as possible to my little girl. I guess it is really rare to desire just one child but I think it can be a great way to raise a child regardless of how you get there.

A.,

Thank you for your post! And thank you to all who have responded! I have seen so many posts about women wanting baby #3 or #4 and complaining about their spouse being unsupportive but no posts for all the women of "onlies"!!

I am 32 and have one 3 1/2 year old daughter. I had some serious complicatons during my pregnancy that involved severe bleeding. I spent over an hour wondering if my baby would survive (at 34 weeks) and if I would survive the birth. What amazes me is the pressure I receive from others (mostly family) to have more children even after that experience! There is such a negative societal attitude about only children. This is so sad because the research on the topic has demonstrated that only children are not more selfish than others nor maladjusted in any way.

I tend to allow the opinions of others to get me down and it has been challenging for me to be fully comfortable with our decision to have one. I, too, feel some guilt about not giving her a sibling but at the same time, I truly do not wish for another child and feel fulfilled with one. I think I'd feel this way regardless of my history. It has given me such comfort and a renewed sense of confidence to read the many responses from other "only" moms.

Thanks again to everyone and lets keep supporting each other!

I'm 45 and the mom of a 13 year old daughter. I never married her father, we were dating and I was going to break it off with him the night he came over with a home pregnancy test! Anyway, it was always just her and I, dad was still around, and it was great! I got married almost 3 years ago (not to dad) and it was a big mistake. Turns out he has major issues. Hopefully things will get better now because just in the last week he's agreed to counseling (again) and he has an appointment to get a prescription for anxiety/depression medication. But I treasure those days when it was just my baby and me.

I have one daughter who is now 27. When she was younger, I was a single mother. I would have loved more children but circumstances did not allow. Now that she is a young woman, we spend time together when possible and even though she is the only one, she have my undivided attention and love and she loves that, but I am sure she also misses having brothers and sisters. I come from a large family myself and squables were common when we were young but now we have each other and love geting together. I am sure your daughter will be fine, she will meet and make friends. HAPPY NEW YEAR. M. M
http://www.maryngati.com
http://www.maryngati.net

Like many others, I didn't see the initial post, but I have to say thanks for putting this out there! My hubby & I are both 28, and we have a 4yo son, and would love to have more, but it looks like nature is against us. I recently found out I'm in very early menopause, but am working with a naturopath to get me back on track. Unfortunately it may still mean no more children for us. It's something we've had a hard time with off & on in the 3 months since I found out for sure. I had this whole conversation with my son a couple of weeks ago when his cousins stayed with us overnight and we were explaining their relationship as sisters. He said he isn't big enough yet to be a brother, but he will be when he's 5... We just hope he's right! LOL

It was so great reading the other moms' posts though and their great resons for only children! I don't know why your situation is what it is, but thanks again for opening this up for discussion. Best Wishes & Happy New Year!!

I am not 40..I am 30, but I am a widowed mother of just one. It has it's challenges. As a single mother I am exhausted after work and college and my son wants all of my attention. Sometimes i think it would be easier to have 2 so they had each other. My son is amazing though, really bright..He would love to have a brother or sister and one day he may if i remarry. I try and get him around other kids so he learns how to share and maintain good social skills. It can be a challenge, but i think kids raised on their own get lots of love and nurturing as well

I am a mother of one precious daughter who is 4 1/2. I was older (38) when I had her. It was extremely easy to conceive her, so I thought I had it made. When she was 3 I was finally ready to do it again and it was not easy. I am thankful every day I have her and feel lucky. For a long time, she too asked for siblings. Just remember she has your total devotion!

I read this late as many others, so I don't know if you'll even read this. However, in case you do, I wanted to add my two cents. I am 27 years old now and an only child. My mom is my very best friend and I am very close to my dad. There were times when I was younger that I "thought" I wanted a little brother or sister, but it was probably really just because I loved babies! I had a wonderful life and wonderful memories. Both of my parents were always able to be there for me for everything. I now have a daughter of my own, almost 7 months old. My husband and I have no plans for another baby. We are very excited to spend all of our time with her and do things "just right" (haha, sure!). We are looking forward to enjoying each and every one of her little stages. So, I wouldn't change anything about my life. :)

A.,
You have already received great advice and I hope you are secure in your decision. This is really for the other moms reading this who are trying to decide.
I am the oldest of 5, my husband was an only child. Life as dad was really hard for him. All the noise, the chaos of kids and he didn't understand the squabbling.
We have 3 and we have travelled all over the world with them. You adjust. My niece was worried about her sister's dieting and her comment to her sister was, "I want to have a sister to grow old with like mom and Aunt K.". Having siblings when young is a pain, now that we are older, it is a blessing.
For those over 40, the risk of Down syndrome is something to consider. For those who are younger, I would definitely consider 2. RE: finances, how much is enough? Hard to answer.

I am a 37-year old mom of one daughter, age 2. She is adopted and probably will be our only child. I will admit that I struggle with whether or not we want to try and adopt a 2nd child, but its so much harder now that we have one to think about. More than likely, this is it. I would love 2, but also not sure I could handle more than one since I work full-time in a top managment position and already seem to have my hands full between work, being a full-time mom and wife.

I am a mother of one son 26 yrs old. I chose to have one. My career was very important to me and my son loved and still does love being an only child. They are very mature and feel very comfortable in the adult world. We were able to give him lots of opportunity and he had lots of friends growing up. He also married an only child.. they tend to connect through there journey somehow. It is God stuff. He now has one son and one baby girl on the way. so we are hoping for lots of grand kids... he has never missed what he never had sibblings.. he seen the disfuntion in my family of sibling of 4... it doesnt matter what people try to tell you.. You make of your life what you choose to make and your children do the same. Just be happy and love that only child , they are very special gifts and the good thing is when you get my age 52 you are glad you dont have to worry about the sibbling fighting over the estates of the parents ,,,thats my take for what ever its worth.

Hi A., I'm a SAH mom, on the approach to 40, with one 14 yo daughter. We've always homeschooled and she's always been involved with multiple activities, most importantly our church (no big youth group or anything, just worship, Sunday School and local outreach programs and social programs within the congregation). She's smart, precocious and doing fine, happy being homeschooled and happy being an "only." :-) We never thought we'd have just one, but God had other plans for my health, so here we are - extremely blessed with one. :-)

I just turned 43 and have a 9 month old boy. He is our "first and last" as I tell people when they ask. My husband is an only child and loved the experience of it. He is the one who is most adamant about having just one. I'm the youngest of 6. For parents who have multiple kids so they can fulfill the dream of a "big happy family" are making a giant assumption that could easily backfire. Not all siblings get along. Sadly, there is a lot of alienation and even acrimony amongst my sibs. No guarantee that more is merrier. And consider this: Supernanny and Nanny 911 NEVER go to single child homes to rescue the parents. Ever. Embrace your choice and be thankful to have that choice!

Hi A.,

I was drawn to your post because I, too, sometimes wonder if the choice to have just one child is going to be something that my son will find satisfying when he becomes older.

Like many other women, I suffered multiple miscarriages before my son came along. I loved being pregnant, I loved birthing him, and it's a little sad to know that I will never do those things again. We chose for my partner to have a vasectomy nearly a year ago.

Choosing this had less to do with the miscarriages and so much more to do with what sort of quality of life and opportunities we want for our son and our selves. (He's 20 months now.) Another child would mean my having to work more; I am a childcare provider, and can set my own hours, so right now he gets a lot of my attention AND has 'near-siblings' in his life, yet gets to be "the special one" at the end of the day. This will likely continue for him. Another child would mean remodeling our small house or moving out of our home altogether as well as buying another car. Another child would mean less of our help not just with homework and his other pursuits, but also with financial assistance for whatever continuance of his education he decides to pursue.

This is hard for some people to understand, especially in my family where my siblings have anywhere between 2-5 children. I see the struggles and frankly, at nearly 40, I don't want them. I don't want to be drained at the end of the day with piles of laundry, dishes and the constant mess that goes along with being a mother of multiple children. This isn't a judgment about other families choices; we just know that for my partner and I, it wouldn't be a good choice for US. We like our time, we like to read and pursue our hobbies and things that satisfy our souls~~we like to have a chance to breathe.

Our son has lots of cousins, playmates, and a circle of very caring adults who love him, including godparents who understand what the job means and who love him very dearly.

I'm watching many of my peer mothers (in my mom's groups) getting ready to have their second children. I enjoy hearing about their pregnancies and am so glad that I'm not pregnant and chasing my son around at the same time. I have a feeling that a few of them are going to seriously reconsider their views on outside childcare at some point soon!:)

Overall, I would say this: having just one child is good for the finances, the sanity and the health of our planet. I hope that your daughter will one day see the blessings that she does have and understand that we have so many good people in our life, so many gifts in those relationships. Keep encouraging her to enjoy her friendships and create a "family" of chosen adults for her, who you know will always encourage her and love her.

And enjoy your small family!:)

I am a Mom to just one, as of now. I hope to possibly have more, but you never know what life is going to throw at you. We went through many years of infertility and my son was my little miracle. So, if we're blessed with more GREAT, if we're not...I will be more than happy with just one. I would say that it doesn't matter if you have one, two, three or ten. I think what matters most is how you raise the children or child that you have. If you provide love, security, respect and a happy home and environment, I don't think it matters how many you have, your kids will turn out just fine.

I like a lot of others did not see the original post, but wanted to chime in, all my life i had dreams of getting married by this age, having 2 children (2 boys), Ihad my life all planned, but I fully believe God had other plans. I did not marry my husband until I was 35 and we tried to get pregnant from the sec we got married and after 1 miscarriage, and finally getting pregnant, I decided during pregnancy, that 1 and only 1 was what I wanted. I had a wonderful pregnancy, labor and delivery and have a very beautiful active 2 1/2 yr old girl. I have not changed my mind once nor debated the thought, I do not want anymore, I can and will be able to give my child the world if that is what she wants. So originally, no that is not what I wanted, but because of God's decision, our age/health factor I am very happy and fulfilled with the only child. If I was to get pregnant today, I would adjust, but to be really honest, would be devated. I LOVE our little family.

I am a 44 year old mother of one beautiful 6 year old girl. Her father is 62. We adopted her when she was 3 months old. She has changed my life in ways I never imaginined and I wouldn't change anything! But I don't know how people do more than one! I like being able to give her all our resources and energy, as well as the benefit of our wisdom and maturity and patience. I often invite up neighbors, or her friends from school because she is a very social child and needs lots of interaction, and this seems to satisfy her desire for other kids to play with.

Hi A.,
Well, I can't say I am a mother of one child but my husband is a only child. I find it difficult at times since we together have four children and he has five. He doesn't know how to share his time and sometimes gets annoyed with all the noise and everyday responsibilities of taking care of children. He was a very spoiled child and likes to get everything he wants and that had affected a lot of things. The one thing I have noticed is his lack of knowing how to share and how to give his time to others. I am not saying all "only" children is like this but my husband is. I am the only girl in my family and I was spoiled yet held accountable for everything I did. I at first only wanted one child but four kids later here I am. I got my tubes tied after my daughter and thank God I did because I really think having more children was not in my best interest. I love my children and sometimes wonder what thins would be like just to have one child. Enjoy your one child and be glad about your decision. Having multiple children is hard especially if you are doing it alone. I have been a single mother four 6 years and their father finally came to his senses and we got married in March of this year. It is a change for me being married and a change for my kids. Love your child, enjoy your child and thank God for your child. Remember some people would love just to have one child and can't. God knows who can handle having a lot and when you can't.

I gave birth to my one and only precious little boy about 10 months ago. I am still on the fence about having another one. My boyfriend has 3 other children and does not want any more. I don't really have to worry about the only child thing too much because he has half sibings. Sometimes I think it would be nice for him to have a little brother or sister. Other times I feel that he and I are so close that I don't want him to have to "share" me with another child and get jealous. I don't want to be splitting my attention. However I am from a family of 7 so my siblings are important to me, especially now that our parents are gone. I am 36 already and don't know if I will have the energy for another little one. I understand totally about your child being your whole world.

Hello,
I am also a mom of one little boy, he is 3 1/2. I am 26 and do not want anymore kids. I am really tired though of all the people that are trying to persuade me to have more. I think this is a very private thing and if you think you can have, love and take care of more that you should, otherwise don't.
I know many couples that cannot stand their kids but are having more because "it's the wright thing to do" and because "they shouldn't be alone in the world after the parents are gone".

We are very happy with our little family. We travel everywhere(we live in Europe), we can afford to get my son in the good kindergarten here in our town, we can afford to get him everything he needs and the most important thing we can afford to put money away for college.

I am very practical about having kids. I want to be able to give them the world.If I would be rich I would have more.

Also with the economy in the toilet, the the wars that exist in the world and the overpopulation I am very pessimistic about the future of mankind.

I wish you all the best!
A.

Hi A.,
I am an only child and my husband and I have made a decision to only have one child. I am 34 years old and my son is almost 2. I didn't have a tough pregnancy (gestational diabetes) but I didn't love pregnancy like some women do. My husband is adopted so we thought about that, but we're very happy with our family as it is today. There are pros and cons to every situation...to having only one, of being the only, of having more than one and being one of many.

Hello A.,

I am a 39yr single mom of a 17 yr old daughter. I have often wondered about having more children but did not want to have anymore and not be married. Can I tell you that she is my world and now that she will be going off to college next fall I feel a sense of emptyness. I ask her all the time does she miss not having bothers and sister and she says no as long as I have you I will be fine. Love your daughter and she will love you back and make you proud.

Hello A.,
My situation is very similar. Our daughter Ella is nine years old as well. She's our only child. When I had her I was only a few weeks shy of 40 years old.

I am a single 38 year old. My one & only daughter is 8 yrs old. I was blessed with one and can not have anymore.

Welcome to the mother's of only children club!

Hi A.,

I am currently a mom of one at 31 years old, but plan to have more. Although I want more than one child, I can definitely see why you and others are happy with one, and I think there are plenty of people like you out there. Children are so much work (in a good way)! I am not working now and couldn't imagine what it would be like if I was with multiple children. Everyone learns to adapt to their situations, and I think that it is great that you are involved in lots of activities with your 9 year old.

Dearest A.,

Happy holidays to you. I have one daughter, who is now 13 years old. We had 7 miscarraiges, and so are very grateful for her. For years, I was sad that we weren't able to have another child. I even thought that later in life, I might be a nanny to get my quotient of baby cuddles in.

We are a happy family. At first, Eliana asked for other siblings, but of course, that was not to be. She has a puppy that she absolutely loves. But more importantly, she has made close friendships with other only children. Her friend, Megan, and she call each other "sissy." They talk many times a day, and we are beginning to share holidays with her family, whom we love.

Tomorrow, we are going away on a vacation with a family that has one 9 year old daughter. The girls love each other despite the age difference, and we've traveled with them several times. (When they had her, they put her in my daughter's lap and said, this is your little sister. Of course, that made my heart full.

As time has gone by, I have truly found the joy and benefit of having one child. I have been able to pursue dreams I would not have been able to follow if I had more children. I also think that I wouldn't have been as happy a mom if I'd had the stress and noise of other children. In my case, I am glad I tried so hard to have another child, because I won't look back and wonder about that.

I'd love to keep in touch if you'd like. I do feel that we parents of singles have a unique identity.

All the best to you.

S.

I'm 35 and the mother of 1 daughter. She's 11 and I have been raising her on my own.

Hi, My husband and I have only one child, a 9 year old daughter. She is the love of our lives. Like you, we wanted more children, we are both in our 40s. We know how blessed we are. We have many friends that have more and it is amazing to see how we measure up. I mean we have it together and are admired by many. Looking great and feeling proud of who we are and what we are able to accomplish. God has chosen who to have more than one and who to have one. We have made our peace with it and are moving on with life. God bless you!

I.

Hi A.,
I am a 44 year old mother of O. son, 5. He is the light of our lives! I admire other couples who seem to effortlessly juggle 2, 3, 4 and even 5 kids, but know in my heart that's not for me! My son has a classmate whose mom just had her 5th so she has 5 under 5! I seriously cannot imagine myself in that situation. We seem so busy with my son and his intersts and activities that I simply can't imagine that times two, or three, or more!

I come from a family of three (I have two brothers) I always thought I would have 3 - 5 children. I was never blessed with a child of my own. I use to ache to have a child. I would cry in silence as people judged me thinking I was selfish etc. Obviously they did not know me.
However now I am the mother of a beautiful 8 year old daughter. she was adopted. she was a relative of mine. A great blessing. she always talks about how she wants a little brother.
I never wanted to have an only child. I always wanted them to have a sibling to lean on when I was older. However that was not the way it has turned out.
I just tell her she is special and our one and only. This way we can provide more for her. She is great about making "cousins" from friends children and when they annoy her I reminder her that if they were her brother or sister they would be coming home with her and annoying her even more.
We surround her with a great support system of both young and old and I no longer worry about her having someone to lean on when I am old. She has tons of "cousins"
cherish every moment!

I am a mom to a solo child. I had 2 mc before my daughter was born and with my age, we decided to stop there with her. I can say that I have moments of ambivalence and sadness, but also feel very blessed and happy.

I have read that solo children families are the largest growing demographic. You are not alone! I've read that there is no specific ill effect "caused" by being raised solo. Consider your child lucky to have your full attention and energy!

The key is to hook her up with a variety of social situations. (which it sounds like you are already doing). The other thing to do is to hook yourself up with other moms of solo children. It really is comforting to be around others with shared experiences. But it is also critical for you to know that you are just as valued and worthy as a parent. period!

Guilt, would have, should have, could haves are only energy zappers. Don't let them have too much of your valuable space!

I just read your "what happened" (missed the original post) and thought I'd share our story as well. Our son was born a few days after I turned 34. We had a difficult first year...whether that was because I was a new mom or he was a colicky baby I don't know. Every once in awhile I wonder if we should have another but I think back to our first year together and the challenges it presented and I question if I'm up for that again. My husband and I both come from large families...sometimes you get along with your siblings and sometimes you don't. We both know this from experience so that hasn't influenced our decision much. My husband is 10 years older than I so that does influence our decision. I cherish the time I have with our son. I'm grateful to have been blessed with one and so far...quite happy to leave it at that. :)

Happy Holidays to everyone.... I just read this and thought I would give my input too. I am sort of an only child myself. I was 15 when my younger brother came along and left home after high school, so we were raised as only children. I will be 39 soon and have just one 9yr old daughter and would not change it for the world. I thought about what it would have been like to have more, but then I think about how hard it is for me as a single mother. (Father is a very self-centered egomaniac and not much help.) Now my brother has graduated and come to stay with me while getting his feet on the ground. But as many of the others have said here, I can give my all to my one and she is very well developed mentally and socially, so I can feel confident she will do great things one day.

Good luck and be happy with all your choices.

M.