My husband has never really liked "all these holidays" for mother's day I am lucky to get a card, I cook for his parents sisters and thier kids, they come over eat exchange gifts with each other, and this year for the 2nd time his mom forgot to give me gift, yet we always give at least 100 in a gift. My parents moved to Nevada 7 years ago and they only can visit once a year, making the 8 hr drive. We go up once a year too, veterens day when plane fair cheap. This year they were here the week before mother's day my duaghter had school trip communion that week and they left day after mothers day. While they were here I drove them 30 min to spend a few hours meeting his sisters new baby. we saw his family at the communion, busy activities all week. on their last day mother's day we wanted to relax we went to his moms to give her gift, his other sister there and exchanged gifts, his family went up to his sister who had baby 2 weeks before at 5pm for bbq. my parents didnt' want to go up north to the party, wanted to pack and relax for trip home since they had to drive hrs (aren't in great health, dad can barely walk without walking stick). My husband says they are inconsiderate for not wanting to go and I am terrible for not just leaving my parents to go up to his families bbq. I only see my parents at my house once a year, never a holiday I have seen them, my daughter 8yr is crying so much missing her today, I knew they needed one on one time last night, a last bath, etc. Spending all night there would not of been good for my kids, parents. And he hasn't even spoken with his family for 3 weeks over an arugument so maybe it is guilt he had for not seeing them, yet he got so angry with me and again mother's day was a sad day crying for me, he even started saying I am a bad mother, his sister who had bbq since she couldn't bring baby out of house understands, my husband said all his co workers think my parents and I are terrible. Am I wrong to of wanted to stay at home, I have 358 days a year to be with his family, only 7 days with mine, he said we saw them 6 days, my mom cried and said she is sorry they stayed the extra day, I felt soooo bad, I had asked her to stay for mother's day and not drive home that day, first mother's day with her children in 7 years, I went to his house for an hour with my kids, thanks for the advice :)
Hmmm, I think I would be more upset that my husband is talking badly about me to his coworkers! Actually, talking badly about me to anyone!!
I don't think I could live with someone who badmouths me to his family and co-workers and then tells me about it to make me feel bad. Can you live without him? Because he doesn't sound like he's worth the trouble. I think I'd be spending a lot more time with my parents, starting this summer.
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My kids split their time with my wife and I and their other parents. Sometimes I feel neglected, but most of the time I do just fine. We are big on family and help our kids out whenever possible.
Your husband needs to apologize to you and your parents for the childish fuss he made. He needs to NEVER bad mouth you at work or with his friends. If your parents live out of town and his parents live in town, then your parents have priority when they are in town. Or at least that's the way it is with us and our kids.
If your parents only come down once per yer because of economics, then your family should save and assist them economically. My wife and I do that for her mom. She just left after spending 6 days with us over Mother's day. We paid for her air fare and put her up in our home. All our kids in this area came over for a family dinner on Thursday and Sunday. If you are an only child, then you bear a greater responsibility. If you have siblings living in Vegas, then they should help.
If this is the first year your MIL "forgot" to give you a gift for Mother's Day, then next year, give her a gift and a card next year. If this is typical of her then next year, give her a token gift and a card until you are included. After all, its the thought, not the price of the gift.
I hope you get over the hurt soon. Good luck to you and yours.
I feel angry just reading this. I do not understand why your husband or anyone in his family is angry. You're all adults able to make decisions about what is best for yourself. Do they need you to have a good time?
The family sounds very co-dependent, needing to rely on others for their own happiness. I'm glad you stayed with your parents and I'm sorry your husband was so rude and disrespectful to spoil it for you.
And why is he even talking about this with his co-workers?
I'm guessing this isn't the first time your husband was unreasonable. I wouldn't stay with a man that acts like this unless I was able to develop a more loving relationship with him. I'd go to counseling, at this point, to find out if it's possible to make this a healthier relationship with better boundaries.
I feel so sad for you, your daughter, and your parents.
I just read your post about inviting in-laws to communion dinner. I'm glad they came thru in a reasonable manner. I suggest that they live on drama and they've sucked you into it. I suggest that you emotionally remove yourself from their antics. Yes, invite and then let it go. If they come, OK. If not, OK. Take this attitude with everything.
Your husband is angry that you stayed home with your parents. Ignore him and don't let him upset you. You do what you think is best and tell him to shut up. Don't argue. Build a wall around your heart. Focus on enjoying what you want to do. You go the extra mile for them. You're good people. Continue to be courteous and considerate of them but take care of yourself at the same time.
Easier said then done. I urge you to get counseling to learn how to make and identify boundaries for yourself so that these rude, obnoxious people are less able to cause you unhappiness.
You are not alone with the "wreckage" of your Mother's Day-mine has been saboutaged two years in a row now-so I know exactly where I will be next year-crystal clear. Your husband is wrong and the people he works with are also wrong. It is never appropriate to hurt someone's feelings-especially your wife's parents who are aging and staring down an eight hour drive!!! He gets to pick and choose when he is going to be nice?-uh-wrong.
I am so sorry!! I think you did the right thing. I only see my parents once a year (and my children are 1 and 6) and we miss them and take EVERY hour we can with them when they are here. You really did the right thing, and it's terrible that you feel guilty about it. You wanted to be with your own mother on Mother's Day...and that's a good thing, especially since you don't see her much. I hope you feel better soon.
Hello, I would not host another Mother's Day for his family. I would tell him that I am the mother of his child and therefore I am taking that day off. He can plan a big get together at one of their homes. My husband made it very clear that I was not his mother, therefore, he didn't have to buy me a gift or even a card. I told him, finally, after many years that I would not be buying him anymore Father's Day gifts or cards either. As far as the people he works with, either they haven't really said anything, or they are only getting the story he wants to tell them.
Good luck with this selfish bunch.
K. K.
Your husband probably was just saying things because he was mad. (but if he makes a point all the time of telling you you're a bad mother, etc.. then maybe you do need to take a look at that) but your parents were your guests at that moment. You do not just leave guests who are about to go home, and just want to relax. You absolutely 100% did the right thing, his coworkers probably agree with him because he's giving them a one sided synapsis of it and theyre probably all men lol. If my mother was in town and my husband said "i wanna go to a bbq at MY parents house" I wouldve said "you go ahead.. see ya later" :)
Well I think your husband's a jerk, too.
But mostly I'd like to say, I use Mother's Day to honor MY MOTHER, and to be humbly grateful for my good fortune of Mothering three fabulous kids. It has NOTHING to do with my husband!
:)
Mother's Day is pretty much about our own mothers, and we all should do what we feel we need to do for our mom on that day.... its about them and not us.
Sounds to me like your husband is trying to lay his guilt trip on you. Ignore the situation. He is a big boy and should be able to handle whatever is thrown at him. It was he who quit talking to them, not yourself. As for your parents spending the extra day, I say I am so very happy for you. As you said you only see them once a yr. and its just to bad (for hubby) as you said all of the other occasions you are there at their homes or they at yours. Who knows, "nobody" if anything should happen to one of your parents, I am sure they are getting up there and you showed them the love and respect that they both so much deserve.As for your hubby, tell him on no circumstances are you the guilty party, he is. Tell him to deal with it, its on his shoulders'. He has to step up to the plate so to speak. He has the opportunity to see them all of the time, you have only one wk. with them coming down and only one wk. for you to go to them. Parents' are so very special, its high time your husband quit blaming you for his childish ways.
Dont' continue to argue over it, it sounds as though his mind is set, however
let him know because of his actions, he is the one to speak with whoever he had word with, NOT you!! Tell him to man up and apologize. Before he knows it, if he is to make that call and he will be included in all family function, on the other hand you have what? All of 2 wks. He is being a child.
Good luck, he seems to be one sided here, and he is the problm. What is wrong with saying "I'm sorry to both sides for his immature actions.
Good luck my dear!!
I have to agree with Dawn, when I was reading through this I thought he sounded really controlling. Why is he talking about you at all to his co-workers or family. That is breaking the promise he made to you as your husband. He went 3 whole weeks without talking to his family. Who is his family here? You and the kids or his mom and siblings. He should want you to be happy and have a good relationship with your own parents.
I think you need to put your foot down. You're husband was probably the same way before you got married. For him to expect you to host his family on Mothers day and cater to his mother the only year you had your mother in 7 years just blows my mind. To me Mothers day is to celebrate your Mother. My Mother comes first every Mothers day. She will not be with me forever, so the day I no longer have her then it will be completely my day. My children celebrated me and went wherever I was going to be with me. Your husband should be the one celebrating his Mother and when your Mother is not there it is nice to be together as a family. You should have them do a pot luck or go out to dinner or buy food to take to someones home so no one mother gets stuck doing all the work in the years to come. When your Mother is in town it is her day from you. Sorry to hear your Mother and you did not spend this special day the way you should have after 7 years.
That is horrible. I'm sorry. It sounds like there is something else going on. There's no way your husband can honestly be that upset about something so insignificant. You needed to be with your parents and they needed to rest up before the long trip home. Sounds COMPLETELY reasonable to me. I would have done the same thing!
Wow, your situation makes me feel so sad. :( Why is his family more important than yours? It seems as if you show respect for his family all year. Where is the respect for yours? I think you were very reasonable to go to the BBQ for part of the day. And it only makes sense that your parents would need to rest up before taking such a long trip home. Your husband owes you an apology. I truly hope this is a one time thing that he hasn't pulled on you before. If it isn't, you should take a long, hard look at your relationship. If it is, talk to Hubby and see what's going on and why you going home with your parents was such an issue. I'm sorry your Mother's Day was such a bad day, next year will be better! :)
I think you and your husband need to communicate better. Any reasonable person would understand you and your children needed to spend time with your parents regardless of it being mothers day.
I take my mother out the weekend before Mothers day to avoid the crowds and spend more time and also allow my siblings to do their own thing that way she gets more attention. My husband takes care of all the plans for his mother.
You must learn to share with your husband what you want so their is no miscommunication. You should make more effort to seeing your parents so their is not resentment and you should not have shared the information you did with your mother to upset her.
I think he was selfish and forgot you were a mother and that his actions upset you, your children and parents.
You should speak with him and see if he would be willing to apologize also to your Mother and next year Mother's Day may not be at your home if he does not agree.
Your husband will never know how it feels to have parents that live far away. Every moment becomes more precious the further apart your visits are because the length of a visit cannot be weighed against proximity. Unfortunately, this was a lesson I learned after my parents retired another state away. You are completely justified in wanting to spend every moment with your parents and his inability to support you is simple ignorance. However, his actions to follow are immature and it seems that he just needs someone to blame. We never know what it is to walk in another's shoes but it helps to try to imagine it. The best you can do is communicate, try to see his point as you ask the same of him. Good luck.
He may have been annoyed that you had guests for 6 days already and wanted to get out and socialize with others. I've had family stay for several days and it got old after a few days.
