My 3 Yr Old Hates Me!

My oldest was a huge Daddy's boy since the moment he came out of me (literally). He'd never even held a newborn in his life before my oldest was born, but from the moment he came out, he'd cry, my husband would take him, and he'd instantly stop. Every morning when my husband would go to work, my son would scream and pitch a HUGE fit all the way up until he was 2 1/2. I decided then to stick him in a mother's morning out program. I think he was just sick of being with me 24/7 by that point. He went 3 mornings a week, and that did the trick. It helped my sanity, and he LOVED going to "school". He's always been a social bug anyway, so he loved being able to play with other kids all morning. He'd love to see me when I picked him up, and we never really had problems with him after that. He's still a Daddy's boy, but he's not blatantly obvious about it anymore. I used to not be a believer in Daycares and such for SAHM's, but I really think 24/7 is too long to spend with anyone. :) Apparently, my kids agree. We're putting my 1 1/2yr old in next year. He pitches a huge fit when I take the other 2 and don't leave him.

Hi E.,I know its hard and hurtful when they are like that.With my first it was very hurtful and hard and didnt know how to handle it.When my 2nd child went thru the same thing,i decided to try a new approach.When ever he said I dont want you, I dont like you,I hate you etc,,,I would just say to him you may hate me,nor dont want to talk to me but "MOMMY LOVES YOU" and "MOMMY HAS TO BE AROUND YOU,YOU MAKE ME HAPPY".As frustrating as it got I would just reinforce positive attitude.It didnt seem to last as long as my first.Just try to say the opposite of what she said and be calm and loving about it.Good luck,H.

I really feel your pain. I know what you are going through. I have two girls.(8 & 13 ) Just wait until the harmons start going crazy. Its 10 times worse. My 13 year old loves me one minute and hates me the next. You just have to keep a cool head on you. Hug and kiss them as much as possible and let them know you love them more than life.

I am going through the same thing. When ever she isn't getting her way she tells me I dont like you and I just tell her, "it doesnt matter if you like me. I love you and will always love you." She gets over being mad soon and things are okay again. Now when my husband is home its worse because she will run to him to be babied and I have had to get on to him for doing it. He is now on my side with it and tells her Mommy loves you. Mommy just wants whats best for you. It has gotten alot better since he has done this.

Well, I have been through this twice with my son. When he was 3 he went through a stage where when I took him to preschool he would not say goodbye, not hug or kiss me, nothing. At home he would climb on me and be Mr. Lovey Dovey when he wanted to. Finally after about 3 weeks I had enough of life on his terms. He came in and asked me for a drink and I turned my back on him. He kept tugging on me asking for a drink and I ignored him. Finally he got upset and started crying and saying I was being mean to him. At that point I turned around and explained to him that how he felt right then is how I feel every time he is mean to me and disrespectful. Amazingly enough it worked and his hurt feelings cured him.

At 6 we went through another version of this except it was not just not hugging, kissing, saying bye, it was being outright disrespectful, not following directions, telling me that I could not tell him what to do. I tried time out, spanking, everything I could think of, his father even spanked him and grounded him for a week but nothing seemed to matter. Finally one afternoon he was especially hateful and I looked at him and said, you know, you are breaking God's heart. He responded with, I'm not being mean to God, I'm being mean to YOU!. I said, well, when you are mean to ME, you break GOD's heart. My son is jokingly referred to as "The Reverend" so this really jerked a not in his pride and he had to really process that one. He went to his room for awhile and thought about it and came back maybe 5 minutes later and apologized for his behavior. Things have been fine since. Good luck, I know it's hard.

Hello E., I have 3 little girls, and one thing I have noticed with all of them , and this includes the baby, THEY LOVE THEIR DADDY, no matter what, Now my middle one isnt a daddys girl like the oldest and youngest, but she has her moments, my oldest is 5 and she has a VERY bad attitude towards me and hardly ever gets one with him, I just let it go most of the time, but there are times, i have to just put her in her place, wheather it be ground her from something she likes to do, time out, etc.., b/c I figure it is a STAGE she is going through in her life.. WHO KNOWS...lol, she will choose her daddy over me anyday though,(or at least that is how I feel most of the time.) It isnt that your daughter hates u, she is just probaly a daddys girl and also, she is JUST A GIRL.. U know how us woman can get sometime...hehe. Good luck to u.. I hope it all works out for u. God bless

I have to tell you that the saying in our house is terrible two's and demonic three's. I hate what all is entailed in going through the three's. My oldest was awful during 3, and when she turned 4 she turned into an angel. I find myself smiling sadistically as I face the 3's again. I hear the I hate you's, and again hear myself repeating the same mantra as before, "that's really sad you should say that to me, because mommy loves you more than any thing in the world." That's all you can do. There is nothing that will change the fact that three is so difficult for a child. They are understanding so much more, and yet can't express themselves the way they want and need to. I think three is much like thirteen. There are all these feelings and they have no idea what to say about them. I know that when I am stressed I unintentionally lash out at the person I love the most, so take some solace in knowing that if your child didn't know that you loved them so much, they wouldn't feel comfortable testing how to assert themselves with you. This is not to say that that behavior is in any way appropriate, there should be punishment for it. With my oldest I would say, "well it's your lucky day you get to spend time with me on the couch cause I realize that you really mean you just need some loving." Then she would have to sit by me on the couch until the timer went off. I would make sure that there was nothing she would like on TV, and would not let her cuddle until it was over.

Your three year old is not trying to be hateful, she is just expressing her preference. Much the same as someone prefers their mother's cooking to their best friend's mother's cooking. However, would you tell your best friend's mother that you don't like her cooking?

Just as you have to teach her to cover her mouth when she coughs or say Thank You when she recieves a gift or compliment, you must teach her to hold her tongue when she doesn't have anything pleasant to say. Three years old is plenty old enough to begin teaching, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Next time she says something unpleasant to you (or anyone), tell her that what she is saying hurts your (or others) feelings. When she does it again (they always do) tell her that she is making you sad and tell her that she owes you an apology.

Don't act angry as this will make her defensive; it is in all of us to become defensive when someone gets angry at us, but if we make someone sad, we feel helpless and want to "fix" it. Bring out her empathetic side.

~Take care~

E.,

Your 3 YO does NOT hate you; I promise you that. Our son sometimes tells me, "You're a bad mommy!" - but he's also told my husband that he's a bad daddy, too! It usually means that he's not getting something he wants. He has also told me (as I'm driving him to his sitter's house in the morning), "You're a bad driver, Mommy!" Yeah, like at 2 1/2 he'd really know that.

Your 3 YO does not truly understand what she's telling you and also does not understand (nor can she even begin to comprehend) how her words hurt you. My advice is, when she says something like, "I don't like you mommy," respond with something like, "Well, that's too bad because I LOVE YOU very much!"

If she doesn't like you right now, I promise she'll get over it...especially if she truly knows you love her no matter what.

You'll be ok and let me know if I can help at all.

J. S.

Girl...been there, done it and hate it. My 7 year old went through that time (as is my 3 year old now). It really hurts the heart and it's hard not to lash back like a child. BUT, just keep your cool, smile and explain you love her too and would do anything for her. Make sure your husband is doing the same. It won't change overnight....BUT, now my 7 year old wants to be me more than my husband. It's a growing thing...just keep your chin up!

I doubt that your daughter hates you. Children that age typically look to their parents for different things, such as, if she were hurt, she would come to you because she considers you more comforting than her dad. If she wants to play, she would go to him, because most kids consider the dad the fun parent. Since you do stay at home with her, I can only imagine that you do a bulk of the discipline, which is another reason she might see you differently. Her dad probably comes home from work and just wants to play with her because he missed her all day and doesn't really want to discipline her. She doesn't hate you though, and next week, it could be totally reversed. I know it's hard when your kids say things like that to you, but she doesn't understand and she definitely doesn't mean it.
Good luck!

Yes my son just turned 4 years old and he rather stay with my mom than with me. She has kept him a lot since I work and go to school full time since he was born and still doing both full time cause I am a single parent, so when I can spend extra time with him he rather be with his grandmother. He wants her to bathe him, fix his food, fix him something to drink and when it's time to sit down and get ready for bed guess who's lap he is in.....his grandmothers. But lately he is letting me do more and is showing me more affection so I hope it is only a phase. But it did upset me and hurt my feelings that he chooses her over me but like I said I'm hoping it's a phase......