Need a Second Opinion on a Very Personal Matter

My thought is that your boyfriend needs to respect your wishes. I don't have PTSD, but I wouldn't like someone grappling me while I was sleeping either.

You say it's been getting worse lately, so I think you need to sit him down, and tell him strongly that you do NOT want him grabbing you in your sleep any more.

If his grabbing you is his idea of a precursor to sex, then you need to discuss with him ways he CAN seek intimacy without humping you in your sleep.

PTSD or not, you are entitled to set whatever boundaries are comfortable to you, and your significant other must listen to you and abide by them.

Have you told your husband about the feelings this brings up? My husband does occasionally touch me when we're both sleeping, he feels terrible about it in the morning, but it's not something he's doing consciously. If it's something he can't control, you may need to come up with a different sleeping arrangement, spooning might not be the way to go if it's going to bring up painful memories when you should be able to feel safe while sleeping.

It might appear that that is what he is doing while spooning in sleep because of your past experiences. Offer something else that he "can" do, if he is awake (or not), while you are asleep. Maybe if he just puts his arms around you and holds your hands and keep a pillow behind your tush and in front of his pelvis. that way if you want to respond, you can remove the pillow. That way you maintain control and you know it is your decision to accept these advances.

What's "more important" is whatever you're dealing with now. This issue is more urgent and needs to be headed off before it becomes bigger, before your husband takes it personally and feels rejected by you.

One thing that sets a man's wife apart from other women--and what sets him apart from other men (all in HIS eyes)--is that he can touch and grope his wife at will. We don't always welcome it, but we do want our men to always feel that level of comfort and security in the relationship. They like to feel ownership, which can cross certain lines for some people.

My point is that men see this "freedom" in a different light, and it might help for you to understand his perspective and for him to understand yours.

If it is something he is doing in his sleep them you may need to try sleeping in separate beds.

He is asleep. They dream and don't realize their hands are reaching for us . He loves you. You need to talk to your counselor about this to manage your fear. Good luck.