I hope you have some great advice for me, because I'm at a complete loss on how to handle this. My next-door-neighbor has four children, the youngest just a few months older than my preschooler. The children seem to enjoy playing together, and do so very well. They also ask to play together. Unfortunately, their mother seems to have an issue with me, my child, or my family and I have no idea what it could be, as I have always been polite and considerate of her and her family. Whenever we happen to meet outside, she is polite, but has made it clear by her actions that she doesn't want our children socializing. For example, she will call her kids inside as soon as we are out there, or in the most recent instance, took her child by the wrist and almost dragged her inside. Her husband, on the other hand, is happy for the children to play freely. I feel sure that if I were to address the situation, she would deny it exists, yet even my three-year-old seems to understand that things aren't quite right. My daughter becomes upset, even crying, when her playmate is virtually dragged away from the possibility of contact. She is also becoming hesitant to approach the neighbor's kids. I have no problem if the neighbor doesn't like me, but it hurts that this is impacting my child. I don't try to protect my child from the world, but seeing her cry and not understand the situation is painful and seems unfair to me. It would be easier if they lived a few doors away, but being our immediate neighbors, and with summer coming, there will be more outside play time, it's going to get harder. Just last night, my daughter headed over to say hello to the girls (who were playing in their front yard) and I heard the mom call her daughter inside. My current strategy is to try to distract my daughter with other fun activities, but short of becoming prisoners in our own home whenever the neighbor's children are outside, what can I do? What is the correct way to handle this gracefully?
Thanks for all the advice.
Kristine, I guess my fear of being direct is that it all blows up into something much bigger…by not addressing it, we’re probably both hoping that it will go away. Silly, isn’t it? The way she is doing this is so passive aggressive that it would be very difficult to name specific instances without sounding paranoid.
Sophie, I’ve already gone down the route of suggesting get-togethers etc, and she’s always dodged it. These suggestions have been as a family though, so have not impacted my daughter directly. I actually don’t mind that they don’t want to be in our pockets so to speak…just that if the kids happen to run into each other, mine isn’t treated like she has the plague.
Julia, your post was really interesting since I’ve suspected they’re having marital issues for a while. The mother used to complain to me regularly about her husband and how hard her life is, but not anymore. Hey, maybe she got the vibe that I was tired of listening to her complain about how tough it is. :) You’re right though that this could be about something completely different and nothing to do with us. I do like the approach of “my daughter was hurt because she thought it was something she did”. And yes, happily married here.
Michele, I’m normally pretty up-front too, and like you, would let it slide if it wasn’t such an in-my-face problem. I like the idea of spelling out that it’s impacting my daughter and that I don’t have answers for her…it’s an approach she should be able to empathize with.
Jacy, thanks for the advice. I don’t really want to get in the marriage so to speak by involving her husband. They seem to not communicate so well, and I’d be worried about just adding fuel to the fire. I don’t see us ever becoming friends – besides all of this stuff, we’re just very different people. I guess that’s another question…if you don’t especially like your neighbor, is it possible for your kids to be friends?
Thanks again for all the advice, thoughts and support. If the opportunity presents itself, I’ll take a deep breath and address it with her. Wish me luck. :)
New update:
Wow, I can't believe how many responses this request for advice generated. Thanks to each of you for taking the time to help me with this. Some of the responses really made me laugh (especially the one that addressed the neighbor directly), but all gave me food for thought.
I think my daughter is too young to tell her the neighbor's a kook (nicely, of course!), but your responses made me think and realize that she's definitely not too young to learn that sometimes others are just "busy", and that, although she might not like hearing it, it does ensure that she knows it's nothing to do with her, and that's just how the world is sometimes.
There are definitely different cultures and religous beliefs involved, but I don't feel the differences are extreme enough to cause this kind of situation. That (and your comments), really reinforced that this is not my problem. If I have done something to upset her, I think as adults, she should either address it or move on. That's not how we all work, I know, but rather how it should be.
So, what I've decided to do is that if the opportunity comes up to speak with her about it, I'll do so, but otherwise, I'll take the opposite approach of what I've been doing so far. I intend playing with my daughter MORE in the front yard, and taking advantage of the gorgeous street we live in. I refuse to be bullied by this woman (starting now. lol). I will always have a back-up plan of fun things to do if she calls her kids away so that I can distract my daughter and will reassure her that it's not her fault without putting the other mother down. I'm going to cultivate other friendships for my daughter. I'm basically just going to take the high road. Like someone said, it's going to be harder and harder for this woman to control her children's choices, and I think that my actions will either make things smooth over with time or bring it to a head, but it's no longer going to be my burden to carry.
I don't think I could have gotten to this point, or this feeling of relief without each of your answers and thoughts. I so appreciate having the opportunity to sound other mothers out about this. I'm sorry for those of you going through a similar thing, and understand those who are on the other side of the fence. Again, thank you for being my sounding board.
L..
What an uncomfortable situation! If clarity and resolution are important to you, I think it is time to involve the husbands. I cannot imagine her husband being worse than she is! If he denies knowing about it, ask him if he could find out. Good luck!
I would bake some really great cookies and go over to visit. Sit down to talk even if she doesn't ask you to. Then ask about how long they have lived there, and how they like the neighborhood, etc., but before you go ask about the 'possibility' that the kids might play together sometimes (as if you had never even thought of it before). It may be that there is something else troubling her; like maybe they are planning to move and afraid to get close right now; maybe they have head lice, maybe the Dad is mean behind closed doors; it could be anything. See if you can find out; try to get more information from the mom. Then set some initial rules, like kids don't come in the house unless they have permission from parents first, stuff like that.
One of my favorite sayings is "The way you see people is the way that you treat them. The way you treat them, is what they become."
Maybe you could try non-chalantly setting up a play date for all the kids, and then see how she reacts to it. Try invite her and her kids over to your place for play-time and snacks. If she starts to make up excuses about not wanting/being able to go, then ask her why. If she says she doesn't have time or something just say "oh, that's no problem, send your kids over and I'll watch them for an hour so - it'll give you a break at the same time!"... If she keeps shooting the idea down, just be honest and say "look, I need an honest answer here, do you have a problem with our kids playing together for any reason? Is there anything that happened that I should know about,etc?"
If things still don't work out, then by all means, please do not keep your children indoors just because the neighbors are outside. If she (for some reason) doesn't like you guys and doesn't want to be around you, that is HER problem, not yours, so you don't need to make any extra efforts to stay away from her (in your own yard mind you!). Good luck, God Bless!!!
Hi L.:
I may get some arguments on this one,but I believe the idea is to be honest here,and come up with a possible reason,or explanation for your neighbors actions.I think we all would agree,that nobody knows what happens behind closed doors.Your neighbors,may be having some marital problems,and whether you are married or divorced,(You didn't say)Your neighbor could have witnessed you speaking to her husband,and became threatened or jealous by that Yes,it would appear silly or unjustified,non the less,women can get jealous,especially if their relationship with their husband is less than ideal.He could have commented to his wife,how pleasant you were. That could have ticked her off. I'm not saying,that you were in the wrong for being a friendly neighbor,or speaking to her hubby.I'm saying,that if you have been nothing less than pleasant,and nice to her kids,I can think of no other reason.You may want to get her alone,and very nicely say "Our girls play together very well,but has my daughter or I done something to upset you?" Please let us know,as we consider you good neighbors"When she says no...nothing..Then ask..."My daughters feelings were a little hurt."She thought you were upset at something she did" "When you pulled your girl inside and away from play". : ) Maybe during this conversation,you can ease her mind,about any suspensions she may have about you.Tell her how HAPPILY MARRIED you are. or apologize for not being a little more social. I wish you the best. J. M.
she's jealous of u..i had a neighbor that was so weird to me..then i found out after i moved that she was so worried that her husband found me attractive..ew! i sort of have that problem here at my new house but it's the dad that's rotten..the mom is cool.. i live in a hispanic neighborhood..and am 1/2 spanish myself but they're sort of weird to my son..i take him to playgrounds mostly anyway.... not a big fan of playing in the yard..i would just tell my daughter the truth..i'd say "their mother isn't friendly..can't control it..some people in this world are friendly and some aren't and it's actually in your best interest to stay away from the unfriendly ones" it's like when you walk your dog or when you're w/ your child out and about..some people are so happy to see a child or a pet..and some people are not..i always thought when i became a mom i'd meet all these sweet loving moms..well hasn't been the case..i've met a lot ..but i have had my share of sh*t ...i'm tired of people like that..and i refuse to give them the time of day..tell your daughter to forget those kids..find other children on the block and invite them over..
it's their mother's loss..i bet you're a sweetheart..and she's just jealous..or mental! maybe you're actually dodging a bullet not having to befriend her!
Maybe I am just a coward but it seems to me that this woman doesn't want interaction with you. I don't think you would get very far confronting her. The problem with neighbors is the forced proximity. Be honest with your daughter. When this woman drags her kids away say out loud for everyone to hear, without malice, “Honey I don’t think Mrs. So and So wants you to play with (whatever her child’s name is). Comfort your daughter and guide her into something else. After all, your neighbor doesn’t have to let her child play with yours. Bring over some other children for your daughter to play with. Do not let your daughter go into the other women’s property, but do let her have free run of her own yard. It will become, if it’s not already, a very tiring job for this women to restrict her children like this. Kids just naturally gravitate to one another. On your part just let it happen. Be open and forthright about it but don’t shove it down the other woman’s throat. You never know how disturbed this women might be.
The only way to handle it is to be direct. Approach her without the kids around and ask to talk to her and straight out ask. That is the only way you can possibly deal with it. Talk to her husband as well, bring up specific incidents. Be point blank and ask if she has a problem with you.
It may resolve it and she may lie and say that she does not know what you are talking about, if that is the case then ask if it a problem that your children play together because they enjoy eachothers company. At least you can get some feedback on how she responds, who knows she may be totally crazy and then you may not want your kids to hangout with her children as well. If it bothers you that much dont beat around the bush and initiate the dialogue.
Why would you become a prisoner in your own home when the neighbor kids are playing, that is not the way to handle it.
L.,
Address the issue from mother to mother. Explain that you're ok if she doesn't like you personally but that her actions are affecting the children both yours and hers.
If the conversation turns sour, and she sticks to her guns, then simply have more play time outside and find games and things for your children to do and enjoy w/o her children's participation or involvement. Sometimes we do need to explain to our children that there is no reason why things are happening and that they are what they are and we need to accept them as they are. Hard to swollow but it is a fact of life that unfortunately some children learn sooner than later.
Simply make it funner for your children outside and slowly, hopefully, her children and she will start to come around.
Don't allow her actions to stop your children from enjoying themselves...
Good luck.
C. B.
p.s. it could also be a culture or religion thing? Or maybe there are problems in the marriage or family, or mean father, etc... so many possibilities... but it is affecting the children. so draw an end to that....
I don't know if it's just that I am getting older, but I'd have no problem at all just being honest with her. There is always 3 sides to every story. We don't know hers. Is it legit? Don't know. I would w/out your kids, probably call ahead and just ask if she can set aside a few minutes to chat with you in person. You may be surprised at what she has to say. If it were anyone else (schoolmate/sport mate, etc...) I'd say ignore it, but we are talking about your neighbor right next door. And your kids are feeling it. What do you have to lose? Get your thoughts straight, be kind and just be up front.... "I've noticed that you call your kids in whenever mine come out to play, it's really starting to affect my kids and I don't have an explanation for them. Did we do something to upset you?"..
Let us know what happens!
M.
I would say that her behavior most likely has little to do with you or your child, and more to do with their family. Sounds like they might be a bit private, or that the mom might think her kids have enough playmates in their siblings. How long have you lived next door? I would say to ignore the behavior, give it time, and tell your daughter they just seem to need some space. We have one family on our block that has three kids where the mom is super private and always calling the kids in, and the dad loves for them to be outside playing with neighbors....
good luck
Hmmm... I'm curious to what your neighbor's ethnicity is and if it's a cultural thing. Personally, I wouldn't confront her with your assumption. Instead, just talk to her and perhaps ask if you could schedule playdates (since the times your kids go out, she seems to be busy right?). It could be something as simple as she starts to cook dinner and wants her child inside to play.
I'm amazed she isn't as enthusiastic as you, I love having a direct neighbor with children the exact same age. We both love it. But of course hers are boys & mine are girls but we love them playing together anyway.
i would address her in a simple way. be forward but not accussing (which is hard). tell her that it seems by her actions that she doesnt like our kids playing together. ask her why she seems to feel this way and tell her that your little one gets her feelings hurt because she comes out to play with her friends and you call them in the house. ask her if its something your family does to make her feel insecure about them playing together? also let her know that her husband doesnt seem to be uncomfortable with the kids socialing together. also tell her that you would like to be friends so the kids can play together. i hope this helps good luck!
Hi L.,
The only way is to confront your neighbor gently and kindly, and be ready to hear whatever she has to say, without necessarily "owning" it. It is probably completely "her" issue, (It might be something as private as having feelings of jealously about your life)
but even so, it will take some action on your part to help resolve it to the point of living peacfully with it. Just by providing an ear to hear her may be the answer.
There is a wonderful book "The Four Agreements" that I recommend picking up and reading before you approach her.
Lots of Love,
L.
I am so sorry that you and your child are having this experience. So many of us have hoped for neighborhood playmates for our children and you have highlighted one of the downsides - hurt feelings and constant exposure due to the mere geography.
Since you don't believe your neighbor would be open to conversation, it is probably best to explain to your child that the family next door is spending more of their time together and less playing with others right now. Acknowledge her sadness and loss and tell her you are sad, too. Help her understand that different families do things differently and that she has done nothing wrong. Make connections with other children who, although not as convenient, might be more consistent.
Continue with your same warm demeanor towards your neighbor, making no overtures towards extending the relationship - this is a model of respectful behavior for your daughter and help you maintain, at least, a cordial relationship.
Lots of good advise. But maybe it's something you said. Not that you ment to hurt her feelings in anyway. But my SIL and I had this issue. Where she did something rude to me so I (not meaning to hurt her) made a comment to her. She toke it the wrong way and has been my nightmare ever since. the only reason I know this is because one day I called her and said (Patty, I just want you to know that I'm sorry for anything I might have said or done to hurt you, I have never ment to hurt you and am truly sorry if I have. I hope you can forgive me) then said good bye and hung up. She called me 15 minutes later and we talked for an hour, about things she has done or said to me & I have done or said to her. Really stupid stuff that neither should have taken to heart. I'm not blaming you for any of this but maybe she just toke something the wrong way. We are all cappable of this, we sometimes hear what we want not actually what was said. I would call her or go visit without the kids. If she doesn't want to be your friend/Neighbor/ acquantance that's her fault but maybe because you appologize she might let the kids play together, outside only, or in her presence until she is more comfortable with this. Even if you have to put this in a note and leave it or her, stating you wanted to do this in person but didn't want to step on her boundaries, to please call you if she wants to talk.
My SIL is still rude to this day, she was only nice 1 time, then she went back to her attude of not talking to me. I can't change her just ask her to forgive me and move on. That's just the way she want's to be. sorry kids. Good luck with this one. J.
Hi L.,
I would try to be as objective as possible. Try inviting the Mom over for coffee and let her know that you have something you would like to discuss with her. You may try something like" I have a feeling that there is something you are uncomfortable with. Would you mind telling me what it is?" Explain to her that you like her children and it would be nice if they could play together, but that you notice that she seems to be avoiding that and you would like to know why, because you would hate for anything to come in the way of the neighborhood friendship. Be sure to listen, and stay on the issue which is the kids and their friendship. Good luck and let us know what happens!
J.
Hi L.,
I've read your posts and I think you and another poster hit it on the head in regards to your neighbor's marital problems. Who knows -- perhaps they were arguing at some point and the husband made a comment like "Why can't you be more like L. next door??" Or even worse! This could have really set the wife off and she could be suspicious and hurt now. Of course it really has nothing to do with you, and you did nothing wrong. Who really knows what goes on behind our neighbors' closed doors, eh? Well, very best of luck to you. It sounds like an all-around uncomfortable situation for your family and child and I do hope it becomes more manageable for you. Take care.
Maybe you can start by talking to the husband and asking if there is something his wife does not like, that you did. You could ask your husband to talk to the husband so that the witchy next door neighbor does not get angry that you were spesking to HER husband. Witchy people like that will get mad at anything. If he says nothing is wrong, then go to her directly and tell her you know something is wrong and you and your family deserve to know, so that your children are not affected. Maybe one of your kids said something in her presence that she did not like.
You've gotten some good replies and in my opinion if it's affecting your daughter I would suggest politely and discreetly asking her if there is a problem with your children playing together. Now, with your daughter, I would try and get her to find other neighborhood friends asap so that she isn't focused on playing with just one friend but knows that there are other friends who she can play with. Maybe you can start hosting playdates with some friends she can play with to get her mind off the neighbor girl?
Best wishes,
Definitely don't keep your kids inside because of this! I'm not sure if approaching her is the right thing to do, maybe talk to the husband since he doesn't seem to mind if the kids play together. Good Luck!
Sorry, but you need to go knock on her door and point blank ask her why she doesn't want her children to play with your kids. If she doesn't want to answer or avoids a real answer, confront her on what you see happening (her daughter being dragged away from your daughter)etc. Let her know how your children are reacting to her. If there is still a problem, you can ask her husband what is wrong. If it is still not resolved, sorry, but this will be what it is. You can handle it the best you can and seem to be doing that right now.
Hi L., Have you ever just went over and asked this neighbor, if there is some kind of problem? and has she always been like this or has something change since you have been neighbors? Anything that affects my kids, I get envolved, I would lovely let her know how your daughter feels, and ask her, if ther is anything you can do to improve the relationship as neighbors, kindness is something that some people don't know how to react to, but it usually works. I pray it all works out for you and you kids. J.
Wait until the kids aren't around and confront her. And don't be afraid of that word, confrontation sounds negative - but it's just about clarity. And right about now, you need some.
Maybe she doesn't like you and your family. That's her right. But at least putting it on the table will allow you to figure out how to deal with your children. Because like you said, you can't shield them from the world.
And don't become prisoners in your home! If she wants to call her kids in, let her. You should enjoy your home/block/neighborhood.
And just in case SHE'S reading this: Free up some energy nasty neighbor! There are waaay too many bad thing going on in the world for you to hate the neighbors kids!
L. C, remember: most people's actions & issues have more to do with how they feel about themselves... NN probably hates herself, so there's no way she's ever going to like anyone else!
Dear L.,
So sorry to hear about this difficult situation for you and your family - it never ceases to amaze me what bizarre things can arise when it comes to neighbors. I hope it works out for you all.
You know, unless there's been some huge misunderstanding, it sounds like this is either a mental illness, or perhaps just overprotective situation, with regards to the mother. You also cannot rule out that she may have had issues in the past that have caused her to become more cautious in general, so I would not take her behavior too personally. It may even be that she has misinterpreted, or reacted too strongly to an interchange between your children and hers, for example, if one of her children was caught doing or having something inappropriate and might have blamed it on one of your children to avoid being punished.
Unfortunately, you have no control over the fact that she is behaving this way, and seems to have made a judgement about your family - and although I usually would say communication is helpful, in this instance, where one person is acting so strangely, my gut feeling is that asking her about it or confronting her is likely to either make her defensive, or cause more discomfort between your families, or both.
I think the best thing to do is to fill up your children's play schedule this summer with other friends and lots of activities, and just allow for whatever time she grants you and your children, chat pleasantly with the husband (which may allow you to suss the situation out a bit more, although I wouldn't press for information), and if your children get upset when the neighbor is dragging her children inside, just tell them that her children are busy at the moment, and then later, depending on the ages of your children, you can mention that the neighbor mom doesn't feel comfortable having her children play outside and that their family has different rules. Hopefully you can find the way to express it so that your children don't feel like it's their fault, and won't be as upset by the situation when it occurs, but at the same time I wouldn't overload them with information about the complexities of this woman and her idiosyncratic ideas - especially if, should the mom actually let her guard down a bit, your children were to repeat some of that while in the neighbor's company.
Who knows why the neighbor is behaving this way - she may be super over-protective, the children may have lots of chores and homework they are required to do, she may have grossly misinterpreted something that occurred, or been given false information, or it may even be that before you came into her life, she had a bad experience with a neighbor - it could even be a former neighbor thought her children were overstaying their welcome and now she's overly cautious about not repeating that.
Whatever the reason, I hope things smooth over - but I would really focus on developing other playdates and activities for your children this summer, if possible.
All the best,
K.
Sometimes I can be just like your neighbor. And, there is 1 reason, time of day. I have a neighbor I like, and I like her son. But, we eat dinner and go to bed earlier than they do. And, they know it. But, they DO NOT LEAVE. So, when it is nearing time for dinner, or after dinner before bath-I steer clear when I see them heading our way. Just thought i'd provide some insight.
Hey L..
I can't imagine how uncomfortable this must make you feel. Maybe the next time she pulls this - as she does it - ask politely if something is wrong. I think if you are polite about it, but call her out as she is doing it might be a good thing. This way she can't deny it, she's doing it as you ask "is everything okay?" or "is something wrong?"
I hope it all works out. I also think the "my daughter wasn't sure if she did something wrong" was a good approach too. That way it's not all put on her and she doesn't feel like you are blaming her.
Post an update when you work it out - curious what works.
P.
first, I want to say that it isn't right for you to feel like you need to keep you children inside to protect them from this woman's behavior. Especially, as you say, with summer coming....
I wonder what you and the other moms think of saying something like this to the neighbor mom: "I wonder if you could help me. Our children seem to love to play together, and my daughters get really upset when your children can't play any more. Do you think you could help me explain to the girls that it is important for your children to go inside now, and that they might be able to play later/tomorrow/whenever? I think it might help them be more accepting of when they can't play in the moment."
Or something like that. It keeps the accusations out of it, and gets to what you sound genuinely concerned about.
Good luck!
Honesty is the best policy. In a non judgemental, non critical manner I'd ask her what her concerns are when the kids play together. Let me know that you'd like the kids to be able to play together, and what, if anything, can be done on your end to facilitate this happening. If you're friendly with the husband you might try indirectly asking him - something like, The kids love playing together, and I'm so glad you're OK with it. I'm wondering what your wife's concern's are - she seems to not be to comfortable with it, can I do anything to make her mor comfortabe? etc . . He may have no clue that this is going on.
Above all, reinforce to your child that this has nothing to do with her, that she has not done anything wrong, nor is she a bad person, that it's nothing personal and she should not take it that way. Good luck.
Wow! I have a similar situation, but I DO understand why our neighbors do not want my youngest son to play with their kids. My youngest son has Asperger's syndrome and can be volitile and rude, can even become aggressive at times. Even though I know why they don't want their kids to play with my son, it still makes it very difficult. I try to avoid having my son outside at the same time as when they are out and try to have him play in our backyard more. It's so hard even understanding why they feel the way they do. I just try to muddle through and not try not to feel ackward about it. I refuse to feel like a prisoner though. If he really wants to play outside, either his dad or I need to be out there with him and watch him closely. That doesn't seem to be something that would help in your situation though. Can you maybe ask the dad if there is a reason his wife seems to feel uncomfortable with the kids playing? Maybe he can give insight??
Oops, I hadn't read the other responses when I wrote this.. looks like you got some similar advice. :)
L.-
I have always been one for not "beating around the bush" I have had similar situations and I would suggest that, for the sake of your children, ask her out to coffee with you (or lunch or a walk around the block), sometime when it can just be the two of you, and make it really clear that you want to talk with her alone (while kids are at school, etc). Tell her that it's your feeling that there is some bad juju between you (use your own words, of course) and that you would like to clear the air. Tell her it feels that she does not like your children playing with hers and that you are not sure how to explain it to you children, as they seem to really enjoy eachothers' company. Keep in mind that this does make yourself vulnerable, but it is direct and a way to counteract her passive aggressive behavior. If the thought of this makes you super uncomfortable, just think about your children. And what a great example this can set for them. I hope it works out for you!
All good ideas below to confront her gently, but I know that's hard to do. It would be very hard for me to do that. And if you do, she may deny that there's anything wrong. There's a little girl that I don't let my daughter play much with, and part of it is that she is a mischief maker, and the mom is kind of out of it, so I don't want my daughter driving anywhere with them. Maybe there's something about your children that you don't see because they're your children, but something that she doesn't like. That may not be the case at all though. My daughter has all kinds of friends, but there's one girl who she asked over a few times, and I also called the mom for some playdates, and they always made excuses. I finally figured out that they are "the perfect family" and they only choose "perfect friends." I would try to talk with her about it. If nothing happens, just let your kids play outside, and when their kids go in, have them play with other kids. Explain to your kids that this is something they do and your kids will get used to it.
I think it's best to be upfront but non-confrontational. If I were you, I might say something like this to ...
"It looks like our kids really enjoy playing together but I've noticed that you like to keep your daughter inside more often. It would be so nice if they could be friends. Do you think we could have a play date sometime?"
You could try telling her this or you could even write it in a note with your phone number. It's good for neighbors to have this information anyway in case of an emergency. Sometimes people don't realize how they come off to others... but if you give her a chance to see that you're interested in being friends, then maybe she'll open up. If she's still stand-offish after this, I would try to make new friends for my daughter and explain to her that some people are just not friendly but that there are a lot of other people she can be friends with. I hope this helps.
I would catch her alone and ask her why she will not let her children play with yours,or have your husband talk to her husband.
i the husband seems friendlier, try talking to him.
having raised 3 kids and countless neighbors I learned the hard way to get involved with kids fights one day there best friends the next they hate each other the parents on the other hand are a different story.. it would be best to just ask if youve done something to upset her or if your children have said something to upset her tell her your kids love to play with hers and between the two of you ,you can each have a bit of a break let them play at her house and yours at equal times you must get along with the parents or the kids dont have a chance but the best way to play it is not get in the middle of the kids
Wow, what a very sad situation. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I guess what I would do, though not fun, is to invite that mom out for a coffee, maybe NOT at your house, but somewhere else. If she doesn't stay around long enough, put an invitation in her mailbox. At least then she'll have to say yes or no, and if it's no, then WHY! It might at least give you a clue. You know, some people just have weird hang-ups that are their own problem. That will, unfortunately, be another lesson your daughter will have to learn, and it will become routine after a while, that they "don't want to play". Hopefully, your honesty and patience with the mom will pay off and you can win her over, but sometimes it takes a while, if ever. I love the part of the movie "Under The Tuscan Sun" (did you ever see that?), when the main character who is a foreigner living in Italy, tries and tries to wave "hello" to a local old man who walks by her house each day. He NEVER turns to look at her, and finally after a year or so, she sees him, waits for a moment just in case, and he stops, turns around and smiles & waves at her. Yeah, I know, it's a movie - but people always want happiness.
M.
I like the response that said, if you get a chance, tell her, "my daughter thought it might be something she did", give her a chance to answer, and let it go at that. My advice was going to be, find your daughter another good friend, at preschool, down the block, or someone you know from church. When my boy was little, it broke my heart when neighborhood friends would "dump" him after playing daily for a long time, or break a play date he had been looking forward to all week. But I now realize that it hurt me a lot more than it hurt him. Just give her plenty of opportunities to find friends in different places, you can't make neighbors behave and it's best to just remain cordial, even if they seem rude.
I am sorry this is late. I haven't looked over the other messages. So here what I would do. It's your yard go out and have fun. If the neighbor comes out or is out with her kids say hi politely and continue to play with your kids. If she takes her kids in you can tell your kids maybe they had to eat or take bath or homework etc. So it doesn't hurt their feelings. You really don't know what they are doing so I believe this is not lying to your kids. Always be polite and just go about your business. This way it should not escalate into anything else. I know it's hard to be nice to someone when they keep doing mean things to you , but it's for the best for you and your kids. You also can know your trying and not have to worry about anything. Plus you never know what's going on in her mind or home.
I hope it all works out for you.
Susie
