Need Advice on How to Deal with Upset 5 Yr. Old

Just want you to know that people are very bad about RSVP'ing to kid's parties- so you may still have a houseful! (And, I know, I've gotten busy and forgotten to RSVP also). Could you call the people you've invited today and say you just need to get a head count of who's attending- maybe they've forgotten about the party or just forgotten to RSVP and then you'll know if you truly have an issue or not?

Whenever we've had a party, which honestly has not been that much, we have always had people come who hadn't RSVPd, even when we've asked for RSVPs. I myself have been guilty of forgetting to RSVP. Especially with close friends who I talk to all the time. It just somehow gets overlooked. There is nothing wrong with calling and saying you are just doing some last minute planning and hadn't heard back from them and wanted to know if they were planning on coming. It'll at least serve as a reminder to someone who may have accidently forgotten. I'm just now getting more organized in this area. My kids are 7, 4, and 2, so I'm late on the draw on this one! Hopefully tomorrow will be a good surprise with lots of friends.

Is it possible that some of the kids will come, but have just not RSVP'd? Did you ask for RSVP's? Parents are notoriously bad at doing it, so I'd not rely on that to tell you who will be there. On the other hand, as a mom, I would definitely want to be prepared for the possibility that none of the kids will come. Unfortunately, this is one of those times that your daughter will have to experience her disappointment. And probably all you can do is comfort her through it, try to distract her from it as much as possible, and DO NOT make the mistake again of inviting schoolmates to a summer party for this very reason. Since you aren't seeing the kids every day, or the parents, it is very easy for parents to brush off a summer party. And legitimately, like you said, many families are on vacation, and if they're anything like me, just very busy with a ton of other summer activities. No excuse for not going to a party, but it may be for some of them.

If you do decide to have a party for friends as opposed to family only, I'd limit it to any close friends, so you can be slightly more sure they'll come, but even then, it's no guarantee.

Lastly, I know this is not the BEST way to deal with your situation, but for me, if it were my son dealing with the disappointment, I'd probably offer him something in a lame attempt at consolation. Perhaps you might suggest to her that if her schoolmates aren't available for her party, maybe the 2 of you could do something a little bit special to give her a little pick me up. Maybe take her to a salon to have her nails painted, or to the coffee shop for a big girl treat, whatever she would find special. I wouldn't be able to help myself but to try to lift my son's spirits with something a little special.

Best wishes to you and your daughter. This is really hard. I hope that some kids DO come, and your daughter will be happily surprised.

I think it would be okay for her to see you cry. to say that you are sad about it when people don't come to things you invite them too as well. let her cry about it--tell her some might show up but that you wanted her to feel ready in case none of the kids could make it. I liked the idea of doing some phone calls for follow up behind the scenes for your daughter. but whatever the outcome of it, it is a healthy experience for her to face disappointment. as moms we want to protect our kids from all pain, but realistically we know we can't. what we can do is help them learn healthy coping skills along the way, and that it is okay to feel sad. validate emotions. and set up a back up plan together. at 5 she has an imagination still--you could dress up stuffed animals to be her party guests and have a play party with her while you wait and see if anyone shows--if there aren't guests have a plan for what you guys can do together--go buy a present together have a special lunch where she could wear her fanciest dress and go out to eat with you--let her help plan it so that she is excited about the kids not coming if that is the outcome.
the most important people in her life will be there and you are the most gifted talented person to make her day special whether the kids end up showing or not.
good luck.

Call and ask the parents.. I cannot stand that people do not RSVP..

We are in the same boat. Our daughters Bday is today and every year everyone is on vacation.. As they get older they are also away at camp.. We would do a family thing on her actual Bday, maybe see if a few kids were around and invite them... but right before school started we would have a big birthdty party for her.. Sleep over.. whatever..

Also in the future, I have found people do better with evites.. For some reason, people cannot pick up a cell phone and RSVP, but they can respond to an email..

Does your daughter's school have a Parent's Directory? If so, you can get phone numbers from there. If not, call up a neighbor and enlist help getting a hold of some moms. I know summer is a busy time for folks and some people just forget to RSVP- we've all been there at least once- but at least call up some moms and get an idea of who is coming and who is not.

if fewer kids come, you can spin that- but if NO ONE is really coming ( which seems unlikely, but could happen) it will be awfully sad to have a whole bunch of favors and plates, etc. set out.

If you can't reach any of the mamas or everyone cannot come, then start inviting cousins, other neighbors, etc- just get some kids over!

You can sit down and talk with your daughter about how people just happen to be on vacation and it does not mean they don't want to be her friend. If you mention how you didn't have a lot of close friends, make sure you do so in a POSITIVE way- emphasize how once school started you met your BEST friend there, etc.

But for the party- just do what you can to get some kids there. If no one shows up, you could consider trying again on a different date with a surprise 'after-birthday' party- just make sure ahead of time that kids in her class can come.

Good luck- don't make too big an emotional drama out of it, just do most of your 'mom-work' behind the scenes!

I know this won't help immediately, but for the future, I would recommend joining a Mom's Group with other children your daughter's age so she can make some friends outside of her school class. Or enroll her in an extracurricular activity or sport so she can expand her group from which to make friends. It is true, summer makes it harder to get kids and parents together for an event like a birthday party. Don't get too discouraged about her not having so many friends yet. you being concerned is a good first step in helping her develop more close friendships. I think at that age, they need parental involvement to really get the ball rolling. Good luck & don't cry!!! Things will work out!

Call her classmates today for a head count. Tuesday is a really off day for a party and just a call could remind them. They can only say they can't come. No harm and you might get some friends that had forgotten. Phone calls are hard, nowhere near seeing are kids hurting. Even one would make her happy.

At 5 I didn't allow my kids to go to parties. Does she have any friends that live nearby? If so call or talk to their moms.

The first thing you need to do is not focus on who is not coming. Then you need to call the classmates and see if any of them are coming. A lot of people do not RSVP any more and it is just so rude! Needless to say, if non of her classmates are coming, just get as many people there as you can, even if it is your friends, grandparents, etc. If she has a pile of presents, and games to play she will have so much fun. If she brings up that her friends from school are not there, say WE are all here and WE are having a great time, too bad your friends had to miss it . Don't even give it energy and she won't either.

Good luck and enjoy the celebration.

I just had a birthday party for my 7 year old and we ended up calling a bunch of parents the day before in order to get an accurate head count. Just as many of the others have said we ran into a lot of "she's at her granparents until August" or family vacations, established plans etc. I felt really bad because her birthday is actually in December and we waited to have her party until she and her friends could play outdoors (and also until parents wouldn't feel the burden of buying birthday presents for random kids right at Christmas time). I think that any adult has that fear of no one showing up to a party so don't feel like you're alone in that. What I learned thru our experience is that once ANY kids show up your daughter will have fun. Soothe her, explain as much as you can to a 5 year old about people having stuff to do in the summer time, cry a little with her-it's ok, and then watch her have a ball no matter who shows up. Good Luck!

I have kids ranging from 6 to 20 and I have found that people do not RSVP anymore like they did when my older kids were little. I rarely get more than one phone call. I have taken to asking the parents when I see them. Also, I had a son with a summer birthday and what I did was pick a few friends (3 or 4) and call them before picking the date for the party and pick the date based on when most could attend. Don't take it personally. I would call them today because some may be coming after all. I have even had people call to RSVP on their way to the party.