No Help or Support

A.,
Is there a counselor that you can talk to? This problem goes beyond an advice forum. You need to be educated about the type of family you have and what you can do to protect yourself emotionally from them.
I know that it is painful to have an unsupportive and even damaging family. The fact that they called you a "B" growing up is a big red flag.
Please get help from a good therapist so that you can move forward and give your best to your sweet husband and daughters. If you don't this will haunt you your whole life and your new loving family WILL suffer.
Hugs to you,
A.

This is from A.'s mom. What she left out, about me not taking her and the baby to the hopital, I did not say I was tired, I said I was sick. My husband which is her dad has termial lung cancer, we just found out about it Dec.2007. Saturday he came down with the flu. I feel I can not leave him when he is sick and in pain. We do help her, when she needs milk for the 21 month old we get it there. She comes to our home and she stays 3-4 days at a time while her husband is gone. she does her laundry, and lets the baby cry knowing that it upsets her dad. I love my daughter when she is not in a bad mood because her husband won't send any money to her. She knows the names she calls me. A. this is not the place to air your dirty laundry, if you do then tell the whole truth, not just the parts the make others looks bad.

Hi A.,

Seek some counseling for yourself. You rely heavily on your family, your mother inparticular. When you rely this heavily on someone else you must be willing to put up with what they give you.

What has happened to the "independant" girl you once were? You have two beautiful daughters, a husband who is gone for up to two weeks at a time, yet you are not able to drive in case of an emergency? You must depend on your mother or a friend.

Find your independence again. When you have confidence in yourself, the barbs others may through at you don't stick so deeply.

My prayers are with you.

L.

A., you sound like you are searching for direction and deep connection. You must really feel hurt and disappointed. Have you ever considered going in and talking to someone about this?

R.

Dear A.:

No matter who is at fault, who's side is right, you need to seek counseling. Perhaps a church group. They usually have very supportive people in a church community. It sounds like your parents are also going through a horrendous time in their life. It's not fair for them to carry your burden. Your husband should teach you how to drive, and not leave you without transportation. Also, explore public transportation. Mostly, find a support group. This will help a lot.

Good luck.

This is A.'s aunt. What none of you knew about is this...A. has a brother who lives on the same property as her mom. The "only" grandkids she has are the twins. A. and her daughters have always been left out. She rarely, and I do mean rarely gets any kind of support from her mom. A. is an excellent mom. She didnt learn this from her mom. Why would any of you side with a person who came on here with a response. The person who needed help and support, (A.) didnt get it again. As usual, Jeanie got it.

A. - If you don't have a supportive family, then you just have to do it on your own. I never had support, I had a mother that would show up for a week or two here and there (she lives far away) and criticize me and tell me she was bored and I and the baby had to go out and entertain her even though I'd only had 4 hours of sleep. It's a drag to not have family support, but you can certainly do it on your own.

It sounds like there may be 2 sides to this, as I read the note from your mother, below - so maybe you are relying too much on your mother. You need to find girlfriends you can vent to and have for support.

However, as a note to your mother - it sounds like you did some inappropriate things in raising your daughter, namecalling etc., which have caused problems. Maybe you should own up to that. I understand you have a difficult situation on your hands right now and your daughter may be too used to being taken care of, but I can't imagine ever hanging up on my daughter at 3:00 a.m. when her baby needed to go to the hospital, no matter what was going on in my life.

p.s. A., you are a stay at home mom - why are you letting your baby cry?