OK, Am I Old Fashioned, or Is This Rude?

I remember having a friend like this when I was that age. There is always one. Maybe she is just lonely?

Some kids personalities are such that they are like "little lawyers". My son can be like this. It's very annoying! So, it could just be this child's personality. Think about what her parents have to go through! It sounds like you are handling it the right way.

as for the kids next door... just say not today. we are busy.. or she has homework.. if she is free.. she will come get you. Dont't say you are going out... if you aren't because they can see you... If they ask to many questions... just say to these kids.... can you do me a favor and not ask questions to me all the time... thank you. and leave it at theat... soe kids are inquisative... but just say don't keep on asking me... it is what it is.

no, i don't think this is rude (although it's certainly annoying.) she's only 8. she's still working on figuring out societal norms. you absolutely have the right be firm 'i have answered that question already and i will not do so again' but it should be done with courtesy.
you're treating her like a peer. she's not. she's a little girl who is curious and has questions and doesn't have the world figured out yet. slapping a label on her like 'controlling' is way overstating what's really going on.
you can have very firm boundaries and still be kind.
khairete
S.

You know all children are different. Extremely bright/gifted children question almost everything. This is how they gather information. It is exhausting and can make some people feel like they are being judged.

Some children are extremely curious, they question authority, because they really want to know the reasons. These children can be extremely annoying, that is why I would be a terrible teacher, but they do have a right to know if it is affecting them. They are learning how others make these decisions and rules.

Just because they question does not mean they will not honor your choices or think your choices are wrong.

People that just follow everything they are told are followers, those that question are leaders.

We had a rule about friends from school.
"You have to ask at least the day before about having friends over or going over to friends homes."
" Never ask me in front of others if they can sleep over, come over or join us for an event. You must ask in private"

Once our daughter was older and went out with friends.. the other rule was if you change your plans to go somewhere other than originally agreed, you have to come home and ask, so I can see you. I did this so that if daughter was uncomfortable about the change in plans, i could tell if she really wanted to go or if I could be her "out" by saying no, I think you need to stay home..

Maybe with this child you could say "No Susie cannot play today she has plans." the other child asks "what?" Just tell her, "oh do not worry, nothing to do with you, but she has other things planned."

Do not lie to her, say that you all "want to spend time alone" or "we are having a family only afternoon".

Also teach your daughter to speak up. If she does not feel like playing with this girl, let her know she is allowed to say, "I want time alone". Or "Sorry, I already have plans". SHE need to to know she has rights to speak up.

Does your child like this neighbor child? If not that is one thing.
But if you are the one that finds this child irritating, be very careful. I would be careful about trying to force or find other friends for your child, because you do not care for this other child.. Someday your child may be the recipient of this type of adult response.

Sounds like she's just a precotious little girl. Just give her the info the way you have been. Kids, especially girls, are just like that. I'd be sweet about it, but it's only right for you to send her off with some sort of closure, we all appreciate that. "Not right now Honey, we are running errands in a little bit"....
It's totally normal for kids to question other adults because it is out of their "norm" and they are just naturally curious.

I have yet to meet a kid that is not annoying in one way or another. It's just the way kids are, especially young ones. I disagree with a PP who said the child is being immature....WHAT??!! She's 8 years old! How mature are 8 year old children expected to be???!!! I must say that I am a little disturbed about the way you stated that you are not a pushover when dealing with a child. I think the best thing to do in a situation like this is simply state your answer to whatever question you're being asked, and if you are pressed for more, let the person/child know that that is your final answer, and if they continue to bother you about it, you can excuse them from your home. If the behavior continues, simply cut contact with her.

K.

It sounds to me like the little girl is starving for adult attention and interaction.

Maybe she looks up to you and yes, sometimes her questions may go to far but she feels comfortable to talk to you.

Maybe her family situation is not as positive (at least she thinks your family situation is positive) and she looks up to you and your family.

I'd give her a break, of course explain common courtesy but I don't see it as rude. I see it as a child craving adult interaction.

Being a kid and now an adult that asks alot of questions...

She may just honestly be curious or want to know. Maybe she is insecure and she thinks you or your daughter don't like her so is trying to find out.

I think maybe your expecting a little too much out of the child. Yea it's annoying but she is just a kid. I would not follow the advice of the ones that say to be rude to her. Would you want someone to be rude to your child if she did/does this? I would simply tell her it's family time at your house.. If more questions always follow then maybe nicley tell her that its rude to constantly ask people why. I dont knoww hat the best way is but being mean to her shuld not be part of it. =)

Annoying?Absolutely. But I'm not sure I'd say it's rude. Different people, families, have different ideas of personal interactions, and it's safe to say that this child's curiosity is encouraged at home. And perhaps if you thought of it that way (natural curiosity, trying to make sense of the world) you'd be less inclined to think of her as rude and have a little more patience with her. I'm not suggesting that you answer anything you don't want to, and I think it's absolutely within your rights to draw lines and stop the questions: "I've already answered this... I don't have time for this discussion right now, see you later... Those reasons/plans are private and we're not going to talk about it anymore..." whatever.

I have a very curious 8-year-old son, who does question me on virtually everything. What drives me nuts is when he asks about something I know he knows the answer to, especially if I just said it and he wasn't listening. I encourage him to stop and think before he asks, and maybe you can do that some with her. "Why do you think we wouldn't be able to play today? What do YOU think?" I used to have a lot more fun with it when he was little, answering his non-stop questions in silly ways that made me laugh. "Why is the table made of glass? Because it's not made of wood!" If you gave goofy answers to distract her, it might throw her off enough to stop the questioning and lighten the mood at the same time -- we can't have a play date this afternoon because I've joined the circus and I have trapeze training! Try to relax a little... good luck

Wow - I would be put off by that behavior too.

It sounds like you are handling it fairly well - just continue to set firm, but kind, boundaries. Some children are extremely literal.

Just curious - is her mom like this?

I have a very curios nephew that it's always "Why". I agree to the previous poster that it is annoying, but it does have to do with the family dynamic and their personalities. Some kids hear no and they don't question it. Some hear "ask me more" when you say no. I'm sure back in the day there were kids just like to day that always wanted an explanation for everything. But yes, respect for an adult needs to be pushed, but I don't think this is a disrespectful thing that is going on.
Mallory P . . . WOW. They don't deserve to know????? The kid is just curious. Not put in solitary confinement. There are two extremes with parenting and you are on one of them. Children are naturally curious beings. They are learning. You do need to teach them boundaries, but not deserving and explanation make me feel that you are thinking kids are below you and that you are a supreme being that knows all. No wonder kids rebel with that kind of parent making them think that they below their parents and they don't deserve anything. Good luck with your kids.

I can see where this would be annoying, but it sounds to me like maybe this little girl is looking for reassurance that you like her. You know how kids are, if you let your little girl play with someone else longer, in her mind it probably means you like the other little girl better. Maybe instead of fielding a huge list of questions you could just set some ground rules and give her a little lesson in manners while letting her know you like her at the same time. You could say something like, "Susie, I think you are a great kid, and Emme has lots of fun playing with you. In our house we have rules about when it is play time and when we have other things to do. I'm sure there are times when your mom doesn't want other kids to come to your house because she has things to do. That's how it is at our house. Emme has lots of friends and she wants to make time for all of them. If she tells you she can't play, maybe you can find something else to do. I will let her call you when she wants to play and has time." If she asks why, I would just say, "House rules! See ya later!"
On the upside, your daughter must be a sweetie for this child to want so much of her time. Stay positive. Some kids aren't taught about questioning adults, but others just can't help but want answers.

Lots of moms in our neighborhood just sent their kids out to go play. Naturally they will come a knocking. I'd look to see who it was and then ask my kids if they felt like playing with so and so right now. If they did, I'd let the kid in, if they didnt I'd have them go to the door and do the explaining of why they dont want to go play or have that person in right now. That way your kid learns how to deal. It's not the kids fault, it's the parents fault. I never sent mine out to the neighbors to play without first calling the mom to make sure it was cool. And that's the way it should be handled in my opinion.
I would also call that mom and tell her that her kid is a pest and to please call if she wants to come over and stop knocking on my door all the time because it disrupts us.

We as a society have created this kind of kid. How???
By reasoning with them. By explaining to them IN LENGTH 'why' they are in time out...
'why' they should "use their words"
'why' sharing is good
whywhywhwywhywhyw
This is how we are raising our children and we cannot be surprised when they want to know WHY.
I have rarely done this wiht my kids. Why, they may ask- "BECAUSE I SAID SO-THATS WHY!!!!!" I am their authority figure and they know not to question this. They are kids-you DO NOT reason with them! They rarely deserve or need an explanation.

She's rude, but she has to learn about boundaries and why it's not a good idea to cross them.
Sometimes the answer is "Because I'm the Mama".
Any other pushing against that answer is met with
"When you are grown up with kids of your own, you raise them as you see fit. Until then, you can not understand why I do what I do and it's not your place to question it.".
My son (12 yrs) occasionally still pushes back sometimes.
I ask him how many diplomas he's earned, how many degrees, how many jobs has he held down, how many mortgages has he paid off, how many bills has he paid, etc? When you've done even some of those, come back to me and we can talk. Until then you're not qualified to question my decisions. It gives him some perspective and something to think about.

I'm guessing that at her house the first no doesn't really mean no. She negotiates and keeps on you because this is what has worked for her to get something she wants at home. Is it rude? irritating? Yes, I sure think so. But the child really doesn't understand to respect boundaries because she hasn't been taught. I've dealt with this with a few of my childrens' neighbor and school friends. As irritated as I am, I try very hard to use my kindest voice and just say "I'm sorry, my child is not available to play right now, this isn't a good time" If asked again, "I'm sorry, but no. We'll see you later" It irritates me even more if other kids put my kids up to asking me for invitations to our house for playdates, meals, sleepovers, for me to take them places, etc. I just say "no that needs to be planned in advance, not when you are asking me when your friend is already here" I always tell my kids that it is bad manners to ask their friends to ask their parents for invitations, or ask adults for a playdate at their house, and use that as a teaching example to my kids that parents do not appreciate that, and I expect they would never do that.

"We're having family time right now" - that's what I tell my son's friend who wants to come over EVERYDAY. On the weekends, if he calls and leaves a message and we don't call him back, he will just show up at our back door! Everytime he has just shown up, I tell him we are having family time and send him home. I'm trying to get the message thru to him that he can't just show up. I tell him and my son that we are only going to have playdates with him once a week, but he still asks all the time! The boys are in third grade. I know that back in the day, kids roamed the neighborhoods and went from house to house to play, but we just don't do that. My son has never been to his house, because I don't really know his Grandma and don't know his dad at all (he lives with Grandma and Dad - mom's out of the picture). I think that saying "because I said so", "that's just they way it is", "end of conversation" etc are all acceptable responsed to the over questioning child.

How annoying! Yes this is rude. But she is still a child and may know no other way to behave. Her parents parent her differently and as long as you are consistent in the way you talk to her, she'll learn you (maybe?).

One thing you could try....(I do this with my landlord's daughter - 13 yr old downsyndrome girl who wants to be at my house every minute of every weekend she's with her dad, plus all summer long. Sweet girl but I get no privacy when she's here, she and my son run around the house screaming, she wants to touch all of my food...... just annoying). ANYWAYS - what I do is put a bandana in the front window. If the bandana is up, then we're having family time or we're still asleep or my son's still eating breakfast or I'm not dressed yet or he's napping...If the bandana is down, she's welcome to come over if she wants. Man does she watch that bandana like a hawk. But it works. We had to teach her and give her rules. We said "if you knock on the door when the bandana is up, then you don't get to see V for the rest of the whole day." (She woke up my son from his nap one day b/c she rang the doorbell despite the bandana being up). SO give that a try, perhaps. Maybe a ribbon around the door or something she can see, yet can't touch (like putting a flag in the front door window). If you set rules about it, just be consistent and she'll learn.

I agree with you that this girl next door is annoying, but shy is not one of her qualities, which is actually very good. She is not afraid to speak her mind, and not afraid of adults. I think this is a sign that she will do well in school (specifically college) and get a good paying job upon graduating. How can I tell all of this just by her asking you questions? I am no expert and I could be wrong, but that is just how it seems to me. She is also probably a popular girl. Shy girls are not popular. Not to say that shy girls can't get a good paying job out of college either! I am sorry to ramble on, but my point is that she is not afraid of being direct, and I think that is a good quality. I think it means she has excellent communication skills. With all of her questioning, perhaps she will be a lawyer somday. The only thing you can do is to get your daughter involved in after school activities. If money will allow it, perhaps you can sign up your daugher for a sport or any activity, so you literally won't be home when this girl rings your doorbell. Or, just do errands with your daughter after school, or take her to the park or the library. Just don't be home so much.

Do you live in my neighborhood? My niece who lives a few doors down does this constantly and she is 5 years older than my son so I think she is more interested in playing with his toys than him. Everyday for 2 weeks she came to my door duing naptime and everyday I said that she couldn't come in because we were napping and to please come during a different time. The 1st day of week 3 when she knocked very loudly and then rang my doorbell again during naptime, I snapped. I opened the door and very rudely told her to never come back again without having her dad or mom call us first. That was the only way I got through to that child. Asking nicely did nothing.

I agree with you that it's unacceptable for her to question you that way, but perhaps no one has taught HER that. She probably doesn't realize she's being disrespectful and is just a very curious child. Who knows, maybe she'll grow up to be a great doctor or scientist who discovers something important!

In the meantime, you have to find a way to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable to you, even if it's okay in her home. You may just have to be a little brusque with her and simply tell her it's not her place to question a decision that you make. Sounds like you've already done that once; you may have to do it a few more times before it sinks in.

You are not old fashioned you have wisdom! continue to teach the child the right thing on your watch.

Hugs and smiles!

If its not on the calendar ahead of time it is not happening. But that said, our kids play outside with the neighbor kids and it is no big deal for them to play without a date.

Some kids do this just stick with what you are saying and leave it alone. A few of my kids friends did this, honestly I don't think it's a big deal. What you said and how you handled it was fine. Also I think if a child pushed more I say I am so and so mom and what I say goes. If you are being pushed beyond that just stand by it. I haven't been pushed further than why.

You've gotten some great responses. I am veering on the traditional side- to set the boundaries. I find many kids these days to be disrespectful of adults and authority and a little mouthy for my taste. I think it's fine to set the limits in a loving way- as you would do with your own kids. And I think humor goes a long way with a kid like that.

I don't think you're old fashioned -I think too many kids are not taught any respect, boundaries or that they don't get the same privileges and are NOT on the same peer level as adults! This is one of my biggest pet peeves with kids. They should be taught that you listen to an adult when they address you and it's okay to ask why, but then you're quiet. If you're asking the same question you ask every single day -accept the answer given and don't bring it up again. Since she's not your child, I would reiterate to her, if necessary, that I didn't like being asked the same thing over and over and when I made a decision, no amount of pestering was going to change it. I think that's what is wrong with a lot of kids -too many parents who give in after being annoyed to death with pestering or tantrums. With my kids -I let them know when they're becoming annoying and usually tell them -"If you ask/say _______one more time, you're going to your room." Then, if they do it -they go away! I wholeheartedly agree with you that you don't owe a child an explanation for everything you decide or do. I try to give my kids explanations as often as possible, but sometimes they need to accept, "Because I'm your mother and I said so!"

Yes, this is rude and the child has no boundaries. Some parents would be mortified that their child acted like this, and others encourage it, think it is funny, and feel like they have to cater to them to keep them happy. I hail from a Mom who used to tell me all the time that her job was not to make me happy, but to make sure that I had a good soul. I could decide about being happy all by myself with what I had, or I could be misserable, but she was not going to change the rules so that I felt good.

I find myself feeling just the same way about kids who act this way, I love conversation and inquisitve banter with kids, but I do not like to be questioned as to why I have made decisions, especially when the implication is: I am challenging what you say, and I always win, so I am not giving up! I hate that, and it seems to me that this child also calls me by my first name without permission (which I NEVER give) which is my pet peeve. Children are not little adults, they are children, and treating them like little adults is bad for them.

I would find out if Mom is mortified, or just glad that her daughter is at your house questioning you for a change. If it is the latter, don't answer the door, and if she asks why, tell her that it is your door, and you get to decide if you use it or not!

M.

Something else just occured to me about this question. If you meet another Mom who treats you that way, don't we say that is rude? I mean, I have had this experience. There is a Mom who you sit with at the play ground sometimes, your kids are firends, but you have nothing in common with her. You are nice as you can be, make converstion, make the best of the 45 minutes after school that your children are having a good time together. Then, your phone starts to ring, and it is her. You feel obligated to be polite, but get off the phone, saying that you have something you need to do and she asks "what?" Do you HAVE to answer? It may be that you just need to use the rest room, but you are not obligated to say why, and most of us know that we don't ask why, we let people do what they need to do, because that is polite. Childeren don't know that this is impolite unless we teach them that it is, and unless we stop them as often as they do it and tell them so, and the people who should do this are the child's parents.

Take it one step further, and say you tell the Mom that you need to go pick up your husband from work. She says, what time does he get off? And you say, 5:30, and she says, "but you don't have to leave for 10 more minutes." Is that rude? Well, yes, I sure think so. This type of inquistiton is designed to manipulate other people to do as we want them to, to accomodate our needs, without regaurd to what the other person wants or desires. Maybe, if you think that intent has to be that the person understands and intends to be rude you could say that the behavior is not, but I don't make the distinction. Belching is rude, intentional, or not. And yes, I am decidedly old fashioned!

I know it's annoying. It sounds like she just doesn't understand social cues yet. I think being direct and firm with her like it sounds like you are is probably a good approach.

i agree with the below posts, BECAUSE I'M HER MOTHER, I SAID NO AND THAT'S FINAL, GO HOME! not necessarily shouting at her, but VERY stern then ask mom to call you before allowing her to come over and asking to play, maybe mom doesn't know she's doing this, i would try that first

Pay attention... learn these four words... ready? "Because I said so." Then put on your best "mommy face" and say nothing else. You don't owe her any explanation. The first time I used it in the classroom it was on THE WORST "my way" child I have ever had. I thought she was going to explode! But, she went back to her seat and never questioned or argued with me again.

Nope..I think you did the right thing. Kids are all different...personalities and upbringing etc....Regardless there does need to be healthy boundaries between children and adults. You handeled it perfectly when responding to her. If her behavior even in the small doses requires that response again, stick to it.

No, she's being rude. We have kids like this across the street....and I can't wait to move.

She is a child and does not need to know every detail of your plans. My son is 8 and my other son is 4, and they do not question me like this. Like your daughter, they will ask why....but that pestering is rude and it's the parent's fault for allowing that.

When the boys across the street pester, we repeat our answer twice and if they ask again, we simply respond, "I already gave you an answer."

These are also the same kids who smart off to adults and one of them started yelling at me! and then when i was nicely talking to him - looked disgusted at me, threw his hand up and walked away. Well, he was RUDE to another neighbor and she was more than diplomatic. He went home and told his dad what happened outside, and you know what we overheard???? His dad telling him, "Well, you go back over there and tell her not to talk to you like that."

And we wonder why there are no many rude people and kids these days. I'm only 35, but disgusted with lack of respect for others on so many levels.

Ha! My daughters friend that lives behind us is the same way. She will sit at the fence and stare into our back sliding door until my daughter walks by and sees her. I got so annoyed one day I shut the blinds. Even my daughter will say, Why is Katie just sitting at the fence? LOL. The difference with her though is she will tell my daughter to ask why and can she go to her house while I run errands. I've talked with my daughter about not letting her tell her what to do. It would end up me getting upset with my daughter for questioning me. Now my daughter will tell her friend my mom said no, I'm not asking again! I always tell her the reason why when I tell her no (You can't play today b/c we're going to Grandma's house then the store).

.

I also think that kids push the whole " must know everything" too much now a days...

We don't have a TV and don't really listen to the radio, but even my kids do this so its something that is spreading from child to child aparently... :-)

One thing I've noticed is that my daughter will push the limit IF she wants to figure out a way to have a friend involved... And that is exactly when I keep my answers vauge and pull the " why are you questioning your mommy?" card out... DD is 9... We also have a neighbor who watches like a hawk... BUT there is no fence and the general rule is that they are welcome in our yard... But when we say go home... GO.... So he will sit on our sand box and watch for the kids to come out... He is a sweet kid who just wants to play... And he does listen...

Just like you, If someone knocks on my door asking why the kids arn't out ...:-) Open the door, smile and say Not today...GO HOME, BYE!!! smile sweetly and shut the door...

Keep up with the "because I'm an adult" and " Its an adult thing, go play, you don't need to be involved."

I definently think that the line between childhood issues and adult issues have been blurred... Kids think that they can now make "adult" decissions and be involved in adult issues...

I think it comes from the "explaining" form of discipline that drives me crazy. "Oh Junior we dont throw a temper tantrum in the store because mommy is trying to buy groceries so daddy can eat his dinner and go to work the next day and make money so we can buy groceries, so please please junior be a good boy" Good grief. Junior doesnt understand a word his mom said, but now wants long involved explanations for whatever he is told to do.

I'm old-fashioned too...and I think it's rude and unnecessary.

There's a difference between being curious and wanting explanations to learn more and then there's badgering, which is what she is doing.

Kids LOVE playdates, that's true.
But the ones that just won't give up are very annoying.
My son had O. friend who would say to me "Can we get together?" Well....what does that mean? Are you inviting yourself to my house or are you inviting him to your house? and the mom would just stand there, so I would assume he was inviting himself to our house.
Just say "not today" if it's not a good time.

I want to TEACH my children to make their own good decisions. I don't want them to do what I said "because I'm an adult". So I explain how and why I make decisions for them. It doesn't make me a push-over. It makes me 1) a teacher and 2) respectful of their feelings. I don't believe my children are inferior to me just because they are younger. I wouldn't tell someone who worked for me "because I said so", I don't tell my children that either.

No you are not old fashioned you have principles. This child has been brought up by the new generation of I tell you everything as in friendship and not parent and child relationship.

It is none of this child's business as to why you let your daughter play with someone other than her. You are the adult and she needs to learn that and stay in her place something about respect and obedience and boundaries. She may be an inquisitive child but she has to learn her place and her parents are not helping or guiding her for her future. There are going to be some rough times for her as other kids will put her in her place and not too nicely.

Congrats on standing your ground with this child and keep your feet firmly planted around her.

If the child irritates you that much I would probably be like Beth B in her response. It's your house, your child and your reasons with no discussion end of story. Otherwise you will be explaining to her why until the cows come home three days from now and still be in the same boat.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

I don't really think she's being rude in our adult definition. I think she's focused on what she wants right then, a playdate, and she's analyzing every which way she can make it work out for her benefit. It does sound like she eventually accepts your answers, even if she is disheartened. Sounds like she'll be a great negotiator when she grows up as she's not afraid to ask adults why and think of other possibilities. I think you've handled the no's beautifully with her. Continue to be firm and state that it won't work today...and be on your way.

I have noticed with my 3rd grade daughters friends, that the girls who are only children get on my nerves the most. The only child syndrome of repeatedly asking for help and assistance with EVERYTHING while at our home makes me so irritated. They won't even get a glass of water for themselves w/o asking. I have now figured out successful ways to manage their repeated requests. But they are the most draining IMHO.

that is pretty rude!
you should respond with a question, give her a dose of her own medicine! i did that to a friend of my sons who was very frustrating to be around. Long story short, he knows not to ask me very many questions anymore!!

No, you're not old fashioned. That is rude! Honestly I think it is how some kids are raised. I have a couple of those in my neighborhood. And I do notice when my daughter hangs out with them they get her in trouble, they are always telling her to ask me things! lol like can I spend the night, can I eat dinner with you, can I do this (the question is always about what her friend can do) - If they ask me, I tell them straight out, no and this is why. Then I tell them I already answered you please don't ask me again. As far as my daughter asking me things that they tell her ... I made a new rule, my daughter is NOT allowed to ask anything in FRONT of her friends or the answer will always be no. Period. I told her it puts me on the spot and I don't appreciate that. (she is 8) Also my daughter normally does take no for an answer like yours.

I have to say that I understand your frustration. I have met kids like that and I could have one like that if I didn't reallly work with him to respect others. My son is almost 8 and my daughter is 3. My son has always been one to question ad nauseum. We have been very careful not to crush his spirit and help him understand they whys of life, but also careful to make sure he knows the boundary of when it can be highly annoying. If it were me, I would talk to one of the parents and pre-arrange a weekly play date and make sure they understand that you have other commitments that don't allow for more than that. And, if after that she continues to come over - that's an issue between you and them - not her.

I don't think she is trying to be rude, but it would certainly start to rub me the wrong way. My stepson could be a pest too when he was that age. I don't think he was as socially savvy as his older (by a year) brother and he didn't see anything wrong with asking one question after another about this that and the other thing. It's like he didn't understand boundaries and that certain things he didn't need to be privy to or given an explanation. One time I said something to him like that he did not need to ask all these questions and he responded with, "I'm a kid, I am supposed to ask questions!" I think it was something that his mom probably thought was cute and tended to encourage, while it just got on everybody else's nerves. His mom also tended to give reasons for everything - why she wanted him to clean his room, etc. and I tended to be more, "Because I said so, that's why!" One time we were out with my mom, and she had to run into the drug store to get some tampons and SS wanted to know what we were stopping for, what my mom needed, etc. and we finally told him it was none of his business. Not a really nice way to do it, but it got the point across. We spent a lot of time saying, "M.Y.O.B." over and over. Now that he is 16 I think he has finally grown out of it for the most part. I think he would make great lawyer because of how much arguing and debating and questioning he tends to do. I've gotten better at giving a concrete reason once if he asks why, but if he still is questioning it, I just say, "I already told you why, that's enough." It's one thing to ask why once or twice, but after that they are just trying to wear you down. That's when it's okay to say, "Because I said so." or "Because I'm the mom!" (SS mom would never say those things, she considered them condescending.)

I would probably just try to be nice at first and if she persists, I would probably say something along the lines of, "You don't need to know." If she comes knocking on the door and you can pretend that you are not home, I would. Do you feel comfortable having a talk with this girl's mom as well?

No it's not rude. It's also not her fault. I know a lot of parents let their kids get away with too much and don't set the boundries that are needed with them. I don't think you've done anything wrong and by holding your ground you're being a parent not a friend and that's what a lot of children need including the little girl.

This is rude. I don't think that many children do this. You just happen to live next door to a very immature child. Good luck!

Yeah, I think this little girl needs some boundaries. My son is a questioner as well and I work with him a lot. Like there are just some things that are the way they are, period. I try to help him learn where his authority/responsiblity ends. Like here is a crazy example. He walks up to my mother, gasp, and says "Hey Grandma, do you have nipples?" LOL Before she answers I quickly say "Son, everyone has nipples, but we do not ask others about their nipples, that is private" He took this fine, but I have seen plenty of people who would laugh at this and not give any instruction or direction. He is three, he now knows there is boundary that isn't crossed. I think a good foundation and direction can give a child the ability to be respectful of others and especially adults!! Honestly, in your situation, if that little girl was at my house speaking that way, I would probably say "Honey, I am ______ mother, I make the decisions about where she goes, you don't. We'll see you later" and then just close the door. Sounds harsh, but she needs to see someone put up a boundary, for her own sake in may opinion. Good luck, that is tough when it is right next door!! I am with you all the way on this one!

So strange, I get this from the neighbor kids all the time. I just thought it was a cultural difference I didn't understand (they are not the same cultural background as us and i am ignorant sometimes to other social/cultural 'norms').
Glad you posted so I can use some of the info with our neighbor kids:)

Ya that is annoying!! I might be rude... but after I answer a question and the same one is asked .......I just do not answer them. Or I might say I am sorry but I do not have to explain myself. I do not like to be questioned either like that either. So I must be old fashion also!

It is rude. My daughter had a kid in school that was VERY similar.(didn't live next door though) I declared Monday's family day where we wanted to spend time together after school just Mom and kids, the days where she had dance were also out because of homework and getting ready. Another day was off the table due to my other daughter and Friday was family movie night. That left one day a week for the shake-down. It didn't cure the problem but left it manageable.
-When she found out someone else was coming over I would say, yes so n so is coming over, they don't get to see each other as much as you and my daughter get to -so I'm glad they get a chance. She complained and asked if she could come too but I said it was their time to play just like her and my daughter had had time. She still pushed but it was a lot less than before.
-The other thing I would do would do a preemtive invite, ask her to come over to play next week or two weeks out and then when she asked say we can't today but she's looking forward to next Wed. etc. when you come over.
The girl we had to deal with was lonely and bored. It was hard to make that space but my daughter could only take small doses(me too!)
I wonder if that is the same issue for you.
Hope this helps you.

I deal with this same thing. I think most kids these days are like that. I don't know what to do either. I would just tell the kid no and then ignore her after that. I know my kid is no angel, but it seems like these kids these days have no manors and they just don't care. I really do blame the parents. I know I am not perfect either...but I do try to teach my children the best I can to be polite and respectful at other people's houses!

Kids aren't being taught boundaries that would so annoy me too..Next time the doorbell rings & you knows its the neighboor next door ignore it & carry on..You need to be firmer with this child let her know that she can ask questions but given an answer the questioning the adult needs to cease..

Oh my god, I'm pretty sure this little girls twin brother lives across the street from us!! He is my sons best friend (7 yo) and he acts exactly the same way. It is SO obnoxious! Unfortunately, he is at our house all the time. I've gotten to the point where I just tell him it's none of his business and he needs to go home...now! I feel very rude talking to him like this but it's the only thing that seems to stop the questioning. Anyway, I feel your pain! Good luck!