:(, aww, I'm so sorry.
I felt that way too--unfortunately I learned the hard way that while it takes two people to get married, it only takes one to get divorced.
If you are going to stay together, he *has* to make the decision to bring himself back to the table, and if he doesn't make that decision, there is nothing you can do. I kept taking away/disproving my ex's reasons for leaving, and he even admitted some of that, but he never would make that choice, to bring himself back to the table and really try, and so it just didn't matter what I did--as far as the marriage went. (Now, it happens that I'm glad I made those changes, just because they were good life changes, and I know that the marriage *really* ending, I did everything *I* could to prevent--less self-recrimination afterwards!)
THAT SAID, you imply you have strong faith in God ... this was a tack I couldn't use because my ex wasn't very connected at church, but the men of his faith community, or men at his workplace, who either support marriage in general or especially have been through one of these very very rocky moments in their own relationship, are probably the key (possibly the only way) to get your man to reconsider his 'decision' ... he has to get a sense that
(1) reconsideration is possible *as a man* (sometimes they get that "I've made a decision and now I'll stick to it" attitude, and I think that is more likely with difficult and/or emotional choices, which this clearly would be)
(2) reconciliation and working things out is possible
(3) turning around is in fact the harder, braver, stronger thing to do--and walking out is (I'm presuming in your case!) the weaker, easier, cowardly thing to do
... and these three lessons, which he might have learned from you in earlier times about other things, when he still valued your input above all(?) others', can now ONLY come from a trusted man, or men, for him to actually be able to hear and hopefully accept them. (These sorts of value judgements a man often relies on 'his woman' for, and when he shuts off to 'his woman,' the situation gets much less open.)
That's my 2c.
It is a mind-bogglingly painful place to be in.
Find someone to confide in--and make it someone you can *confide* in, not someone in the family (who will carry an extreme amount of personal emotional baggage). It feels good to be "supported" in your side, but in the long run you will regret not having someone at least a little objective, to help you sort out the WHY?!?!?!?
If you need to hire that confidante, find a good therapist (I finally found one on recommendation of my pastor).
And if your husband is open to this idea, do consider professional marriage counseling or a retreat. Even at $300/hr, professional counseling will never be as expensive as the lifelong financial destructiveness of a divorce. Whether or not this manages to get you to a place where you can choose to stay together, you will probably both learn a lot about each other and yourself that will help you understand the past and adjust for the future.
(I won't recommend 'our' therapist because he was on Ex's side from the first. I stuck those sessions out because him being on Ex's side meant ex was more likely to open up about his feelings, and I *really* wanted to understand Ex's feelings, but in the end I think that was a mistake, because Ex could just go on feeling everything was my fault and the 'objective' therapist never corrected that. Which was patently ridiculous; everything is 50/50, the good and the bad, as long as the relationship is active between two people.)
May God bless you both, and your children, and your families ...
