My three and half year old daughter just returned to daycare full-time after being home with me for the summer. I know that it is an adjustment going "back-to-school." And Alyssa is with a new teacher, new classmates and in a different classroom. She was so upset this morning crying and saying, "Mommy come back." My heart broke and of course I started crying whereas I usually try to hide that as not to upset her.
Is there any advice you can give me on how to make Alyssa feel better? A behavior/goal chart maybe? I have tried giving her stars for good behavior. And next week her teacher just informed me she will be away the entire week! Just when she was getting to know her. Thanks for the advice.
I think it's so hard on kids to not go all the time. I know that it does happen where they get to be off for a while then go back. It is harder on them though.
I would just remind her in the car that she has school and you have work. Then take her in, give her a hug and leave. The longer you stay the more it reinforces her thinking that if she cries hard enough you will stay or not leave her.
I would prep her for the teacher being away and say that the teacher can tell her stories about her vacation.
Get the book The Kissing Hand. It's about a raccoon that is afraid to go to school til his mommy gives him a kissing hand. It's very sweet.
If it's any consolation, my children cried when I picked them up from school-they did not want to come home-it was so humiliating! Maybe she is getting an odd signal from you? You call it school and daycare-which is it? If she perceives it as daycare then she feels as though you are being replaced-that her care will no longer come from you-you're done. If it is school, then she will be learning something from her instructors and classmates and making a contribution to her class-they need her participation and everyday, she will then return home to you-that's how it works!
Instead of a behavior chart, how about giving her a small token to take with her that will remind her of you like a tiny stuffed animal on a hook?
It can be attached to a belt loop or backpack.
Then give her something to look forward to like an activity to do with you on the way home from preschool or once you get home. Like a quick stop at the park or a mini party once you get home.
Also, how about having a small gift for her to open the very next morning you have to take her? Nothing large. You can do this a few times.
A tiny piece of her favorite blanket that she can keep in her pocket. (something she loves. You get the idea.)
Your picture in her pocket? Etc.
Talk to a lot about it. Nice, soothing things. Best wishes & hugs for her.
Well, you can't really protect her or reward her in this case. You don't want to confuse her. School is a must. Why doesn't she have any friends from last year with her? Isn't it customary that some of your old classmates move on to the next year with you? Try not to worry, give it a week or so, she's been with you all summer, she needs to adjust. She will give it the importance you give it. Get excited with her, talk about the positive things. Tell her she is going to make new friends and you just can't wait to have them over for a playdate. If you are going into a month and this is still going on, talk to her pediatrician.
The best way you can help Alyssa feel better is to do your best to be strong and reassure her that "all the other kids are learning how to enjoy being here too". Ask her who she likes to play with and what they play. (You might not get much back, but Who Did You Play With? is more helpful than 'what did you do?' )
I wouldn't put pressure on her for good behavior, because crying isn't being bad. She's signaling her sadness that school is not the same as she left it, and so something which should feel familiar feels unfamiliar. I'm not sure that focusing on behavior will help her feel better. Could you imagine a situation where you were upset by a tough transition and someone decided to bring it to your attention that they were going to be monitoring your actions and attitude? I'm not asking this sarcastically, either... it would only add stress.
Instead of rewards, consider spending a few extra minutes just snuggling, reading a book, or join her for a few minutes in something she likes to do. Sometimes, when my son is upset about something, spending five minutes to work on building something or play gives him validation that even though things are changing, I still love him, and he can be secure in that.
There's another technique a mom blogger suggests, and I have used this with my son a lot. It's called a Boring Cuddle. This works well for kids who are upset about things that we either don't think need fixing ('that's not fair') or simply can't be fixed. link to that:
http://kloppenmum.wordpress.com/2010/12/06/boring-cuddles...
Ask the new teacher to help you with handoffs/transitions, if need be. The "Kissing Hand" (by Audrey Penn) book is a great little ritual of bonding before separating, and the book introduces this well. Your child's teacher may also be able to give you some positive pointers.
