Put Your Thinking Hats On.....

OMG, I LOOOOVE babies. I can't imagine passing up the very generous offer to be a part of my grandchild's life!

To me, this is a no brainer.

:)

Wow. Ok, if my son had a child that he wasnt interested in fathering, I would give 2 shits less of what he thought of me, when I was involved with the baby, from day ONE.

I say take it at face value. My ex was the child in this scenerio. His bio-dad signed over his rights, but his paternal grandparents were very involved in his life. He spent weekendends with them and they attended his school events, etc. They were WONDERFUL! His bio dad lived in the same town and he never saw him. As a child, he never realized that he had grandparents his brothers didn't. He just loved the time with them. I don't know if it caused problems in the relationship they had with their son or not. Enjoy being a grandparent!

I cant imagine having a grandchild out there and NOT having contact.
I have a coworker in the same situation that you are and he & his wife are involved with the child and she is the light of their lives. Even if their son acted like a butt head.
A child can never have too many people that love him/her, right?
This is your blood.
My .02
Good luck.

I would definitely want to be a part of that baby's life. Just because your son has chosen a different path, doesn't mean you have to as well. If in your heart of hearts you'd like to know this child and feel that you can make a lifetime commitment of being an active family member/grandparent, then I would jump at the gracious offer that the mother has given you.

First, however, I would let your son know. Not for permission to be a part of the child's life, but just so that you DON'T come across as underhanded. And for the record, his (possibly negative) response wouldn't change my plans, either.

Best of luck, J..

I would take her up on the offer, absolutely! While the stepfather will likely be the little one's father, it's obviously important to the mother that this child be loved by his whole family. Your son is a dead beat dad and I'm really sorry for that situation, but that doesn't mean that you have to be absent from the child's life!

Good for that mom for recognizing the fact that a child can NEVER be "too loved" and for doing the right thing. Don't over think it, just go and enjoy your grandchild! Address questions and concerns as they come...

Families come in all shapes and sizes... as my grandmother's best friend (who I referred to as my aunt) used to say when asked "how" we were related (imagine this in a deep Southern accent) "My dear, we are related in the very best way, by love AND by choice".

I would. Just because your son gave up parental rights, IN MY BOOK, doesn't take the "genes" away. You are still his biological parents. In MY BOOK? He has a right to know where he came from.

I would take her up and just be nice. Don't get too personal. Thank her for the opportunity and keep your grandson involved. One day your son might "grow up" and it would be nice to see that he has changed...(does that make sense? I'm not saying your son is bad).

But really. I would say yes to her. Your son does NOT need to know. This is your life and your choice. This should NOT affect your relationship or lack thereof with your son. he made choices and decisions.

If he should be upset - I would tell him straight up - just because he didn't want to be involved doesn't you CANNOT be involved...you can separate the two...let him do the same.

The mother of your grandson is giving you a choice to get involved. I'd say yes.

A child can never have too many people who love them. I say take her up on the offer and dote away.

I think you need to figure out if you are willing to give up your grandparental rights. If you can live without ever seeing the child then fine, if that is not the case then you need to figure out how it will work.

Thing with kids is they are resilient. They have the ability to take almost any situation presented at a young age and consider it normal. So I guess I am saying if you are going to do something do it now. So far as the baby is concerned it will be perfectly normal to have mom and dad, and bio dad, and bio grandparents and if they don't see bio dad, no big deal.

I was adopted, that my parents aren't my bio parents and all this family who loves me dearly isn't technically my family but they are, all of this is very normal to me. Considering how abnormal my life is that what should be abnormal is normal is kind of amazing.

But it is.

So if you want to be grandpa be grandpa and I can assure you the baby will think this is perfectly normal. You son gave up his right to have an opinion.

Yes, you do. Because it's the right thing to do. Yes there is a risk that the mother could decide that continued contact isn't in the baby's best interest, but that's a risk worth taking. The potential reward, a relationship with your grandson, is worth that risk.

Your son has made his decision and need to live with it, but you are free to act honorably.

I can tell you that my FIL was upset when my husband was younger and his girlfriend got pregnant with my SD, but he's been in love with her from day one and will tell you that being a grandparent is the most important thing in his life. You will benefit, and the baby will benefit by not having half of his biological family be a complete mystery.

Go ahead and take the risk and try not to project out too far - just take it one day at a time.

J., How does your heart feel? Do you feel a pull towards this child?

Do you want to be a large part of his life or do you want to be a visitor every once in a while?

I think this has to be your total decision, based on your heart and your brain. Then I think you need to present to the mother of this child what you are envisioning. See if she will approve.

Or ask her to send you a note telling you what she will allow. This way you can decide if you can deal with this.

We now live in a very different time. We know that the bonds of family get crossed and knotted, cut and then glued back together. There is no right and wrong, instead it is what are we all willing to do, for the sake of the child and the child's best interest.

Each family connection is different. Sometimes very unusual to others, but works for some but not others.

Your son has made his decision. He has given up his rights. But you are still a grandfather until you decide otherwise. or if this child comes in search for you later.

Honesty within yourself and communication with the mother i the way to start.. And then once you make your decision.. no regrets.

Hi J.
I would see the child if he were my grandson. I would see it as very decent of the mother to offer this to you.
You could be the one link that the baby has to your side of the family. I wouldn't pass this opportunity up.
As for your son I would be straight with him all the way ,no secrets. Inform him of the mother's offer and your intentions to see the baby.

Best of luck
B. k

That was really nice of her to offer. I would have a conversation with her about what she expects, what you expect, ect. Make sure you both are on the same page. If you want to try and have regular visits, maybe thats something you could set up, like the last weekend of every month you take baby on an outing or go over there for a visit. If shes offering I would definitely go see that baby.

Yes...take her up on the offer. She would not have offered if she didn't want to have you involved. I think it's great. She may, and you, set some ground rules. She may not want your son to know about his son...until the child is ready for that. Completely understandable. Or she may not care.

My husbands bio dad signed his rights over, hubs was adopted by his step dad (whom he refers to as dad)...we still see bio family grandmother and sisters. We once in about two years here from his father (bio dad). Doesn't strain the relationship...we just have learned to steer clear of the subject. Sometimes they ask if they talk but we simply answer no...and move on. His bio dad has never met his grandchildren. I think that is such a shame...but I won't have a part time grandpa.

If you do it please be a grandparent and not some random person this child may or may not see.

If you have no feelings, stay away. Don't muddy the water.

Only get involved if you plan on being a dotting grandpa for the next 40 years.

Good luck to you and yours.

I would take it as it comes. It could be a wonderful experience for you, the baby, and the baby's mother. It is not deceitful or backhanded to your son. And if he feels that way- he is an adult and he chose the path he's on- to be blunt, that's his problem. But by being in this child's life you are doing something positive for her.
My daughter's paternal grandmother is a part of my daughter's life even though her son has nothing to do with my kid and hasn't since she was 6 weeks old (she's 7 years old now). I contacted her not long after her son left and offered to let her see my daughter and we have had 7 years now of wonderful visits. She and my daughter are very attached to each other- the relationship makes both of them happy and it is a very positive thing for my daughter. Not only does she have another person that loves and adores her but she also has a connection to the other side of her gene pool. That side of the family is South American and through her grandmother she gets to learn things about her heritage and that side of her family. I think as she gets older there won't be a void in her as there was for me. I was adopted and my history was a black hole and I always felt this void inside me, not knowing who or where I came from. Another plus of the relationship is the joy Grandma gets from having her granddaughter. She gets to be a grandma and I think it helps a little bit to ease the pain of the strained relationship she has with her son to have such a wonderful relationship with her granddaughter. When Grandma is with my daughter there is just pure joy and contentment on her face and I love that she gets to have that happiness and all it took was such a small effort on my part.
The relationship has been such a positive experience for me too. Grandma and I have gotten close and she is close with my husband. And by developing this relationship my daughter has learned that families come in all shapes and sizes and I think she sees healthy behavior and it gives her added stability.
I say, take the mom up on the visit, enjoy it, and take the days as they come.
Good luck and congrats on being a grandpa

PS I love Laurie's answer. I think she hit the nail on the head. Same with Mommy R.

J., I'm sorry about you and your son's strained relationship. I'm also sorry about his poor choices. I hope that the baby's mom is in a healthy relationship and that her marriage will be successful.

That said, I want to encourage you to be in the baby's life. It's so nice that you have a decent relationship with the mom - keep it that way. Send her small, meaningful gifts for the baby. Dote on the little guy, but don't push and over-do it.

I would not worry about confusing your grandson. There are blended families out there EVERYWHERE. You are not responsible for your son's bad behavior. You may never have another grandbaby from him, you realize that, right? So this may be the only one. Enjoy him as much as you can!

I doubt seriously that there is anything you could do to help or make your strained relationship with your son worse, J.. Don't let him dictate to you having a relationship with this child. Just because he wants to pretend that he doesn't have a baby doesn't mean that you should have to pretend that he doesn't.

So, take your son out of the equation. Be as kind to the girl and her new husband as you can be. Maybe you don't have a chance of a good relationship with your son, but hopefully you can with your grandson.

Dawn

It sounds like you want to meet/know your grandchild. I say go for it! Your son didn't ask you if you wanted to have a grandchild, so you shouldn't have to ask him. It sounds like the mother is in a good place (getting remarried; wants the guy to adopt her son) and maybe ready to take this next step of having a relationship with you. I would tell her that you are the baby's grandfather and you would love any sort of relationship!

Just for matter of a cultural example:

In Hawaii, per some of the Polynesian cultures here... this can often happen. A child, who for whatever reason, is adopted (formally or informally) by another family member or family, and raised, in THAT family. Because the parent or parents, could not. This could even be a non-blood line child, who was "adopted" by another relative. And that child, is LOVED... by ALL in the family and raised by the family that adopted her/him. It is called a "Hanai" family.
Here is a link about it:
http://kaaihue.wordpress.com/2009/06/14/the-meaning-of-ha...
But it does not just occur in childless families or with first born children.

My point is, in the culture here in Hawaii, this is very common and "normal." It is a cultural based, thing. It is a beautiful thing, and many Hanai children, grow up well and as adults, they really just think of their Hanai family, as their own.
It may not be well understood, by non-Hawaii people. But, here, it is common per certain cultures. Or it even occurs across different cultures.

So, your meeting your "grandchild".... you can go into it, depending on how you will feel about it. Or for what you can or cannot handle, emotionally. Now. Or in the future. AND also though, you have no idea, if the Mom, will keep you.... informed about your Grandchild now or in the future. Is this just a one-time stint? Or is she basically including you.... from now on???
Hopefully, the Mom is a normal/sane/well balanced individual?
You NEED to talk with her, and find out her intentions... for "you" in your Grandchild's life, or not.

Your son, well, he seems to have several not-mentally-healthy issues and troubles. Who knows how he will feel, about your meeting your Grandchild. Hopefully, he is not a "violent" type???? Who might retaliate???

You are a Grandparent. Your son gave up parental rights. The Mom is engaged... and wants to have her Fiance, adopt the child.
Hopefully her Fiance is a nice normal man. And she is making a mature decision.
But, you are still a Grandparent to this child. By blood. In the "Hanai" sense of things, you can still be a part of this child's life. But it depends largely upon how the Mom/Fiance will play things out and how they think of you. And how your expectations or wishes or apprehensions are.

Your son, does not seem to be a safe part of this all and seems very unstable. Hopefully, your Grandchild will be raised normally, thusly.

If you're a kid, you can never have too many people in your life who love you. Yes, sometimes relationships are complicated. I have one child who is adopted and her maternal birth family is a big part of her life. All the way from great grandmas and great aunts and uncles all the way down to a new half-brother 14 years younger than my daughter. Sometimes it is hard to explain all of this. But we have taken it one day at a time and it works for us.

If you can love the child, be a part of his life if the mom will allow it. Sure things could go wrong. But then you made the effort and did the right thing. Someday years from now your grandson will know that .

Doing what is in the best interests of a child is never wrong. Be there for this little boy.

Oh yes, have a relationship with your grandchild. I have heard so many stories where because the bio parents are estranged the child suffers with not getting to know their whole family, I think it is very generous that this woman is offering this to you and not letting the relationship she has with your son interfere with the relationship you can build with your grandchild. There are never too many people to love a child, be one of those special people to him! Good luck to you gramps!

I absolutely would take the time to love this baby up. Our family has had lots of these kinds of things happen and my Mom has handled them seamlessly. She loves them all. She claims them all. She treats them all the same. She never speaks poorly of the poorly behaved she cares for each one and figures sooner or later that child will make up their own mind based on what they see. Keep in mind some of these kids are blood relatives and some aren't. She figures they are all children and a child is a gift.

Do you want to be a grandparent to this baby? If yes, then yes, take this at face value and LOVE that baby! It may not work out, but you will have tried. If it does work out, your son's story doesn't matter much. Children LOVE who they grow up with as "family". I didn't know my favorite aunt wasn't ACTUALLY my aunt until I was in my 30s! Know what I mean?

BUT if you don't want to be a grandparent to this baby, don't start.

People think babies don't remember early life transitions, and while they may not be able to access the memories VERBALLY, trust me - they are there (I have 2 bio-kids, one adopted kid, AND an adopted spouse - trust me, it can be somewhere in there). They also remember LOVE. So...what I mean is....if YOU think you may withdraw, don't start. If you think, given the chance, you'd love, love, love that baby - take this opportunity / chance to love that baby!

Best of luck to you!

I would definitely take her up on the offer and visit your grandson. Its still your grandson, your blood, whether you have any rights or not. He is still a part of you.
I would if it were me. I would take what I could get and be grateful that I could spend time with that precious baby. :)

Good luck with your decision.

Take this opportunity. It may not be offered again. Enjoy, and embrace your grandchild. He will need a connection to his father's side , you could develop such a strong bond with him. Be present.

Hi J., I commend the attitude you have towards your grandbabe's mama. It seems healthy and balanced, which is (unfortunately) not as common as it should be.

I suggest you take this at face value and deal with things as they come up. After all, when in life are we sure of the outcome?

You and your wife seem to be stable, kind, loving and rational people. A baby can never be loved too much. So long as the parties involved have the best intentions are for the baby (and good communication with each other), a baby could only benefit.

Secondly, less from an emotional standpoint, while your son has ceased to be this babies father, he is still the genetic half. It would behoove the baby to have a contact to his/her paternal side so as to be able to gain information about health histories, ancestries, etc. This can also help a child to develop a solid sense of identity.

I can relate to your concern of confusing your grandchild. My family can be confusing at times. I think it is far more confusing for ME than it is for the kids. They have three sets of grandparents (made from my husband's parents step-mom and dad, my dad and step mom, and my mom) as well as three additional biological grandparents (my nieces bio grands and my daughters late paternal grandmother). Did you follow all that? Confusing right?

But what my kids know is that they have a lot of grandparents who love them, and that they don't question. If my niece's biological extended relatives wanted to have contact with my niece (and they were capable of being emotionally safe and supportive) I would embrace the opportunity.

And then there is the bit with your son, which is tricky, I admit. I do not have the perspective of having adult children, so I won't try to offer you my own experience. I can tell you that my mama struggles with how to support her granddaughter (my niece) and her children (me and my sister). She has come to the conclusion that it is important to put my niece's needs first.

Detaching is easier said than done, for sure.

If your son is similar to my sister, it seems reasonable to think your son will interpret most everything you do as being deceitful and backhanded.

Any decision you make needs to come from your own heart. Sit with this and try to separate fear from love. Ask your deepest self what the right course of action is. And then, also, remember that there is no way to navigate this perfectly. You are human, so are the rest of the people involved. You are not responsible for all potential calamity. All you can do is to make the best choices you can.

Hugs to you and your family. I wish you well through this process.

aw, what a tough situation.
i'd visit. you can never be sure of an outcome, can you? there's certainly potential for heartbreak here.
but also for joy. i think you should do it.
khairete
S.

I agree with Theresa and Melissa, and a lot of the others with some of their points. YOu say you already have had a strained relationship with your son for quite 10-15 yrs. That is a long part of his life if he is only 23. If you are hoping he will turn around and be happy for you to see the baby, it probably won;t happen. He will probably see this as going against him. But, it seems you do want a relationship. I would check with mom and make sure she is not going to take it away. Then go meet the baby.

I'm literally going to put on a black, green and blue thinking hats to answer your question -

1) If you have no interests in ever seeing the child or being a part of his life, then you wouldn't be asking this question - to yourself, or to anyone else. So, you do have some interest, but are concerned how it might affect the child, your son, or your own lives (yours, your wife's..etc)

2) Your son has signed away his rights. Still, you are the child's grandfather. So if you do choose to maintain contact with the child and his mother, then you are not really obliged to feel like you are being disloyal to your son. He didn't really ask for your opinion before he signed away his rights, did he?

3) If you still feel like you need to also value his opinion, why don't you ask him? Just mention that the woman has extended an invitation to you, and that you are interested, but would like his (your son's) opinion. Because you asked him, it is possible your son may feel happy that his opinion matters to you.

4) As for you developing a strong bond towards the child and something unfortunate happening later - well, life is always full of surprises, isn't it? We'll never know unless we try. And a child, can never have enough people to love him or her. If you don't want to overdo it, start small, and take it one step at a time. You've handled so much in life already, you can do this. Am sure.

If I were in your place, I'd go ahead and talk to my son. Tell him that you'd like his opinion, but let him know first that you would like to be a small part of the child's life, if it is OK. Then I'd contact the mother, and agree to a small visit. I'd take it from there. Let the child, the woman, and her new family guide the journey. If, by some stroke of bad luck, the relationship is forced to break at some point in the future, I'd be sad. But I'd also be happy that I did get to be a part of it. I wouldn't have regrets.

But that's just me. Go ahead dad, make your decision. Hope our opinions are of help!

I say visit with your grandchild no matter what your son thinks. This is about a child having a relationship with its grandparent and it is your choice not your son’s.

I would pray and think very hard about what is best for this precious child, and go from there.

As long as you do what of you truly believe is best for this child, then you should be OK.

It might help to meet with mom first (without the child) to see what she has in mind.

In light of the circumstances I wouldn't put much stock in my son's feelings on the matter.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out.

Take it for face value and deal with things as they come up!
It looks like this board is pretty unanimous, and I suspect that in the end you wouldn't be able to turn away the opportunity to know your grandson.
I would suggest having a conversation with the parents around expectations, simultaneously laying some groundwork for communication.
And if the very worst did happen, and the parents took off with the kid and/or cut off contact...well would you wish you'd never spent time with him at all?
Best of luck, and enjoy that baby!
~H.

If your son has no involvement, and doesn't want to, I see this as your decision.

Before you begin visiting with the child I think you and the mother and possibly adoptive dad should discuss a few things. What are you going to be called Grandpa, Uncle J., whatever? What is the child going to be told about his natural father? How frequently are you going to be able to/ want to visit?

I think my personal concern if I were in this situation would be that the mother would later decide that these visits are making life too complicated and want to end contact. I would want to have a relationship with my Grandchild, no doubt about it.

I wish you the best. We have a similar situation in our family with my brother in law fathering a child and my MIL REALLY wanting a relationship with that baby. It becomes confusing for everyone, we are a little at a loss as to what to tell our 13 and 10 year old boys about this child. My husband and I both fear that his brother will just walk away from the child once he's arrived (and starts pooping) and our boys will be crushed that they never see this cousin.

M

I would try to have a relationship with your grandchild. Be prepared for loaded questions though. Why doesn't my daddy want to see me, type of questions. I think if you personally can take the heat of that conversation, then I would try to maintain a relationship now. If you wait till your grandson gets older, he will be less likely to want much to do with you and it may be a case of too little too late.

Let me tell you about our own personal story. My FIL's mother abandoned him and his two sisters when he was an infant. When he was an adult his biological grandmother finally found him. They went to see her one year, and she passed the next. She told him her biggest regret was not trying harder to maintain a relationship with him and his sisters. He always felt like his mothers family must not have really cared about him. It did give him a little peace to talk to them.

That being said, you must decide. Will you be an asset to this child's life. Be honest with yourself and you will have your answer. Best of luck to you.

I personally wouldn't be able not to.

If you intend to keep up a relationship with this child, then yes, you take the mother up on her offer. If you don't have much interest in the child, then do not start something you don't intend to keep up with forever. Even though this boy will have a loving father who will be adopting him as his own, he will know that his birth father signed away his rights. There is a situation like that in my extended family, and the little boy (now 10) does wonder why his father rejected him. Thankfully, because the paternal grandparents have made an effort to stay in his life, he receives the message that his father having rejected him says more about his father than it does about him. He knows that he is loved, and worthy of love, and that quite simply, his biological father has made poor choices.

That being said, if you feel like you have only a passing interest in this child, do not meet him. The last thing a child like that needs is the perception that not only has his father rejected him, but his father's family has rejected him as well. (I'm not saying you would do that, but it's just something to think about.)

I think you should see your grandchild. I also think in doing so you should talk to the mother and make sure this is not just a one time thing - that you may be part of this childs life. Unfortunately your son gave up his relationship but here's an open opportunity for you to rekindle you and the grandchilds relationship!!!!!!!!!

I think you should try to have a relationship with your grandson, and take things as they come. I wouldn't worry about offending your son, his offensive behavior speaks for itself and you shouldn't feel obligated to condone it by having nothing to do with the young boy that HE should be raising. Your perspective on this is healthy, and I think that having a loving grandfather could only benefit this child.

I don't see how this is deceitful or backhanded to your son. He made his choices and he has to live with them. He made a child and cut his ties. That left you in a bad place emotionally. So don't even worry about his feelings (I know that's hard, but his choices have consequences.

If you are willing to keep HIM out of the picture as he is no longer part of the child's family - by HIS choice, and if you are willing to co-grandparent the child, and if the mom is willing to bring you into the family, I would say talk with her.

You all will have to find a way to explain things if she isn't going to tell her child who the bio-father is. If you can do that, and all come from a place of love for the child, then move forward. There is no such thing as too much love. Best of luck!

I can speak on personal experience on this one. My brother gave up his parental rights after a NASTY, NASTY, lengthy fight with his ex. We see my nephews, and I still consider him my nephews, but it is ALWAYS on her terms.

Just keep that in mind. You will always be at her mercy. As long as you guys can get along and your son knows that you are seeing your grandson as grandparents and not as something against him, this can really work out.

Our family's arrangement works out well, but we live in different states and see my nephews only once or twice a year. We are all good with that.

Good Luck

My children are adopted internationally, and their birth parents are unknown. If they had the chance to know a birth grandparent, they would be very excited. Your grandson may not get to know his birth father, and as he gets older, he may feel a loss there, but knowing a birth grandparent could help him develop his own sense of identity.

It may be awkward for the adults to have relationships, but if you are thinking about the best interests of the child, a relationship with you could be a very positive thing.

Purely on the basis of the back story you have provided, I would not pursue any visitation with the baby. I would graciously accept a photo and possibly letters/updates on how the child is doing, but I would not get involved beyond that knowing that the child is going to be adopted.
In my own humble opinion, I think that involvement on your parts with the baby will complicate the relationship between the mom and the adoptive father. It will be complicated enough, probably, and the ideal would be for them to have an intact family, correct? So I would not want to do anything to make that less likely to happen.

If you have any doubts that the marriage and subsequent adoption will happen, however, then that might alter my opinion on the subject. I would think that in either scenario, letting the mom know that you will always be around as the child grows and if they child would like to meet you at a future date, then you would love to do so.

That's a tough one. But if your son has legally signed his parental rights away, and the child is being adopted, then the child will have a full intact family. And that is what I would see as the best interests of the child.

It's a complex situation.
You have no rights in the scenario.
Anytime the mother wants, she can cut you off with nary a by your leave.
That might be hard on you if you become attached.
I'm a little surprised at her invitation considering she's getting married, the child is being adopted and won't he have a set of grandparents that way?
Is she looking for money, gifts, support, inheritance, (free) babysitting?
Your son might feel betrayed - or he might not care.
If she has more kids in her new relationship, would you want to/have to treat them all the same else some would feel left out?
I don't know her.
She might be a sweet person who just wants a grandparent connection for her child or she might be a conniving scheming gold digger who's out to cash in on every possible money source there is.
I can't advise you about what you should do, but think things through carefully and be cautious.

If you think that you will be a positive influence in the child's life, why not? The more responsible and caring adults there are involved in a child's life, the better. On the other hand, if you think your presence will include your son (who may not be a good influence on the child), then stay away at least for now until your son has straightened his ways. The most important thing to keep in mind is the welfare of the child.

i would take her up on the offer and would as long as you could. i would never take the child out of her sight. like if you want to take them to the park everyone goes. no shady business allowed to be in question.

i am compairing this to what i can. my neice is not blood related and was my sil first daughter she had another child and they divorced. we see her as much as we can, give her gifts just like she was and is still cousins. my grandmother has dismissed her and no longer buys anythig for her or sends her anything. she is very bitter over the divorce and truly she is right that the girl is not in any way blood related. we just love the little girl and treat her as one of the neices or nephews. she does still have a connection because of her sister and if there wasnt that connection i believe my cards and gifts would fade over the years...outta sight outta mind plus i am not very good keeping on top of staying in contact. my closest friends i have had for years know i will go months (even a yr) and we pick up right back. this is a rejection situation for the child. no matter what even though the child will have a father figure i think the love he can understand from the grandparents would be a wonderful impact also to help him answer some questions like why did my birth father give up one me, abandon me. where you can tell him he was very young and still figuring out how to be a man, thought this would be the best thing for you because he could not be what you needed. he never gave up wanted better for you. positive reinfrocement.

Take a chance and step into that child's life. Kids need their grandparents. Give the child all your love. If something happens later and your heart is broken by not getting to see the child again, all I can say is that it's worth the chance. Do what's best for the child, even if it puts your heart at risk. Be the best grandma you know how to be.