Question About Hand Me Downs

IMO, when you "give" you should do so with no strings attached.
Give her what you can comfortably part with--forever.

Give her what you want to part with. If there are things you want to keep, then keep them til you are really ready to let go.

You could give them to her and say "hang on to them when he grows out of them just in case I need them back", but KNOW that you probably wont see them again. I think I'd keep the outfits you love the most and might want to use again and GIVE her (without conditions) the rest.

It's lovely you want to reciprocate. But if there's any chance you'll need those clothes in the future, I'd hang on to them. Find another way to give back - taking her kids out for a treat, buying her kids each a book, something like that, maybe?

BTW, whenever someone accepted our hand me downs, I was like "YEEES!!!! Time to unload these mountains of clothes!!!" I felt like THEY were doing ME a favor by helping me free up storage in my house!

First realize that after going through 2 kids some may not be worth getting back (kids can be rough) and it is often hard to remember who gave you which clothes. As long as you don't expect EVERYTHING back you can say something like "Here are some clothes for Jimmy that Johnny has outgrown. If there is anything you don't like feel free to pass on them. When you're done, we'll take them back off your hands because we might not be done yet". Definately keep anything you absolutely want back.

Why not just go through all your son's clothes and keep the ones that you absolutely love and know you wont be able to find again, or have sentimental value to you and then offer the rest to her? It's still being generous in return but still keeps the clothes that mean something to you.

You can always get more and new clothes if you have another son.

L.:

If you are currently pregnant - yes. If not, I think it would be funky to "loan" someone clothes like that.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that - then keep the ones you REALLY love and pass the others on. If you love them all - then don't do it.

Oh god - it's such a pain when people want to lend clothes and then expect them back. I generally say no thanks to the hand me downs if I have to remember who they belong to, treat them different in order to keep them stain free, etc. Hand me downs are great - but they're just not worth it if I have to plan to give them back.

You only have a 50/50 shot at having a boy next time. So I would offer them to her (for keeps). Keep the 5 or 6 outfits that you really love just in case you have another boy one day. But when the time comes for your future son to need clothes (lets say in 4 years) - by then you will have someone else handing you down some boys clothes.

(I used to keep all of my son's clothes just in case we have another boy one day. He's 3.5 and no baby in sight. I have given away all of his 2T clothes and up to a friend in need. I figure if/when a baby comes, I'll likely get plenty of clothes from family or garage sales or something. I have kept a few pair of jeans/shorts/overalls that would work for a boy or a girl. That's it. The rest is on to new children!)

Kids make messes and spill stuff on themselves ALL the time! I do not think it it realistic to give hand me downs and then expect them back...in good condition?!

I say you pick out a few outfits that you don't want to get back and that should be good.

~I personally wouldn't want to accept any kid clothes if I knew I had to keep track of them and give them back when I was down...too much pressure to keep them nice AND then having to give them back is just too much for me....I have WAY more important things to keep track of then some kid clothes!!

When I have hand me downs I'm not expecting somethign in return. Are you sure that is what she was thinking?

She's giving you something without expecting anything in return-her motivation is simply to be kind-just be gracious.

My sister gave me a lot of her son's clothes because she thought sh was done. She is pregnant again and I offered the clothes back, my boys haven't worn them yet.. However, our rule of thumb in our family don't give something you want back. ZIf she has a girl, she will have first look at my girl clothes. But there are some things of my daughters I want to keep, so she will not be getting those.

My motto is to never lend clothing with the expectation of having it returned. Especially not to little kids or babies. If you wanted to lend something for the sake of having a photo taken in it or something like that and then returned, that might be different, but clothes get stained...things happen.
If someone offered me clothes that they wanted back again when my child outgrew them, I graciously declined. I didn't want to be responsible their clothes.
If you really want the clothes back, don't offer them to her.
That's just my opinion.

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Tell her that you are excited about swapping clothes with her and that you'll take a photo of all her items and make sure you return them to her. I would just be honest with her and let her know that your not sure if you are done having kids and may need the clothes at a later date. My friend and I did this and it worked great...the easiest way was to take a photo of all the clothes grouped by age and then return them after they outgrow them

Don't feel obligated to return the favor. I'm sure she's giving the clothes because she wants to, not to get anything, in return. You don't have to say anything to her, except , thank you & how much you appreciate them. Send her a nice card.

I gave away tons of my boys clothes even though we weren't done. I saved a lot and my favorite pieces, so i still have some if we ever had another boy. It's always nice to have a bag of clothes to offer for their generosity.

I see you already came up with a decision. I just wanted to throw out there that I have a friend with 2 boys and my son is in the middle. They did loan us some clothes before the second boy was born and it was VERY much appreciated by us! I marked the tags of all their stuff with a red fabric marker. Only 1 shirt got ruined with paint. I made up for it by giving some of my sons other things. Now that they know they have a younger boy, we haven't done this kind of swap again, which I completely understand.
Yeah, it may be best to give away stuff you aren't attached too. Baby clothes aren't that hard to come by and you could probably get some more hand my downs for a little one by the time he/she was born.

I know someone whose siblings are all having their babies around the same time (over the course of several years). He talks about how at every holiday everyone gives the clothes to the person who needs them for that particular sex for the upcoming season. This is between Michigan, Illinois, New York and some other state; this is planned sharing. When you say family member, it sounds like an in-law or cousin. Would you feel comfortable about discussing planned sharing for every visit? Just wondering.

Didn't read all the responess but did read your So What Happened and it sounds like you got advice similar to what I would have given. I had started doing the 'here you can borrow these but I want them back' with a few friends but it did get too complicated. So now when I go through old baby clothes (just did that this past weekend) I have a donate box, sell or give away box and then a keep box for when we have more kids. I have so many clothes even after giving things away but I know that I will want to buy new (or gently used) newer clothes for my future children so I think it's best to get rid of some of it now!

I offer it free to friends first and then try to sell whatever they do not want online!

Could you tell her they are hers but if you have another boy you would like them back? I would think there is some way you could word it so she'd understand. OR just give them to her. I always so appreciated hand me downs and especially the ones that were in great shape.

My vote: keep the clothes until you are sure you are done.

I had a friend who loaned me baby clothes and it was nice but I grew to love the clothes and I really wanted to keep them as mementos. Since they were borrowed I couldn't. So, I personally wouldn't borrow baby clothes.

My SIL offered to lend us clothes for our daughter, and I tried it for about a week before I decided not to borrow clothes. I was terrified to get stains on them because I knew she might want to use them again, and I had to label each of them to be sure to return the correct ones to her. My recommendation is, if you don't know if you'll want to use them again, save them. She'll understand. If you want to let her son wear them, give them to her without asking for their return, not even the ones "in good shape". It's more trouble than it's worth to worry about keeping baby clothes neat and tidy!