H.L.
I always find myself telling my married friends to remember that you are each on an individual journey that doesn't disappear just because you get married. This is after they've tried to change each other and force certain things to fit. Finding and living your indvidual purposes in this life will give you more clarity for your marital purpose, to set and achieve marital goals. Marriage isn't about falling in love, so don't take it personally when they don't keep stars in their eyes for you.
People get married for the wrong reasons and call it "sacred" and "of God" just because they had a wedding and said, "I do." No. It's sacred if you make it sacred, if you keep it connected to God (if it was ever connected to God). Also (here's where I get into trouble), God is not obligated to clean up your mess. You marry the wrong person or for the wrong reasons, you're not on the right path for your journey. If you choose to continue in that way, then don't expect it to be smooth, and don't expect God to bail you out.
The commitment of marriage is the biggest one that you can make, but people don't understand what they are committing to. It has nothing to do with diamonds and roses. When I got married, I committed to being/providing a safe and peaceful place for my husband to continue to develop along his journey of this life. I committed to giving him first consideration in all things and maintaining a high level of intimacy so we can stay connected on a spiritual level and feel good about supporting each other. I committed to not sharing that same level of intimacy with anyone else (male or female) so as not to compromise or minimize my agreement with my husband. I committed to pushing him in love--even when it hurts--to achieve his goals and be the person he is meant to be. I meet him wherever he is and help him to grow. He does all these same things for me. I experience the most growth when I am authentic and true to myself. My husband's eyes are better at finding truth in me than a mirror. His soul knows mine, and I cannot lie to him. That's what makes my marriage sacred, and that's why no other person can come between us. Who gets the most benefit from that kind of deal? Me. I benefit when I am held accountable and forced to learn and teach. People who are dishonest and unauthentic in their relationships think that they're getting over, but they're only cheating themselves...and wasting time.
Also, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. We were married when we went before God and submitted our relationship. That was when we made covenant. The contract (marriage license) is just for the legal system to keep tabs on us.
