I'm being abused by a 24 pound 15 month old girl! She bites me and thinks it's funny. She pinches my arms, face, anything she can get her hands on. She pulls my hair HARD! Many times she's just playing but the pinching is when I'm doing something she doesn't like (like changing her diaper, putting something out of reach,etc). She does this with no one else. Not with daddy, grandma, aunts, daycare providers, etc. Just me.
Not only is this painful, but it also hurts my feelings. A few times I've come close to tears (I know it's silly, but I can't help it!). Why does she just do this with me? I've tried telling her that it hurts me; I move away from her; I say no... I know she doesn't hate me; I'm always the one she reaches for comfort, she snuggles up to me all the time so it's not like we're not close with each other (I can't believe I'm actually talking like this about an infant!).
Is this normal? I know she's getting frustrated now that she's getting older and not being able to communicate her needs (she babbles all the time and I try to figure it out but most of the time I'm clueless!) but if frustration is the cause, why then am I the only one she hurts? I know I should keep a cool head and I do most of the time, but it's hurtful and I am actually feeling a little resentful! Stupid, I know, but there nonetheless!
I don't have any advice about the hitting etc, but if you really think it's frustration about not being able to communicate you may want to try sign language. It really helped my son. He loves the baby signing times dvd's. You can get them at the library to try it out.
Starting from 2 years old, with both my kids, I began teaching them about 'feelings' and the names for it.
I taught them how to communicate it.
I taught them its okay to have feelings and even grumpy feelings... but 'we' learn how to say it with words. NOT hurting other people.
In time, you gotta give it time... a child learns.
By the time my son, for example, was 3 years old, he could tell me about his feelings and how he felt. He would KNOW for example, if he was 'irritated' or 'grumpy' or 'frustrated' and he would tell me. He would even be able to tell me if he was grumpy... and that "I need to be by myself... don't bother me now." And he'd go in another spot in the room to mellow out. Then come back and be fine. I respected his feelings.
You have to teach a child these things.
They do NOT have, automatic knowledge of it, unless you teach them.
You teach them how to express themselves, and how to have conversations. Not talking being only about what to do or not to do. Conversations... and letting them speak their ideas and emotions and what not.
Some adults, don't even know how to do that.
So, in that respect, a child has to be taught, how... to say things and the words for it.
They cannot guess at it.
You teach your child.. manners.
You teach your child... boundaries and consequences.
Be consistent.
And teach your child sign language.
Since she cannot talk yet.
Or your get your child a Speech Therapist.
The "Early Childhood Intervention" organizations, have FREE assessments for kids 1-3 years old.
My son was delayed in speech. He had a speech therapist via this type or organization. It is free. I called them myself. Did not have to have a Pediatrician referral.
My son had this from 19 months old until just shy of 3 years old.
And made great progress.
Kids get frustrated when they cannot talk what they are thinking, nor express it to the parent.
Your child is this way to you, because you are MOMMY. Thus, a child lets it all hang out... the good the bad the icky. Because, YOU are their soft place to fall.
She feels comfortable and 'safe' with you.
Take it as a compliment.
This brings back memories. My daughter was as perfectly behaved as anyone can expect a baby to be, you hear stories about "good babies" and you think they are not real, but Kristen was...but she would pull my hair and i mean from a very young age...too young to even consider slapping a hand and I gave up and ended up getting it cut very short to get through that period. I tried redirecting, I tried setting her down...not much helped, she just liked how it felt to pull my hair I guess.
Sometimes I think it is the reaction they get when they are a bit older in your case...try not to react.
It is normal, and it will pass...((hugs)) it gets better.
She only does this to you because she knows that you will take it. I firmly told my kids, "No, only hugs!" They are never to you that this will not be accepted. If it is frustration then she needs to find another way to deal with it. All of my kids tried this when they were about 6 months old and I would set them down when they did. They quit,
Frustrating! I think you are doing what you can. Voice an extremely loud and firm NO BITE! and separate yourself from her (to whatever degree is safe) for a couple of moments. Don't take it personally. It will pass - hopefully, for the sake of your skin, very soon. Good luck.
My 14-month old does the same thing. I'm pretty stern with him when he gets this way. He's a rebel at heart. Does exactly what he's not suppose to do. But to be honest, 4 of my 5 kids were like this. The only one who wasn't was extremely passive and laid back. It's okay to scold her and put her in baby time-outs or however you discipline her. She'll outgrow it if you stay on top of it. My kids are all very sweet, loving, confident children. I'm not worried about my son. He has more lovable moments than mean ones. Good luck!!
Although it's normal behavior at this age, it needs to be corrected in a loving and gentle way. I encourage you to continue putting your daughter down and walking a short distance away from her after you have said, "No. You must not hurt mommy. Be gentle." (or something to that effect). Try not to get angry or show anger--that's the hard part. If she throws a fit, ignore her and wait for it to pass. Then, after her tantrum ceases, invite her to come to you and give you a hug. Praise her if she's gentle. Repeat the process if she still is biting, hitting or pinching. Consistency will remedy the problem. I've been throught this with at least 2 of my 3 kids. Try not to take it personal--she really doesn't know that she's hurting you. Developmentally she is learning cause and effect at this age.
Hi K.,
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time! I totally understand. My second son was 27 pounds at a year and had this rip roaring temper. He would get so mad he'd bite our coffee table in frustration! He started biting about 14 months and would just walk up to one of us or a sibling and bite...for no apparent reason. We tried EVERYTHING...swatting, time outs, taking away snacks or treats, isolation for a period of time etc.. NOTHING worked until one day he bit his brother on the leg and drew blood. I think out of total frustration I took his little arm and bit him back. Not as hard as to draw blood but hard enough to totally hurt. He cried and cried and so did I. However...he never bit again! We seriously had tried everything for 3 months! Anyhow...don't know if this is the answer for you, but it worked.
I would also suggest sign language. We had 4 and raised 5 kids and sign language was a life saver. at 14 months she's totally able to sign her intentions. start here: www.babysignlanguage.com
best wishes,
K.
Because you love that little girl, you have to shape her behavior today. I know she is only two, but she is taking advantage of your unconditional love for her and it is only going to get worse.
I re-read above and I realize it sounds harsh. I work in a daycare with 2-6 year olds. Every day I see sweet kids who follow directions and who share and who seem well adjusted and well balanced... and then mom comes in to pick them up and they yell, or throw a fit, or hit their mom, or ignore their mom. I get right in there and tell them to respect their mother, etc. We have to help shape these children to be the people they will become. Your daughter will not mind you later if she thinks she can get away with bad behavior over and over.
I think you need to put your daughter in time-out right away and every time she hurts you. Speak firmly, but with respect. Be consistent. She'll get the picture quickly. And don't give the snuggles too soon after. Make sure she understands she hurts you and that's not okay, then snuggles for an apology...I love you even when you make bad choices
good luck
My 20 month old gets a stern NO BITING. That IS OWIE. NO. And a timeout when she bites. The stern voice and the timeout made her cry/pout and I'm happy to say she stopped biting...it took 3 times. I would be very stern if I were you and make there be a consequence. But don't take it personally! I bet she does it with you bc she feels safest with you.
Been there, done that and I DID cry. It FINALLY passed.
They say we hurt the ones we love the most--BUT LITERALLY?
It's totally normal, and actually something that should make you feel loved, not get your feelings hurt. Your daughter is exploring what she's capable of, and you're the one and only person she's comfortable enough with to experiment. Seriously. She's trying to communicate with you by pinching you. It means she cares enough to want you to pay attention to her... but just doesn't know how to say it with words. At 15 months, she's well within the normal range if she doesn't have any words but it's frustrating for both you and her I'm sure. I'd suggest trying to teach her a few sign language words (more, all done, stop, please, those types of things) so she can communicate by more than pinching.
And as hard as it is, don't let your feelings get hurt. She's not trying to cause you pain. She loves you and wants your attention and for you to understand her. At this age she just doesn't know how to properly tell you. Keep doing what you're doing (telling her that she's hurting you) and help her learn to express herself through sign. You can google 'baby signs' and it will show you how to teach her to express herself until she's using more words.
