Six Year Old Very Tempermental

M.,

The first thing to do would be to take her to see her pediatrician. It occasionally happens that a sudden change in temperament can be linked to something medical, like adeveloped allergy to something in her diet or environment, and it's important to rule that out.

Second, it is apparent that something has changed for her that is causing some kind of stress or anger. Talk to her teacher to see how she is doing in school, both with her work and her behavior. Is she getting along well with the other children? Is she acting out in class? Sometimes a kid who is having a social problem at school acts out her negative feelings at home, where she feels safer, because she's surrounded by people she knows love her, even if that's not what she's saying.

If neither of those lead to some insight as to what is going on, then talk to her doctor about a referral to a psychologist who specializes in children. A lot of these doctors work through play therapy, and it can be remarkably successful. It may be a maturity thing. She's only six, and she may for the first time be truly understanding your family dynamic, particularly with having s "step". A lot of the kids she goes to school with have step-parents I bet, and if they are displaying dislike or contempt for that person in their lives, your daughter may just think that's the way she's supposed to feel about him. A psycholigist will be qualified to work with her on getting an explanation of what is causing anger or unhappiness, and be able to tell you how to work through it, and how to discipline though it, as well, because you still have to. No matter what her problem is, it's NOT okay to take it out on her little brother.

Best of luck M., to you and your little girl.

Jess

Just my opinion, but sometimes children dont need discipline, sometimes they need reasurrance. You say this all started with her starting school almost like she felt punished for being a big girl. no siblings get to stay home withy you all day but you dont want her. silly I know but she is young. I would try reverse on her. when she hits, you hug. When she says mean things to dad. Tell her how much she is loved. Like Im sorry you hate me because I love you. Try doing things with her. I know its probably hard with two other children at home but can you do something like grocery shopping be the two of you alone. Sounds small but it might work and if not what have you lost?

my five year old started acting that way when her baby sister was born. maybe she is being teased in school, or is adjusting to your new job. the dr told me to spend a little extra quality time with her with no one else involved. and it actually worked.she has outbursts every now and then but not as before when the baby first came home. maybe a nice conversation at night time before bed. make a ritual together. there are always child psychiatrists as well.. hope it works out for u

M.,
I am not sure what your daughters' school day is like but I am guessing first grade is ALOT different than kindergarten was. Usually it is much more structured and a little less fun. The change may be a little too much for her. Does she wake up at night looking for you? Even if her dad is there she may really have a problem with the fact that you arent. You chose the best hours to go back to work with kids. I would talk to the school psychologist or your daughters' counselor and see how school is going and see if she will talk to one of them. If not, you could try an outside psychologist to see what the problem is. Sometimes kids will tell someone else before their own parents. Do you have a good friend that your daughter is close to? She may open up to them too. You obviously cant have her hitting her brother, let alone hurting the whole family with her comments. Good luck and let us know how things go.

M.,

I have a daughter who is just a year older then yours. I have had similar problems with her on and off when things in our life have changed. The thing that works for me is to just sit down and talk to her. Explain to her in a way in which she will understand why things have changed and that it isn’t a bad thing that they have change, and that’s just how things are. I also give her a chance to tell me how she is feeling and I try to relate to her feelings, and do what I can to make the transition for her as painless as possible.

The other thing that helped me was to spend some special one-on one time together doing something that she wanted to do. Sometimes it was as easy as just taking the dog for a walk around the block talking only about what it was she wanted to talk about. Other times we would just have an afternoon on a Saturday where we would go to her choice of movie and have lunch at her choice of restaurant.

I hope this can help you … Best of Luck… S.