Somebody Took Something of Mine Without Asking

That sucks. People are weird. People do strange things. You didn't mention whether it was very expensive. Either way, though, it's just one of those unfortunate things you'll have to accept. The thief will never own up to it and all the innocent ones will think you are nuts if you make a huge issue out of it. There's a good chance you could falsely accuse someone and lose a friend - so I would just let it go.

Some things will always remain a mystery. We had a relative (husband's side) stay with us and a very precious family heirloom from my side of the family came up missing. To this day, I know the young man took that 3 generation wedding ring with my great grandmother's name engraved in it and 3 generations of engagement diamonds set into it. But I learned that no matter how you ask, it is doubtful that someone who would take something would admit it when asked. Sneaking about and taking things is not something a person who is mature in honesty will do. So it is not likely that their potential for honesty will suddenly mature and they will confess. Unless you can get CSI to come in and take everyone's finger prints, you may never learn who did this. Interestingly enough, that young man never returned to our home in more than 30 years now. He is certain to know that I would never turn my back on him again, even though we never directly accused him. Not making a huge issue of it with the family prevented setting up conditions where others might think we were falsely accusing him, taking sides, and arguing. None of that would have gotten the ring back and it wasn't worth starting a war. There are few material things that hold any value for me, but I admit that ring was meaningful to me, especially because it was also a graduation gift to me.

To take something like a bottle of perfume indicates a severe lack of maturity in an adult. Weren't there older teens or very young adults there? People that age will often experiment with risky behaviors that they will soon outgrow. Some people do these sorts of things as a compulsive behavior. In most cases, the only thing you can do is eventually figure that out and avoid that person. That won't get your perfume back, but it might help you to decide to not become overly suspicious with everyone.

There is always the possibility that you may soon find that one of the people who attended the party has a familiar scent about them. {:c) That is not proof, but it could cause you to become awfully suspicious of that person. That would be difficult to ignore, but I would still advise you to require more proof.

Having lived with much loss at the hands of relatives and others I allowed into our lives over the years, I can only tell you that the more I mature, the more I learned to sense when I should not invite people into my home. One of life's greatest lessons to me was that I could love everyone, but it is wise to not give away trust easily. I see every betrayal and trust I endured as tuition for that lesson.

Life has too much potential for great and joyful things to let a bottle of perfume slow you down and distract you.

You really don't know who took it, and it was in poor taste to call everyone who came to the party to accuse them. You just have to take these things in stride. Someone you invited stole something of yours, but trying to find out will offend all of your friends, as you've discovered. It was only a bottle of perfume, and things are just things, anyway. Obviously the thief is worse off than you if s/he would steal a bottle of perfume from a friend.

I understand exactly how violated and robbed you feel. Someone stole my Sony Digital Book Reader last January. It's hard. The month was cold and the daycare kids and I were staying home everyday. So I was reading my books every afternoon during nap time. Moms would come to the door to pick up their kids and I would lay it on the cabinet inside the door. They all knew I had it and asked me about the books I was reading. I had bought tons of books and this thing is so expensive. Everyone knew how excited I was and how I loved the fact that I could read late at night when the kids were sleeping because it had it's own light. I didn't take it anywhere and I didn't have any family or friends over at all when it was stolen. So the person that took it from me essentially got about 3-4 weeks of free daycare for the cost of all the books, tax, shipping and the unit itself was brand new. In fact, I'm still making payments on it!

I didn't know what to do. I talked with everyone in general about how bad I felt. I knew no one would fess up. Some of the parents seemed hurt that I suspected a parent. But I told them as I talked about it why it couldn't be anyone else. At the time, I didn't even have any teens living in the home so I couldn't have even thought that it could have been stolen to pawn. I did call all the pawn shops in the area and I watched Craigslist for weeks to see if anyone was selling one used.

I contacted the Sony corporation because books are bought directly from them and the unit is registered in my name. But they said they would not tell me if someone else tries to buy books or says they bought it used unless I filed a police report. I decided to just drop it because if I filed a report the police might actually want to talk to my daycare moms and the innocent ones already felt bad enough. I'll never know who took it and only one parent left my services shortly after that. The one that left had been with me for 4 years. So I sure hope it wasn't her.

It's a very creepy feeling to think that someone would do that to someone, when we work so hard to make everyone else so happy. Providing parties, or services, or just being good friends toward others often ends in this sort of thing. It's no wonder some people become hermits.

So the how it turned out is I still don't have a new book reader because they are sold used on Ebay for only about 20 dollars less than brand new! I can't afford another when I am still making payments on the first ones. I'm just SOL. I guess whoever took it feels I am somehow living high off the hog on them and their children and that I don't really earn my living caring for children 7 days per week, 24 hours per day!

I might not interrogate the other moms, obviously there's a thief in the mix. No one is going to own up to it. If you have them over again, lock rooms and have a "mommy's helper" over so you can monitor. Frankly, I'd avoid them...but, in small towns, that's not
possible. It sounds like someone did steal it to me... Sorry!

G'Morning S., What a dilemma, sucky one too. Since you have already asked everyone that was in your home and no one admitted taking it, there really isn't anything else you can do.
Someone doesn't have a conscience or guilt meter.
I know how you can make the guilt go a little deeper if your up to it. It may work and then it may not. Never can tell. Get a card for each adult or mom that was in your home during the "Perfume Caper". Thinking of you or a friendship card. Write a nice little note of apology stating how sorry you were to jump to conclusions, you must of just misplaced it somewhere and forgot about it or loaned it to your sister, mom, aunt whatever. It will turn up sometime you are sure.
Or something along those lines.
There is a chance the next time they are in your home it may turn up in the most obscure place.
Somewhere you may never think of checking ( in their mind) In the back of a drawer, under towels, behind something else or put to the back of your display where it isn't so obvious, some where that it can't just be seen by a glance. If it doesn't show up you have to either get better friends or let it go and hope they don't do it again. ( it hard to admit your a kleptomaniac or thief that is a given)
Or next best thing is to replace it and never mention it again. If anyone else mentions seeing it in your display only say you bought another, as you just couldn't find it. Easier to replace then keep searching. ( guilt button on the sly)

My mom had a sister in law that was forever going through her bathroom cabinets, no idea why but every time they came to play cards this SIL would open all the cabinets and look around, move things etc... I could hear her from my room, so I mentioned it to mom what she would do. The next time they came to play cards Mom had rigged the cabinet, she had a big plastic something or other filled with marbles leaning on the door so when it was opened the marbles spilled all over the floor with a loud clatter.
Then there was a note taped to the inside of the door, "Find what you were looking for? If not ask I will be glad to help you"!! She never snooped in the cabinets again.

Sorry S. you had this happen to you as well as reading Suzi's story what a Bummer that was!! I would still be upset also. I think I might of put up a Huge sign stating Reader lost or misplaced free weeks child care for who ever finds it...lol See how quick it was returned no questions asked.

Thats just me though
God Bless you S., so sorry it happened
K. nana of 5
PS If anything goes missing here I just need to call my childs and get it back. Good luck to them if they can find anything worth taking.

S.,
I see where you're coming from. I would be upset too because it's not the fact that someone stole something that you can't replace, but the principle behind the gesture. I wouldn't want to be friends with a compulsive liar or thief.

I know you have gotten a lot of responses, and I havent read all the them, but if you are calling someone asking them if they took something of yours, a lot of people are going to take this as you are saying that they stole something from you. I know this is upsetting to you, but you have no proof (besides the fact its missing) that someone stole this from you. If someone did steal it, it was only one person. So the fact that you got on the phone asking innocent people if they stold someone from you is a little harsh if you ask me. There is probably no way you will ever figure it out. So let it go. Next time you have an event put the stuff away. This is sad that someone would do that to you (if they did) but this will upset a lot of people. I would be devastated if someone called me and asked me if I took something from their home, because I would never do that. Hopefully down the road you dont find it and feel really bad. Let it go.

And after reading your update, I dont think you should have parties at your home anyways, Maybe have the kids party's at a public place so you dont have to accuse people of stealing or making a mess in your home.

My husband is a very antisocial person so to avoid all of these potential problems, we have parties off-site. parks usually (no cost) just a thought.

I recently had a checkbook taken from my box of checks. I knew it was there when the checks came (I look to make sure the bank didn't miss one). So, after looking throughout the house several times, I had to deduce the book was taken. I mean really...ONE book just falls out mysteriously (top of the box is replaced) and is not found anywhere in the house?!
I hate to think that some one whom I had invited into my home would search through my things and STEAL! I mean, they were looking to write checks for God only knows how much!!!
It caused a lot of headache, too. It was recommended by the bank to close the account (I had this account since 1988! My first account ever!) and start a new one since the whereabouts of the book were still unknown. UGGHH!
Anyway, I know how you feel...violated. It's just maddening!
I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you can learn from it and move on. It's really all you can do at this point.
Sorry :(

I am so sorry that someone violated your home in that way. I do think that you need to just chalk it up to experience and try and forget it. You are going to alienate some of the other Moms by seeming to "accuse" them of stealing something and the guilty party is NOT going to admit it!!!

Several years ago we had invited people from our Sunday School class over for Thanksgiving Dinner since we didn't have any family in town and figured others didn't also. One of the families brought a woman that they were helping out and we didn't know her. Well, we have a coat closet and had everyone put their coats in it (it snowed the day before) and the Saturday after Thanksgiving I went to go put on my leather bomber jacket and it was gone, but in its place was jean jacket. After racking my brain out trying to figure out whose jacket it was and where was mine...we deducted who had taken it and decided that she probably needed it more than I did. I loved that jacket and didn't have another heavy coat either, but we dealt with it.
Not that your perfume is needed by anyone else, but apparently they felt they needed it. It is only a possession and can be replaced. Next time make sure you close your door and make sure people know that your bedroom is off limits. That is what we do when we don't want others in our room. Hope this was somewhat helpful. Good luck and God Bless.

I am not too attached to things on this earth to get overly upset. I would just go buy another bottle if it were me. I have people in and out of my house all the time especially teenagers and have taught my kids that if they have anything special that they don't want taken especially money to hide it out of sight. I remember when we were little and very poor, my brother had worked hard for the little money he got and we had some very close friends over and some of his money came up missing while they were there. We were shocked that this would happen considering who the friends were but didn't make a big deal out of it and just prayed for them that whoever did take the money that they would learn from it and not become a habit and ruin their lives. We just learned to not have it sitting out where it would be tempting to take. It is just sad that anyone would violate your trust that way especially when they had a lot more and got just about anything they wanted and we lived very poor and worked hard for anything we got. I think the kid learned a lesson later in life when they had something stolen and sometimes what comes around goes around. We are still friends with this family and the kids all turned out fine. From that experience I just teach my kids that if they have anything important that they don't want others to break or possibly steal then they need to put it away where it isn't seen easily.

what you're feeling is a betrayal of trust. It hurts, it makes you question many things....& the feeling will stay with you for some time....but will eventually fade.

That said, I'll share my horror story: when our neighbors moved in several years ago, we knew them by mutual acquaintance. One night, the husband met us out front & invited us over. While we were sitting there with their friends, the husband disappeared....for about 15 minutes.

During this time, our dog had a barking fit...barking towards our house. Also during this time, the wife had the kids check in their house for him....& she also checked-the house, the garage, out front...everywhere. When he returned, he refused to say where he had been...& she truly grilled him! We thought it was really strange, but knew that the entire group was drunk on their butts....so we just kinda shrugged it off & headed home as quick as we could.

I went home first, & was shocked to smell booze all thru our bedroom hallway. My 1st thought was that our son had stopped by home for something, but then realized that we had never heard his loud car. That's when I realized that our neighbor had been all thru our house ....while we were at his at his invitation.

To this day, my own husband still doesn't quite believe the story. BUT, I know....I know what I smelled, I know our dog was having a fit-all aimed toward our house...as in he was jumping on the french door, just barking his head off.

I KNOW what my neighbor did....but other than calling in the police, I also felt that we had no recourse....other than to begin locking our doors. We live in a small town, moved here from St Louis. For the first 15 years we lived here, we were able to leave the house open. As of this event, we've joined the mores & rules of this century.....& mourn the loss of security from the last.

I wish you Peace & the strength to trust again.

I know you feel betrayed and hurt that someone would do this but it was in poor taste to call and inquire about it...if I kid couldn't get it then obviously you are accusing one of the parents and doubtless they AREN'T going to fess up...Next time just make sure your bottles are put away from sticky fingers. It's sad that we've come to that in this day and age but it's what it is...accept it and move on...someone is a theif/liar and you don't and may never know who it is. Unfortunatley, for the sake of your son, accept it and move on.