Troubled Teenager

See if there are any city or state programs to help. They usually work by income and can help you find the help you need. In Illinois, there is a program called SASS that helps kids with problems. It is helping me get counseling for my daughter.

T.:

I'm truly sorry you are going through this. It's now a matter of tough love. You've tried to be nice. Now? It's time to NOT be nice. As much as I feel for you - stop crying. Start REACTING. PLANNING.

STOP YELLING. STOP SCREAMING. STOP BEGGING.
Ask him to talk with you. Get him in a car and drive - then he can't just get up and walk out of the room...

Try working with the police - maybe getting him in the scared straight program? Maybe sending him to a military academy? You might be able to get a grant for that.

I'm surprised the school is not working with him. There should be counselors at his school.

Go to your church and ask for guidance. They might be able to direct you into a program as well.

Not sure if you're really from Texas - so if not - sorry.

http://www.shepherdshillacademy.org/
http://www.eagleranchacademy.com/
http://www.zioneducationalsystems.com/Help-for-Troubled-T...
http://www.troubledteensearch.com/Group-Homes-for-Trouble...

Find out if your medical insurance covers counseling. And get into family counseling. get to the root of the problem - not just the bad friends he's hanging with, but WHY does he need to act this way? What is upsetting him? Has someone abused him and he's afraid to tell you so he's acting out?

I'm truly sorry. I hope your son gets the help he needs. I STRONGLY recommend counseling not just for him - but for your entire family!

Good luck!! I'll be praying for you!

Kids at this age suffer from "Super Man syndrome" They think they can do what ever they want and no one is going to stop them. They also have this thinking "YOLO" you only live once. They see no future. Stop trying so hard. He is not going to listen to you. A strong will child will not listen. I know b/c I have one. I have a super man 13 yr old. He has crushed my heart. I have just stepped back, from him and told him he is going to suffer the consequence for his actions. I will not save him. I can not afford to ruin my health & sanity over HIS decisions. It hurts when they do things to destruct there life. If you cry don't cry in front of him. I cry in the shower.
The total transformation website has a lot of good info and if you subscribe to there newsletter they send you good articles and it doesn't cost anything.

The bootcamps are all very expensive, unfortunately. And they are not always effective.

Fifteen is a very tough age, even for well-adjusted kids. I wouldn't repeat age 15 with any of my kids, even though they all did well in school and didn't get into trouble. They were all very unpleasant at 15.

He needs a male mentor. Look into the Big Brothers volunteer organization. You can google it. I think you should start there.

Don't try to get your son to "understand" things by lecturing him -- I guarantee you that he is not going to say to you, "Oh yes, mother, you are so correct, smoking is bad for me and I won't do it." Keep your sentences short and sweet, and don't expect him to agree with you. He doesn't have to agree, he just has to do it. Say, "No smoking in the house." Period.

But contact the Big Brothers organization right away -- he really needs a male role model. I also agree with suggestions below to look at in-residence programs. They are very effective, if you can get your kid into one. The Scared Straight program is a good idea too.

Good luck.

I have a friend who has a son.
Single parent.
Via the "Big Brothers, Big Sisters" organization, she got him a mentor.
And that really helped a ton.
They are in most States. See if your city has one.
Her son did not have any "male" role model nor any male to just talk to etc.
Her Ex, is a total looser and jerk.
Anyway, through the organization, her son got a Mentor and that really helped.
Here is the link for the organization:
http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16...

You also should try talking to his school's Counselor.
That would be free.
The school Counselor can meet with him regularly etc.
Or maybe the Counselor will have other resources to help you, that would not cost a lot.

Please contact NAMI National Alliance on Mental Health for some support.
I will be praying for you and your family.

Have you reached out to the school, a church group, or other family members about getting your boy help? I am sure the school counselors would have some sort of direction to lead you in. Does the boy have any male role model/figure in his life to look up to? It sounds to me like he is in strong need of that. (Big brothers, YMCA.... those types)
Lastly, when you caught him smoking pot in your home, why didn't you call the police? I don't know if that's the right choice, but I think it I were all out of answers and support, that would be a tough choice I would have to make. If he were arrested, he would have to go in front of a judge and then be ordered some sort of punishment. Perhaps you could then have a chance to speak up and voice your concerns to the judge. Maybe he or she could order some sort of scared straight program or at the very least counseling. Good luck. I really can't imagine how you must feel.

So far he has only disrespected you and the school. When my younger sister needed help, she refused to eat. My older sister called 911 because she was passing out, due to the lack of food. They told my sister she was not breaking a law. In trying to get help, my sister said the magic words..."She is in danger of hurting herself and slowly committing suicide". The cops showed up and took her in for an evaluation and she now gets the help she needs.

No one wants to see their child or sibling hand cuffed and hauled off, but if that is what it takes to get them help, then do it.

Keep that in mind if he is at all in danger of hurting himself, even if it is as simple as refusing to eat.

Somebody mentioned finding him a male role model. That sounds like a good idea.

Can you spend more time with him when you are not working if he's willing? Do things together. Sit down and talk to him about his day. Take walks together. Rent a movie from the library and watch it together. Show him you want to spend time with him and value him instead of being the mom he wants to run away from. You will push him away further if you are constantly yelling at him or telling him he's a disappointment. I'm sure he is crying for help. He's crying for rules, structure, love, respect.

Are you religious? I have my 12 year old son n a religious program at my Catholic church. It's called the Edge. They hang out, play dodgeball, eat pizza, and they teach them God's word. The teen vesion is called Life Teen. I think they even go on camping trips. They don't turn anyone down because of money. I encouraged his best friend to join too because based on his parents' habits (they drink, don't give him rules, both fathers don't work. One does drugs) I can see him going down the wrong path and bringing my son with him.

Best of luck to you! So glad you are on top of this and hope you can change things for the better.

I'm so sorry you are going through this - it's so scary when teens act out because they are so big now, it's hard to control.

You're right that you need more help - there's no shame in that. Talk to the resources you already have available: your child's doctor, the school guidance counselor, even the police (who often know of programs that can help turn kids around before they get into legal problems). If you've reported him as a runaway, then he's already "in the system" and believe me, they want to see him turn around before his stealing and other activities escalate.

I am sure you are eligible for state aid, and that there are programs you just aren't familiar with. Don't worry so much about what you can afford. Your town probably has a department of family and children's services, so that's another place to inquire.

You are right that your son is crying out for help - this is a tough age but it's a perfect time because he's a long way from being 18 and able to make his own decisions. The sooner you act, the longer you will be able to get services for him without him saying "no". A friend of mine had a daughter who rebelled, ran away, got in with the wrong people and so on - he was able to get her assigned to a highly structured program, short term, in a locked unit with complete security. She turned around just great and says her dad saved her life. Be strong and be firm, and be willing to do something really hard right now for the payoff later.

Since you are lower income you can apply to the state for a medical card for him and get mental health care free. He needs to see someone and perhaps start on some meds so he will feel better.

A close friend of mine sent her son to Eagle Ranch in Utah. I believe it is expensive but I believe they have payment plans. Anyway, it's not a boot camp but is a place for troubled youth to be held accountable for their actions. They work with a lot of counselors and he has a weekly Skype therapy date with my friend, her husband, and his counselor. There are a series of steps that they have to get through, and they earn privileges once they get to each step. It has been an amazing program for my son's friend and he is a changed boy. He's still in the program so we'll see how hw is when he gets out, but it has been a lifesaver so far.

Good luck to you and your family...
Stephanie

Do you have someone who would be a good role model you can send him to? I’ve worked in therapeutic group homes, teaching children like yours. If you don’t have anyone to send him to I would contact some in-residence programs and discuss financial assistance, such as Wingate. They will not just help your teen behave better but also get to the root of the issue and work with your entire family to restructure the way things are. Know that you are not alone