So, I go home Friday night and husband is in kitchen waiting for me. He is acting like a kid who just got something for Christmas, but at the same time, looks scared. He tells me what he has suspected all along is true - he has ADHD and has just been diagnosed. He said the doctor told him he is a very typical case (anger outbursts, cannot finish projects, late, cannot pay attention even when he wants to, impulsive behavior like driving too fast even when shouldn't). He said he is on a plan to get help from this doctor and he is happy! I am happy too!
Also, he finally said yes to counseling. I didn't badger, I didn't beg. He said If it is important to me, he will try it (but of course had to add he didn't know if it will really do anything. haha). But, it is definitely a start. I am so excited to see what the doctor and the counselor can do to help us. I know he really loves us, as I can tell his sincerity when he says it, as can the kids.
We also discussed the way he teases the kids. He had no idea how it looked from the outside and says he will stop. He agrees our job is to build them up. (some of you asked how son reacts to daddies teasing, he laughs, it doesn't bother him. I was the one bothered. But either way, it is going to stop or I will make it stop).
So, for a question - any good news on your marriage progress you;d like to share? I am on cloud nine today with hope.
http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-in-marriage-and-... (even the outbursts and driving too fast!)
I am seriously floored as I read articles on ADHD and how much the symptoms are just like my husband. But make NO mistake, he is responsible for fixing it and keeping up with whatever program, medication, etc the doctor prescribes. I will not fall back into the name calling and outbursts and teasing. I am opening up a separate checking account just in case.....I so hope this works!
* To answer a ? - He got tested because he shared with me he suspected he has had this for a long time and has never been diagnosed. He cannot remember where he put his keys, wallet, money, shoes, is irritable, impulsive at some things, cannot concentrate, etc.
YEA S.!! This is great news! Now he can be responsible for his words and actions! I am so happy for you!!!
Hugs hugs hugs!!!
D.
WOOOHOOO!!!
That's so exciting! He was probably angry that he couldn't control himself. My brother was/is like this. They act out but don't like that they can't control it.
I'm soooo happy that he's agreed to counseling. I wonder what made him get tested for ADHD? In any case, it's a good start!
Good luck, S.!
I think that's awesome!!! If he followes through and addresses this then kudos! I think the proper meds and counseling to address is just what you need.
The counseling my husband and I've had has helped us tremendously! Please keep us posted. when does he start meds and is he willing to go to first apt after Thanksgiving? I would also look for a new counselor that will not just listen but give you both techniques on communication and healthy boundaries. Blessings :)
Yay!! I'm so happy for you, S.!! This is such fantastic news!
Good news for me: I was really down on my marriage lately and my husband's interaction (or lack of) with our son. We had a really big "reconnect" this weekend, and I am feeling much better.
: )
Excellent!
Are you SURE you're not married to my ex???
[I know you're not, but seriously.... WAY to eerily similar]
My ex was diagnosed ADHD after he got remarried because his wife INSISTED he see a specialist. And he didn't want to have to get a divorce again. Because she'd take him for all he had [unlike me].
I wonder if his mother didn't convince him to do this.
What an awesome update, S.. I only wish the very best for you and your family. May this be the start to new beginnings for your marriage and family! Best wishes!! xo
We are on cloud 9 with you!!!!!! S., that is amazing news and I have so much hope for you!
You are a smart girl to still protect yourself, verbally (standing up for yourself) and financially. He is taking responsibility by taking the first step and he needs to keep it up! Stay strong, girl!
S.:
This is ROCKIN' good news!! your husband has acknowledged he has a problem and is FINALLY acknowledging he needs to work on it!!
Go to counseling with an open mind!!
Keep in mind there will be adjustments that need to be made to your husband's medication - should that be the road he decides to go down. The medication can take a while to "get into the system" and work for him.
My marriage is the same - 14 years and still chugging along!! :) We have our ups and downs and muddle through it!!!
I'm SSSSSSOOOOOOO happy for you!!! I hope that he sticks to his word and is able to see the ramifications of his actions and change them!!
Good for him. This is a giant step. He is going to be so much happier to know what is going on and to have a plan.. He needs to learn to askk for help.
Your part will be to help him figure out what he needs to get through each day. You also need to accept, he is never going to be able to do certain things.. It is just not there for him.. Acceptance of who he is and his realization, this is ok.. is all a part of this diagnosis.
Oh, S.!
That is fabulous news :) SO happy to hear! Will continue to keep you guys in my prayers.
Hope you and your family have a very Happy Thanksgiving ~ a lot to be thankful for right now!!
Yay you!!! That is great news!
wow - thanks for sharing this!
YAYYY!!!!
Wishing you lots of luck and happiness.
Thanks for sharing the good news. I feel like I was hard on you... I am happy he has made a turn for the better! Happy Thanksgiving. You now have more to be thankful for.
Thanks for sharing!! Long road ahead but you both are moving in the same direction!!
You may want to look into the Autism side of the spectrum. ADHD does not cause anger. Aspergers has anger and all the symptoms of ADHD. Just look into it because the meds for ADD do not help with the anger.
My marriage is still easy. :) He even got called out of town so I don't have to deal with snoring and cover stealing tonight. :p
I'm so excited for you :)
Oh I'm so happy for you! That is wonderful...sounds like this could be the beginning of a new chapter for your family.
Oh how wonderful! I hope he follows through and this helps your marriage.
I'm so glad he's agreed to go to counseling - I think you'll need it to help change your collective behaviour patterns, and help heal the damage his behaviour has caused. You may want to also encourage the kids to have at least a few sessions with a counselor as a safe environment to talk about their feelings about all that has happened.
Good luck - I know you'll keep us in the loop - hopefully as your marriage heals.
That is so GREAT!
What a relief that he is taking responsibility for addressing the issues that you ALL have been dealing with. :))
My S.! I have missed you much!
I am so glad you have answers now and are working on a solution. I know you will get through this! Marriage is REAL hard to does suck sometimes-big time. But, gotta take the good with the bad, well, you dont have to take it, but nothing is perfect and it sounds like he really wants to change the bad and get help with it.
Good luck!! :)
I'm so happy for you!!!
My ex has it and changed jobs like changing underwear. I think in the few years we were married he had something like 17 different jobs. His wife has really helped him grow into a wonderful man. He got a job where every few minutes is something different, he works security, front gate, at a major secure business. He is on his feet checking ID's and other stuff constantly and does very well, he has no time to be bored or getting distracted. He does very well in his life now.
It can be good! Just keep working with him and read up on it in adults. There are some quacks in all areas but find an author who appeals and feels right to you then try their suggestions.
Good luck S.!
Oh S.~ I'm so happy to see this. Maybe your husband didn't like who/how he was either and really wondered what was wrong with him, so he's elated and hopeful about a positive change and will work hard with you now.
Really really happy for you and hope that this is the beginning of a new life for you and your family! Best wishes!
So glad he decided to get help. Now you both have a place to start rebuilding the marriage you want together. Hope your family has a terrific and peaceful Thanksgiving holiday. Best Wishes Always!
J.
S.,
I am so happy for you both!
I wish you all the best.
Knowledge is power and he now KNOWS he needs to address his issues.
Don't give up!
Yeah! Sounds like you guys are off to a great start...2012 will be the best year ever!
YAY!! My friend has a husband and was in the same situation as yours...he was tested and they did counseling and they are amazing now!! It's always work because it's the nature of relationships, but I'm SO happy for you!!!
What wonderful news!! I hope this leads you both on a path of renewed love and hope for each other. I have worked with students with ADHD before and meds can really help. It can be a night and day difference for some, so I would encourage your husband to pursue the medication that is right for him. He will feel so much better and you will also reap that peace as well. Three books I would suggest for you are The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. It is an incredible resource. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This is a great book and will make both of you look at how you interact with each other in a whole new way. Finally, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He believes that men are mostly motivated when they feel respected and women are motivated by feelings of love expressed to them. Here is an excerpt:
We believe love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved. We asked 7,000 people this question: when you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected? 83% of the men said "disrespected." 72% of the women said, "unloved." Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this difference is as different as pink is from blue!
They also offer workshops that are very powerful. Go to www.loveandrespect.com for more information.
Good luck and God bless!
A.
Wonderful news for your family - best of luck on your journey!!! :-)
S., this is the best news I've heard from a mama in a long time. I hope that these revelations continue to bring positivity.
Great news S.! Glad he was checked by a Dr. So many people don't realize that many behaviors are an outward sign of an internal or medical problem.
Wishing you the best on the road ahead and your holidays so much happier!
Great news! Hopefully you can finally have the happy healthy home life you and your children deserve.
Best of luck to you!! I truly feel once a diagnosis is given and ACCEPTED, with treatment accepted too, the road will be much easier. I have been married for 22 years, and this is because my DH has accepted treatment.
I just wanted to tell you that I actually teared up (with hopefulness for you) at your post... I'm so happy for this fresh start for all of you! How wonderful. Keep us posted. Much love!
