Wanting Daddy More than Mommy

My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and she has always preferred me over dad. What I have found to help is for dad to spend quality time with her. We are trying to schedule at least one night a week where they are alone for the evening. I have found that if he spends even as little as 15 - 30 minutes of time where she has his undivided attention that she is much more likely to want him to do things with her. The less time he spends with her the more he gets "no mommy do it!" Maybe a little quality time is what you need with your daughter - without daddy in the house.

I've been told that girls that have a strong bond with their daddy grow up wonderfully and get in less trouble. My daughter is almost the same way. She totally preferred him over me but it has gotten less over time. She wouldn't even let me put her to bed or comfort her if she bumped something. Now she comes to me for certain comforts and not to him. Daddy tends to be the pushover too and I the rule maker so she knows that. Is it that way with you too? It will pass and get better trust me - I've been there and it's really getting better. Hang in there. Girls always need their mom.

My daughter did this when she was just a little older than your daughter. I was pregnant with my son at the time. It was awful. The logical grown up part of me would say over and over "she's not doing it to hurt your feelings, she doesn't understand, etc" but at other times I would just cry. Even though she's little it does hurt.

It has gotten better, although it did take a while. What I found was that pushing me rather than dad really backfired. So when she'd say "no, I want daddy to read me stories" and he, being supportive, would say "you're hurting mommy's feelings, let her read you stories" she would just dig in her little heels and refuse. And that actually hurt my feelings more. So I got to the point where I would just try to let it go and de-escalate.

More recently (she's now 3.5) she would demand daddy when I picked her up at daycare (which I do every day). It was such a button pusher for me. We've come up with some ways to avoid this behavior, and that makes it much better. The more she can talk the better it will get, I bet.

Hopefully this is a phase that passes quickly. I'm sorry you're going through it. But it's absolutely no reflection whatsoever on you as a mother. I maybe should add that I think that my daughter and I have a great relationship, in spite of her daddy-centeredness. Also, I now have a 15 month old son, and he seems much more attached to me, so my husband does have a little taste of how terrible it feels to be on the other end of the "no, I want..." demand. Not that I wish it on him, but I think he didn't really understand how upsetting it is until it happened to him. Good luck.

My son wants Daddy more than me most times. I do think it is a phase because after awhile he now switches back and forth.It is very painful, at least i thought it was/is. I attributed my sons phase that I am a stay at home Mom and Dad works. But from what I have heard from other Mom's all their kids went through it. Now my son does have moments like when he is sick that he wants only me. But the Dada times are still on the higher end...it will pass. Until then try to get something done while she is with Dad and enjoy a moment to yourself. It might not last long.

hi N.,
dont worry, its just a phase!! all babies do this at some point. she will switch back and forth - right now she wants daddy, but at a later time, she will want YOU, and nothing to do with HIM. at other times, she will want no one, as she becomes more independent. the rest of the time, she will want both of you the same. she doesnt know shes hurting you, shes just more interested in him right now.so dont worry, its just a phase and it will pass.

C.