Wanting to Rekindle with Ex but He Is Worried About Custody

Do not relocate for him unless he is free and ready to commit to a relationship with you, you do not want to be the "other woman".

Back off and move on. Learn boundaries (this isn't something you should be discussing with your 8 year old!). Get some counseling. Regardless your feelings, this man is your EX and he's in a relationship. The fact that you would even consider engaging in an adulterous affair is a sign that you have boundary and respect issues. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat ON you. If you'd condone cheating, what kind of behavior are you modelling for your child? What kind of relationship do you really expect to have if you're a cheater?

ETA: There is no way in heck you should uproot your daughter to move there. Absolutely not. Have some self respect, woman! If this man loves you, HE can get out of his relationship in a healthy way and y'all can work on what to do from there. Don't pick up and move for this. If your best friend or sister or mother were talking like this, you'd tell her to take off the rose colored glasses and GROW up!

His "now girlfriend"? Really? You are even considering being in a relationship with this man? And your daughter is involved in this? So you're teaching her it is okay to be involved with someone who is involved with someone else? Ugh. No wonder people think it's okay to cheat!!!

Sorry, but my husband cheated on me before we were married. When I talked to the "woman" - and I use that term very loosely so my response isn't banned - the things she told me he said about what was going on in our house were so far from he truth. He said those things so he could get her to feel bad for him, when in fact things at home (at least from my point of view) were fine. The terms I use for both her and my husband for those decisions are far from kind.

You stay away from him. Cut him out of your life. Sorry, but he is an ex for a reason. Go back and remember why he is your ex. Also, if you even enteratin for another milisecond about getting with him, put yourself in the "now girlfriend"s shoes, because those will be yours. Not a matter of if they will be yours, but when. So yes, you should care because it will be you one day, and you will care then.

Stay away. And stop involving your daughter in adult relationship drama. And for the LOVE OF GOD!!! Please do not teach your young, impressionable daughter that it is okay to tear apart another family.

He is in a committed relationship with another woman and has a child. Leave them alone! You are the other woman. Doesn't matter how he got into the situation he is in now because he is IN IT NOW.

Yes, this would make you a homewrecker. You are only hearing one side of the story. You don't know if the lady is doing what he says she is doing. She could be the best mom in the world for all you know.

How would you feel if an ex came into your SO life and started trying to get him back? You would be pissed!

My advice? Leave this man and his family alone. Let him figure out what he wants before anything. He needs to clean his house before he starts anything in your house.

He's an ex for a reason. He's also in a relationship for a reason: he chooses to. I think you should focus on your daughter and yourself and while you are enjoying life, the right guy will come along. Oh and moving to be close to him, worse idea ever!

I typically read ahead to make sure I'm reading it right and didn't miss anything...I admittedly have favorites and like what they say. Today I disagree.

You quit this relationship. For whatever reason you quit the relationship and divorced him. You might not have been thinking clearly due to medical issues, but you quit. NOW you want him back? No. You can't have him back.

He is with another woman. YES! If you move there - uprooting your child - and that's a WHOLE other post - expecting him to drop the "new" girl for you? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? No. You don't get a re-do. You don't get a second chance.

IF he is not happy? Like WW said - he needs to leave on his own. NOT because you guilted him, influenced him, or otherwise coerced him. IF you did - then you would be a home wrecker. You are on the verge of it now with your communications with him. WHY are you e-mailing him?? YOU LET HIM GO!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!

As to your daughter? WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU THINKING??!??!! Your daughter should NOT be involved in this. You are teaching her that it is OKAY to interfere in someone else's relationship because you made a mistake. You are teaching her that it's okay to take back what you willingly gave up, no matter the circumstance, because you made a mistake.

STOP! interfering in his relationship. If it goes south, he can blame you for your interference. So STOP NOW.

Has he "declared" himself to you? Or is he just bitching about his girlfriend to you? You have a Master's but you sound like a teen in high school.

You have an 8 year old - of course she is going to say she just wants you to be happy - Please tell me you have not been discussing your Ex and love life with your 8 year old daughter !!!

Back to the Ex - you broke up with him. Doesn't sound like he put up much of a fight to stay with you then. Now you are an ego boost to him - a possible piece on the side that will boost his flagging self esteem.

If he is the love of your life then he will be there when you both are available to be together. He lives with his child and girlfriend !!!!!

So definitely move to his city....maybe you can arrange play dates with his girlfriend.

Sorry for the snark - but it drives me crazy to see yet another woman who would put a man before her child...who thinks her child has given her a seal of approval because the child said "I want you to be happy"...who would change her entire life for a man who is not committed to her .....to a man she is not actually involved with - just a man she wants to be with.

Are you a home wrecker if you move to try to be with this man?

Of course you are - you are wrecking your own home.

Sorry but the "love of your life" has a family. Move on, it really does not sound like you want to be a home wrecker and frankly, he doesn't sound like a great guy.

In addition to EVERY SINGLE THING that has been said before my answer here, I want to offer two things:

1. Even if he has declared his love for you and wants to be with you and away from this woman, that baby is TOO YOUNG for this to be reasonable. A baby that young means that a certain level of intimacy between the parents is critical to maintain. They'll need to talk constantly about the baby's development, every little thing, all the time. They'll need to interact with each other in a way that they can't interact with anyone else, including you. That's what parents of babies do. Depending on how it goes, that might taper off before baby hits the double digits, but years of maintaining it would be in the way of ANY healthy relationship that you could have with him in the meantime. You and your daughter would NEVER come first, and that would be damaging to you. If this is his first child, then this baby will ALWAYS be his firstborn, with all that that entails.

2. You guys separated two years ago and his child is a year and a half old? I know that that science isn't exact, but it still takes about 38-40 weeks to cook a human, right? That's way too close for my comfort. Whatever the circumstances surrounding your break-up, I would be so very wary of a man who would so quickly have unprotected sex with a stranger.

See it as a series of lessons to be learned--an entire course curriculum could be based on just what we're hearing of your story. Talk to a therapist, and move on. Just because you never felt that feeling before doesn't mean that you can't/won't feel it again. That's what living is for. Figure some stuff out. If you were indeed meant to spend your life with this man, then he will come to you. You don't even want him before then.

I'm sorry, please allow him to give his new family a chance.

:(

There's so much going on here that isn't complete!

You ended a relationship but didn't really have closure. You got your space and took care of some medical problems, and now you want to go back to how things were. And he's someone you "knew" you loved when you first saw him? That was total infatuation and sex appeal, not a relationship! I'm not saying a relationship can't build from that, but it's so unrealistic to think you can know love when it walks in the door!

Your ex had a "one night stand" but has a lifelong obligation - but he is living with this woman, the mother of his child. He's not living with her only because she's the mother of his child! If it were truly a one night stand, he might be supporting the child (a good thing) and speaking to her as a co-parent (a good thing), but he is LIVING with her for entirely different reasons! I don't know how you know that she yells, swears and neglects the child. If he is telling you this, but he continues to live with this woman, he's either making it up to get your sympathy and hope you will rescue him from his misery, or he doesn't care enough about this child to raise him/her in a healthy relationship. So how is he a great father? He's not afraid of going for custody - he doesn't have a good chance because he's not telling you the entire story, and it's not as black and white as you think.

You and he are emailing each other, and it's unclear whether you are both declaring yourself each other's soul mates, or if you're feeling more that way than he is. You say his email made you cry, but I don't know if it's because he hurt you and didn't declare his love for you, or because he did declare his love and you want to be with him. Either way, why are you sharing this with your 9 year old daughter? She's not his child, and even if she were, this is not an issue for a 9 year old to deal with!! You don't involve a child in an adult situation, and you don't make her think that your happiness is tied up with her willingness to move to live with a man who lives with another woman and their child! A 9 year old "just wants you to be happy"? Of course - but is that a child's job?

So now you think you should uproot your child, move her away from her friends and school, just to be with a man who is living with another woman. He doesn't respect this woman because she yells and swears, but he's not doing anything about it - all the action required is on your part. What could go wrong?

A "homewrecker" doesn't break up a healthy relationship. A bad relationship needs to be ended before the person gets involved in another relationship, whether it's with a new person or with an ex. So if their relationship is solid, you can't and shouldn't try to break it up. If their relationship is terrible, he needs to end it. He doesn't need to wait to see if you will change your whole life and then maybe it will be worth it to leave her and come to you. If he leaves her for you, why wouldn't he leave you for someone else in a year?

You are an educated woman with a master's in education. You should know how to educate yourself about life choices. You know the importance of a stable home life in the growth and development of a child. You should know that your daughter's future is dependent on her sense of herself as an independent and strong woman, and that the greatest role model in her life is the same sex parent (you). So do you want to teach her to toss away her life to pursue a man who isn't free, or who isn't someone who respects women enough to be honest with them? I don't think so.

I think you would benefit from some good counseling to help you sort out your past hurts, your past relationships, your goals and your decision-making process.

He may be the love of your life, but at this point I think you may be romanticizing the relationship. At this point, you would be the other woman. IF he truly wants to be with you, he needs to end his relationship and deal with custody before dating you. Personally, I wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole until he had his ducks in a row. You don't want to start your relationship that way. If you chose to move closer to him and he decides to stay with his girlfriend, are you going to move again? That's a lot of change for your daughter. You ended the relationship before, you need to just "date" him before uprooting your entire life.

Good luck!

You gotta suck it up. You let him go and some other woman swooped him up.

News flash. If it were just a one night stand, most men would not have stayed if they didn't want to. He wants to be there.

You lose.

This sounds tough, but you gotta clear your mind of him. Change your cell number, unfriend him on FB, stop talking to your dear baby girl about him. She's taking cues from you. Parent her. Spend time with family, friends, church. Become so busy that you forget about him.

I'm rooting for you.

"The only thing stopping us from being together is about four hours and that he is afraid of going to court for custody in West Virginia"

.....aaaand, the fact that he still has a girlfriend. She isn't only his girl friend because they have a kid together. If that were the case, you would still be with him. He has a kid with you, too. An older kid that was there first.

Please, open your eyes. He's with her because that's where he wants to be.

Please do not yank your child away from her familiar surroundings for a fantasy relationship. And yes, despite the fact you've "known him a decade" and so on, this is now a fantasty relationship. Go back and look at your own post and try to read it as a stranger would: It's one huge "IF." He clearly has not said, I am leaving my girlfriend and child to remarry you. Until and unless he does that, he is not yours.

Even if you and he reunited, his other child with the GF will be in his life forever. Period. And so will the mom. You seem to be forgetting that and brushing it all off as a mere "non-typical family" arrangement but it will profoundly affect your own child: She will have an instant sibling. You will have an instant stepchild to care for, attend to, be responsible for at times, etc. (whether the kid's your legal stepchild or not). And do you want to move only to find out that it does not work out with the ex? That you have put your child into new schools, a new home, etc., limited your own job prospects, moved away from your own and your child's support networks, only to find your ex was really only seeking your sympathy (and maybe something more, if he's tired of the GF) but isn't interested in full, COMMITTED reconciliation?

Never once do you say in the post that HE has directly and clearly asked you to move to be near him, or that he is proposing to leave the GF and marry or live with you. If he has done so, why not post that? So he hasn't done so and this is your own wish, not a clear proposal on his part. Do you see why that is a huge, huge red flag?

Please get some counseling about why you cannot let him go when he is so clearly focused on himself and not on you and certainly not on your daughter (I'm not clear whether your daughter is his or not, from the post; but either way he would act as her dad if you move to be with him -- is he really ready for that role?)

He already shows he'll b**ch about the GF to you; ask yourself, to whom will he eventually complain about you when he starts to tire of you, or feels "trapped" because you moved to be near him?

Talk to a professional about why you are building castles in the air. Stop and put your child first, not your dreams of being back with the ex. Focus on the fact that you have moved on and gotten a master's degree and now can begin giving back to the world by teaching or whatever you want to do with that degree.

I know that many of us on here post a lot to "get counseling" or "find a therapist" but truly, before you uproot yourself and especially your child, I'd cut off contact with the ex and say "I can't hear from you or be in touch until after I figure some things out," and go find a therapist. It is not some admission of defeat to ask a third party to hear you out and help you sort out why you make the choices you make--it can give you some perspective.

I think enough people have commented on the "relationship" part of this. I am also a certified teacher with my MEd. and finding a job here is impossible. Before you move somewhere and think you'll just get a job, you should apply in all the areas you would consider moving to. I know the South needs teachers very badly, but, the pay sucks. I am in the NW where pay is pretty ok, not great, but, there aren't any jobs. I have been surviving by subbing for the last 5 years and it is difficult to do.

You need to care for yourself and your daughter, get a good stable job, and THEN think about your love life. I wish you luck in all of this. But, be smart, responsible, and a good parent before you become romantically involved again with anyone! You only get one chance to raise your daughter.

I think you need to go listen to Gary Chapman's series on Love Languages. Being "IN LOVE" is wonderful, everything about your Love is perfect. I will tell you, straight up, the guy LOOKS prefect to you right now because you aren't dealing with a real human being, day in & day out, warts & all. You are dealing with letters & nice feelings, things that make you feel great, but have no substance. You left him, you have a child who DOES NOT NEED a "father" figure that will be here today & gone tomorrow, once you decide that he isn't such a great guy--AGAIN!

And he has his own Baby Mama Drama that will make life Hell, make no mistake about that! Of course your daughter wants you to be happy! But really, will a man save the day? Is that what you want to teach her?

IMO, apply & get the best job YOU can find, where ever that is. Set up your life as best as possible for you & your little girl, not counting on a man to save you. That's why you worked so hard for your degree, to be self sufficient, to provide for yourself & your child.

If you want to continue trying to get back with your ex, I would suggest you sit down & make a list of both Pros & Cons. And be honest! Dump your nostalgia for your past, which sounds like you are looking at with rose colored glasses.

Sorry, as the daughter of a Mother who always thought that we needed a "Father-Figure"---when really SHE just needed a man...I REALLY get ticked at that thinking. If you think your daughter really needs a Father Figure, look to your brother, your father, uncle, grandfather, etc. Well, as long as they aren't creeps.

And if YOU need a man, then cautiously start dating. Not jumping into it, thinking you are going to be all happy family. And NOT using your daughter's "need" as an excuse to cause interstate drama.

Telling you, as the CHILD watching those decisions, it sucks big time. And guess what? If you go down this road with your ex & in a couple of years you break up again--your girl will think it's her fault!! Because she needed a father figure. And she wants her Mommy to be happy.

Hmmmm....couple thoughts:
•No child should be involved in her mothers loneliness for a man or consulted about relationships
•you had a baby with an abusive man AFTER you left this ex? Choosing is a VERY important part of life.
•most people find it extremely helpful when beginning a new career to focus on that
•take care of the child you have, and that just may NOT means ragging her into a relationship tinged by a custody battle and long distances.
•Make sure this guy isn't just a symbol of a better time in your life with less change going on. You needed "space" for a reason--what was it?

Experiences to share....
The BEST single mom I know?
Put her dating life 2nd to the needs of her son.

Good luck!

Yes it'd make you a home wrecker your messing with another man's family not cool at all doesn't matter the issues he is still with her in a committed relationship that is no longer a one night stand. IF he wanted to be with you he would make the first move. My advice is let that family be you do not know what the family life is like he is only telling you things you KNOW nothing. I suspect he only wants to keep you there to feel good about himself and his child's mother isn't how she is. I would say move on let it be and done get anymore involved or you'll end up hurting yourself and your daughter.

You broke up for a reason.
It was a very good reason.
If his child with this other woman is 1 1/2 and you broke up 2 years ago, then you and he were still together when he fathered this child with her.
It means he has commitment issues and if he's cheated on you once, he's going to keep on doing it.
Consider that he's now willing to cheat WITH YOU when he's in a relationship WITH HER.
Exactly how long do you think it's going to be before he has another kid with yet another woman?
That ship has sailed, and you dodged a bullet.
This isn't love - you are in love with the idea of being in love and this guy CAN NOT, WILL NOT - EVER - return that love to you in the way you need and deserve.
Realize that being obsessed with this guy is not healthy for you or your daughter.
When your time comes to move - move far Far FAR away - like several time zones away - where ever the best job opportunities exist for you.
Raise your daughter and stay away from men for about 10 years and then find one who will beg on his knees to be with you and only you.

Additional:
The only home wrecker there is is the person who keeps bouncing around from bed to bed - in this case it's your ex.
If he can be 'lured away' he's not worth having in the first place.

Is your daughter his daughter? From the sound of this post it sounds like she isn't. So my answer is based on you two having two kids that are not each other's.

Also, by the sound of this post, you find him a lot more appealing now that he has a child and has turned out to be a great father. Before that you had separated. Was he not very good with your young daughter who would have been six and under before you separated?

Should you two be together? None of us have read your emails with your ex and none of us know the details. Maybe. BUT. Only if he breaks up with his child's mother. Which may not happen anytime soon no matter how terrible se is (and men DO love to pretend they are in tough spots and you can't always trust everything you hear). If she's neglectful and verbally abusive, he'd have a good shot at custody.

SO anyway. Many of your feelings about him since you two have been 4 hours apart are fantasies. You have rekindled a crush you just can't shake for someone you separated from and haven't been with since. You will not know if you should be with him until he breaks up with his girlfriend and you two get together again and see how it works. Would you be a homewrecker for moving near him? Well, not if you move near him and he and his girlfriend stay together....and if they break up then...hmmm..it's all so hypothetical.

The fact that it's only you figuring out ways to make this work by uprooting yourself and your daughter to go be with him is quite telling. If he really wanted to be with you, that's what he should be doing. You are available after all.

It's very hard to see straight in these situations, so you need to act with prudence and caution. Good work reaching out, you should also confide in some trust-worthy friends. My advice is: Stay where you are (figuratively speaking). Focus on your work. If you and he are meant to be, his relationship with his girlfriend will unravel on its own and you will be together. People do sometimes separate and then reunite. But don't try to force things. Be your best person and don't do anything rash.

If you MUST move to start your teaching career, to be honest, I'd move somewhere TOTALLY NEW and start dating different people. You won't lose touch with him. The stronger and more independent you are, the more appealing you will be and you'll give him space to work out his own situation. And if he stays with girlfriend you'll be better off if you have not based your new situation around him. And if he "needs you" to come uproot him-your life with him will be a pain in the butt.

And a word on dating. Watch it. I'm divorced and have been seeing someone for months. It's cooling down and I'm over him even though he's serious, I'm phasing him out. My kids NEVER EVEN KNEW I was seeing someone. They met him only a coupe of times out in public where he was just another friend. I rarely went out with him and they were asleep when I did. If we break up they're none the wiser he ever existed. I've been through serious trauma with my ex and lots of adult "problems". They knew none of it. My oldest daughter is 8. She doesn't deserve to be made aware of any of those things. Kids FIRST, men LAST. Never forget that! Don't let your daughter see you chasing an ex all over and fretting. Be strong, and kick butt, Mama!

How would you feel if another woman tried to take a man away from you? Especially after you just had a child together? This child does belong to him so he should stay (if that is what he wants to do) and you should not be persuading him to leave. You had your chance already. It is not fair to the other child or gf for you to ruin their life together. Men always complain about who they are with to other women so they feel sorry for them or to make the other girls think they don't want to be in that relationship so that they will mess around with them. If he doesn't want to be in the situation he should man up and leave.

Yes, it would make you a homewrecker. And you should care because 1) it would probably make his kid hate you, 2) your daughter may lose respect for you, 3) your daughter's father could take you to court and argue that you are moving simply for a paramour (judges typically allow moves after a marriage, not before) and 4) it sets a precedent for him to see greener pastures with his daughter's mom or a third lady if things sour between the two of you again.

If he is going to leave his current girlfriend, let him do so of his own impetus, not because you are conveniently relocated to a potential love nest across town.

Many people have "the one who got away". Cherish the good memories and move on. Sometimes a couple years aren't enough. Therapy can help. So can a fresh start in a neutral location (not his home town).

Oh boy, this is a disaster waiting to happen! I don't understand why you would want to get back together with someone who has a girlfriend, doesn't that mean he is taken? And they share a child together. According to you this lady screams and yells all the time. Even if they do break up and you and this guy rekindle your flame, you will be subjecting your child to this psycho lady since they share a child together. Are you nuts???? From your previous posts sounds like your daughter has had enough drama and heartbreak in her life from her abusive natural father! And why on God's green earth are you letting an 8 year old read your emails from an ex? Do you think she really comprehends what is in that email? Or is it just because she told you "mom I want you to be happy"... get real lady!! This is sad and beyond pathetic! I think you need to listen to what other people have told you and get yourself some help! I am sorry but I would never want to go back with someone who has had a child with someone else, especially a woman who screams and yells. No way in hell would I want to deal with a psycho ex girlfriend, they DO NOT GO AWAY! I would NEVER EVER EVER PUT A MAN BEFORE MY BABY GIRL..... NEEEEVEVVVVERERRRRR!!!!!!!!

Well, you did fill in a few holes in your SWH about the relationship. Since you were never married to this guy, you don't have any legs to stand on on wanting him back. He is definitely not yours and never was.

You are free to move to the other side of the world and raise your family and not worry about him ever bothering you.

Time to grow up and move on and be the woman you were meant to be. You responses were from what you initially posted. I didn't respond until now as it seemed to be a moot point.

I wish you much success in your life with your daughter and her bio dad. Please put daughter before your wants and desires and keep the door of communication open between you as you both mature.

the other S.

PS Time and tide heal the pain. Fantasy is just that fantasy.

According to one of your other posts you moved to get away from him because he was abusive. Called him and his mother abusive stalkers because they came to see their daughter/granddaughter and didn't want to jump through all your hoops.

Now you want him back because he is taken?

I feel very sorry for your daughter. Kids should have at least one stable parent.

Does your ex know how you feel? Does he want to resume his relationship with you? If not, there is no point in you relocating to be closer to him. You would just be pouring salt into your own wounds.

If he does, and you do move, he needs to move out of his current home with his girlfriend and baby. If his name is on the baby's birth certificate, and he moves out from living with his girlfriend, he should still be able to get the courts to grant him visitation if she decides that he can't see the baby if he leaves her.
I would NOT relocate four hours away on the HOPE that if I do, there would be a relationship waiting there for me.

Picture this conversation with your daughter when she's older:

Daughter: Mom, I've decided to move away, move my child from her school where she is established and putting my child second in my life, all because I'm hoping that this guy, who has a girlfriend and a toddler, will leave his current family for me. I think he will because he's told me so by email - and no one ever lies on email, right? Aren't you excited for me, I'm going to have the chance to take a great dad away from his toddler!

You: Yes, what a great role model I've been!

Seems like most things were covered below, but I didn't notice anyone really talking about your daughter's actual father. You mention that she visits him, but don't say how often or for how long. If he is nearby and has regular visitation, all of that will have to factor into any decisions you make. You can't just up and leave where he is if there is an agreement in place and he is a regular part of your daughter's life (even if it's only once a month).

Also, while I don't necessarily think the move to West Virginia to be with your ex is the right idea, I don't agree with everyone who gave you a hard time about uprooting your daughter. It's never easy for a kid to move, but people do it every day. If a move is what you need to find a job and/or improve your quality of life, you should move. Find a place with good schools, a nice neighborhood, and opportunities for extracurricular activities for your daughter. It's ok to move - you don't have to stay in the same place forever just because you have a child (depending on the agreement with her father, of course).

If your ex chooses to break up with his girlfriend on his own, independent of any communication you have with him, then you can consider rebuilding the relationship. But you need to stay out of his life until that happens.

You say "husband" and "separated". Does this mean you are still legally married to this man? If so what is the legal arrangement with him. Does he have visitation, legal obligations to pay support of any sort?

Since you wanted the space are you the one that moved out? SO he's in the family home? Did you stay and he move away?

Does he live with this other woman? Do they share everything? Or is he the main breadwinner, they live like a family with a SAHM, child, and father that works? If so then he's in a committed relationship. If he does not live with her, does not support her, does not do much with her at all then he's just dating her.

There's a huge difference in the living situation. I'd probably do this.

I'd tell him I still have feelings for him.That I'm planning on staying where I am and that if he decides he's done there to give me a call.

You deserve to have a man who is physically and emotionally free and clear. He needs to figure out what he wants for his own life. If he is that child's father then that child deserves to have a father who loves them and that wants to see them and share their life with them.

Many people separate and get that space then come to realize they had all the needed. Sometimes it's too late and sometimes it's just what the adults needed.

You're starting a new career that takes a lot of time and energy. Now is the time to focus on building a new life with your daughter. If you have to move get settled in a new home. If he's your true love he'll be there in a year or so.

To build a healthy relationship with you he needs to put his life in order.he still with another woman. He's not available until he leaves that rrelationship and finds out who he is on his own. He will always be involved with her because of the child. He needs space to work out a new relationship with her. He needs to have a clean break from his girlfriend before he's able to start a relationship with anyone else.

Otherwise life would be too messy and full of drama. You don't know why he's writing what he is. Seems there is nothing in his life to indicate he's capable of a healthy relationship that would stand the test of time.

I wonder if you're contemplating this move because you're anxious about teaching. When you dilute your purpose by considering two major life changes you are setting yourself up for failure on both fronts. Teaching is intense. As just starting out you will need to spend more time planning lessons, developing all that goes with the lesson. (Work sheets, bulletin boards, ways to present lessons that are fun and educational. Focus on your career and daughter. She will need extra support because her life is also changing. Be successful. Know who you are as a teacher.

From a previous post I think he is the father of your daughter. Has he spent time with her? If she doesn't know him well she will be in turmoil. Consider the affect of all of this on her.

Hi, Single:

Why did you and your ex separate in the first place?

Just because you love him, doesn't mean that he loves you.

You are living in the past and haven't grieved over the lost of the ex.
If you were in love with you, he would have fought for you, instead he moved on. He has a new life, you don't.

Stay put for a year. Love your daughter. She will move on with time.
This why when people get married, they make a vow to love each other for better or worse. Evidently, someone didn't keep their vows in your previous marriage.

We all have had losses whether by death or divorce. We have to grieve and get through it.
Good luck.
D.

It sounds like your ex is not your daughter's father, is that correct? If that is the case, you really have no legitimate reason to work towards a relationship with him. If he is her father, you need to co-parent for now, that's it. Do you see yourself parenting his other child? You know that his current girlfriend will always be in his life, right? I know it is really, really hard for you right now, but I would recommend that you focus on yourself and your daughter. I can't imagine good things coming from moving states and building a life around the HOPE that an ex-boyfriend will break up his family to be with you.

Mamapedia I agree are some critical people. I was hoping for women to lift you up not bring you down. Do what YOU feel is right. You dont need negative comments to reassure you of what you should do. Best wishes! You shouldn't hide your crying from your daughter. Our kids need to know the good, the bad and the ugly of life & relationships. Teach them now.

No-do not take the "chance"-it is actually too risky. He was never right for you-and his mother was cruel to lead you to think otherwise. He has moved on and must fulfill his duty as a father-just as you are raising your daughter alone. There is very little to be said about a guy who does not use protection and impregnates a woman he has just met-he clearly thinks very little of women. The poor GF is feeling horribly insecure about her relationship with your ex and is sadly, taking it out on the baby. The minute he pours his heart and soul into his current conquest, is the minute things will turn around for him and his little family. Their child just might have a chance. His not doing right by you 10 years ago when you met strengthens my argument that he is not in possession of the right "skill set" to be responsible for more than anyone but himself-stop wasting your time and fantasizing about "what could have been"-it was/is not happening. Good luck and congratulations on your Masters Degree-get out there and meet a prince!

We are a tough crowd because you are making a mistake.

You may not realize it, but your post sounds like the world revolves around you. You didn't want to be with this man anymore, so you ejected him from your life, at a time when he was going through some difficult health problems. Now he has a family with somebody else, and you think that your happiness and your daughter's are more important than his, or his commitment to his son. Do you really think he'd prefer to live fulltime with your child and only part time with his? He is not your child's father. He is the toddler's father, that is where his commitment should be.

He is your ex. You are not together anymore. You don't share any children, so there is no reason that you should be in contact with him. You should not be reminiscing with his mother. She should encourage him to commit to the family that he created, and you should break all ties.

You decided to end the relationship. You wanted time, space, whatever. You know that the two of you can get through anything together. You, you, you. What about him? A relationship is about two people. What is keeping you from being together is that you broke up with him and he has moved on. Now you need to live with the choices that you've made.