What If You Look like a Relative You Can't Stand as an Adult?

I don't think I look anything like my abusive mom, but old people see me and call me by her name. That really angers me. It is such an insult.
I tell myself old people have dementia and can't help it. I also went out and got myself a new hairstyle.

Hi H.,
I have a painful story to tell you. My mother was sexually abused by her own father when she was a child and she was subsequently sent to live in an orphanage for many years. Yes, her mother was around but she was deemed "unfit," as well.

My mom and dad had two children, me and my younger brother. My brother is the spitting image of my mom's father. We only know this because my grandmother once showed him a photo of our grandfather, secretly. So just imagine having to work through that one. (As an aside, my mother has NEVER treated my brother with any resentment or with anything other than love, despite him resembling the monster that raped and beat her as a young child.)

You hold your head high, ok? Because inner beauty will ALWAYS be more important and long-lasting than the shell of our bodies.

Hugs.

Decide to be the enlightened, younger version.

Just because you have a physical likeness to someone who is unattractive on the outside doesn't mean that you are not pretty!
You have your OWN face, dear H., and you look like yourself. This other person who seems to have hurt you badly, but don't let them steal your self worth or your happiness.
Girl, you can change your mind about WHO you see in the mirror. You are loved by your family and they think you are beautiful. Our minds can tell us lies like crazy, but go look in the mirror and tell yourself the truth....you look like H., and don't lay claim to a family resemblance.

Have you ever talked to someone about how you feel? You might want to see a counselor. No shame in that! Sometimes that's what it takes to become free from stuff that holds you down.

HUGS!!!!!

No--but I can see my calves morphing into my grandmothers over time! LOL But then I remember her good genes--beautiful complexion, no gray hairs until she was 70, strong fingernails........and I get to have those too!

If it makes you feel any better, O. of my friend's son tell her she looks like Skinner from Bucket & Skinner!

You're YOU, no matter who you look like.
I have known women who are not "classically beautiful" that ARE beautiful--it's all about embracing YOUR uniqueness!

My brother, 2 years younger than me, and I look very, very much alike (people think we're twins all the time)... um, not cool. I'm pretty. He looks like a hobbit (please sense the sibling love here)... BUT, I deal with it. I love my brother because he's my brother, but I don't like him as a person... we're 2 very different people. I don't know, it's just never bothered me. I wear make up, he doesn't, I guess that helps ;) You can't base your outer beauty on someone else's personality. Love the person you are inside, and loving the outside will come.

I don't look like my cousin but we share the same name. SHE IS A NUT. She has lost custody of her two girls, she is an alcoholic, and she is a mean and spiteful person. I don't speak with her at all.
I was angry as a kid that my parents used the same name (she is older) and as an adult I still don't tell people my middle name because I HATE it.
But, I am not Christine. She is a nut. I am not. So, you are not your relative. You are you. Beautiful and loving.
L.

I know what you mean! you are almost telling my story! :) Its alright.. we can't change our looks but we can decide what we are, right?

LOL, Rachel D! I look like my brother too -- was always called "little Tim" growing up. Now, uh, he's not such a good friend but he was back then.

My DD looks like my MIL, but she didn't at first. Of course I love my DD with all my heart. :D

Hugs to you, H.!!

No, but while you don't have any control over what you look like, you do have control and choices as to the kind of person you want to be - seems kinda silly to me to connect the two to the point that it's affecting how you see yourself. Maybe some professional counseling is in order.

You may look like this person, but you have to remember that you arent that person. You are a better person. You have to see that. You cant look at yourself negatively, it doesnt help anything. You need to look in the mirror and tell yourself: "I am beautiful, I am smart, I am wonderful mother and wife"

Look in the mirror and tell yourself what you love about yourself. Your husband and daughters love you, now YOU need to love you.

My mom thinks that too. She learned to get passed it. I'm sorry that you are feeling like this, but I hope you can get passed it like my mom did.

I too look very much like a few relatives. I cannot stand it. I am often called different names in stores and at work. I act like I can't hear them.... These aren't ugly people, it just not so good people.

I never thought of that!!

I don't look like anyone in my family!! I am the runt and the black sheep :) I kind of feel thankful, for that!