What Qualities Make a Good Parent??

NO. Love is only a small part of it. Patience, understanding, selflessness, good judgement, intelligence, and good communication skills are some qualities that come to mind.

love is only one part. there is a TON more to it, as we all know. mostly i think that the best gift i give my son each day (besides loving him, which is impossible not to do!) is to BE his mom and tell him NO when he needs to hear it. being mean mom is hard work, but hard work shows you care. the harder something is, the greater the reward. AND anyone can love a child. it takes a GOOD parent to also discipline, correct, keep them in line and raise a responsible caring capable adult. THAT is what is the difference between an ok parent and a great one.

Nope. A crack addict can "love" her child, but may not remember to feed him or her!

Knowledge is a BIG part of being a parent: knowing yourself, knowing your child and knowing FACTS that you need to know.

AND a big helping of a "roll with it" attitude and always having a "Plan B."

Love, yes. Fearless, powerful, real, authentic Love. It is the MOST important thing, I think. Growing up, knowing, I mean KNOWING in your bones that you are Loved? There can be a lot wrong, and a lot of damage - but that Love will always stay with you.

I'm not sure that it makes someone a 'good' parent, because terms like 'good' and 'bad' are sure hard to nail down.
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When I was pregnant, I was speaking with a Mom. She said, "I want to be the person I want my children to SEE". I liked that a lot.

I'm not going to be able to *make* 'em into someone they are not - that's simply not the nature of life. I can't control their destiny or control their Self. And I don't want to.

I can love them; I can be a fulfilled, whole, healthy, complicated, happy WOMAN; and I can do the best I can do, to parent my children the best I can. What more CAN I do?

I've said this in a different context many many times: Love is a verb, not an emotion. So, yes, love pretty much sums up what makes someone a good parent. But not half loving someone. To love someone as a good parent, you must become selfless and put that other person ahead of yourself. You can FEEL all mushy gushy about someone and NOT put them first. That is not love, though. To put someone else first (in the instance of a child) may mean to tell them "No" and make them unhappy for a time, for their own good. Not every parent is unselfish enough to do that. Many times parents want to be LIKED by their kids and will NOT set proper limits and give them high expectations and consequences for their poor choices/behavior. That is not being selfless and putting someone else first... it is keeping yourself first and getting to enjoy that good feeling that your kid likes you. Most kids do not, actually CANnot, fully appreciate what makes a good parent until they are much older and have their own children...

Some people love their child/Spouse/family member but still treat them like Sh*t.
So, love is not the defining thing.

So many things that are important and intrinsic.
But I think, accepting your child for who THEY are, is one of the top qualities of a good parent.
Accepting your child as they are and unconditional love.
Being there for them.
Having a "relationship" with your child... that is NOT based on punishments/rewards/control or on their performance or your expectations.
Having a real relationship with them.... in which you truly know your child and still like them despite.
And, knowing that kids are not little adults.

This is such a great question. I'm so happy to see it here.

No, loving your child is not simply enough to make a person a good parent. I think there is more to it. I think that the love a person feels can be the driving force for everything we do for our children, but there has to be more. I continue to learn that there are many roles we play as parents. We have to be able to set adequare boundaries for our children so that they learn about the world we live in (how to respect others, to learn to listen and follow directions, to treat people kindly, to be honest).

Lots of patience, lots of encouragement, lots of understanding, being a good role model yourself. Recognizing that you are raising a future adult and not just dealing with the moment at hand in the easiest way possible, but instead looking at the big picture and having a vision for their future. Trying to prepare them for the real world while being a soft place to fall. Giving them every opportunity to succeed and expecting them to make the best of themselves, but still loving them unconditionally. Sometimes realizing that you may have to be "the bad guy" and be their parent rather than their friend. Letting them take risks when it is reasonable to do so instead of trying to overprotect them all the time. Not bailing them out of trouble all the time but sometimes letting them learn the hard way. Recognize that each of your kids has a unique personality with unique needs that may be very different from your own and being able to adjust to meet those needs. Eventually putting yourself "out of a job" and making your job as a parent "obsolete".

My MIL may have loved every one of her 5 kids - but she was still a lousy parent. Married to an alcoholic drug abuser, no stability or structure, too much yelling and screaming and not enough positive reinforcement and encouragement to do something better with their lives.

I think you need to look at the BIG picture...that you are responsible for raising these little people to someday be responsible, hard working adults who will contribute positively to their world. That is why I don't like things like time out...taking toys away...spanking...don't teach them to mind because they are afraid of the consequences...or even worse because they are afraid of you. Teach them to think things out...to come to good decisions...and to understand WHY it is a good decision. Teach them to be empathetic towards others...even a toddler can be taught about "gentle touches" with playmates and family pets...they can be taught that it 'Hurts Mommy" when you hit her...or kick or whatever.
Love is the basis of everything but it isn't everything...it is just the start...everything needs to be built on a foundation of love and caring and remember that you don't want them to be your "friend" you want them to learn how to be the best person that they can possibly be.
Boy I could write forever about this but I will call that good and step down off of my soap box...lol

My thought is the whole point of all you do is to help that child (even as an adult child) to be in a position to make good decisions so they can be as happy as possible in whatever they choose to do when you cannot be there for them. I do think in some ways this goes back to the idea that as parents we are here to help coach and provide support and NOT to be their best friend who may even enable inappropriate behavior. I was shocked last week when another mom at my kids school told me she had just seen a mother walking in her child at 8;!5 and the mom noticed how empty the halls were and then asked the assistant principal (who happened to be in the hall) "What time does school start?" When he said "8:10 so you are late" She booked it down the hall with her kid. How can you expect your child to pave their own way to being secure in a job or even as a friend who values others' time if you don't really care what time their job as a kid starts. I think that helping your child do the activities that are going to be important throughout life is one of the best things you can do to ensure they will be happy as they can be as adults and independent as they can be as well

I agree with s.h. Ao many parents say they love their kids but it's conditional. If they turn Out gay they turn their backs on them. Or if they get pregnant at a young age. I believe true unconditional love is a top quality of parenting. And being able to guide them to be good people and make the right choices and encouraging them to be who they are!

No. The best tool is the Bible. It has answers to everything. A child needs to be taught how to be a responsible adult. After 18 when they leave the house they need to be equipped to walk into the world and to take their place in it. It is not others' responsibility to do it. A lot of people leave it the schools and churches. It is not their responsibility and if you leave it up to them who knows what you will end up with. They are there to help us not to take over our job.

Healthy mind, body & spirit... if you have those... everything else falls into place.

Loving is number one. But loving should mean, hard work. Being a GOOD RESPONSIBLE parent is the hardest job in the world. It never ends. It means teaching your children responsibility, love, kindness, honesty, morals, hard work. They can't learn these things on their own.School can't teach them everything either. I see so many parents with that attitude.

I strive everyday to be a better parent. I am learning everyday along with my kids. It's a never ending process!

I think you have to strive to be the person you want your child to grow up to be. If you want your child to be confident, secure, responsible, have joy in life, stable relationships, etc. then you have to do what's necessary to make sure that's all present in your own life... Love, unfortunately, is never enough.

If you just blindly react to every situation that comes along, deciding at that moment whether the child was good or bad, deserves punishment or reward... there's likely to be a lot of inconsistency. Being consistent is important, but most important is being able to apologize when mistakes are made.

Amen, Gamma G. I concur with everything you just typed.
A.

No, love isn't enough. Useful qualities:

Patience.

Observation skills. Can you back up and look for patterns and solutions? Can you see beyond the superficial? Can you notice when your children are acting just like you? Can you notice when your child's experience of the world is completely different from yours? Can you understand that your child's hysterics over a broken cookie may be completely unrelated to the cookie?

Self-knowledge. It's difficult to know your kids if you don't know yourself.

Basic understanding of developmental stages and learning/personality styles. Kids are not miniature adults. They are also not usually a younger version of yourself.

Communication and listening skills with people of all ages.

Flexibility and humility. Kids rarely adhere to your plans, either short-term or long-term. You have to be able to let go of your plans without wasting a lot of energy on anger or grief. You have a lot of influence, but not nearly as much control as popular culture tends to believe. When appropriate, let go of trying to control things. Understand that love and control are not the same things.

Learning skills. Can you research and learn new skills/information? Can you apply those new skills/information?

Confidence. You must have the ability to go forward with what's right for *your* child, regardless of what might be popular, right for other child, official, or whatever. Parents get too much conflicting advice to be able to follow all of it. You need to have the confidence to pick what works for you and ignore the rest.

Long term perspective. Often making a child happy in the long run means making them unhappy right now. This is true for discipline, nutrition, screen time, and various other aspects of parenting.

Forgiveness. Forgive your kids when they mess up. More importantly, forgive yourself when you mess up.

Become comfortable with anger. You will get angry. Respect it. Do not fear anger. But don't wallow in it either. Learn how to use anger to drive you towards positive changes, not destruction.

Faith. I'm not talking about religious faith (although that's good too). I'm talking about believing in your kids. You must have faith that they can fall down and get back up again. You must have faith that they will eventually master the potty. You must have faith that they are learning, even when it isn't obvious. You must have faith that they will do something good with their lives. Kids who believe in themselves can do anything. It makes it a lot easier if their parents believe in them first.

Thanks. This is a good question.