What to Expect? - Tampa,FL

These kind of questions really piss me off. What in the world do you expect any sane person to say to you?

I can tell you "WHAT TO EXPECT?" an STD

And I hope you read this before someone gets mad at me & reports me for not being sensitive!!!!

It's completely obvious that he isn't in love with you. Do you want to be in love with someone that doesn't feel the same way about you?

There is no marriage here. A marriage is made of love, respect, loyalty, honesty (which that he sounds to have down), consideration, communication, and plain old being nice. You said it yourself... He treats you like a buddy. He doesn't see you as a wife. You need to respect yourself before anyone else would respect you. Stand up for yourself and scream, "This is UNACCEPTABLE!!" Say it to yourself, scream it out loud, as many times as it takes to believe it.

Don't be a doormat.

Tough one, D.. In my personal experience, you'll stick with the current situation until you can't or won't anymore. Then you'll find a way to leave; and there are ways to let go and leave. But each person really has to find their own limits and their own ways. Counseling might help you with this.

Also in my experience, life after a bad marriage can be ever so much better, if you learn what you need to learn from your current situation. Counseling can help with that learning, too.

My best wishes to you.

I know this has occured to you, but, you are opening yourself up for stds. If you have children, use them as a resource of strength. This whole situation is a threat to them. If he picks something up and you get it from him, they could conceivably be left orphans. Tap into the mother lioness in yourself and do whatever you have to to protect your kids. They may be older now, but they still need thier momma to be whole, happy, and healthy. If you have teenage daughters or sons, do you want them to think this is acceptable behavior? I think when leaving a man is hard to do, only the strength of a mother and a lot of support/prayer around you can do it. Be the kind of woman your kids can respect. Stand up for them and draw a hard line in the sand. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a companion by your side that enjoys your company and wants to be your protector, not your enemy.

You post doesn't really reference any instance in which you have stood up for yourself and 'laid down the law' so-to-speak. It says that your husband doesn't care what you have to say about anything so either he's completely oblivious, a flat-out a**hole, or you're not addressing the problem with the gusto necessary to garner his attention and respect. He needs to know that his behavior is completely unacceptable to you and that spending as much time as he does looking at other women in a sexual manner IS something to worry about. While it's great that he wants to share honestly about what he's doing, the things he is telling you are out of line because he shouldn't be involved in them in the first place! No excuses. You're not his roommate or his buddy-- you're his WIFE and he needs to recognize that he is disrespecting your marriage and his family by acting so recklessly. There is no reason that he should still be in contact with the woman he had an affair with for any reason outside of work. That alone would make my blood boil and then when you added in the rest of it... wow. There is no reason to continue putting yourself through this if he's not willing to see the problem and work on it. You have to stop letting him walk all over you. I bet you're a stronger person than he realizes and he probably doesn't think you'd ever leave which is why he continues to treat you this way. Show him that he is wrong and leave or better yet, give HIM the boot to the curb! You deserve better!

sounds to me like he has a serious problem saying sex is entertainment only not to worry!! thats crazy!!!! you need to leave him asap, hes hurting you and treating you like your stupid he prob thinks youll never leave. you deserve much more!

Find yourself a good therapist, and a great lawyer.

Your husband believes now that monogamy is irrelevant, and you are complicit as long as you grieve and refuse to act. As much as it hurts, only your throwing him out or leaving can make change; the status quo is not acceptable and change must occur.

You are not crazy. You must live your values. He's made his choices, and now it is time to live yours. Put on your big girl panties and make the necessary changes to live your life well, and leave him to his own swill. He may tire of it and beg forgiveness and to return to your arms, and accepting him back will be another tough decision for you, but it is what you must do for you...and for him.

Out of anger and outrage I would say get out before you lose yourself completely...
Out of my heart as God is the Rock of my Salvation I say give it to God, this does not mean that you need to be a door matt for his issue or lack of admitting he has any issues, but it is his responibility as your husband to Honor you and he is not doing that.
I am not judging just going from what you said and there is always a way out a way of change and healing not only for your marriage but for you as well.
I hate to hear that you are going through this and even though I do not know you You and your marriage will be in my prayers that God grants you the wisdom and relieves you of the pain from losing your best friend and a light to guide you through this time of great confusion.
xoxoxoxo

WHAT!!!

I'm sorry but there is this saying and it goes like this.

Screw me once, shame on you.
Screw me twice, shame on me.

D., you are stronger than you think.
You do not deserve this. He has no right to treat you and your marriage like this.

Look deep down into your soul and know that you can leave and that you can do it on your own.

Know that your happiness needs to come FIRST.

Be strong.

You care about YOU is what you do. Your husband lacks any respect in regards to you. Please know, this is NOT about you. I know it affects you, I have been through this myself but you need realize he's not worth your time anymore no matter how heart breaking this is. YOU need to respect yourself before anyone else can. He is the one screwing around and being a pig and you're left hurt? Why would you want a man like this in your life? Why stay with someone who only makes you cry? For what you ONCE had? You deserve to be happy too. Your husband is just 100% selfish and only focused on his needs. Someone needs to take of you and that dear, is YOU yourself. I don't need a man to validate me as a woman or friend. I validate myself, I know my self worth and I am proud to be a strong woman. If you keep letting him poop on you, he will continue to do so. So, ask yourself... am I am woman or a doormat? The decision is yours, and yours alone. Be happy!!! Life is too short to let others interfere. Throw out the old and embrace the new. Life can be exciting if you let it be!!!

Your husband needs to grow up!! His behavior is way out of line!!! Under no circumstances would I tolerate any of this behavior. He is not an honorable person. He is married to you and not even treating you as good as a friend.
I would seek counseling ASAP. He may be the one acting inappropriately, but you're the one who chose him and is still with him. Get yourself healthy.

Wow--that treatment is very disrespectful. Not sure I would want to be his wife any longer. Sorry you're in this situation.