Where Is the Flame

M.,

Do you have a date night? If you don't consider making one. It doesn't have to be on a weekly basis but once a month where it is only the two of you will make a difference.

Lifetime TV had a documentary on that said that 40 Million Americans are in a no sex/low sex relationship. 99.8% of them were married. They said the one thing that changed after they said "I do" is the way we kiss. Think about it... the last kiss was it on the forehead or cheek? When was the last time that you locked lips? Kissing on the lips provides us when the emotional we need to provide for his physical.

Try it! You have nothing to lose but silent nights!

Sometimes you go through that but it's up to the both of you to keep that spark alive. Surprise him by wearing a nice piece of lingerie, make it fun for the both of you with edibles, toys, try getting a game to play, dice, etc.

Life does get busy but you have to make time for the relationship. Communication is the key...encourage him to tell you what he wants and in turnyou do the same.

I spark up a lot of women's relationships btw, it's my job lol ;) Feel free to email me anytime!

Get a sitter for the weekend, get dressed up, something that you know your husbands really likes you in, and go to dinner. Then get a hotel room. You could have dinner out or at the hotel. If you need a sitter let me know and maybe I can help watch the children for the weekend. Just let me know and I hope this helps .

I have to agree that having your child in the bed with you is one of the biggest issues here. Nothing quells the sexual urge more. Your bedroom is your sanctuary and should be child free. Get your child sleeping in his/her own bed and go from there.

I don't have any advise to give but I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same with mine. If I figure it out YOU will be the first I share it with. But I hope that knowing you are not alone offers some releif.

Well, could it be you have someone in your bed all the time and so he couldn't get excited if he wanted to?
I would work on making the little one learn to sleep in her/his own bed first. Second of all, if you are 26, that would make him 37. That is almost 40. when you get that age, you are in the prime of your working career which makes you mentally and physically wore out when you get home. That doesn't help. Then knowing that he isn't going to get any anyway, because he knows that there will be a little one in his bed, probably makes him not even try anymore. I am sure that he loves you and will always love you. I don't think that it has anything to do with you not turning him on. I had a friend that had a problem like that and it almost ruined their marriage. They went to a couselor and it ended up that he thought she didn't want him because she was the one that let the baby in her bed... he thought it was her way of avoiding him. So even though you think that you and your husband communicate well, it may be that he won't say anything because he would rather miss out on sex himself than to put his baby out. When you become a mommy and a daddy, your baby comes first, you will do anything for your child. So I guess that is what happened in my friend's case. But after they found that out, they fixed it and to this day (and that was 15 yrs ago)... they are GREAT! (and he is 13 yrs older than her... if that helps)

M.,

I am in a similar situation so I can understand how you feel. Take it one day at a time and go off of the little things/hints. Passion comes in all forms.

Hi~
My husband and I have only been married a year, but I read this amazing book! Its called "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. It is about relationships and how we honor God, by honoring our husbands. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but no matter what, this book is amazing. She tells us its a womans responsibility to keep a man interested in us. To keep it fun! I wear lingerie sometimes, I will tease him with texts throughout the day. I even play hard to get sometimes, and that makes want it more because of the hunt (for lack of better words!) Good Luck and make your love and romance fun.

M.--The other ladies have posted some good ideas about spicing things up but I wanted to give you another suggestion....Have you tried talking to your hubby? Let him know how you are feeling and give him the chance to explain why things have slowed down. There could be some things going on that he is embarrassed to talk about, like a drop in his sex drive. If you have a good, open relationship than you should be able to have a frank and honest discussion about your sex life. It may be as simple as some lingere or just asking for what you need/want---but you'll never know for sure unless you talk to each other!

Not to be mean but one of your biggest problems is your child sleeping with you. That in my opinion is bad for everyone, your bed should be for you and your husband. Secondly, get creative my husband and I have been together for like 6 years we keep coming up with new fun things to do. Candlewax, ice, handcuffs you know get a little freaky! Make sure you still go out together occasionally, if you can't have like a date night at home dinner, a movie dress up a little too. I don't mean to offend you or anyone who has their kids sleep with them I have 2 daughters and neither one of them did and I think that has made a world of difference for my husband and I. We have friends who have kids that sleep with them and they are in the same situation. I hope this helps.

The next time he is in the mood, take him to another room in the house. You have to deside, in advance. Keep this idea a secret. Will you need a pillow and or blanket when you get there? Hide it in the room before hand. Will you be using a piece of furniture? Us woman need to have fun with sex, in our own minds. It is forplay that makes the act that much more rewarding for us. Day dreams and fantasies about our husbands and adult pleasures are good for us. Very helpful to maintain healthy brain chemical balance. Good Luck, be silly and have fun!