Where would be a good place to look for consoling to help resolve issued related to custody of my daughter ?
Also I am not trying to hurt her in any way she is asking me why and I just do not know what to say ! It's not fair and it never will be to any of us
Well, I think that your drug and alcohol counselor can help you find the right place to do this. Ask them for some help.
I suggest you find a family counselor. I found the one my family is working with on the Internet. She had a web site and I liked what she said. I'm glad you're asking for counseling because moving your daughter has the potential of hurting her as well as everyone involved. You need to find out if taking her from her grandparents is the right thing to do for her.
Perhaps a counselor could help you and her grandmother find a way for her to spend more time with her. Please understand that your in-laws and your daughter have a strong bond that should not be broken. It is her first bond. To insist on breaking it will do serious damage to your daughter.
Please understand that the grandmother and uncle are the only parents in her life. Of course she's going to call them mom and dad.apparently she knows you are her mother now. This is confusing to her. Those names are the only way she knows them. Their parental names define them for her. If you ask her to change what she calls them you would be putting her world in chaos. Let her keep calling them the names she is used to. Give yourself a mom name that is different than what she calls her grandmother.
After you added to your post: You be honest with her in a limited way. " I was not able to take care of you when you were born. Because i love you I gave you to Mom and Dad so you would be safe. It took a long time for me to get well. I came back because I want to be part of your life. It's best you stay with them and spend time with me. I love you."
I had a foster daughter who I eventually adopted. I learned that often when kid's feel insecure about where they live they will say something similar to what your daughter said to test you to see where thay'll live. A good thing to say is that is a decision the adults will make. She is a child, too young to make life changing decisions. It's too much responsibility.
Being unsure with her will build anxiety. So tell her that she will stay with her grandmother. Explore the possibility of coming to live without involving her. Don't talk about what you're doing in her presence. When she asks about living with you tell her she's living with Mom anr Dad.
I urge you to not move her. My adult adopted daughter still has difficulty trusting because she was moved around. Her birth mother told her during visits that she was going to live with her. My daughter was anxious and had difficulty adjusting to her new home. Children need stability.
Your situation is different but has some similarities. You are right to get counseling to help you know what is best for your daughter.
I just read your last post.
THANK YOU for changing your nickname... please do not ever, put your real name and email address on a public site again. How old are you?
This is very confusing because you speak of 4 C-sections but the post was about 2 children.
Upon reading the last question and this one, I think your daughter needs the stability she currently has with her Grandmother and Uncle who have raised her since birth. Why would you consider tearing her away from a secure environment just for your sake?
This is not about you... you made your choices and now you are living with them. Stop thinking about what YOU want and think about what is best for your children.
I'm not convinced that the 4 yr old needs to be living with you. Where are the other 2 from C-sections and what are the ages?
Ya know...your posts are confusing at best, the work of a disorganized troll at worst....
But assuming you're BIT a troll, I'll answer.
Call social services for your area and they should be able to point you in the right direction for counseling.
Was your daughter removed by CPS? If so, you should be working the steps to get her back.
It seems like you might have (for her own good) handed her over and this is all under the radar? If so, and you're clean (BOTH CLEAN), what IS stopping you?
I've found in 99.9 instances in life, honesty really IS the best policy.
I'm sure, even at 8, your daughter is well aware of drugs, addiction, etc., so tell her the truth and tell her what your plans are as far as custody.
Leave your daughter where she is.
You have two different issues to address. For one, you will need to contact an attorney and discuss the status of your daughter's legal status and what rights you have (or relinquished) as a parent. Second issue was to look at family counseling. If you google or search - Sherman Tx family counselors, a lot of them show up. There is also a Child & Family Guidance Center of Texoma that is located in Sherman ###-###-####). I believe they see patients on a sliding scale basis. Make some calls to see who can help you. I think I would address the legal issues first to find out what is even possible and then visit with the counselor to determine what is best for your daughter.
If your MIL is refusing to sign custody back over then you may need a lawyer. If the child was removed by the state then you may need to prove your home life is now stable and safe for a child.
