Why Can't I Just Get over It?

If you think these feelings will continue, I recommend assertiveness training. You can find some quick online scenarios and responses to give and ways to determine when they are appropriate.

I think if people were more assertive, we would have less mental illness in world. Just my opinion.

Feel better!

Gonna HAVE to talk yourself past it sister. It's HUGELY difficult for a man to do what you say your husband is doing. That's a GIANT thing for them You're a lucky girl!

:)

Congratulations!

Pregnancy, for me, was a trying time for many reasons. One of those was that my marriage (then relationship) was unstable and I felt chaotic. Anyhow, I REALLY relate to your description of shutting down.

Here's what I am learning. It is NOT an over night process. Shoot, my last question was indicative of how much I struggle with learning/internalizing these tools. However, I get great relief when I'm able to use 'em.

1. It's okay to feel. It's healthy, normal, and human. Feelings are simply chemical messages passed around our body. It's helpful for me to draw parallels between physical pain and emotional pain. Both are in the body and are temporary. They are my body's way of telling me something is off. "OUCH, I just cut myself, it hurts and I need to tend to my wound," or "OUCH, I feel resentful and I need to tend to my wound."

2. *I* am not sad. I am FEELING sad.

3. Non violent communication. It's really helpful for me. It is tedious, cheesy and sometimes exhausting, but it works. For example: When you ___________ (ex. cuss at me, don't take out the trash, make phone calls during dinner), I feel _____________ (sad, angry, lonely, frustrated, hurt, confused, threatened, distant, etc.).

4. This is what I REALLY struggle with. Let myself feel. Take space to do it. I don't need to dwell on it, nor do I need to push it away. I can simply let it wash over me, see it, note what it feels like, where I feel like, ask what it has to tell me (I don't always get to know right away...or ever), and then be willing to let it go when it's time. Feelings are not logical. They are not on my time frame. That, for me, is challenging. I am sometimes overcome with grief, for example. It's simply not realistic to always let myself be fully present with that feeling. So, I'll note it, and then later, try to make myself available to not struggle against it.

5. Self care. Eat regular meals, do enjoyable, rejuvenating things, be open to connection, have gratitude, *ask for help* (I'm learning this as I go).

6. Not asking others to fix it for me. Your husband sounds like he's doing a good job owning and being accountable for his actions. Hopefully, he's not just apologizing but is also changing his behavior. This takes time and is messy. You get to have feelings. An apology does not mean you have to shut down your feelings. For example, my husband just REALLY messed up. Last night. He's apologized no less than five thousand times. This one is going to take me a while to move through. I've said, "I know you are sorry, thank you for your apology, etc", so that he knows I heard him. I've also said, "This is going to take me a while to move through. I am having a lot of really big feelings come in and out. I will need space at times. That's not to punish you, it's so that I can better take care of myself. You will need to know that I am not capable of being your only support person/system." He IS sorry. And I STILL have feelings. Also, sorry is a word. Action is an animal of a different color.

Big, big, big hugs. Good luck.

For some people writing it down in a journal helps for others it is venting to friends..

It is good you realize that your hormones are a bit in over drive so you are not always in total control of your emotions (I HATE when people reminded me of this even when I am PMS'ing) I know I am the same..

I do not know how long you have been married but one thing I have learned is that I am never going to totally change and never is my husband. I can learn to make requests, but it is hard to change habits, especially bad habits.

Learn to speak with each other and to apologize and mean it.. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.

When you say you are sorry to your husband, do YOU mean it? I bet he means it too.. Try to give him a break. You do not want him to walk around on egg shells around you, that is not fair to him.

If you cannot do this then figure out EXACTLY what you need or want from him when he hurts your feelings, otherwise you are not being fair to him. And no expecting him to know what will set you off is not realistic.. He is not a mind reader, he is just a man.

Hang in there and congratulations on your pregnancy! Very exciting time for you two!

I don't know why, but you need to do it. If he actually said he would make it his business to address it and apologize, that is HUGE, and if you don't reward that you are setting your marriage up for problems.

Start by putting a smile on your face. Research has shown that the physical act of smiling actually makes people happier. And then be loving to husband when he comes home.

I think its just hormones. I felt like when I was pregant (just had my 3rd 5 months ago) during the time of month when I would have my period, I felt like I was still sort of PMSing. I just got a little moodier than normal and if he said one stupid thing, ugh it would just ruin it for me. Sometimes just going upstairs and reading or watching my own TV, just a little bit of separation would help, until I felt "normal" again. Not to mention we're women and have a hard time forgetting things. Don't beat yourself up, just try and figure out what helps in this situation because it WILL happen again in the next few months. ;)

WOW!!! I was going to try and answer you, But three ladies have said it much better than I could have. All I can say about their comments is WOW ! ! !

Read Ephie D, Laurie A, and Theresa N's comments. Togther they have said it all.

For me, I would just add that mind reading was the only class in college I failed. Being married for 38 years and practing constantly hasn't made me any better. I bet your husband is sincere and really trying to do better and I doubt he is any better at reading minds than I am.

Do him a favor and tell him and do it nice. Nice will make him love you all the more.

Good luck to you and yours,

I recommend sex...........no im not kidding.