Why Do Some Women Treat Their Husbands like babies....or Puppies???

nothing wrong with praising a man if he does nice things. As far as "rewarding" him with sex, I wouldnt feel too inclined to have sex if i was resentful that he did nothing, so if he's being wonderful, and we're happy then having sex is desirable. I think to some extent they are like kids & need to be prodded & reminded to do house stuff, because they, like kids, dont think messes etc are a big deal, and dont think of it.

If I tried to talk to my husband like that there would be a hella war- When he does the dishes or cleans the kitchen I say - hey thanks for that- the same as when I wash the car or the dogs. We have a deal mostly I take care of the inside he takes care of the outside and fixing stuff. So any above and beyond deserves a thanks.

I completely agree with you, and what's with all these hunny do lists wives like to make for their husbands?! Would it still be called a hunny do list if it were written by the husband, lol?

If more women treated their husbands the way they would want them to treat them, there would be so many more happy homes. Instead women think it's ok to be bossy and controlling to the husband.

We are joking, not everything on here has to be so serious all the time. We have enough of that, when theres a chance for some light-hearted banter, I'm all for it. Obviously I don't think I married a baby or an animal, I give myself more credit than that. I do know that men and women ARE different and respond to things differently. What makes one marriage work could be a deal-breaker for another. That said, most of us on here feel like we somewhat "know" eachother, especially when someone has been posting about a particular subject frequently, and that things can be said in jest when the situation presents itself.

I think it really depends on a husband (or wife's) "love language."

Some people really thrive on praise. Some thrive on acts. If you can combine praise with acts, well - you're sure to have covered your bases. :P

I do think men are more simple than women in some ways.

IMHO the thing men crave the most is respect . . .

BTW one of the funniest movies ever If A Man Answers. A young wife wants to help her marriage and her mother recommends a book but she gets the wrong book "how to train your puppy" and uses that. It works pretty well. Very funny if you like 1960's madcap comedy.
Read this to my hubby who just told me he loves and wants the extra praise he gets from working around the house. Is not the least bit worried about being compared to a puppy. Men are (quite often) a different species from women. they want respect and I guess they equate respect with praise. I think the most important thing is not to criticize
I don't see the difference between your quote "We thank each other and tell each other that we appreciate what we've done," and those of us who say it helps to "praise him" I get this mental image of you thinking only the way you praise your husband is the correct way and the way I praise my husband is the wrong way. Of course NO one uses the cutsie voice, that would sound sarcastic.

Men and women are just different, we think different and it takes different things to motivate us and make us feel appreciated. We can't just " treat our husbands the way we want to be treated" because they don't WANT to be treated the way we want to be treated and vice versa - we women probably don't WANT to be treated the way that a man wants. We can be equals and bf, but that doesn't mean that the same things make us "tick". I don't believe in baby talk or anything, but I do think it's helpful if we stroke our man's ego once in awhile - make him feel like a big strong helpful MAN!!! useful and appreciated!

I think maybe you're taking a very literal translation of praise. If pressed on the issue, most people would probably say that the world you described is exactly how it is. "Thanks for doing the dishes, It really helped after the day I had. I appreciate you" To me, that's praise. I could never fix my mouth to say good job unless it was some serious home improvement project or something I was literally impressed by.
And I AM more frisky when I'm feeling appreciative of the teamwork. Sex is mutual pleasure, not a reward or punishment. But it is a happy consequence!
I think some of the overly condescending language is annoying and maybe a result of "The Care and Feeding of Husbands" but honeslty, men are prideful creatures. They do need an ego stroke now and then. It's very hard for me. Does not come naturally at all. I'm more down to business, we have a home and some kids, now lets decide whos doing what. But I see my hunny puff up with pride when I notice and compliment something. Just like I walk with a little strut when he notices what I do and compliments me.

I get super annoyed when women fawn all over single dads. Like being a decent dad is something so outstanding as to be honored. Noone lavishes praise on single moms. In fact, they often get looked down on.

You are absolutely right. And to take it further, why on earth are people praising their kids to death like a puppy? Does anyone really want to hear another 'good job' for a kid successfully taking another breath? We show DS we are happy when HE is excited he did something. It is all about him internalizing the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something. NOT about being constantly rewarded like a puppy (or a pigeon in a box).

You are NOT on crack! I agree with you 100%!

I've been saying the same thing for years.
My husband is not a puppy who needs to be rewarded with a biscuit for not crapping on the floor.
He is not a child who needs to be praised for tying his own shoes.
He is a grown man with all the faculties and responsibilities of an adult.

We do thank each other for the efforts expended in keeping the household running smoothly.

And sex is NEVER doled out or withheld as part of a reward/punishment scheme. Sex is an expression of our love for each other, not a barter transaction.

This makes me think of a commercial that has always slightly irked me. I think it is for Purex...yeah, Purex all in one laundry thingamajig. Anyway, they say something along the lines of 'So easy even he (referring to apparently inept husband) can do it.' Yes, because it is so difficult to pour laundry detergent rather than throwing a sheet of detergent in and men are so stupid that they cannot figure out how to measure and add detergent. But their marketing department knows that there are plenty of women out there who really do feel men are incapable of performing daily household tasks and that there are plenty of men who allow that to be believed.

I think many people are still raising their children with clearly defined gender roles which is where this is coming from. I wasn't raised with that mentality but several of my childhood friends were and they are, whether intentionally or otherwise, raising their children with clearly defined roles.

Many daughters are raised thinking men don't do certain things (primarily around the house and with children) and many men are all too willing to go along with it...."You know I don't cook very well. I guess you'll have to make dinner." "I don't change poopy diapers. They smell." "I can't do bath time, the kids are too wiggly." "I can't do bedtime the kids want you." And so on and so forth and the women go along with it for whatever reason (they think that is how it should be, it is easier to just do it yourself, etc.).

In my household we don't give praise for doing the menial everyday things that need done. Sure we sometimes say thanks but nothing beyond that. If the baby needs changed and my husband does it...great. He is her dad and she stinks...he is plenty competent enough to rectify the situation. If it is a big project then praise is warranted. If my husband replaces the kitchen flooring then, yes, I am going to tell him it looks lovely, it was just what I wanted, thank you for installing it...best husband ever but he isn't going to get that for unloading the dishwasher or checking the mail.

As for rewarding good behavior, so to speak, with sex...wrong for me and my hubs. We have sex because we enjoy it and love each other and we want to keep it that way. Having sex as a reward would cheapen it for us and take out a considerable part of the enjoyment.

No, I don't think you're on crack LOL... But I do think you should consider yourself lucky and be proud of what you have. Not all families are the same and have to work harder at things than others!! Mine included :)

Hi Lesley
I TOTALLY agree with you.
In my relationship , my husband is a man and expects to be treated like one.
Strong men will never be threatened by a strong woman,they recognise it and respect it. In return they treat their partner as an equal and this boils over into sharing household ,childrearing etc.
Weak men are threatened by strong women and in an unconsious way do things to weakened their woman so their inadequacies are not as evident.
Strong women treat their weak man as they would a child.
This stems from my experience of being with both type of men.
All the best
B. k

I agree with you, to an extent. But I think that sometimes women (and men too) forget that we are NOT equal, in the sense that we are not the same. We are VERY different. Having said that, if it makes your husband happy to stroke his ego, and he responds well to it... then praise him for doing domestic things, because those things don't come naturally to men. Also... as far as in the bedroom... I don't think a man will mind being rewarded that way, and every woman uses it to her advantage, even if we don't own up to it.

Bottom line, pipe down. It's not that serious!

I agree with you 110%!!!!

I agree with you 100% but reality is, we are going to take care of what needs to be taken care of and rarely get praise or recognition. Men on the other hand expect us to take care of these things and therefore don't feel they have to...so to get them to do these things, we have to give them motivation (praise and recognition works for some). It is ridiculous but realistic.

I don't think the girls meant literally "oh good boy" with a pat on the head.

If my DH shared your beliefs, all would be easy. But, he feels as though women should do most of the cooking and cleaning and child rearing simply because they are women and are "better at it", even if they work out of the home full time as I do. And no, I didn't know all of this before I married him.

I would love it if hubby acted as my equal and didn't require "praise"! And believe me I have tried.....not gonna work with him. Each is different. My husband (after helping the past two nights) literally was praising himself and asking why I wasn't more.

I don't see anything wrong with giving hubby a little oral pleasure if he steps up and helps more around the house - I mean does anyone really DO THAT?! lol

I think the difference at least in my case would be that is not about everything. I mean I don't have to tell my husband to go work, I don't have to prise him to pay the bills, I don't reward him for waking up to check the baby, etc.
I think is the not everyday, extra things, and yeah, not always.
I understand that. Like when my husband comes from a travel week where yeahh he si working but also eats in restaurant, have cleaning services, sleeps early and continuous, etc and then I ask to take the kids out and he expects a medal, lol.
So, he is very good on doing his every day stuff, sometimes we need to do extra things that if he keeps forgetting I just say do it, no reward, but others like when I really really wanted a wooden refrigerator toy and he had to drive me all over town and then I ask him to do it right away because I was very exited to see it (hummm, I mean my daughter to see it, lol) and he did it even in a week day, yeah you bet I prise him.

I can agree...i do praise my hubby when he does something because he knows I'm busy. Like dishes...the two of us HATE ths one chore. But when I've got Girls Scouts(Twice a month and I'm the leader so it's not just twice month for me) and Soccer practice (2 days a week) and all of those run in one week...I am one tired momma. So I give him great thanks of appreciation for it...and that appreciation is not always in the bedroom. But if momma's happy, and not tired...daddy gets more.

haha This post made me laugh because I call my hubby Patches. which he says sounds like a puppies name. his real name is geoff but when we were dating he told me that he was afraid of premature baldness, I asked him if it ran in his family and he said that his grandfathers hair fell out in patches

You voiced exactly what I have been so frustrated over! Excellent post. I agree wholeheartedly. I am thankful that my husband has an amazing attitude about sharing housework and parenting.

My husband and I show appreciation for each other on a regular basis, but I certainly don't have to fawn over him every time he completes a task.

I think that kind of mentality backfires on women. A friend of mine is working through some marital problems and she was advised to stroke her hubby's ego every time he did something around the house. So, he shoveled the walk ONE TIME and she fawned all over him with praise, and he figured that he did such an amazing job that he was done for the year. So, whenever she asks him to help, he says "But I shoveled the sidewalk!" Yeesh!

my so gets a thank you or you did a good job or it looks great. whichever thecase involves. thank you for doing the laundry or the kitchen looks great i am so proud of you but not a good boy. everyone likes to hear that they did good. but i dont baby talk him when i do it. i even tell him i am proud of him when he does certain things that that is the only way to express it he did it for himself not me. it lets him know i approve and he did a good job for himself not me. or i may just say you did good or your a good daddy.he does his fair share too and everyone needs to be told they are doing a good job he tells me supper was good. or the house looks great or etc. I even do it with my young adult kids the kitchen looks awesome you did a good job. or if they didnt do a good job I appreciate the effort. or thank you for what you have done. i dont lie if it doesnt look great. but my oldest thrives on corrective critisism with him and anyone else corrective criticism also needs some sort of compliment otherwise its just nagging.

i dont say you did good but you missed a spot. i say next time it would be easier to do this this way but you did a good job. why wouldnt you compliment someone just because they are an adult you just do it diffrently. not that is a good boy or you did wonder ful for trying when they didnt do a good job but you have to give out more compliments than corrections. my son who has a ld if he does good on a test he comes home and brags about a good grade. i just simply say congratulations or i am so proud of you. but no good boy. he is being good and doing good cause he wants too. not because he wants compiments from me. if he says i did bad on my test I say what happened or what went wrong? and help him find a solution for it. i never tell him he is a "big boy" if he does wrong i just tell him to learn from his mistakes. if my so surpises me by fixing supper i tell him you are such a good husband or daddywhich ever applies. they need to know also they are doing what makes you happy but you dont treat them like a baby either

Consider yourelf a lucky woman, sounds like you found a guy that thinks just like you.

I have come to beleive that men who are helpful, equal doing work and cleaning at home, etc CHANGE when they get married and/or have a child. They suddenly become the work all day and go home and do nothing but TV, Computer, or hobbies. Whereas the women in the relationship are most likely not only still having their full time work schedule but now doing 75%-100% of the household necessities AND child rearing.

It seem the MEN have decided the equal opportunity partnership no longer applies - whether due to societal or personal situations - but it still happens majority of the marriages or couples having children I know.

Since it gradually becomes this way - of course women are going to write lists, be a bit more frustrated about their getting the short straw and be more forceful about the men in their lives getting things done.

My husband does his own clothes, cooks 4 out of 7 nights and we clean about the same... but I do 95% of the child rearing. We both work full time - yet he still finds time to go out with his buddies at the bar twice a week. I've not had a night out with my friends and no children for years. Needless to say - I write him lots of lists of things to do around the house... and the 'good boy' that he is - he will do them, because he knows I'm right.