Will I Love Her Same?

Updated on August 06, 2008
T.V. asks from West Orange, NJ
4 answers

I am having my second child and I am so afraid I won't love my daughter the same. I don't want to become so occupied with my son that she has to watch from the side lines. I guess the reason why I'm asking this is because I saw my cousin do it. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing! She would bark at her older son, and coo over the younger. She would make him do all these things to help her and her younger child...it was like he wasn't even a kid anymore. He became a miniature adult! Of course this is an extreme case and I wouldn't allow that to happen. I'm just worried about becoming wrapped up with my son. As the time nears I think about it more.

ANy advice on how to calm my thoughts about this.

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D.R.

answers from New York on

dont worry, you will love her the same, and then some. when you see her being sweet with the baby, your heart will just about burst. im not saying its always like that, it surely isnt, but you will see your daughter in a new capacity and she will amaze you. it helps to balance out the shock of bringing home a tiny baby, your daughter will look like a giant all of a sudden. like everyone says, be sure to include her and give her some responsibility, but do remember that while she is a "wonderful big sister" (she will hear that so much), she is still so little and needs to know that she will always be your baby, and she is a person in her own right, not just as a big sister or mommys helper. give her extra one on one time, and not just with you but with daddy, grandma, etc. try to remind people to go say hi to her first when they come to see the baby. some will and some wont, and thats fine. and she should see that everyone is tender with a baby, always. she will soon realize that baby is here to stay, and then baby will get into her stuff, and jealousy and anger will start. so its important that she knows that we never hurt a baby no matter what. give her another outlet, because its natural for her to get angry. tell her she can punch that pillow, or whatever. she is at a tough age, both of mine were 2 when the next one came. she wants to be a big girl, but needs to know she is always your baby. you will find your balance. get help where you can get it. and dont worry at all about the love :) best of luck to you, enjoy them.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.R.

answers from New York on

Hi T.,

I have 5 children and I only asked for help with a baby if another child showed an interest in baby. I made sure they all saw how I took care of baby and all. With my second child I only had my first child assist me. I never ordered I asked for help. If they didn't give it oh well. We also did alot of things together as a family. Example I would have the baby on my lap feeding or whatever and we would play puzzle or cards with the older child. Baby would have a turn with moms help.
I would also make sure the other children got time with mom or dad with 5 this takes some doing. So make sure your first child gets some time when baby is napping.
Hope this helps,
R.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.G.

answers from Chattanooga on

you should love all your kids the same. having an older child help with a younger child don't mean the love is less as a mom of 4 i treat my kids . Age & responcabilty love them all the same

1 mom found this helpful
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K.G.

answers from Jamestown on

Since you are already aware of feeling this way, i doubt you will treat your first any differently than you do now.
You'll have plenty of love to give both of your children and it's funny how a mommy's heart grows with love with each new child.

Relax.... pretty much everyone goes through this when they have more children... it's natural to wonder about. But it's also natural for the love you have to be big enough for all your children.
You may not love each of them in the same way, since they will have their own personalities, but you will love them all just as much.

1 mom found this helpful
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