Yes,,,,I Waited Until I Got Married!

One reason I don't do sex talk with friends. And yes, I would say, "You know, I really don't appreciate you making comments about these things."

I love the damaged goods comeback! or sloppy seconds.

Tell her you are glad you are not a slut like her!! Kidding. I think it is terrible of her to be doing this to you. I really think you ought to consider defriending her. Anybody who teases about something like that is not the kind of person you want to be friends with.
BTW-I think it is commendable that you waited. I wish that I would have.

Just to let you know you're not the only one, my husband was my first and only. We waited until we were married. Good for you!

She's jealous. You didn't do anything "wrong" or "weird"! You stood firm in your moral beliefs and FEW can say that.

Wonder if a well flung comment about her husband getting "damaged goods" would shut her up and make a point? :)

She doesn't sound like a very good friend to keep dwelling on it. If a friend told me she was a virgin I would probably be shocked but that would be the last time I mention. To keep bringing it up sounds like second grade.

You shouldn't worry about it bothering you, I think it would bother anyone. Your friends behavior is just strange.

My husband was my one and only and I am very proud of that fact. I had serious relationships before him but I always would look at the guy and ask myself, "if I got preggers would I want to spend the rest of my life with him". Obviously the answer was no with everyone but him!

Its sad to say that sex has become a recreational sporting event. Sex is so much more than that I think people have lost sight of that. "If it feels good do it". But to me it means love, commitment, forever. Its an emotional bond as well as physcial. We will be married 25 years August 23rd!

You could say something like "I didn't need to be a slut before I got married" but that might be a little rude. :) Or you could say, when you know you know. Didn't need to take a "spin ride" before hand. I think she is jealous. Virginity is a gift to our mates.

My husband of 9 years was my first and is my only and I don't regret that. I do however find it to be not the norm amongst my friends and relatives. I don't know a single person my age (I'm 32) who waited. So maybe your friend just finds it really wild and is surprised. She probably didn't realize her comments upset you if she is really a friend. I would confront her on this.

Is she someone to whom you could say something like "you made the decision that worked for you, I made one that worked for me. I won't joke about your decision and would appreciate if you don't joke about mine"?

DH and I both waited until we were married and we couldn't care less about what other people think about that :-).

What Denise said!
Outstanding comeback!!!!

"Why would you say something like that?"

is what I would say.

"I am shocked you told your husband. I thought we talk to each other in confidence. I am disappointed."

"I don't understand why you make such a joke out of my choices. It's really hurtful."

She sounds like she is intimidated by you.

Best wishes-

Tell her you are tired of the comments and ask her not to do it any more. Tell her that it makes you feel bad and that you feel like she is laughing at you.

Definitely dont sit their and endure it if her comments hurt your feelings.

I'm not sure why its a big deal to her - sounds a little immature.

In any case, it isnt much of her business - how would she feel if you were running around telling people how many people she slept with before she got married and lauging "oooohhh She slept with 13 people before she got married... A ha ha ha ha ...."

I am impressed!

Honestly, your friend sounds like a jerk! Her immaturity is astounding! I'm not so sure I would consider her a friend. I wouldn't be mean about it and resort to her level, but I would mention to her that it is disrespectful of your friendship and your beliefs.

Wanna know something?? I was a virgin too, we should be very proud of ourselves, I atleast thought it was a tough thing to do, but i am very happy about it.
my guess is she feels bad about her prior relationships even if she would never admit it especially to her self.

Lesson learned not to trust her with anything if this is how she acts.

to deal with it, the grown up thing is to sit her down the next time she makes a crack and tell her you don't appreciate it. I doubt she will act like a grown up and apologize so you need to decide what your boundaries are with her.

.

My husband and I were both virgins when we married at 27 and 32 so I know how it must bug you that your friend is not only insensitive, but immature in her lack of discretion with her comments. Virginity is a precious and rare gift for the wedding night, so good for you for waiting. I can definitely tell you that the it has lent strength to our marriage, fostered trust and respect, and possibly one of the reasons we enjoy sex so much (even after 10 yrs of marriage and 3 kids!). I think it's time to politely and respectfully let your friend know that you no longer welcome her negative comments. Depending on her response, you may need to reconsider if she's really a friend. Friendship is build on mutual respect.

Good for you! Not many of us left. I would politely ask her to stop discussing it and I would also be careful about what I say to her. Apparently
she feels she needs to tell her husband everything. That breaks the
girlfriend rule IMO.

Your personal sex life, or anyone's for that matter, is not fodder for someone's amusement. Since it bothers you, you may as well tell her your boundaries. One sentence: "Please don't do that anymore." I wouldn't give a reason or justification because you don't need to. You do need practice on boundaries however.

If she continues, time to reevaluate the relationship.

this is what ii pictured the possibilities of the rest of this sentence

Yes,,,,I waited until I got married:
1. to stop going down on him
2. to stop cooking
3. to start nagging
4. to start having headaches at night that will only be cured by lack of intimacy
5. to become 50lbs heavier
6. to need to be attached at the hip
7. to mention my moms moving in
8. to decide to shave my head
9. to go weeks without shaving

sorry i'm being silly
On a serious note, i applaud you, to each their own, I was only with my ex from 14-26, and noone else...I didn't wait though....and he wasnt J. with M. apparently throughout all those years, hence the ex status...noone should judge anynes preference in that department!

Both me and my husband where virgins when we married. My SIL laughed at me when she out and I simply said.. yeah not everyone thinks its cool to be a slut. She never said another thing after that.

What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone else. That doesn't make anyone's decision right or wrong, just different.

You waited and that's fine for you. I didn't wait and that's fine for me.

And by the way, not ALL religions have the belief that sex without marriage is a sin. My religion says that sex is only a sin of one of the parties involved is not a consenting adult or if a trust, such as a promise of monogamy, is being broken by the act. Sex between unmarried couples, between people of the same sex, within a group of people, or open marital/sexual relationships are not sins according to my gods.

I don't think you should be mad, but you should tell her that she's disrespecting your beliefs and life decisions. If she doesn't get it, turn it around and ask her how she would feel if someone kept commenting on how she could sleep with anyone without being married. I'm sure she'd see that POV as judgmental and hopefully it will be an eye opener. You don't need to tell her about how great the sex is because that's none of her business. In the future be very careful with what you tell her because most people do tell their spouses everything even if they've been sworn to secrecy. So, if there's something you don't want known, just keep it to yourself. :)

My husband is my only and I'm 37, married for almost 14y

Life is like a box of choclates. Literally. There are those that pick up any piece that looks like it might be the one they are looking for and they take a nibble, or break it open, or peak inside, and if its not what they were looking for or hoping for they toss it back. Others take the time to know what they are looking for, examine each piece, read the inside guide, decide that 'this' is the one I want.

Today many people consider waiting to be old fashion, and to some that makes it seem funny. To say that waiting is the rule in all religions is way off base, many do not see sex outside marriage as a problem. Many see sex as a normal healthy human thing to do, and put no limits on it. Neither side is right or wrong, and if her comments bother you than just let her know. If she does not stop once she knows she is hurting you, than she is not a very good friend.

If it bugs you, which would be totally understandable, get rid of this so-called 'friend'. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why she's acted this way or assume that she must have all these deep-seeded regrets about how she lived her own life because none of that matters. Some people choose to wait, some don't. Some regret their decision (on BOTH sides of that fence) and some don't, plain & simple.

This, in my opinion, doesn't really even have to do with the particular subject matter, though it is touchy (no pun intended), as much as just the simple fact that you made a life decision & she laughed in your face about it. Repeatedly. Dump the jerk & move on with your life.

I didnt wait until I was married but my husband is my 'one and only' and I couldnt be happier about that. I have never had anyone ever make fun of me for this and in fact ppl say all the time how nice it must be to have a bond like that with the man you are married to. If I had to guess I would say that this person is a bit regretful for being maybe too premiscuous in her past. This is not to say that for someone who chooses not to wait is a slut or is premiscuous but if she is making fun of you Id bet she is jealous of you and regretful if her choices
Congrats to you and dont be bothered by what others have to say. They are not the ones living your life

I would just tell her jokes and comments about your sex life are off limits and make you uncomfortable. Hopefully if she is a good friend she will get that your feelings are hurt and stop (if not remind her). My sister is also one of those who likes her sex life private (she just says she is satisfied and smiles). I know more details from when we were younger but I don't need to tell them to anyone.

You might want to specify when something is supposed to stay completely private. Confidentiality is an important issue in my profession (always discussed at the first meeting) and it really helps to discuss it upfront even with friends or family. I usually ask if I can share with my husband and most of my friends are fine with that.

Some people are a lot more comfortable talking about sex than others. I don't mind discussing sex and related topics (years ago I was a teaching assistant for a human sexuality class and gave talks about birth control so my friends are used to asking me information questions). These days there is a fair amount of middle ground between staying a virgin until marriage and being promiscuous. It's common to have one or a few sexual relationships before settling down and getting married (especially if you don't get married until past 30). Your friend made the choice that was right for her, you made the choice that was right for you. Her making fun of your choices is just rude.

Edit: I read through the other posts and so many people have strong opinions about virginity! If both partners want to wait until after marriage and that works for them, great. I have trouble with the double standard that a woman should be a virgin but is is okay for the man to sleep around. I also can think of situations where the woman comes to a marriage a virgin and then feels she can't leave even if it isn't a very happy marriage. I also think there is no reason to be ashamed of having a sex life before marriage. I was taught that if was a bad idea to have sex with some one if you wouldn't respect yourself or your partner in the morning. I never wanted to have a one night stand and never did. It's quite possible to be responsible about your sex life, make good decisions and have no regrets or shame about it.

it's so weird cause my husband is pretty much my one and only (i had kinda sex with one boy in hs and then was date raped by another) but when we get together (hubby and I) i was 17 and he was 18 - and while we didn't wait to get married I consider him my only 'real' lover. I regretted for a long time not having sex with other people - my friends always made me feel like a freak for only really being with one guy - but almost 20 years later i look back on it and am so glad i didn't do the one night stands, the walk of shame - all that other stuff that seemed so glamorous (OMG I can't believe I even thought that) when I was an early 20-something. I am not so happy I didn't do any of those things...Be proud of yourself...

Seriously? How old are y'all, that she would tease you about it??? That kinda blows my mind. To be honest, if someone said they were a virgin when they got married, I'd probably be surprised because it's rare. I'd be curious, I'd be impressed, I'd probably run the full course of emotions that come when you hear or see something novel, that you know to be good but didn't know anyone could do it. I wouldn't tease or laugh, though.....that wouldn't be what would cross my mind. If she mentions it again, just say something simple like "Oi--when I told you that, I thought you had your big girl pants on. Seriously, stop teasing about it, I don't find it funny. It was important to me, and I stuck with it, and I'm happy with my decision and my life. Get over it". Seriously, it doesn't have to be a "fight" but it should be firm.

I don't understand why she would even give it a second thought, except for maybe she is jealous that you had self-control and she does not (present tense because if she is flapping her jaws to her hubby about it she STILL can't control herself.) I thought only GUYS make fun of each other for being virgins.

If she says something again just tell her that you are quite proud of the fact that you came to your bridal bed a virgin, have no regrets, but don't find it to be any of her biz and would appreciate her not mentioning it again if she can't be respectful.

I get similar ribbing from moms at my son's (Catholic) pre-school when they find out that we use NFP only. "Come on, it's the 21st century! " My husband is also my one and only, and I will go to my grave cherishing that fact and being able to tell my kids (if they ask) with a clean heart that we have never been with anyone else.

My bestfriend did the same thing and i think its awesome. I had a few serious relationships before i married my a-hole hubby. I dont laugh at her and never would. We dont ever even bring it up.
You did good girl and honestly in this day and age women can be too loose.
I'd tell her to drop it that its not a big deal and its not worth discussing or making fun of and to please stop.

I think that is wonderful! I truly do - I have a 13 yr old daughter who was talking to me about some girls at school and I was trying to explain to her that sex comes w/love that love doesn't come w/sex and when she asked me if I waited until I was married to have sex w/her dad I came clean because I don't want to lie to her, but if I had met him earlier in life I may have. You have nothing to be ashamed of, your friend does. There is really something to be said about someone with your values and I truly mean that. There should be more people with the same morals as you.

Oh, Denise...you're awesome!

Your friend is being very disrespectful. Your private conversations should not be made public by her. Say something.

That's so great that you waited!
Perhaps your friend wishes she had waited too. She sounds insecure and immature!

I waited too:), your friend sounds very immature to be saying things like that.......what is she 15?

She needs to get over it. It's not THAT big of a deal! Why is she so focused on this? Insecurity perhaps? I'll admit, it is a bit unusual in this day and age, but it's nothing to laugh at, joke about relentlessly, or spread like a wild rumor. She sounds really annoying. Just tell her she's being obnoxious, you get it, she thinks you're a prude, ha ha ha, now let's move on. Or make a joke of it, and tell her it's all good because you got plenty of practice on yourself-if you know what I mean- (even if that's not true!) it might catch her off guard, make her laugh, and then hopefully you two can put this issue to rest.

N., I think it is wonderful that you waited until marriage. How special for you and your hubby to share that intimacy with only each other.

As for your friend - I don't think she is really a friend. My definition of a friend does not include someone who belittle you or shares your secrets with others.

Please say something to her. You don't have to be rude or hurtful, but tell her that you don't appreciate her comments. If she continues, you may have to back away from this "friendship". Because friends don't act this way - but you know that ;)

First off, good for you for sticking to what you believe in, and doing what you wanted to. That is an awesome, and less common thing nowadays, and it should be commended.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and maybe she laughed at you because she thinks its not "normal" to only have sex with one person. These days everything is considered normal and times have changed.

Dont let her make you feel bad for anything. You didnt do anything wrong, and you arent some kind of freak. Maybe she is embarrassed because she has had sex with a lot of people or at least more than she would have liked. Who knows. But her laughing at you shouldnt anger you, it should make you feel proud.
You are in what sounds like a healthy relationship with your husband and sound happy. Whats to feel bad about? Nothing!

I have found that some friends that I used to have thought I was the strange one too, because I have only ever been with my husband. But it never bothered me, I was, am proud of what I have done in life and need not feel bad to anyone.

Live your life, and distance yourself from this person. They dont sound like a true friend if she takes whatever you say and tells her husband. Its rude, and disrespectful. How would she feel if you did that? Real friends dont gossip behind each others backs.
Maybe you need to associate yourself with people who are more like you.

Good for you. More girls should do that and we wouldnt have unwed mothers and unwanted children everywhere!!!! Which i think is disgraceful. Just because no one sees any shame in it anymore, doesnt make it right. I applaud you. As far as your friend, if she comments again, i would tell her that you were taught only easy/slutty/cheap women have sex before marriage, and you whoelheartedly believe it!! Why buy the cow when youre getting the milk for free? She is obvioulsy shallow and without many morals, so dont let it bother you further, or dont hang out with her. She sounds kinda stupid, in my opinion.

I think deep down it really bothers her that you found your one and only and she has been with more than one. It sorta of sounds like jelousy in a way where she is disappointed in herself but wont admit it. You should be proud and shout it from the roof tops that you did not sleep around. I am not trying to offend anyone that has been with more than one partner by no means so please no one take offense. all i am saying is Stand proud and when it comes up again own it confidently and say Yes my husband is my one and only and i wouldnt have it any other way. religious belief or just personal preference you made the decision for you and she made her decissions. JUST SMILE!

I think that's awesome. I have two friends who waited also and I commend them for that choice. Sounds like your friend is an a$$ and yes, I would mention it. I wouldn't go so far as "damaged goods" - although very funny and probably would shut her up but you might loose a friendship. Maybe just explain how being intimate is something very personal and private for you and you would appreciate some discretion. If she doesn't get it then go for the gusto with the other comment as it doesn't seem like she's a good friend to you.

I think you should tell her that her comments bother you and that it is not OK for her to judge your life decisions.

She may not be able to understand your choice to wait until marriage, but again, it is not her place to judge or "make fun of" you for this.

I wasn't a virgin at my wedding, never intended to be, and admit that really never occurred to me as a viable option. Since then, I've known several people who did make that choice, and even though that would not have worked for me, I have never made any disparaging comments to them.

She must feel guilty inside and that's why she makes fun of it and uses excuses why she wasn't. If you do like her friendship, then tell her to stop and it bothers you that she makes these comments.
If she continues, she isn't your friend...

Honestly she doesn't sound like much of a friend . . . I think it's wonderful and I wouldn't give her any more thought. If she continues with rude comments I would drop the friendship.

JMO.

Good for you! My husband and I waited too. In fact we did not kiss until after he had proposed to me. I am very proud of our decision to stick to our religious beliefs and have no problem telling people. She's probably saying more comments to you to get a rise out of you...which is working. People's "testing the waters" have led to the breakups of families, lack of getting married as what's left to get married for, and tons of children out of wedlock. Be proud of the fact that you did what you know to be right! I was always raised that this was the right thing and knowing that I pleased God rather than man or Satan is much more powerful than anything that someone could say to make fun of me. I was proud to be a virgin in high school and college as well and was made fun of, but I knew that I was right and that was all that matter.

So, good for you and be happy with your decision to follow the Bible. If you stop getting upset when she talks about it, she'll shut up eventually. Keep it up!

Your friend must be terribly insecure for bringing it up repeatedly. Tell her that your sex life is no longer open for comments or discussion.
Perhaps she was once criticized for having multiple sex partners and she is taking it out on you.

Sorry this is happening to you! Remember, most of the time that people pick at you or make fun, they are trying to cover up their own unhappiness. Tell her kindly, but firmly that you are tired of the comments and that you would never have shared that information with her if you had known she would be so untrustworthy.

it is not a laughing matter. I think it is a great thing that you waited!!! I sooo wish that I had. but she should not be making rude comments to you or talking about you behind your back. i'd talk to her and tell her how you feel and ask her to stop. if she doesnt then maybe start to distance yourself from her/

No, I didn't wait until I was married. I test drove the car(s)!! There is a middle ground from being a slut and having premarital sex though. I'm very glad your decision worked for you and the other ladies that made that choice. My choice works for me.

Good for you, i wish i would have waited. I have friends that did and i admire them. Your friend sounds like she doesn't know any better, sorry.

i wish i had waited...good for you!

She's trying to beat you down to her level dear....and she losing it. So she ups the joking.

And...chances are her sex life is non-existent or unfulfilling.

You have been truly blessed by your choices.

She probably secretly wishes she could have had the same experience and just has a hint of jealousy over it, so she demeans it as a defense mechanism, though she would likely never admit it. I wasn't a virgin in the sense that I had made some errs in judgment in my younger years, but since I committed my life to the Lord at age 19 I waited and of course my husband and I waited for each other and I would gladly tell anyone that bc I am happy we did things God's way. I'd just tell her it bothers me that she makes such a big deal about it and to please stop and if she tries to joke you more, say in a flat tone 'I'm serious'. It may be awkward, but it will set a healthy boundary in the relationship and that is always a good thing I think!

You have made a decision that enables you to have no regrets, no comparisons, no awkward moments with your spouse meeting ex-lovers...the list goes on and on. How many others can say that? Why on earth would you allow yourself to feel shame over it?

Don't give her this kind of control over you. You KNOW you have a good thing and you made a good choice and no one can take that from you.

If you don't feel like you can take her chiding in stride, then perhaps say something or just don't spend time with her. It seems pretty disrespectful - not to mention completely childish - for her to continue the teasing.

Maybe she's jealous...

I wasn't a virgin on my wedding night but my husband is my one and only and an even bigger shock: I am his one and only. We have been married 7 years and have 2 beautiful children and my sex life is very satisfying. So what if she thinks that she had to test the waters. When it's right, it's right and a good relationship is not based on sex.