Answering on My Previews Question (Dont like My BIL GF)

My mother had a philosophy which I've taken as my own. When my brother was married to someone that my mother didn't quite approve of she said, "If Dale can live with her I can walk around her." Be polite, accept that she's your brother's choice. No need to tell anyone that you don't like her and why. His choice is none of your business.

I agree with Sarah and Robert E. If asked, simply say you have a personality clash.

As an adult it is your responsibility to deal with the personality clash in your relationship with her. Be polite without being condescending. Do not involve others in your issues. Stay away from her as much as possible. You cannot change her or your brother. You can choose to be polite and non confrontational.

You can be honest without going into details. Simply say you have a personality clash with her and you feel trying to force the issue would only make it worse. If she is that immature, your MIL will understand without details.

Take the high road...always.

I agree with One, take the high road. Say something that you would say straight to her face, because in all likelihood your MIL will repeat it to her, and she'll repeat it to you at Thanksgiving dinner!

Oh, and I would start with a compliment - I respect her and think she's very nice (yes, it's ok to lie), but I just don't get the feeling she's very friendly towards me. i'm ok with that because not everyone can be best friends. Or something like that.

Ok, so, obviously the problem with the girl is that she is young and immature. So, what is YOUR problem?

Seriously, try to move on, its your husbands brother. Who cares if you like her? Just be polite and don't worry about it.

If you say something to your MIL be prepared that it will be repeated to the girlfriend. I would say nothing and just avoid her as much as possible. If you're all at family functions, just say hi so you don't get accused of totally ignoring her and then move on. I mean, how many family functions can there really be?

I've hated my BIL from day one! He knows it; my sister knows it! No one likes him but my sister was dooped into marrying him and afterward is when his true colors came out. If she had listened to me (my parents and other sister) and trusted my vibes about the idiot she wouldn't have married him and would have been much happier!

So, my point is.... just tolerate the girl because now there is a child and she will be involved with the family for a very long time. No sense in causing drama when it's really not necessary.

Good luck!!

I have definitely been one in the past to let my temper guide my actions... and I will say, I didn't always make the right choice...

For now, why not take a step back.... and re-think if you need to say anything at all.. Sounds like there will be drama if you don't and drama if you do.... maybe because she is so immature and what not, her sticking her nose up at you was a good thing.. I mean why even hang out or even get into it with a person like that? To me, this sounds like it's more of your BILs issue at the moment ... Personally, I would stay out of it... Even if you don't like her... having a baby , let alone at such a young age is a HUGE responsibility... underneath her tough veneer might be a young scared woman.. whom at the moment thinks she may know everything... she'll learn otherwise..

for now, I'd take the high road and just try and hold yourself back from speaking ill of her.. you have to remember, she IS your BIL s girlfriend... and IF he isn't looking to break up with her, then it's best to let things run their course, especially over this kind of stuff.... getting caught up in or making another person's drama our own simply to prove a point isn't a good move... Take it from someone who knows.. :) and in most cases, I turned out to be the bad guy...

Good luck

"decided to get knocked up"
"just out of highschool so I know she is very immature"

My MIL made no bones AT MY WEDDING that she thought I'd "decided" to get pregnant to "get" her son. Um, no. We BOTH had some responsibility in what led to my pregnancy; I didn't "decide". It happened as a direct consequence of OUR actions. Not planned - but quite welcome by BOTH of us (and we were already engaged, so it was hardly a ploy)

And I was probably more mature at 18 than I was at 28.

If you approached her with these thoughts in mind, you set her up, whether you meant to or not. If you have these thoughts NOW because she insulted you, then, try to rise above and move forward. The boys may end up as buddies which would be nice, since they are cousins.

Best of luck to you.

If I were you, I would just keep my opinions to myself. No good is going to come of you telling your MIL what was said between the two of you.

Marda. I am gonna steal that line from your mama! Love it!

Honesty goes a loooong way! Its best. Also forgiveness is mostly for your heart. Just smile and be the best you can. Give her no reason not to like you. If she chooses to not like you because "she" is snobby that is her issue that she will have to deal with.

Its VERY rare I dont get along with ppl. Even ppl I dont really care to become close friends with I can get along with. Give her time and perhaps she will come around when she matures. Perhaps not. Never give her any reason to not like you. Let it be her choice. For no reason!

If you want to get over having other people run your emotions then look up Byron Katie on YouTube and on her website and download the free Loving Your Neighbor worksheet. Do it on your new SIL. Then do the turn around. It changed my life. I no longer feel the need to judge others or act on negative opinions. Makes you so much happier. You are going to be around this girl a long time and it will also affect your husbands happiness if he can not hang out with his brother without you being all in a bad mood.

How old are you, Mom? If you are just a few years older than this gal, then I'm not sure why you are surprised that she is immature. Young people often are. If you are older (and sorry, but you don't sound older), then you should understand that younger people are immature until they grow up some. Life experiences help make them grow up.

If the girlfriend marries into the family, you will have to live with your decision to badmouth her in the first place, because she apparently isn't going to lose any sleep with you not liking her.

Do you really think that you are doing your MIL any good by making her miserable with your "honesty"? Your MIL can't do a thing to prevent her son from marrying this girl. Is your goal to have someone else dislike her too? That's pretty unfair to your MIL. Your husband should care enough about his mother to have not been so "honest" himself.

Your MIL will need to carve out her own relationship with her DIL. Leave your opinions at home and let your MIL find her own way with this gal. Try to stop being judgmental of why your future SIL is pregnant so that the family isn't always in turmoil. That is how to show your young future SIL how to act grown up. Be an example of how a grown up young mom is supposed to act.

Adding people to the family is not always easy. If families got to decide on who would marry into them, perhaps many people would stay single for all their lives. That's not the way it is, though. The best way for families to deal with it is to accept newcomers as best as they can. I think you've pretty much sealed your relationship with her so that your BIL won't want to be around you since his wife won't put up with it. So be it. Perhaps next time you will decide to think twice before putting your honesty out there so much.

Dawn

You do not want to be known as one of those that says whatever they want because it's true. Some things just should not be said. If someone asks, just say that you don't have a lot in common.

Let other people make up their own mind. If this GF decides to be nice to other people, then let them have a nice relationship. It shouldn't bother you. I'm sure you have plenty of other things to worry about.