My 2.5 year old suddenly doesn't want to get dressed and go out to play at the playground, museum, food store, play dates, anywhere. She just wants to stay home. Everyday it's a battle. It's summertime and as a SAHM, I feel that we should be going out at least once a day to interact with the world and for her socialization (she's an only child).
Everyday she refuses to get dressed and says she doesn't want to go to the <insert fun place here>. So, I tell her that I'm going to get dressed and go without her and she can stay home (which is absolutely not an option). And she says OK. Then I get dressed and go out the front door. I wait a few minutes and go back in and then she is ready to get dressed, but VERY reluctantly and sometimes with her crying and carrying on. This has been going on for 2 weeks now.
I've tried to let her pick out her outfit, but she's not interested. Some days, I admit I don't have the energy for the 'fight' so we just stay home. I know I can't do this everyday. I'm sure there are mamas out there who have gone through this. What should I do? And what should I do differently? Is she bored of the outings we do? The only exception to this has been her weekly music class which she loves. She'll get dressed with no problem and be out the door effortlessly.
Please help. I'm frustrated.
I forgot to mention that I live in a city in an apartment building, so going outside isn't just opening the back door to a yard. It involves going somewhere: to the playground, park, or just going for a walk in our quiet neighborhood. City life sucks in that way.
Its a phase.
My kids have done that too, on occasion when that age, and even now.
No worries.
Just stay home!
My kids are sometimes real home-bodies.
Its fine.
Even I get like that sometimes.
Don't force it.
Its a phase.
Even adults get like that.
It is NO biggie.
NO biggie.
Well, I understand that errands need to be done--but some kids really like staying home and hanging out & playing. My 8 yo even gets like that still.
I feel antsy if I don't get out every day. Even if it's only for a walk. My youngest and oldest are the same way. My middle child? He is a homebody. He would prefer to stay in pj's all day or play outside in our yard. We have learned to compromise and make adjustments to our schedule.
G.,
She doesn't need 'socialization'. Check into homeschooling and the myth of needing socialization. She wants to stay home. THAT IS OKAY! Question is: Are YOU going to lack socialization if you stay home?
Planning a weekly schedule around one event (and NOT building up to it) is a much better idea - like errands! You see plenty of people running errands to fit the bill of learning how to interact peaceably and politely (by practice, not by reminder).
Check into Waldorf education - and the works/writings of Rudoph Steiner. When you see something about Rhythm, - read - .... a lot! I am trying to get rhythm in my household and it is what my boys are hungry for.
It's not about the outfit, it's not about being left behind (which really isn't a good thought (or practice) for a two year old - what do you do when they ARE going to be left behind? it's sad that she is willing to part with you going out the door already!) It is about knowing what comes next and a whole host of other things that a child values but current society does not.
She doesn't need to go to the museum. She's two and a half. Not 12! She isn't going to remember it - even if she has fun when she finally gets there - it isn't a lasting fun - each time it is hard to get her out the door, it will get harder and harder long before it ever gets easier.
My suggestion would be to cut everything down to her music class and any necessary errands. I think you'll see a lovely transition to a little girl who is happy to interact with the world as SHE is able to process - not as someone else sees her as needing to meet some invisible goal.
Less is more. and when it comes to doing stuff, more IS less. Less enjoyable. Less wanted. Less comfortable.
I have been slow to learn to pare down my visits to the outside world trapped in a car seat for them. Cutting back on gas consumption - and giving them more TIME to experience and learn and BE who they are instead of giving them discomfort of social situations that are always new and unexpected.
Visit friends. Plan a playdate one to two times a month. Otherwise, stay home and hug your child every time you think of what they are missing - because THAT is what they are missing - you - and she is trying to tell you that but really, has no words for it.
Good luck!
M.
PS: read your update. You can still create a rhythm at home - and just going to the tree on the street (if you have one), and observing everything can be an outing she will cherish and look forward to. I do agree you have to get out of the building. But you don't need a 'park' when a tree, or even a hardy little plant growing in the sidewalk will do. Or a dance in the rain in her play clothes. Or singing nursery rhymes on the front steps, or....
My daughter did this for about six months. It's a bummer that it's happening during the summer, but I honestly think it's perfectly normal. Maybe she's tired of "going" and just wants some at home time? I try to not get in the car at least one day each week and stay home - together we might putter in the garden maybe, go get the mail or play in the sandbox, but not actually going anywhere. We spend the day reading books, painting, play-doh, coloring, playing games. My daughter LOVES these days and I've come to love them too. Sometimes we even stay in our pajamas until after naptime and once in awhile we'll watch a movie while we eat lunch. I like downtime, maybe your daughter does too? Try having a day or two like this and make it a big deal - talk up having a fun day staying at home and it being special. My daughter knows that "special" means we don't get to do it all the time. Again, I think this is 100% normal. Good luck!
Yeah, this is prtetty typical. I am an "out" person like you so I too like to get out and about most days of the week. But yes, I have had to listen to my kids cues about not wanting to leave on some days either, and I feel restless, but I'm getting used to it! ;) On those days I choose to bake a lot b/c my daughter loves to help with that.
I might also suggest to stop saying to her that you'll go without her b/c as you mentioned, this is truly not an option and she knows that you're going to wait for her...or if she doesn't, you really don't want her to push it and find out that you're not going to do what you said you were going to do. Instead I would just give her some heads up like, hey after breakfast it's going to be time to get dressed. We are going to ____ today. I know I'll have fun there, but you can choose to have fun or not have fun while we are there. Something like that. If she doesn't get dressed easily then consider doing some sort of time out or something, but soon you're going to find yourself ina pickle if you keep "leaving" without her.
I live in a city, too, and my daughter went through this phase last year. It's frustrating, but it doesn't last too long. Just wait it out. I made staying home as boring as possible.
I wouldnt force it. Myy 2.5 yr old son gets like this too. When I try to struggle with him to get him out he starts throwing a fit as soon as we get there and we leave after 5 mins so really, whats the point? Now I only take him out when he wants to and everything goes a lot smoother.
My boys do this often. They whine they want to go out, but when it's time to go they sometimes whine that they want to stay.
Also, we don't go out every day. Maybe stay home for a few days, she's still pretty young to need daily outings. We are a pretty big home-body family.
Maybe she's going through separation anxiety (of leaving home). Stay home for a few days. Ask her what she wants to do at home. I wouldn't worry about getting her out and about into the world every day. Maybe it's too much for her (right now). Maybe it's too hot and she doesn't want to be stuck in the car/stroller/cart. Ask her why she doesn't want to go and what she would rather do.
Frustrating when you are trying to do something fun for her and she doesn't want to do it!! Don't worry about getting her dressed and let her have a pajama day. We do that often on the weekends!
Sorry I know this is tough.
Can you stay in some days, like today, and only go out every other day?
Maybe she needs a day in every other day.
Could you get out in the evening by yourself if you have someone that can stay w/your baby?
Maybe in stead of going somewhere on the next day you do get out and not stay in, could you walk/stroller to a nearby park?
How about a fun destination? Give her a day in advance notice. Park, library reading time, the mall to ride the carousel, a yogurt shop, out to a fun place for lunch etc. Good luck. I know it can be tough. :)
My son is a homebody, never likes to go anywhere, so mostly we don't. we stay home and spend time together instead.
How is she once she is wherever you are going? My son gives me a hard time getting dressed and doesn't want to leave but once we are there he is fine and then it tough to get him to leave.
My daughter is still like this and posted a couple weeks ago about having a homebody. At 4.5, she would infinitely prefer to be home. What has been helpful is that we have a calendar and some activities are "have to's", which she loves after she does them (family, friends, awesome outings) and so she knows about them in advance and I have time to pump it up. At night, I reinforce how much fun she had once we were out when we're doing "high/low" for the day and inevitably, the activity was the high.
Other things are "want to's" and we talk about doing what is good for our bodies, exercising (going to the park to bicycle, enjoying the sunshine, etc) with the option of staying home. As she's getting older, she's starting to become aware that she goes a little stir crazy if we don't get out for a bit during the day. She does need the time at home to process and for her own comfort. Too many transitions and she goes a little wonky, as do I.
My 27 month old is the total opposite! From the moment he wakes up he wants to get dressed on go "walk" or "run" which means playing outside ; ) I'd just stay in a few days, like you said, you don't have the energy to "fight" and there's no reason to. Maybe space your outings, stay home 2 days, go out one day, then stay home a day or 2, so neither is everyday, and have an "outing" the day before and after her music class :D
I think some of it is personality too. Two of my kids prefer to stay home and play than to go out somewhere, while the other one loves to get out all the time. It began when they were kids and has remained this way, the oldest is 14, middle is 12 and youngest is 7. My youngest does ok going out only if we have "at home" days scheduled too.
