Free Range Kids

Would I let my nine year old walk to the store a block away alone? No.
Would I drive my child and wait in the car while my child went in to the store to get a candy bar and pay for it himself? Yes..

This is the DUMBEST thing I have ever heard of. People need to parent their children, not be their friends, not let them run around like wild monkeys. Have you seen children and teens these days? They are self-absorbed, spoiled, they have no respect for others, they don't share, they are rude when speaking to others, they are awful in school, they misbehave. And their parents are the worst. They sit back and either don't care, or don't do a damn thing about it. Some parents of toddlers think it's cute that their little one is running around in a store screaming, some parents of teens thinks it's great that their teen is independent and defy school dress codes or policies. It's ridiculous people!

Be a parent, teach your child manners, teach them to be polite, watch them while they are at the playground, and STOP them when they are rude, or getting in other kid's faces. Helicopter parenting???? No - simply parenting. STOP your kids when they are doing something wrong. To think that kids can be responsible and will be responsible if they are given the chance is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Kids will eat all candy all day, never do their homework, watch tv/cartoons all day, take toys away from others, skip school, honestly.

Kids need boundaries set for them. They need to know the rules, they need to get punished w/ consequences when the rules are broken. They need their parents to guide them, teach them, and discipline them. Otherwise, when they get into the real world and start working at a company - it will be a rude awakening for the spoiled child who now has to follow dress codes, rules of conduct and policies.

And for you parents that say young kids can walk to school on their own, play in the front yard unsupervised, etc. Well, have you heard of John Gardner??? He kidnapped, raped and killed 2 teens - a 14 year old who was walking to school and a 17 year old who was out jogging. These girls were good girls, walking alone and still got into a horrible situation. So do you think your 5 year old or your 8 year old or 11 year old will be okay???

Am I saying be a helicopter mom or parent, no, but be a diligent parent, and damn it, PARENT your kid, keep them safe, teach them manners and civility!

My Mom always says 'Being a parent means gradually putting yourself out of the job'. It's a fine line between anarchy and ruling your roost. Kids need/crave boundaries. Within those boundaries they are free to play, have fun and be themselves as they learn about life. As they grow they test the boundaries, push them back and occasionally cross them as they mature and become independent adults that can stand on their own two feet.
Protecting a child while they need protecting is not hovering. As they grow they need it less and eventually they don't need it at all. You also have to figure out how much you need to be needed. If you can't bring yourself to let go when the time is right (and the kids are grown up and don't need to be actively mothered), it's time to transfer to a pet or find something else that will fill your need. It's sometimes hard to know when your job is done. And there's an occasional grown up baby bird who needs a push out of the nest so they learn how to fly on their own.

I am not familiar what free range parenting but I do know that the chidlren are responding differently these days and i am convinced in some cases it is due to allowing the chidren to have a false since of intitlement, not being supervised enough in some cases allowing the television, radio to teach and experience things to soon not giving them balanced responsibilty ect.... I could go on but maybe you can share a little info about free range chidren.

I think it's great. My daughter is 3, and she is fairly responsible. I plan on letting her walk to school when the time comes, of course, it's just around the corner, but if I'm still working she'll probably be doing the before and after school thing with her current daycare lady who is a couple of blocks further way. I'm trying to convince her that it will be ok to let our 2 girls walk alone together, even though for 1 block, they're around the corner and she wont be able to see them. We live in a very safe neighborhood, with sidewalks and everything, so I dont understand why they need the bus to pick them up for a 3-4 block walk.

I think you need to find a balance. Teach your child to be respectful of others, and to have manners in public. Its not OK to run wild in a crowded place, or to do whatever you want at a playground or supermarket. But let the child explore, discover, and grow. Just make sure they aren't invading others space inappropriately or being rude. Kids should be able to be kids, but there is a time and place for everything.

Good question.
We try hard to NOT helicopter, all ours are teens now.
But we are not in the free range camp either.
That sounds risky to me.
Trying to strike a balance of supervision and letting them take responsibility is very tough, but we think it's best. As they get older we try more of our questions to be: "Wow, Billy, that sounds like that really bugs you. How are you going to solve that?"

I have mixed feelings about this. There may be a reason beside fear of kidnapping that those of us who grew up with "free range" as the norm don't parent like that.

I saw a 7 year old girl sexually assaulted by a group of other girls when I was about 3 in the late 60s. My memories of it are jumbled up, but I know it really happened. I was repeatedly pushed into a fire ant hill by a neighbor boy. I was shot at with BB guns....

Yes, I had a lot of fun too, but I do like to be able to keep an eye on most of what goes on. Kids can be mean or scared or just generally have awful judgement.

My son is only 6, so I walk him to school. By the time he is old enough to go it alone, he'll jave 2 little brothers in tow...so I will probably walk them then too. I do let him run WAY ahead of me, as long as he's being a good listener. In about 2-3 years, I will probably let him ride his bike to his friends a few blocks away. But the parents will be there and will know he's coming...

So....maybe I hover too much. But I saw too much cruelty in the late 60s & early 70s to just say it's OK.

p.s. On the other hand, I wish my kid could explore the woods like I used to. I think I started that at about age 10...and yeh, we'd definitely frown on parents doing THAT now and it was the highlight of my childhood.

Just like everything else in life moderation is key. There is a fine line and a lot of people parent by what has happened in their life. I had a friend who was kidnapped by a stranger when I was 11, so yes I am careful about where my 7 year old daughter is and I need to know where she is at all times. As she gets older I will have to deal with letting her go further and longer but for now NO WAY!

While teaching my daughter to ride her bike we made her wear her helmet all the time to make it a habit. Now if she is just on the sidewalk, no she doesn't need to wear it, but if she is going to a friends house and has to cross the street, she most certainly does. A co-worker was hit by a car crossing the street on his bike with no helmet and was killed because of head trauma.

She is independent and will play outside for hours by herself or down the street with friends, as long as she tells me where she is. And by the way yes there are tons of Molesters out there. When we lived in Chicago there were so many in a one block radius it was riduculous and we lived in one of the safer neighborhoods. Now we are down to about 4 in a 3 block radius, but yes they are out there.

I've seen extremes on both sides of the fence, and they both get on my nerves. Balance is what it's all about. There was a mom at my son's old preschool that, depending on my mood, alternated between being hilarious and the most annoying person I've ever seen. She claimed to know everything about her daughter, was freakish about protecting them (to the point that they were seriously concerned when my 3 YEAR OLD BABY said their daughter was pretty and he loved her). He did not touch or kiss her, but he said he "loved" her. (I asked him why, and he said because she wears purple cowboy boots). He was all about the cowboy thing, and he probably wanted her shoes, lol. Her daughter received a note and she walked into the classroom the next day, asked for an adult sized chair, and sat in the middle of the room (middle of the kids' table) and watched at attention as her daughter played (alone! for obvious reasons!) at her feet for half an hour. That, my friends, is what a hovering, or "helicopter" parent actually is. And then there is the opposite: the child who doesn't do his homework or go to practice again after he strikes out. The child who is left unsupervised through the day in the name of "fostering a sense of self worth and independence". Bollocks!
There is a middle ground which is pretty hard but it is called being a parent. I agree with DB about the lack of MANNERS (there are some things, like giving someone respect whether you feel like it or not) that need to be taught and enforced, period. The portion of your brain that weighs results-to-risk ration hasn't completed its development until well after they're driving cars! (This is one of many reasons teens exhibit risky behavior). And as for the molester thing: check the sex offender website in your area. That is just the REGISTERED ones that live there permanently! Many of you will be surprised, some are lucky enough to not have that worry as much as others, but I can assure you from several of my own experiences that it is everywhere.
My oldest is still very young (just turned 4) so I am always around. Not on him, but "around". I volunteer when I can and all the teachers/office staff at his preschool know me, yet I stay out of the way. If I felt the need to observe the class, it'd probably be from the hallway or a corner of the room where I could just fade away and see what happens. But I started from the beginning with little things to show him that even if I drop him off, I'm going to pick him up so he doesn't have to be scared. That he's funny, sweet, and super smart so there's nothing to worry about. From the beginning of time I let him choose things within reason: I'd pick things that would be a win no matter what he chose (if it's cold, shorts aren't an option: would you like to wear blue, black, or brown pants? give him 2 healthy options: would you like egg on a biscuit, or porridge and some berries? etc) That way he is practicing making choices, and not arguing with him (because all the choices were good options to begin with) helps him with his self esteem. He has his little list of chores (much more than other kids his age that we know!) but he also gets an allowance. He understands (and can explain) that as a family, we all need to do things to make the family run smoothly. But if he can do his "job" well, with a good attitude, and be trusted because of his good choices and TRUST, then we will give him a quarter a day for every day he gets a star (payday is on Saturday evening). He will be fine meeting people and saying "hi, my name is Joseph" and doing whatever. I see that sometimes he gets a little shy or nervous, but he does well because he knows I'm there behind him. We teach first by word, then by example, and then by letting him practice. He's not thrown out to sink or swim. Teaching (swim lessons) is an ongoing process. We believe he can play in the backyard (with my windows and door open to hear, and with frequent checks he probably doesn't even notice), I let him play with the children at the park or wherever (though I do stay nearby to help guide things sometimes---like don't throw the sand b/c it can hurt her eyes, or sometimes big kids just want to play by themselves, etc. I explain things more than I direct, and it's not very much now because he's had practice at playdates, church, parks, preschool, etc. But kids DO need their parents. They need to be able to know the boundaries, have a life, screw up sometimes and learn some lessons, but they need us to be the safety net so they are able to learn these lessons in the safety of love, explanation, and not letting something go too far. I think we're pretty strict and expect a lot out of our guy, so we are not permissive parents really, but we absolutely believe in letting children explore and grow, and create their own fun too. My biggest beef with the hovering parents would probably be that they get agitated with me for letting Joe run ahead when we're walking to the park or whatever. But he KNOWS not to go past the sidewalk (b/c he can get squished like a grape, that people can't see him well when they are in cars that are higher than he is) and he knows where we're going. He also just runs straight. He always stops to wait for me before turning a corner because we know that if he can't see me, then I can't see him. (I see him checking periodically to make sure I can see him, and I just wave or blow kisses). But those were TAUGHT, not instinct. And everything comes with trust, which is earned. (And that is a big lesson in our house, all the time. Good choices and wise decisions help me trust him, and my trust is what allows him to do big kid things). There is a balance. But I would err on the side of protection. And for the top 5 worries, I had to laugh. I don't "fear" but what I watch out for his emotional wellbeing and sense of security, his spiritual wellbeing, and yes his physical safety from accidents and strangers.That is all. But we've experienced a lot in our lives, I know things exist. Teaching him HOW to deal with things WHILE YOU ARE THERE is what being a parent is. So that he can move on and take the lessons he's learned (failures and successes) as an adult.

Free range is a term which denotes a method of farming where the animals are allowed to roam freely instead of being contained or controlled in any manner.

I call children that have no boundaries or rules, "free range kids". I think we should avoid hovering but there are times and places to keep rules and be safe. Gradually as children get older they should get more responsibility and freedom. However we as parents need to still be parents and provide the proper boundaries/rules along with the teaching moments they need to be healthy, well balanced, productive adults.
I think she needs a different name for her book. Free range gives a negative connotation to me, kind of uncontrollable and wild:)

Good luck all you mom! Lets do the best we can with the knowledge we have and always seek for more:)
E.