Graduation/military Commissioning for Son

Mantra: "I love my son more than I hate you. I love my son more than I hate you. I love my son...."

Another thing to consider... I have a friend who did something similar... but in reverse (dad had full custody, mom was a nightmare). He wanted his dad there out of love, he wanted his mom there as a big F. You / rubbing her nose in all she missed out on that his dad was a part of/ party to.

Hi!
This is a very special day for your son and if he chooses to have both his parents there for the pinning ceremony, then I think you need to be there. You are such an important part of him reaching his success. Don't let your ex being there spoil the day for you or your son. I am saying extra prayers for you to get the grace and the support you need to get through the day. The ceremony is still five months away, so don't spend all that time dwelling on the few minutes you will have to be in the presence of your ex. Just think about the joy of being there with your son! Good job, Mom!

My hubby is a 1LT now but I remember when he had his ROTC commissioning. It is such a great thing and a wonderful accomplishment. So just think of your son. Put all your anger away for at least that one hour. Swallow your pride for the happiness of your son. I mean during the commissioning you don't have to sit by your ex or anything. You will only have to stand up with him for the pinning. If you don't go your son will feel like he has to pick between you and his father which no matter what kind of person your ex is that is not what you want to make your son do. Just think of him and put all your emotions toward your son all the love and pride you feel and that will help take the focus off your ex. You can do it!

Well, I really think you should do this for your son. This is a huge, life changing time for him and he wants his parent's there. My mother and father didn't always get along, but if I wanted both of them to be there for something, they always sucked it up. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Your son will ALWAYS want both of your support, not matter what is going on with your relationship. Children don't care as much about the parent being irresponsible. They just want their love and pride. Please don't take this away from him. First and foremost, you are a mother and should be there for your son. The relationship problems are secondary. Put on a happy face and be there for him!! He will be so grateful and look back on the experience with pride.

Be the bigger person and go for your son's sake - it is a huge milestone and accomplishment for BOTH of you and I feel sure you would regret it if you chose to miss it. You helped him get to this point, so you should be there to celebrate with him. As for the ex, just do your best to keep cool and focus on the fact that the event is all about your son - you have plenty of time to mentally prepare for it - picture yourself enjoying the day and pray for the strength and grace to get through it. Be strong!

If your son wants you and his father to be there you should be there. Excusing yourself if his father is standing up with him is not fair to your son...it is like saying "If I can't continue to do it alone, I won't do it at all". I understand your feelings (and I have been in your shoes) but it isn't right to make your son feel he has to choose between his parents. If he has to pick you over his dad or doesn't have you there because his dad is, it will ruin his special day. If you miss this honor, you will regret it.

God will get you through it.

Swallow your pride, let go of your hurt, and be there for your son. Whether the ex- is there or not. Your son needs your unwavering, unquestioning love and support. Be proud of what he has accomplished, and be proud that he is grown up enough to look past whatever his father has done by inviting him to share this special accomplishment.
You don't have to talk to your ex- or anything.

I'm praying you have the grace to be there for your son. A child needs both parents - even as an adult to support him. This is a major event. You aren't there for your ex - but for your son. Be proud of the man he has become. He wants both of you there. If he wants his dad, he really wants and needs his mom to be there for him as well. You will be glad you acted with grace and pride. Remember, your children learn from watching you. You will be sending a strong message, not only to your son but your other children, that they are more important than the conflict you have with their father.

I'm sorry, I know it hurts but you are both his parents and you cannot excuse yourself. In the end, you know what is right and you do not want to hurt your son. Congratulations it sounds like you should be a very proud mother

Swallow your pride, bite your tongue and support your son...otherwise you will certainly risk losing him...or at the very least distancing him. This is not about you and your ex, it's about him. He's not a toddler begging for mom and dad to kiss and make up, he's an adult having a special moment in his life that he wants you (and your ex) to be a part of. Ask for the grace to get thru this...you do not need to speak to your ex...look at your ex...etc. Pretend he isn't even there. Do your part, support and love your son, and move on. Don't let your bitterness (which you have every right to feel) ruin your son's big day. YOU CAN DO IT! =0)
And congratulations for raising a bright and successful son! It is your day to celebrate the accomplishment too!

Think about your son! This is one of the most important days of his life and you cant set aside your differences with your ex for 5 minutes to be there for him?

Sincerely, so sorry that this is such a difficult situation, but I have to say that if your son wants both his parents there on either side of him, even if his Dad hasn't been a good father, you have to do it -- for him. Absolutely. Your son is really being a great young man to ask his father and it was probably a more difficult choice for him than he let on to you. I think you should honor his choice and the wonderful young man he's become and support his decision.

Congratulations to you and your son. What an honor!

I understand your hurt and disgust for your ex, but this is YOUR day as much as it is your son's. I can understand why he would want his father there. Its a defining moment in his life. A second mark of his manhood and independence. Why let you ex have the honor of the ceremony alone? YOU helped get him there. YOU should definitely be there!! God will send you the grace that you need because YOU are a proud mama sharing in your son's most proud and defining moment!

Its my understanding that you don't have to speak to each other. Just be there. Take your turn in the ceremony and move on. If your ex tries to talk to you just smile. You don't have to talk to him.

Be strong mama!
M.

wanting his dad there has nothing to do with not appreciating you. it's just a really big deal and he wants the people who love him best there with him. it does suck for you, but as riley says, your love for your son is greater than your animosity toward your ex.
you know what you gotta do, kiddo!
khairete
S.

You are a better, bigger person than your ex-and you love your son more than you dislike ex. You are going to the graduation and make your son proud, just like you are proud of him-you will demonstrate what character is-and what is expected of a boy going into adulthood. You have a responsibility and you intend to live up to it. You got this-I know you can do it! You own grace!

Please just do it for your son's sake. It is his day. Both you and his dad have the right to be proud of him. He has the right to want you both there. You can proably minimize your interaction with his dad.

If you want, we will pray for you and/or send positive thoughts your way.
You have raised a good kiddo, who has been able to study/work hard, and has the desire to serve our country. You can be the big person and do this.

Take extra good care of yourself between now and then so you are in the best possible frame of mind for the event.

Best,

K. Z.

Congratulations! You should be so proud of your son. He will need lots of family support in his next few years of military service.

being there to watch your son get pinned is a great honor, go there on the belief that the ex husband will not be there, because he probably wont be, dont excuse yourself, you need to be there. if he shows up, just smile till your
teeth hurt
K. h.

Michele:

Hello!

I haven't read your other responses so please forgive me if I repeat.

This is about YOUR SON - not YOU OR YOUR EX. YOUR SON wants both of his parents there - REGARDLESS of the problems they are having. He didn't chose one over the other - he was mature enough to recognize both of his parents. Now YOU need to recognize HIS accomplishments and be there for HIM. Imagine how you would feel in five years oh heck - 5 months - knowing you couldn't be mature enough to put aside your animosity for your ex and be there for your son. How would you explain that to people? REALLY?! "I just couldn't face my ex and be there for my son."?

You need to be the grown up here, put aside your hostility towards the man - at one point in your life you loved him and loved him enough to have a son with him - be gracious, be polite, be nice. You do NOT have to talk with or to your ex. You can smile. Remember this is about YOUR SON - NOT YOU.

YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

YOU WILL DO THIS! YOU WILL DO THIS!!! You HAVE the grace needed to do this.

Put YOUR feelings aside for this day! DO this for YOUR son! If you don't you will regret it later. He is graduating ROTC - going into the military at some point? May be deployed to anywhere in this world - maybe a crazy war zone. Be proud of your son - be his MOM for this occasion and stop worrying about your ex being there. If your son asked him - then respect your son's wishes on this occasion.

Your son asked you to be there. Be there. It is about him and his accomplishment. My parents did not come to my wedding. Guess who has regrets about it now? Not me. I got married anyway :) Your son will appreciate your support. Congratulations to him!

If your son is asking for this, grant him his wish, grin and bear it for the pix, and be happy you have given your son a pleasant memory. If your ex doesn't show, which is highly likely, be there to help your son through yet another disappointment. Sometimes, the things we do are not about us, but about our loved ones. Don't badmouth the ex, don't deal with the court issues, just be there for your son and enjoy this moment. If your ex brings up anything, just say, this is not the time or day to address those things. We're here for our child. If he pushes, just ask, why would you want to take a very happy occasion and turn it into a business meeting? We can deal with those things another time. Then, take your son out to eat, or tell him to hang out with his friends if he insists on the "family" going out. That might be a bit much to deal with. Pray for strength through the event. It should only be a couple of hours.