If You Have Nothing Nice to Say, Dont Say It at All?

Depends.

Sometimes I'm just sick to death of a topic/concept/whatever and so couldn't give it the time it really deserves... would be short and snarky. So I bypass.

Sometimes I find myself getting ticked off in the middle of a response (usually at something in my own life, and don't want to feed that particular wolf)... so I just close the page and move on (unfortunatley, this site scrolls so fast that I rarely come back to them... but with all y'all... It's not like I'm necessary).

But the rest of the time? If I wanted to hear everyone say the same things, I wouldn't be on a PARENTING site!!! I'd go listen to party politics or talk radio. ((Only on VERY rare topics does everyone here say the same thing, or have the same spin)). My 2 cents, asked for, and given. The poster may or may not like what I have to say... but it's mine to say, and theirs to disregard.

I tend to skip over them. A lot of time it's because sarcasm is hard get across when typing, lol.
More often than not, I have started to respond then half-way through my response, I just say "oh screw it" and click the back button. Once I start seeing what I'm typing I realize it doesn't make sense or I won't be 'read' the way I'm typing it.

I am one to tell it like it is an not sugar coat things so I may come across as blunt. I do not mean to come across as rude...just as it is.

If I feel the recipient is not open to suggestions than I do not bother wasting my breath no matter how much I disagree.

I also do not respond when I strongly disagree with the person's point of view to the point where I can not respond politely because if the person were in front of me I would probably dope slap them. So yes I do consider the other person's feelings when responding.

Molly:

I try to be nice. It may be something I have personal experience in and while they may not like what I have to say - they MAY need to hear it...it's not trying to make people feel bad - that is NOT something I set out to do.

Not all of us are strangers on here. There are some of us who have actually talked on the phone!! :)

There are some questions that people post and ONLY want to hear "yes, you are right" when in reality - they are not - and they get upset when the mama's on here say "oops - your bad..." and I know we are NOT trying to be mean.

First of all, your question is assuming that the poster only wants affirmation for her thoughts, acts, philosophy, etc.
I don't think that's what most questions boil down to on this site.
Most are asking for, seeking OTHER opinions, ideas, solutions.....so.....if you have something valid to add...why not?

Sometimes you just KNOW they arent going to like what your advice is going to be.
I feel like some of the askers might poll the answers and use the advice of the majority, even when it's negative in a respect.
I've seen several "what happened's" Where the poster had an "aha" moment and took the advice of the majority rather than the few that sided or empathized with her dilemma.

I don't skip a question if I don't have something "nice" to say. I think for the most part we come here for a different perspective, and in that case you are not going to like everything you hear. I do however try to be as respectful as possible when I respond to someone's question and if I truly don't think I can be respectful, than I skip. I also skip a lot of baby naming questions. If I don't like any of the names you have already choosen, than what good comes from me telling you I don't like it. I was thinking about this earlier today. I think sometimes what happens on websites is you miss people's tone. So even if they are trying to offer a different opinion it comes across condesending and rude where no intent was made.

Depends. If I am feeling really snarky (like right now I feel a bit bitchy! Sorry!) then I may respond. If it's something that I feel pretty strongly about and it's not nice how I feel I will also respond. Sometimes I don't. I NEVER try to word it so that I am hurting anyone, but it may come across like that. I am blunt. I don't mince words. I am direct.
L.

Hi Molly
There is a difference between being nice and considerate of others feelings, giving and answer they may not want to hear then putting others down for different beliefs.
That's the one that gets to me. We all have the right to have our own beliefs. I get so upset when mom's come on and totally bash people for their beliefs. If those type of comments would be thoughtful and considerate it would make a big difference.
Especially when the person asking the question is reaching out for understanding. How can you claim to be christian and be so judgemental??!? How do you think you come across when you tell someone what they believe is wrong and they are wrong for believing that way!? Certainly not christian..Certainly not loving.
Thanks for the question, that was my soapbox for the day! :o)
GOD BLESS
D.

Typically skip it,but we can't help it if someone takes it to heart we are strangers & the way we word things is different with everyone I don't go out looking for questions just to post mean things not my purpose on here

Sometimes what you may feel you must say will offend, no matter how kind you try to be.

But it's a good idea to do the best job possible in giving a soft answer, because the questioner is more likely to read it through and think about what you say.

Even if you have to say something the poster might not want to hear, it's good to do it as if you were talking to your best friend - or that little sister you really love. There are ways of sounding supportive while you give a difficult response.

On the other hand, I have observed that if you're going to be brave enough to post a question on this site, you'd better be prepared for any kind of answer!

if my advice would not be productive or some sort of solution...i skip it.

I consider how someone will feel. If I have nothing nice to say, I skip it! Unless I am super passionate about it, I may respond---but I would be nice no matter what. There is no excuse in being rude. I am fine with disagreeing or difference of opinion, but nastiness is not my style and I don't like others doing it either.

M

I mostly skip. There have been 2 posts that I regret how I handled my response. 1 of them, I really should've skipped. The other I probably could've worded a bit nicer but the that post irritated me & the topic was already a sensitive subject for me.

It depends on what it is. For the most part, I skip them but like you said, if its a am I wrong or not question I will tell them but try to be nice.

Oh...I let them have it. If they don't want feedback, don't post.

I mostly skip if I can't say anything nice, because it generally means that what I want to say is not constructive and doesn't give specific advice. I think that there are mostly ways to say what you need to say in a constructive, non-judgemental way if you stop and think. I also think that if you are "harsh" or "don't pull punches" you are less likely to actually make an impact. I know that if I got a nasty response, I would probably just skip over it, and not benefit from any actual advice.

Sometimes you have to say something a mom doesn't want to hear, but you don't have to be harsh. For example, I remember one where the woman was obviously a hoarder and CPS was going to take her kids. She wrote in looking for support about how CPS was wrong. Nobody validated her position, but almost nobody was really mean. It was very cool.

lol Funny I was actually just writing a response to someone who asked for gentle comments as she was hormonal. Had it all written then decided not to send it. It wasn't a horrible mean answer but its definitely not what she would want to hear. I don't like it when people only want to hear people agreeing with them and not see it from both sides, but I wouldn't want to make anyone feel bad. Why come on a forum like this? If you don't want to hear different opinions.

I try and make myself skip it. But I admit that if I think they are being mean to someone in their life, I say it.

If something "gets my goat"....I will respond truthfully...sometimes too harshly though...but it is how I feel.

I think if you have something to say that might not be what the person is looking for or might seem harsh, wording it differently can sometimes help...if I feel my "advice" or "answer" might be helpful, I will answer, but I try never to judge or be rude or hurtful...that doesn't seem to help anyone. As I said, tact and wording can make all the difference...that goes for everyday life, too.

I usually only answer if I think my comment will help/give alternative ideas/ add value/serve as warning. I think there are some goofy questions, but if I can't help them, why waste the time?

Your title did get me to think that there are so many mean people/mean things said that if we could all be just a little nicer, less gossipy, less cruel, it would only be a good thing! :-)

I ALWAYS consider the other person's feelings when I speak to them--on here or anywhere else. Why be hurtful? If I have something of value to add to a post I will--tactfully. Otherwise, I skip it.

Depends-- I skip ALL political questions. But the personal ones-- sometimes I think harsh truths NEED to be spoken, though I usually try to say them the nicest way I can. And a lot of times I wait a bit to trey to figure out HOW to say what I think needs said, or to see if someone more eloquent beats me to it.

If it"s negative, keep your mouth shut.
No one needs to hear your negative opinion.
It's not going to change the situation or the way they are.

i temper my answers with tact and politeness. There is a nice way of saying things even if I disagree.

I tend to not even respond!