I'm Losing It!!

I feel for you. I go through the same issue with my son. He has a horrible temper espec. When I try to discipine him and nothing has any affect. I wish I had some good advice for you. I am on the verge of asking my doctor if there is any type of behavior doctor to go to because the ignore it theory does not work. We do have a speech prob. with my son so I belive his temper is worse because of that and we are soon getting into speech therapy. I joined a playgroup to meet other moms and kids since we do not have family here either. That would help get you out to meet others. Let me know if you want to know what group I goined. You can also search the groups on yahoo.

J.

I know what you are going through. I have two boys they are 5 and 7 and my older one has ADHD. They are always pushing my buttons. What I have learned is that every child is different and the way that you discipline one is not always the way the other one should be. When my older son don't do something I ask him I just tell him fine I will do it and for him not to ask me to help him with something that he want's and that will usally get him doing it. I feel for you, I can remember when my two were that age and I felt like pulling out my hair.

I feel the same way sometimes. I have been trying to take my 2 children to the park a few times a week and would love for you to join us. I also go to a playgroup a couple times a month you are welcome to join us.

Like you, I moved across the country with 2 small kids and it was a very difficult time. It took a few years for SRQ to feel like home. Even though my kids have been great discipline-wise---(they are 16,14 and 10 now)I still thought I would lose my mind when my hubby was working close to 80 hours per week. We had no family or good friends to ask for help. Asking for help was the most difficult thing for me to do!You need a break!You are overwhelmed and I remember how the smallest task seemed like a major chore.

I did find some nice neighbor-girls about 13 years old who really enjoyed coming over to entertain my kids while I ran an errand(so much easier w/out the kids) or cleaned the house. I would pay them but not a lot. I also found another mom(we met at the park and got to know each other very well....we are still great friends 13 years later)who I trusted enough to leave my kids with when I had a dr. or hair appt. And I was happy to help her out too!

Now as far as discipline is concerned--your kids may be picking up on your stressed out state and acting upon that vibe. So try to smile and relax and pick your battles carefully. Catch them being good. State your expectations in a positive way. For example rather than "you have to brush your teeth", say "it's tooth time" in a happy tone. And corral them to the bathroom to brush. It's fun for your kids when you ask for a kiss after they brush and say how good their breath smells.

Also kids like to know what to expect in the near future. If you can remind them, "OK when the hand of the clock is on eight, we will be getting in the car to go to school." And do the "count down thing". Also instead of, "get your shoes" you could say, "do you know where your shoes are??" or "do you need help with your shoes?" or "I better get my shoes on now. Why don't you get yours?"

"Awesome listening! Thank you!" These words work wonders and will encourage your kids to want to continue to impress you.

When you are serious you could look them straight in the eye and say "listen to my words" and tell them what you want them to do calmly and clearly.

Give yourself a break. Who cares if there are dishes in the sink? They are not going anywhere and nobody's going to die if the beds are not made today. These things are not as important as your sanity. Let yourself snooze on the couch. Ask your kids to bring you a glass of water. Treat yourself to a good book to get lost in. Get yourself a special coffee or iced tea, take the kids to the park and sit and watch them play, enjoy the fresh air, chat with other moms. You will find many of us are overwhelmed and also trying to enjoy this time we are lucky to have with our kids. Let your guard down and invite a mom over with her kids. She will not care if your house is not a showroom! She just wants some adult company too.

I could go on forever because you have really struck a chord. Somehow I feel like I am not helping enough.

We are not perfect and the kids will not be perfect either.I am sure your kids are great. You need to catch them doing the right thing and praise them...even for the littlest things.They'll feel better and you'll feel better.They truly want to please you and want your approval. Relax. Things will get easier.

L.,
I would never judge you. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world especially when your hubby is working so much. You feel like a single parent. My daughter is struggling right now with your same issues. I am not their to give her some alone time. I do live here in Valrico and am willing to help with some babysitting. I am a volunteer for the Big Brothers, Big Sisters. I have a little sister from the organization, she is 14 and so much fun. I have two granddaughters who live in Colorado. I miss them very much. If you need me I am here. Feel free to contact me at ###-###-####. I can at least listen to you if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Very sincerely,
LorraineJacobs
Very Sincerely,

Hi L.:

I am a stay at home mom with 3 kids and my husband works during the night and sleeps most of the day. Meaning that he only gets to see the older kids when he picks them up from school for about 30 minutes before going to work. I understand what you are going through. Is very overwhelming when you are the primary caretaker of the kids including discipline.

I have a routine in the morning and at night. Kids trive for routine and YOU to be in charge. At night we start early around 6:45pm and they are supposed to be in bed by 8:00 pm. If the older girls dare to get out of bed they are sent back eveytime. Sometimes they decide to come several times but you look at them seriosly until they get the message. Need to be the same everyday, don't loose it all the time since the kids pick up on that.

You are not alone. The kids are listenig to you, they are just pushing your buttons. Just understand that you can start the routine process with the 5 year old since she is older. Sometimes sitting them for a while with no TV, no computer or anything that she enjoys will let her know that she needs to pay attenton to you and that you are in charge. You need to nip this in the bud because the older they get the more challenging they are. Trust me I have a 9 year old and she gets challenging sometimes.

Remember that quicker you are in charge the better, you can do it. Right now is not listening to you, in the future would be that they do not want to do their homework and other issues. You will be able to get through this. You need to breathe and ask the Lord to guide you and you will succeed. Hope this helps. If you have a question don't hesitate to send me a private message. Blessings!

Hi! I can relate. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old, both girls. I am a teacher, so I discipline kids all day, and then pick up the girls, then come home. My husband goes to school during the day and then works all night til 11. So I see him on weekends. It's just me every night! I am starting to go crazy too. No "me" time here either (no haircuts too) I just take it one day at a time. Bed time is the worst for me too. Where do you live? Maybe the girls could play.

Hey L.,

Unfortunately, I could so relate...My husband & I own a business & he is constantly working 12-14 hr days. I have a 9-yr old & an almost 1 yr old. My 9 year old is wearing me out & so is my almost 1 yr old. I almost feel like a single parent. I do it all by myself. I to am originally from up north, moved down here to Florida almost 12 yrs ago, but all of my family is still up north. I to have no support, its so hard to meet friends. I just started a mommy & me group & would suggest you doing something like that. They have both things for you & your kids to do as well as have some mommy time. I have a great list of babysitters for you that I would highly recommend. Because of us owning a business, we fortunately know alot of business people. We belong do alot of network groups & because of that, I get alot of good leads on things (like babysitters)...I have actually found my 2 babysitters that have been with me now for almost a year threw sittercity, they are fantastic. However, my husband aren't doing very well right now (a whole another story), so I really don't look forward to going out together, besides the fact,I am exhausted. Would love to chat with you more, where do you live currently? We live in Bradenton. I am almost 41 & my husband is 43. Hang in there, it will get better...but you are by far, not alone. My girlfriend that I just happen to meet a few months ago, that just moved into my neighbor, is going threw the same thing. We are both so lucky we have each other. Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone to vent. Mommy & me of Bradenton is actually having their first mommy night out tomorrow night at the Outback Steakhouse on 64 at 6:30. This is a group that you might want to check out...Let me know how it goes & if there is anything that I could help you with. Good luck & please keep in touch.
A.

Hi L.,
I dont thnk you are a nut at all. Kids can definitely test your patience. I only have one boy, he will be 2 in June. I stayed home with him the first 6 months and I thought that I was going to have to commit myself..Haha.
What about trying outside activities like the library when they have story time, or schedule some play dates. Are any of your neighbors stay at home moms, they may be having the same problem and would love someone to go to the park with. The park is a great idea because the kids can run around and tire themselves out and you get a chance to sit and catch your breath. A lot of the communities have the shared parks with playgrounds. Have you heard of the Gymboree? I think you can enroll kids in hourly classes there, that would be a great option for them to learn and for you to go and have some quiet time (which you deserve).
Well I hope that helps a little. my son is in daycare at a place called Kidz Gallery, it is considerably cheaper but a good school. Maybe you could consider putting the older one in daycare and just have the little one at home. Whatever will help you maintain your sanity. My husband and I were thinking about taking some classes at Grace Christian Church , they offer a class that teaches you how to be better parents and communicate with your kids more effectively. Just a thought. I do understand though because my son listens to his dad way more than he listens to me.
Well I wish you the best...

Buy or go to the library and get the book, "Discipline the Brazelton Way" by Dr. T. Berry Brazelton. He has a lot of good suggestions. He not only gives you suggestions, but tells you WHY children often behave the way they do. I have found the advice in this book to be awesome! Good luck!

What I have found out with my own children is that if you stay calm when disciplining, they seem to calm down. Mean what you say and stay consistent about it. It is hard work, but if you set the rule and stick with it, they know the boundaries and in a sense they feel safe. Another thing that has come to my mind is reading books together with them and letting them discuss them with you. I have found that children want to be heard. Let them talk about their day and reassure them of your love and why you discipline them. Basically what I am getting at is communicating with them. I think that sometimes we expect them to automatically know what we want and why. Don't worry your not alone with these issues, I am still trying to perfect my own routine with my children.

L.,
Take a deep breath and relax. I know that child raising is very stressful and when you feel you are doing it all by yourself, with no breaks and little sleep things spin out of control quickly. Being away from family and your support system just makes it harder. Please know you are not alone, but you do need a break (even a short one). Within the community there are others you could exchange time off with, or share park play dates with. Some churches, the YMCA, and other organizations have Mother's Days out opportunities. Perhaps you could locate one such group for a couple of hours away from the kids and an opportunity to meet other mothers with children of similar ages.

The good news is it does get better. Your children will be in school before you know it. In another blink of an eye, they will be off at college!

Hang in there!
Been there, done that!

Dear L....
Hi. sounds like you are a very busy mom...I am a mom of three and when I read your post I thought I would just pass along what I did when my kids were younger.
My children are teenagers now but,I remember those days...their dad would work long hours and I was a stay at home mom for quite a few years. I also had no "free time" until I realized that I needed some "free time" for myself. So, first..do you belong to any sort of mommy and toddler group? If not, then look in the area and possibly find one to join and you will find friends and so will the kids! 2nd-is there a local YMCA near you? if so, then that is another wonderful way for YOU to relieve some stress level by working out for an hour and the kids are in the "babysitter room" that is filled with a huge playground! There you will have time to workout, regroup and feel rejuveniated! Lastly-bedtime..needs to be a ritual. dinner, bath,story and then lights out. consistancy is a big thing. If they climb out of bed. march them right back. since you are doing it by yourself at night because hubby is working long hours right now...get into a strick routine and go from there. This way also, by the time 8:30pm rolls around you have an hour or so to unwind and spend some time with the hubby. Remember, that the kids won't be litte for a long time and believe it or not...just like your parents say..."I blinked and the kids were all grown!" It is true! My kids are now 23,16 and 13. I actually miss those days of having some sort of routine. Now, I struggle every night to just get them all home for dinner! It is either after school things, religion class or school meetings...enjoy them while they are little...for each year is going to be memorible for you...Hope that helped...good luck!!! :)

Hi L.,

First off, give yourself credit for all your hard work!!! I feel your pain. I have 2 also in the same age range, home all day alone (with other kids for daycare taking my attention) and they do start to really manipulate and act up together. But, it will pass. My 5 year old is finally getting out of her rebellion stage (for the most part) and is trying to become my little helper. I was EXACTLY where you are now about 6 months ago....at wits end....with no end in sight...up the river...without a paddle!!!!! But it does get better. I found staying consistent with ONE technique did it for us, which was taking valuables away. Our 5 y/o daughter loves her stuffed animals..taking them away really made a difference. AS Dr. Phil says, find their currency. This has done the trick...they are completely different kids now. Once in a while, we do still use time-out....but taking their stuff really does it. Also...finding ways to praise anytime you can is helpful in changing their attitude from rebelling to compliant. Keep your head up, and stand strong, they can sense you're uncertainty. No means no, never bend on that. Also, I found separating them helps. Anytime things get nutty, they go in their room for a 10 minute breather. And, try somehow to spend time with them individually. Have your daughter go in her room and play with whatever she likes (mine likes horses, polly's, Barbies, etc) and read to your younger child in his room for 15 minutes. That small amount of alone time really makes a difference. Best of luck!!!

Welcome to the fifth year! My son turned 5 in January. This was my least favorite year, at the start! He is an only child; but when we take care of my step-grandson, who is 20 months, it's even harder. Go easy on yourself. It's not you. It's just a stage, and this too will pass! In the meantime, find a sitter so you can have some down time. I have a friend, (that I've known for over 20 years; she's over 50 years old) who has no children, and she helps me out sometimes. If you want to contact me, I'll see if she's willing to give you a couple hours. My son is in school for 3 hours a day at Mrs. Hamrick's preschool in Bonita Beach. She takes 3 year olds too (and you can choose 2, 3, or 5 days a week)! Small child to teacher ratio(7 to 1, I think). That helps some. And, we have met friends through school that we have play dates with. That allows him to play with other kids (and not torment me!) while I can visit with other adults! We also have time outs (in his bedroom, timed with a timer, so that we can separate until he settles down, and I catch my breath! There's a great park off of Corkscrew where you can let them play with other kids too!

We recently discovered 'Webkins', and that's been a great tool for reward and punishment! (Not so much for a 3 year old, but I think the three year old will be easier if the 5 year old is occupied!) My son does what I ask, faster, so that he can play on the computer for a while. Bonus quiet time for me, though I do limit his time on the computer. But, he's also learning about the computer, words, money, etc.

Good luck! And, good on you for reaching out before you lose your grip! Don't be hard on yourself. You need to have time to yourself in order to be the best Mom. Honestly, this too will pass.

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I can totally relate L.. When my kids were little my husband and I owned a deli in NY. I was basically a single parent during those 6 years.

The first thing I would suggest is to stop yelling, I know it's hard but kids don't listen when you yell. You will find if you get quiet and they know you're angry they will listen. And I think they go to bed late because they are overtired. Just put them in their beds at 8. Tell them this is bed time and that's final. It may take a week or so for them to understand that you are serious. They will eventually realize they might as well sleep, nothing else to do. :)

I have no family here either so I understand about no support. At least mine are older 14 and 12 so I can leave them for short periods of time.

Hang in there, it will get better.

Wow, I really feel for you. Here are some ideas off the top of my head to give you some time to recharge your battery, which it sounds like you definitely need. Since you don't really have any family to lean on for support, try other options. Lots of churches have Mom's Morning Out or something similar. Many health clubs have babysitting while you work out. Could you put your older child into a pre-K? (VPK is free for kids 4 and up, I believe). Also, when my child was not in school I belonged to a local Moms Club. We both met new friends and they were a great source of support. Hope it helps.

T. F.
A little about me-- stay at home mom of a soon to be 5 year old

you have no idea what a relif it was to read your request! i promise you i would have sworn i wrote it!! except mine are 4 and 1.. so mostly my four year old pushes me around! and my husband travels ALL the time, gone for up to a month at a time, home for a week or so in between..
i guess since i'm in almost the same boat as you, i can't give too much advise.. but i must say that i started enforcing the bedtime routine, and that helps extremly.. we call it bath, brush, book, bed. my four b's.. don't get me wrong. she still gets up 3-4 times before finally falling asleep, but i just turn her around tell her i love her and put her right back into bed. i even explain this is mommy time. and its time for little ones to be in bed. (when i'm feeling patient, i've warned her that i'll get grumpy because shes not listening and inturrupting mommy time) it was hard to get going at first, but oh so worth it.. when you get them to sleep or at least in their rooms, even an hour of mommy time before you colapse is a God send. we start shortly after dinner with quiet time.. then bath, brush teeth and hair, read a story, and go to bed. i started this from the super nanny book if it looks familiar.. it took less than a week to get going smoothly.. but stick to it, the best you can. cause they know if they keep on they'll get you to break. smart little boogers!
i've sat and cried and wondered whats wrong with me too.. i tried so hard to have a child with manners, with respect. they both said please and thank you before they could walk. and now she has an addittude like a 14yr.. where did i go wrong? i just can't tell you how much my heart goes out to you, and how much i understand.. i hope that if you got nothing eles from this, you found you truely aren't alone, and someone eles can relate.. almost entirely.. good luck, message me anytime.. we'll compare horror stories!

Hi L.

Which area do you live .. may be I can help you babysit for couple of hours .. don't worry .. you are exhausated, which happens to all of us. I have 3 kids and I make a promise that I am not going to yell at my kids, and the next thing you know, one of them is driving me crazy and I am yelling and screaming ...and later feeling guilty ..It means we are normal. I can understand as I have no support either .. it is just me and my husband hardly helps (and he is not home much either ..). Take them to library and parks .. cheap and free and get some of their energy out. I used to eat most of the lunches in the park when all my kids were home. I would pack lunch and go to any park and play and eat -- Less cleaning of mess at home and less yelling ..they are also occupied looking at different things. The kids (and even me) were exhausted by 3 or 4, so while driving back, they will sleep at times for an hour. Also, one other thing .. just sit in the bathtub with them and let them play .. AND though it was hard for me to let go .. Now I look at the house as a HOUSE, not a HOTEL .. it is not perfect by any means .. but there is so much time and only so much to do .. if things are a bit messy and dirty, so be it .. I read somewhere BLESS THIS MESS because I have kids. Also, ask your kids to help out .. mine sorted laundry and at least socks and underwear, they put them away. I also gave them wipes to clean the tiles (and they loved it .. wasted wipes while I was chopping vegetables but they were entertained and cleaned few tiles in kitchen).
Don't be hard on yourself. It is a physically exhausting phase and this will pass too...

Take Care
S.

L., I feel for you. I am a single mom of four children; three of them at home and I just moved here alone less then a year ago. My family is all up north and I often feel overwhelmed. I know you have a husband but when he is working 75 plus hours a week it probably seems as if you don't. I am trying to be careful of what I say because I am not an expert. My words come from experience and a heart that feels for you. What I have found for me that when I am tired, overwhelmed, and at the end of my rope, I can't think straight and feel as if everything is coming at me and there is no end. What is most important for you to learn right away is IT IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I say this because I don't hear you saying anything that might make me feel as if you have any mental issues that need to be addressed. You just sound overwhelmed and tired ( all moms both single and married feel this)I would like to take some time to read your words over again before I offer any advise because I feel that alot of times people rush to offer advice before they think and right now what you really need is support. Here is my support. I would like to offer my help so that you can get some time to yourself (I have no idea where you stay-I am thinking you are in the Tampa area) I know this is a hard one for some people because you love your kids and do not want a stranger to take care of them. Is there a mall where you can go and get your hair done; If so I could meet you there and stay in the mall with your kids and watch them for however long you need. Do you need to go grocery shopping without them; Is there a grocery store at a shopping center that has a chuck e cheese or something to entertain them that I could take them to right by you. Is your house a mess and you just can't get it clean because the kids; I could come over and take the kids for a walk or entertain them in another room while you clean or better yet I can come over and help you and I can bring my daughter to watch the kids while we go at it. L. I really would like to help you get some time to yourself so you can think straight and reenergize. It is hard when you don't know anyone. I have very little help here and do not go anywhere without my kids either so I understand. I am proud of you for asking for help and encourage you to take me up on my offer even if its just for one day. Who knows you might find a friend:) You do not have to do anything for me in return; no babysitting of my kids, nothing, just accept and enjoy. If you have another idea that makes you feel more comfortable let me know. Just to assure you I am in a profession that you will feel comfortable with and will know that your kids will be safe and like I said I can come to your house and help you if that works better. Take care:)

L.,

You are not loosing it! If you were you would not be willing to ask for help. Raising children is hard. Try to get some activity outside of the house. Find story times at the Librarys. Find a playground and take a picnic lunch. Find a church, check the church's website, read there newsletter, find activitys they have for stay at home moms. When you get them out of the house doing things it will serve 2 purposes, you will find other mothers to chat with who are in the same boat you are, and they will exert themselves and be more tired. Even if they only nap in the car ride home, it is me time. As far as a hair cut, we have a children's salon in our area that has a great playroom, as well as finger nail painting, and hair braiding, and hair wraps for kids. When my daughters were younger I would schedule a grown up appointment there. I did not have a lot of people I trusted, and this was great, because they could play and I could get a hair cut. The salon now advertises "family hair cuts". Also try to get a babysitter and go out with your husband. I know h is working a lot, but there is nothing like alone time with your spouse to help you feel better. As far as getting them to nap. Try getting out sleping bags and everyone napping on the living room floor while you watch the disney channel. Sounds to me like you need nap time as much as they do. Good Luck.

Hey! I dont know how you do it. I am a single mother of one and luckily i have an ex-husband that will take my daughter every other Saturday and Sunday so I can have some "ME" time. Maybe you should call the Super Nanny and see if you can get on the show! All jokes aside, I honestly do not have answer. I wish i could help. I wish you luck!
M. F.

I am so there with you. I have a 6 year old, 2 year old, and a new born. My husband is gone all of the time and when he is home he is working on another business. I had taken this issue to a friend of mine who has constantly encouraged me to be consistent, even out in public, even when I am nursing the baby, etc. I cannot even begin to tell you the change in both of my older children (4 weeks later). They still drive me crazy, but an immense difference. So, whatever you decide to do, just make disicpline your only priority throughout the day for a week or so. Just get into the habit. It won't be perfect, but you can do it.

Hi L.! I sooo relate to family and friends being 1500 miles away and no babysitter to do anything. I too just moved here recently and it was just really refreshing for lack of a better word to hear someone else say that sometimes not liking your kids is ok. I can't really help w the discipline thing b/c my daughter is 12 months and we are just begining the decipline. i do relate with the late bedtimes and very little precious me time. I guess i just wanted to write you and say that i know what some of that stuff is like. I get to the point sometimes where i really consider leaving my fiance (and daughter's dad) just b/c I hate it here so much alot of the time. It's hard knowing that a ton of people who love and care for us exsist in the world yet we are so far away. and my fiance's family - forget it they are all wrapped up in themselves. I mean is it really worth being with the one you love only to be miserable in every other way? Thank you for your post, you've helped me feel so not alone. Good luck with your kids, it sounds as if your very dedicated to them. I'm sorry i couldn't help. just know that there is someone else in the area losing it too.

hey girl - you have the right motives- go easy on yourself...wanting order is okay! I am a mom of six, so I totally understand the being out numbered feeling. I just had the feeling like a tyrant episode this morning. I would encourage you to do whatever you need to take care of yourself...if you are new to the area, search out a moms group - mommy and me type, MOPS, - something where you can find a network. Once you find some peers, you will create a support system. I can also say doing something physical without the kids - perhaps walk ( even if it has to be in the wee hours ) is a great mental boost. As for the actual doing ...keep on keeping on ... consistency is not easy - it is long and grueling but have faith in yourself. Start small- choose one behavior modification or schedule change and work with it!...Remember you were chosen as their mom for a reason,please don't loose sight of that! Hope you have a better day today.

ok when nothing else works just take one step back and start over. Never feel that it is 2 against 1. You are the adult. Don't let your kids see you defeated. They are asking for attention and structure. Your husband is unavailable and that has to be hard. routine, routine, routine. Stick to your discipline plan. Tell your children why they are in trouble and you love them. they will appreciate it later in life. Trust me I did

Hi L., You're not losing it, you're normal. My kids are the same age as yours and I've been in a similar situation. It sucks, but I've found that following the same exact routine everyday helps us get by. Our days are segmented per our routines/schedule. By doing this,everyone is aware of their expectations. Find a pattern that suits your family and stick with it for a couple of weeks. Don't forget that your the boss! I think once the routine sets in, you'll find more control in your life.

I don't really have any advice on discipline as my son has only just turned two and started the "little monster" phase. I just wanted to say that I feel for you. I too moved to the area just over a year ago and my only friends (seen way too infrequently) are my siblings who have lived here for years and have very busy lives of their own. It must be very frustrating for you not to have someone to leave the kids with for a while to have some "me time." Actually, I do have a little bit of advice. Look into a part-time preschool; I have heard that some of the local churches run these for a very reasonable price. Just 2 or 3 hrs. a few times a week may give you the break you need to realize that you are doing the best job that you can. If the kids have to contend with other authority figures, they may appreciate and respect you a bit more. Wishing you the best.
J.

Where do you live? Would like to help!
I did this too when my kids were little with my ex...my kids are 5&7 now. Their dad was a rest. manager too. Funny how the world works. Anyhow, you need time off! YOU time! I would like to chat and see if I can help you with this.

When I was "crazy" I just needed my time, not play groups, yet. My girl friend decided to take the kids a day or two for me a week so I could sleep etc.....Eventually I was "ok" to participate in play groups and going "with" the kids but right now you just need time off!
I am a stay at home mom now of my two and my step son who is also 7.....We do a ton of art projects at home, swimming, bike riding in our neighborhood (8 other kids). They all end up at our house! I love it!
Anyhow I get where you are right now and yes right now you are crazy...LOL and you deserve to be, you have kids! Give yourself this!...

Have you ever seen the Bill Cosby "himself" show. If not you need to and if you have before, watch it again. I do A LOT! It helps me know that this is normal, mom's do look like this and I laugh until I cry. This makes me feel so much better and able to laugh at and with the kids.
So email me back and let's see what we can do for YOU!

Hi, I understand where you are coming from totally. We just moved here 2 months ago. Before that my husband lived in Tampa for about 8 months while we stayed in Memphis waiting to sell our house. So I felt like I was pretty much a single mom trying to do everything by myself. Now that we are here, he usually doesn't get home until shortly before out bed time so I am still doing it all by myself. At least in Memphis I had neighbors and friends I could talk to and see when things were rough. Our little girl is about 2 months from being 2 and has just started being defiant. I too find myself yelling sometimes and acting in ways that I know I shouldn't around a child who is still a baby. Also, she used to go to bed so easy. We put her in bed and she was down now it is a battle of more milk, one more story, more water, etc. Until I finally put her down and then she cries until I come back in. This goes on anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. I wish I knew what to tell you but unfortunately don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have had some luck finding babysitters through a web site called care.com. I have found a college student that I"m going to start having come to the house at least one day a week for 4 hours so I can get a break. Maybe if you can find someone so you can get out, it will make you feel more human. I am hoping it will work for me.

Try treating them the way they treat you. When you say no & they act up, do the same. Throw your tantrum, cry, kick, etc. When they say they are hungruy, tell them you are 2. Don't give in & don't give up! Yelling does not work, spankings do! When you tell them to pick up their toys & they say no, Then let them know that they have x amount of time to do so & if it is not done in time allotted, throw them away. Make sure they see you throw them away. (use a lg. trash bag that you can tie up & hide somewhere for a couple of months) They know that you will give in so they will continue to do so until YOU put a stop to it.
Good Luck. Remember you are the adult here & they are the kids.

I think most importantly, you need some time to yourself - especially being new to the area. Is there any sort of mothers day out program or MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)where you could go to get a little break every once in a while? I am a MOPS coordinator in my town and having that time to meet and share ideas with fellow moms and just get a break is so helpful. I am also a former teacher and school counselor (before my now 6 year old and 3 year old were born) and was introduced to the Love and Logic approach then - www.loveandlogic.com. I also read a book I loved this summer called Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child (though the tecnniques would be great with any child. Both of those really helped me see the benefit of taking the emotion out of discipline and gave me some tools to do that!
Another thing that really helps me is when my husband takes the kids to get donuts on Sat. mornings occasionally. I just need some alone time! I don't know what I would do without nap time as well and my daughter may be starting to give that up (my son did a long time ago). We still have "quiet time" where they spend an hour in their room playing or listening to books on tape and I have some alone time though. Good luck to you. I can empathize with being new to an area and not having a support system. Before I even moved I started looking for a moms support group as that was vital to my well-being when we were in Texas. Let me know if I can help you find something in your area. :) hang in there!

Absolutely no judgements here. I was where you were a year and a half ago..and I was only home with one while my husband was working in Miami. Is your daughter in kindergarten? Do you have your son in preschool yet? After the initial separation anxiety with my daughter, it worked wonders for how I felt about parenthood and her behavior at home. You may want to seriously consider enrolling them in programs that not only offer them time to socialize and learn, but an opportunity for you to get the break you must really need. As far as discipline goes while they are home, a friend of mine recommended a book called "1,2,3 Magic." I can't remember who wrote it, but if you REALLY follow the advice in the book, it does work. My daughter (who was a horribly unmanageable kid in the beginning) sends HERSELF to her room until she can get a hold of herself now as a result of that book. If they know you mean business and that there will be NO warning before consequences are executed, they'll be a lot less likely to push your buttons. Good luck! I feel for you!

Hi L.,
I don't know what to suggest from a discipline point of view, but it sounds like you could use some support and some time away every now and then. Check out your local MOMS Club it is a great place to meet other mom's, and take advantage of their wisdom and help. Often they have a babysitting co-op where you can swap a few ours of babysitting with each other.

Another thing to try: Mommy's mornings out at local churches, or even preschool for both of them a couple mornings a week... it is amazing what a morning of finger painting and running around on the playground can do for bedtimes! Also, it can be nice to have another adult involved in their care and discipline.

Good Luck, the hardest thing can be realizing you need help! It's out there, take advantage! If you want to chat, or want some specific recommendations for the groups, activities or schools available in the area, let me know!
Cheers,
E.

L. where do you live? You can drop her off for a playdate during the weekends if you'd like!! I work during the week 8-5, but am always free on the weekends. I am a single mom of two (a 6 month old and 6 year old- both girls). My 6 year old loves friends and she has a playroom where they can run wild. I have no advice for you because I was fortunate enough to invoke fear in my DD at a young age. It doesn't take me saying something more than twice and her lip is trembling. I completely understand what you mean about not having a sitter. So please!! Call me, don't be shy (message me for the number).

Definitely no judgements here. I have felt that way and I only have one child:) Here are a couple of things I came up with and I hope they help.

There is a family support center which has free programs for parents and the kids. My son and I go to a class on Tuesday mornings and he loves it. It gives me a break, even though I am there, because the teacher and the other children are entertaining him. http://www.familysupporthc.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Brand...

You may already be in a mom's group but just in case you aren't try joining one of the MOMS chapters in the area. There are a few depending on where you live. I am in the Riverview on and a friend of mine is in the Brandon one. www.momsclub.org for the main home page and there are links to the local chapters. I find having other moms to talk to makes things better not too mention they have great ideas. The group has play groups and activities for all ages and stuff for mom too.

Bell Shoals Baptist Church also has a parenting/dicipline workshop that my friend took and loved.

Now this one is more for you if you are into books and learning about the role of christianity in your life as a mom. It is a christian Mom's group based out of St. Stephen's Church on Bell Shoals that meet's on Sunday Nights and Thursday mornings. There is child care for the morning meetings. Basically we pick a book and read a chapter evry week and discuss it. I look forward to that meeting every week becasue the women are so great, not judgemental, and know how hard it is to be a mom. I wish I had more to offer but I hope this helps.

L.,
We've all been there at some point, I'm sure! I know I have. I am a single parent of two boys, now 11 and 13. Even when I was married, their father was a police officer so we spent a lot of time on our own. It's completely understandable that you'd get burnt out! Just wanted to share with you a phenomenal book that has been a sanity-saver here in our home. It's called Scream-Free Parenting. Great advice on staying calm while interacting with your children, and some extremely valuable tips on taking care of yourself as well. We have experienced amazing results, and I would highly recommend the book to parents of children all ages.

Best of luck,
M.

Hi L., hats off to you! I too have 3 young boys, 8 and 5. The 5 year olds are twins. Talk about testing my patients. I threaten every day to get a "real" job and let someone else deal with them. The twins are now in VPK and I do have a few hours every morning to grocery shop or clean or more importantly go to the gym. I found when they were younger I joined the gym just to have two hours away from them. I told my husband that I only reeped the benefits of the gym because I needed the two hours away from them. I also found my self- esteem went up when I started feeling better about myself and the way I looked. Plus I knew I was much stronger physically and mentally to handle it all. The gym was the cheastest day care around!! Also, once they got into a school environment, they had others in the "in charge" position, and they had to learn how to follow rules and routines. If you haven't gotten your 5 year old in a program yet, do. It will do wonders for her and you. The three year old isn't too young to get involved in a preschool environment to learn how to follow instructions from others either. There are many church schools that aren't too expensive and offer a 3 hours a day 2/3 days a week. The best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself some me time. And don't feel guiolty for wanting it. You won't feel good about yourself if you don't have time to take care of yourself. Look around and find some programs. If nothing else, go to a near by day care and ask if they have any teachers that baby sit on their off hours. You'll be surprised how many do.
Best of luck to you and take a deep breath, we all go through it! R.

I have two boys that are 6 1/2 and 3 1/2. I understand the not listening thing and yelling like a nut-bag!

You could try Accountable Kids. www.accountablekids.com We use it for both our boys. You need to find their currency and use it. By that I mean... My 6 year old wasn't staying on task in the morning to get ready for school. So now if he's ready on time (I sent a timer to leave for school) he gets a special ticket (from Accountable Kids). That special ticket can be used to play video games. If he's been goofing off and not done on time, he has to pay a ticket to me. No special ticket = no video games.

The one thing about time-out is, you need to send them to time-out before you loose your cool and yell. Try to get on their level, look them in the face and use a calm voice. I know that's much harder to do then say!!! But it actually works with my kids.

I think everyone has gone thru a time period like you are now. My son is 7yrs old, and when he was 2 bedtime was a nightmare and at 3 nothing worked with discipline. I spent a lot of time putting myself in time out. I would tell my son mommy needed to go to her room in time out and I would close my door for 15 minutes. He cried and banged on the door at first, but eventually learned I'd be out when he calmed down. Also going to "Parenting For Today" classes really helped. They offer them once a month at the preschool my son used to attend. The topics range from discipline, bedtime, potty training, seperation anxiety, ect. Their open to everyone and the cost is only $10 and they have childcare. Its at LCOS at the number is ###-###-####.

I'm happy to say that I stayed sane, my son is amazing, everyone says what a well behaved little boy he is, and you'll be able to say the same things about you and your children when this phase of life is over!

Girl, I feel your pain! I have a 1 1/2 yr old and a 3 yr old., and it can definitely be trying! Hang in there, FIND A BABYSITTER! Check out YMCA, churches, and part-time daycare- even for just a couple days a week, part-time, so you can steal a few hours for yourself. Don't feel guilty, you need this! There is nothing wrong with you by the way, being a mother a tough job, all moms feel the way you do, especially with toddlers! It will get better! Keep your chin up!

Hi, L.

I, too, can relate to your ordeal. I was SAHM to 2 that are 16 mo apart. Things have changed: I went to work with they were 4 yrs & 3 yrs... just to keep my sanity. I sent them to a preschool that pertained to our religion. Within 18 mo, I became preg again. I lasted 3 mo after I returned from maternity leave and I'm now a licensed home daycare. Funny... 8 years ago, I couldnt seem to handle my own 2 kids, now I can easily "handle" my capacity of 5!! :) Experience and time helps alot.

1. Know what works FOR YOU and what doesnt.
2. Consistency is KEY!! Even if something doesnt seem to work at first, stand your ground, and instead of getting obviously angry... get calmer and quieter (on the outside). I find that if I just give "the evil eye", they listen more than when I yell.

3. Kids NEED to release energy. If they don't get to do so in a structured way, they will do so continually ALL DAY LONG and thus skip naps and have late bedtimes as you stated. This does not mean you have to sign them up for daycare. It IS advised though to set up a routine. Not so much a specific time for specific things... but do the certain things in the same order each day. Kids need to know what to expect is happening next and that doesnt always need to be dictated to them... they can have choices.
4. Staying home all day, every day will drive YOU and the kids "nuts". Get out, go to parks, library, Chuck E. Cheese (as a reward only like on Friday when they were good all week), Aquarium, zoo, Great Explorations, mall, as mentioned join mom & kid groups to get together at parks... We're in FLORIDA... go to the BEACH each week or bi-monthly!

These things are not only FUN, but HIGHLY EDUCATIONAL!! They will work the large muscles that they're trying to in the home but failing at and learn about nature, sensory development, social etiquette, math, colors, etc.

Let them help you cook, give them little chores in the house. Point out colors, numbers, patterns, words to the 5 yr old, etc when driving and when out in general. Talk with them about their environment. Let them see you as a teacher as well as mommy.

And, if you need time alone, check www.childcarepinellas.org for licensed caregivers who can help you PT or fulltime. If you dont particularly mind if they are not licensed, craigslist.com is a popular site.

Personally, I LOVE www.babycenter.com for message boards.

Hope that helps!!