Marriage on the Rocks. Edited.

Would he be willing to go to counseling? Would he talk with the pastor? It sounds like he's become disenchanted with not only you...but his spiritual side as well.
It sounds like he's got something going on and he's definitely putting up walls.
Maybe he just needs some space? Have you tried talking to him about it? Not nagging...not fighting...just sitting down and telling him you love him and you want to have a relationship again.
Good luck.

You need to take ACTION. My guess? Online pornography or chat sites, etc.... I don't want to throw around things, but, like Sheila, ask him what he's doing . ... chances are, he will lie to you, just from the sounds of things.sounds like he's focusing on himself. Fine, if he doesn't want to pray with you. You can still work on yourself, let him know you're concerned, and ask questions - then, leave him be. You can schedule counseling sessions etc... I would, seriously, lay off on pestering him into anything about church, prayer, etc... Why? Because he needs to choose that on his own. You can let him know it'd mean a lot to you if he'd join you for prayer, but do not pester him about it. I agree w/Sheila - you work on you & just be honest & open about communication.

Ask him if he's willing to go to counseling. If he's not--you can still go on your own. Maybe it's offered through your church? Good luck!

I agree with SHannon that communication is the first step...TWO WAY communication...that is calm and loving and involves as much listening as it does talking. If your husband isn't interested in the church you are attending..maybe it is time to find a church that he would be more comfortable and involved in. Churches have different personalities just like people do...are you willing to look for a congregation that he would embrace? You say he isn't willing to pray with you...do you mean at meals or during quiet time or what? If he doesn't feel sincere and ready to pray...then it would just be a "show" for him to do it . My inlaws...whom I love dearly...have this custom of holding hands and bowing their heads at the dinner table before each meal...do you know what they are praying in their heads?? "God is Great, God is Good let us thank Him for our food". Now I am sorry, and I am not really trying to be disrespectful...but that is a prayer for young children..NOT a couple in their 80's ...I feel like they are just "going through the motions" and it doesn't really mean anything.
Locking the door to his office is an entirely different matter. I don't know what to tell you about that....because I don't know the entire circumstances in your home. He either is doing something he doesn't want you to be involved in or he is telling you that he needs space and this is his only way to get it . That is just one of the things that the two of you need to talk about between you.
Are you willing to compromise to make your marriage a solid one? You can't just stand your ground and expect him to make all of the changes and accomodate you? ( I am not saying that is what you are trying to do...just "thinking out loud") Marriage is hard work..it doesn't just happen...and it is a life long process...my husband and I are in an entirely different stage of our marriage...our children are grown...he is retired...and we are really starting to enjoy life but we are still evolving and growing with each other every day.
Good luck to you...

Edit....
Aaaaaaaaaah a military family!!! My husband is retired after 30 years in the Army and our son is currently getting ready for his 5th deployment to Iraq ( In fact we are visiting him here in Ft. Hood Texas right now!!) . I understand a little more now about the pressure that you and your husband are under...and what you are dealing with, because I dealt with a lot of things just like it for over 40 years now!!!
The military has counseling set up for their men and women..and for the families. I am not sure who or what office you would contact ( My husband has been retired over 15 years now so a lot has changed!!)....talk to your husband and ask him if he would be willing to go in for some confidential counseling from a professional there on post.
As to the child care issues, have you tried connecting with an Attachment Parenting/Natural Parenting Mom Group there in your area? They would be an excellent source of like minded Mom's. and I bet one of them would be in the child care business and you would at least have some options!!! Two of my daughters are following the Attachment Parenting/Natural Parenting guidelines with my grandsons...and they are both involved in several Mom's groups with like minded people. If you interested...message me and I can give you my daughters website...she has a lot of good networking tools there...and I bet she could help you find a group in your area!!
Good luck...be patient...and loving...and please thank your Husband for me, for his service to our great country!!
God Bless You all

Reading between the lines, it sounds like he's feeling pressured, nagged, or otherwise overwhelmed, and has retreated into his "man-cave" to escape. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything good in there, but pressuring him is not working and will not work, and will only push him further into whatever wrong he is doing, or into divorce, so it sounds like you need to take a step back, and/or back off. You can't change him, but you can change yourself; and by changing yourself, you M. evoke a change in him.

Read the blog "What Women Never Hear" [http://wwnh.wordpress.com] for the viewpoint of an older man on men and women and relationships. It is a gold-mine of information!!

I am sorry you are going through this....please know you are not alone! There are so many marriages christian and non-christian alike who are struggling. I encourage you to keep praying!!! Even if one is praying that is better than none. The Lord will honor your prayers. I will be praying for you as well. My husband and I don't have the perfect marriage by any stretch of the imagination but the one thing we do know is divorce is not and never will be an option. That might be a first step for ya'll. Communication is important but I know you can't make a person communicate. The best thing you can do is give him a safe place to talk. Let him know that even if you have not been the best listener in the past you would like him to share what's on his mind and you won't interrupt or have any negative comebacks. Maybe your response should just be....thank you honey for talking to me. or M. be a thank you and can we pray. I would encourage you to find a safe sounding board so you can get all your frustrations out so as to not take it out on him. This will help immensely. I have to take care of the kids right now so i must go but......
Feel free to write me and I will pray with and for you regularly.
D.

Been here...only I (the wife) was the one who had shut down. Over 13 years of marriage we had dealt with a lot of my husbands issues. I'm not perfect either but his were overshadowing everything. It finally came to a head and I had had enough. I told him I was filing for divorce I was done nothing left to give. The next day HE went and called our pastor and told him HE (not us) needed help. I was so impressed he was willing to deal with his issues without involving me it gave me a tiny spark of hope. He went to some sessions on his own and pastor called me and asked if I would like to come also. I said I would this would be the FINAL attempt to save the marriage. I explained to him (my husband) the MINUTE he wasn't trying or doing the work I was done. At one point in our one and half years of once a week sessions, plus book and bible work during the week, he stopped doing his reading and studying. I refused to go to the session with him. He had to go alone and explain to pastor why he was there alone. Pastor called me and I told him point blank too...if he isn't trying I'm not trying. Needless to say it was a long and painful process but also enlightening and I had several issues of my own that were effecting the marriage that I had to own up too and deal with. I can pretty much say with confidence your husband is involved in some kind of sin in that room. We pull away from God when we are doing something we know he will be ashamed of. All you can do right now for him is pray the harder you push the deeper he will go. I'm sorry this is rambling...you call your pastor and tell him YOU need counseling for YOUR issues and follow through. That was the #1 thing that saved our marriage. My husband SHOWED me not TOLD me we were worth fighting for! In my prayers God Bless!
P.s. This was all 7 years ago! We celebrated our 20th anniversary this year! I wish we would have done the Church counseling WAY before the point it got too! I can't speak for my husband but I have NEVER been happier in my marriage and am grateful to God and our pastor that it was saved!

I'm just curious if you have actually asked him straight out what he is doing in there? Sometimes we can conjure up a lot of things without having facts (okay admittedly it looks a little fishy). I do know lots of men do not want to 'communicate' the way we do. And yet it seems these are the very people who are absolutely shocked when they are served with papers after you clearly told them a million times you want to talk. The advice I give will be very different. It takes two to tango and you are the one with your dancing slippers on. Before you get too deep into trying to change him or dragging him to counselors, I would start enjoying my life more. Who says you have to stand there outside the door for an hour while he locks himself in. Perhaps finding yourself a few extra interests might just perk him into wondering what the heck you are up to. I am not talking about anything bad, but is there anything else you can do, up to and including reading books, leaving the house, going to dance class, walking, and looking about at a beautiful world? Men are conquistadors, they want to conquer something and if he isn't so certain what you are doing he might just try to win his prize back...give it a try, it's a lot more fun. Then take the thousands you might have spent on a counselor and go on vacation!

Sounds like you are totally overwhelmed... I don't have any advise on the husband issue, but for you, I would suggest joining a gym that has child care. You are there between 1/2 hr and 2 hours and they don't change or feed the kids, but it does give one a break. I found that helped in my life, immensely!
Good luck!
R.

I am just telling you my observation of guys I've seen in the military. Most of my guy coworkers, if they start acting like that, they have checked out. How old is your hubby? What branch? I was a Marine and I'm sure if another Marine is on here they can vouch that Marine guys are mostly conceited... that's what they teach us in boot camp... so when marriages are close to their end a lot of them will start straying. In my enlistment I have only met a few enlisted men that stayed faithful. BUT it obviously isn't an every single person thing so take this with a grain of salt. But I would start doing a bit of investigating on the computer or putting a tracker thing, I know it sounds ridiculous but it will shed light and put an end to the nagging feeling you are probably feeling inside right? Thought I'd give my 2 cents on what I have noticed about Marine guys, not that every Marine guy is conceited jerk or anything, a lot are just because D.I.s specifically teach you that you are better than everyone in boot camp.

I don't have any deep words of wisdom to offer, but can say that we have been through a phase where my husband's head was definitely not in the marriage. It took confrontation and a lot of work to bring him back. I think you should confront him when you have some alone time and ask if he's ok, if he's battling any personal problems he would like to discuss, and if he's happy in the marriage. Get right to your concerns and ask him outright. If he is unwilling to discuss what's going on, state your concerns and tell him that you would like to work on things and request counseling.

If he is unwilling to talk or go to counseling, I think there must be a very deep issue and you should consider counseling for yourself to help you identify what YOU need to do. I wish you all the best.

Have the two of you given marriage counseling a go yet? That's where I would start if I were you. Sometimes it helps to have a third party (someone with specific training) listen to you vent all of your greivances, help you get to heart of the matter and help you develop strategies for a healthier, happier marriage.

I hope that you are able to turn things around for you soon.

There is a great book and video out there that might be of great help.

Love & Respect :The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs BY: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

There is a Seminar video with him and his wife talking (5 discs).

My Dad is a pastor and he has been encouraging everyone to read and watch this series, even if marriage is great because it really does help. It is written by someone who has done 3 decades of counseling, as well as doing scientific and biblical research.

Here is a little qoute from the back: A wife has one driving need - to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need - to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn't met, things get crazy. Love & Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and bibically.