Mother's Day - Olathe,KS

ETA: it wouldn't matter to me if it was his "moms idea" --she can't hijack Mothers Day for you 100%. That's life. She'll deal.

I would take my girls to my moms while he worked at his moms.

My family routinely re-schedules holidays. We aren't slaves to the calendar. Mother's day for us this year is going to be putting in a shrub and having BBQ at my mother's house. We will be doing something next weekend for me, because who wants to go out on one of the most crowded days of the year.

Should you choose to bend, do so graciously.
Best,
F. B.

You aren't selfish his mom is being bossy. I'd say to set a time to leave his mom's house and if all the chores aren't done then hubby will come back another day or mom can finish them or find someone else to help. There are 3 mothers involved in this day. For 1 to take up most of the time is unfair.

Two words: two cars.

You need to learn to speak up and be able to say no. Do it now before you build up resentment.

It's this easy: "Honey, I'm happy to go to your mom's, but I have to visit my mom too on Mother's Day. At 4:00 p.m., I'm taking the girls to my mother's house; you're welcome to stay at your mom's if you want." And then take two cars.

If you don't have two cars, or other transportation, then work out a time with your husband to go to your mom's house.

This really should be a simple issue to solve. If you can't solve something this simple, your marriage is going to have worse problems in the future.

Your husband shouldn't be "informing" you of things. Don't be a doormat.

p.s. His mom would be ridiculous to be hurt. Remind her that you have a mother too.

Why do you need to stay the whole time? Do you only have one car?

Not just no but hell no. I would take two cars and after an hour or so, I would get up and say "Happy Mother's Day" to MIL and take the girls and go visit your mother.

You can see your mom too. He and your MIL can't just take over. Doesn't matter if you don't like confrontation, you need to explain to your husband what YOU want to do for mother's day.

I'm with oneperfectone... I would go, help out for a bit, then load the kids up and go see your mom.

In all honesty, I feel like Mother's Day should be more about those currently raising children in the home. While mothers with adult children definitely deserve acknowledgement, the big gesture should go to the wife and mother of his children. It sounds like your traditional celebration is a perfect setup. It's not fair for him to be so focused on his mom that he puts the mother of HIS children on the back burner.

I might also mention to him that you would like some family time, and ask if it would be possible to do the majority of the chores on Saturday, so that he can finish up on Sunday in time to celebrate YOUR contribution to the family.

Drop him off to do the chores and to spend time with HIS MOM. Take your girls to see your mom during the day, have lunch, afternoon coffee, whatever. Then come back to your MILs place around 6 or so (when the chores are almost done) to have dinner with her, your husband and your girls (order in something or pick something up on your way there, don't worry about getting fancy, the point is to spend time together, not eat a gourmet meal). Get out of there by 8pm, head home and spend the evening with your husband and girls. OR start the day at a nice breakfast with your girls and husband only BEFORE church. Then follow with above plan.

OR, like others have said, two cars.

And what's up with expecting you to spend all day at his mom's house? Seriously, my husband would lose a nut if he informed me of *my* Mother's Day plans like that.

i'm annoyed at your husband for acceding to this without checking with you. you are also a mother and should have prime consideration on this day.
i think i'd tell him he should go on over and do the chores while you and your girls go visit your mom, and you'll join him at his mom's later in the afternoon. and you should be able to leave HER house in time for your own little celebration!
of course you're not selfish. thump that husband of yours upside the noggin and tell him to get with the program!
khairete
S.

Just leave him there and tell him that after a short, relaxing visit for you with his mom, you and your girls will go to visit your mom and will expect him back at home by reasonable time o'clock for him to spend time with you because that's what *you* want to do on *your* day. If there is a lot of work to be done at his mother's house, he can do some on Saturday or another weekend.

"BTW, this was his mom's idea, and she would be very upset/hurt if I was to take my girls before the chores are done."

I would be very upset/hurt if someone else took it upon themselves to decide how I was going to spend my entire day without consulting me about it.

I find this weird. Sure it's HIS Mom and it is really great that he wants to do some stuff for her around the house. Doesn't make a bit of difference WHEN he does these things. He's not spending time with her on Mother's Day, he's working for her which can be done on any day.

You are currently raising children and being a Mom day to day. Whatever would make you happy on that particular day is what your family should do. The fact that he "informed" you of this plan instead of discussed it with you seems a little inconsiderate.

Why not tell him what you would like to do and see if he can do chores for Mom on another day? Mother's Day is predominately for Mom's raising kids and for spending time with the Mom's in your life, usually in a relaxing and fun way. Chores just don't fit the bill.

Leave when you need to leave to go see your mom, and let his mom be upset. That's her issue and your husband can deal with her. If she really thinks that you should spend your whole day doing chores for her and forgo seeing your own mother...well, there is a word for women like that. I wonder how much is really coming from MIL and how much is your husband.

"My husband informed me that we are..." would not fly with me either. Your husband needs to ask and collaborate plans with you, not dictate.

You might want to point out that you're a mother too, and he's supposed to do something special for you as well.

Why can't he get supplies from Lowe's and do chores for his Mom Fri night and Sat?
Then stick with your usual schedule on Sun.
His Mom will get her chores done and still not monopolize everyone all day on Sun.

I wouldn't stay the whole time. Hell no. It's your mother's day too! I would tell my husband that you can stay for a little while, then you're doing stuff with your mom and your kids. If he wants to stay and help his mom for Mother's Day, that's his business.

A few years ago when the Avengers came out I asked if we could see it on Mother's Day, since my husband usually goes to his Grandma's for brunch and lets me sleep in while he sees his mom and Grandma, then we do stuff for me. I thought maybe his mom would want to keep our dd and we could go to a movie. He told me he was seeing his mom and he didn't know for how long and her mother's day was more important because she'd been a mom longer. Long story short, I didn't talk to him for a few hours and his mom slapped him upside the head, and I saw the movie and got flowers.

His mom may get her feelings hurt, but this is your mother's day, too, and changing the plans at the last minute so it's all about her is not fair to you at all. Why can't he do chores over there on Saturday?

My goodness, you have a Mom too.
YOUR Mom. And you have every right... to spend Mother's Day, seeing your Mom TOO.
It is incredibly selfish, of your Husband and Mother In Law... to expect you to only be at her house and with your Husband doing chores for her at her house and you having to be there too and with your kids.

I would be, irked quite frankly and that scenario which was just dumped on your lap, with no one asking you, what you want to do... being it is Mother's Day for YOU, too.

GO spend time with YOUR Mom.
She is your, Mom.
And if your MIL gets mad, well too bad.

If I were you, I would be pissed/irked with your Husband, too.
C'mon, it is your day too. And you are his Wife and you deserve to have an opinion in how you spend your day. It is Mother's Day, after all.

I would go for a while and then leave him there and visit your mom. His mom should understand. Couldn't he make a trip on Sat to get some of the stuff needed or would it not fit in the car?

I'd be upset. I always make sure I call my mom on mother's day, but really, it's my day too. Sometimes we go visiting, but other years I just want to stay home and relax. Frankly, why don't you send your hubby to his mom's, you and the girls go to your mom's, and have him explain to his mom that he needs to leave by a certain time so he and the girls can do something special for YOU!

I would go there for a bit then take your kids to see your mom.

You can see both his mom & your mom.

Make sure to do something nice for YOURSELF (buy yourself a magazine, mocha or whatever you like/enjoy).

I would take a separate vehicle and inform mother-in-law at the time of my arrival that the girls and I will be leaving at 2:00 for a date with my mom. If she gets upset that really is a shame. For her. No skin off my nose. Then I would ask my husband to try to be home by 6:00 for OUR mother's day dinner. He would try like hell to make that happen if it was what I wanted.

I think it is very sweet that your husband wants to help his mom and spend the day with her. What a good son! Like the poster below said, just stay there for a few hours and then go take your girls and spend time with your mom. Tell them beforehand that you are getting together with your mom for a mothers day celebration at x time (2 or 3pm?) and that you and the girls will only be there 3 hours (or whatever). Surely his mom will not get upset by this? How can she insist you stay with her and not go spend part of Mother's Day with your own mom?! If she is upset, so be it. It will pass. Have a special breakfast before church with your husband and kids for your own private mother's day time.

I would ride seperate and leave after a little bit. Then go do something w my daughters. And , I'd probably be upset w my husband that he wasn't making at least a LITTLE bit of time for me!

Make lemonade. If all of you pitch in, girls included, you will get it done in no time. Buy your pebbles and stuff needed the day before.

Sure it was presumptuous but it is your choice to allow it to ruin the day.

This is the challenge with Mother's Day. Our mothers, forget that we too are mothers and deserve our time and to be honored also. I would only go for a short time and then head to see my own mom. That way you get to see both, but you should not shortchange your mom or your own plans for his mom. She is one of three moms being celebrated, not the only one.

I'd simply take my own vehicle and take the kids with me when I left him at his mom's for the day. He can spend the day with his mom and you can with yours.

As hard as it is, mother's day is about mom, not only you but the next generation up too. Share the day with both of them. Celebrate your day as a mom on Saturday. If they really love you, anyway, they'll be nice to you the other 364 days of the year too...lol.

I think that his mom would love to have him to herself that morning.

You drop him off and go spend time with your mom. Agree on a time to pick him up and then y'all go do what you desire.

I just read the BTW and thought what if you offer to take her along to your moms while your husband does some yard stuff. (don't know how far everyone is).