Mothers Day - New Port Richey,FL

This topic has come up over and over lately. Here is how I feel about it- I am happy to spend Mother's Day with my mom. She is in her late 70s. I'll have plenty of Mother's Days just for me when she is gone. Same for my MIL. A lot of people would love to spend Mother's Day with their mothers, but can't because of distance or because their mothers have passed on. I feel fortunate to have a wonderful mom and MIL to see on those days- and that's what Mother's Day is all about.

Your husband sounds like a mama's boy, and he needs to grow up and be there for you. You're a mother too and deserve to spend your Mothers Day doing what you want to do. I don't think it would be unreasonable to tell your husband that Mothers Day is for you, but if he still wants to get together with his family to celebrate the occasion, you could do it on the Saturday before or the next Sunday. That doesn't mean you don't want to spend time with his family, and I can't believe he dared to say you're trying to make it all about you (duh! Mothers Day-you're a mother). Stand up for yourself because you deserve it and you're definitely not being unfair to want the day for yourself and your family. Do it for your kids as much as for you, I'm sure they would love to have memories like you do of spending Mothers Day with your mother doing things together as a family.

Here is how I see it... one day, my kids will be grown and have children of their own and I don't want to be ignored. I spend ONE meal with my mother-in-law on Mothers Day and the rest of the day is mine. My own mom and I plan a lunch date some time after Mothers Day when it's just her and I.

For the rest of the day other than the one meal with my in-laws, the day is mine, so one meal spent so that my kids' aging grandmother is made to feel special is worth it! Since I am running around all year long for everyone else, my deal on Mothers Day is I make NO decisions. If my husband wants to cook that's fine, or go out to eat that's fine, too but I'm not picking the restaurant. Of course I do no chores all day, and all of the kids' needs are attended to by my husband. The whole day is very special, and I think it would be selfish to not have one measly meal with my Mother-in-law.

No, it is not necessarily bad, but if your husband wants to spend mother's day with his mother is that wrong? I'm sure he wants to celebrate you too, but if he wants to be with his mom I suggest some sort of compromise. Do you honestly think that you would not want to see your grandchildren on mother's day in the future? I know I would and I know it means the world to my mom, MIL, and my husband's grandmother that we make the effort to see them on this day. Maybe you can ask your husband for a mother's day raincheck and have a day to yourself or just with your immediate family later this week or next weekend. I know it's hard to spread yourself thin, but sometimes you have to make it work when it comes to family.

Maybe the dinner with your MIL can be on another day besides Mother's day. You said it is dinner, is it that bad to spend dinner with someone else cooking? Or, do you have to go for most of the day?

Saying that, do tell your husband it is about you - you are the mother! If he wants to take his mother out - he could do it by himself - she is not your mother. That is what I tell my husband - he has never disagreed with me. Don't get me wrong, there have been times that we have all gone to his mom's, but mostly it is my day. I take my mother out the Saturday before or sometimes the weekend before. I don't ask my husband to attend - she's my mom.

Sticky situation...good luck!

I just went thru this same dilemma! YOU are a mother and you work really hard all year long, Mother's Day is YOUR day- do whatever makes you happy...if that means spending the day with your girls, go for it! You deserve it. Tell your hubby to stop being a momma's boy:) just kidding. We ended up sending a nice card and we'll call my MIL on Sun but no dinner. I am a brand new mom to a 5 mo old and i want to spend my 1st mother's day w/my hubby and baby girl!!! Be strong!

How about you spend the daytime with your family and then just do the dinner. You could also invite her for dinner after a day of fun with your kids. I understand -I always see my step mom and part of me would prefer not to and just have it to my family. But, she is your husbands mom and she has a right to enjoy mothers day too. She does not lose her mom privileges just because you had children. So, my advice is have your immediate family enjoy a fun day together and then go to the dinner in time only for the dinner and everyone can be happy.

I hear you!! It was like that for me for many years always at my Mother in Laws every year. Finally I expressed my disappointment to my Husband & he understood. It IS all about YOU!! He should understand YOU are the Mother of his Children. Why cant he spend Mother's Day with his Mom & you do something special with your kids? It's not fair to not do what you want to do. Does he do what he wants for Father's Day? The first year I was "free" I spent the day with my kids at a wildlife park & after we toured it we had a picnic lunch in the grass & it was truly one of my best Mother's Days ever!! go for it & I wish you luck. You deserve a day of YOUR own!

Hi Dear, this is a tough one. My MIL died ten years ago. What a stressful, controlling, obnoxious woman she was...and my sister-in-laws!
Life gives you lemons, make lemonade! You add sugar, poise and grace..
You have daughters? I see an art project for them to create. A gift for all of the mothers....
email me for more ideas; and god bless you during this passionate transition. Meanwhile, hope your husband is understanding/learning to create love from difficulty. It's all ok in the end...

Honestly, the day is in honor of you, and I believe you should be able to spend it as you prefer. If that means not spending that day with your MIL, I think you should have the prerogative to do that. I think grandparents forget, a lot of the time, that they got to experience things on their own, and we need to as well.

Our families are 300 and 600 miles away. We don't get to see them often, so I get to spend Mother's Day as I like, and my husband is really good about recognizing it's a day for me (I try to do the same for him for Father's Day).

But, we also don't have the luxury of grandparents doting on our kids, wanting to have them spend a Saturday afternoon there so we can do yard work. Santa shopping with our kids was REALLY tough this year (we had to get really creative).

So, having family close by is a double edged sword in many regards, unfortunately. I, personally, have no problem telling either family how we like to do things to create our own memories and traditions, and my husband supports that. I wish you had as much support from yours.

You only have a few more years with your girls at home, I think it's safe to ask your husband to support you in creating some of your own family memories before they're off to college and out of the house with families of their own. If he's a mama's boy, though, it may be hard to get buy in.

Good luck.

I feel your pain. I am expected to spend 4 hours in the morning with my MIL and the afternoon with my mom and SIL. I get 2 hours that I had to beg for to celebrate being a mom. I have a 9 month old son and this is my first Mother's day. I kind of wanted it to be about me for once. I hate having to juggle and always being the one that gives up my time - becuase my MIL surely wouldn't for me - but my mother has offered to celebrate on another day.

I totally sympathize and for my Mother's Day, I never want to anything more than sleep in and hang out with my husband and kids. No driving anywhere and no hosting anyone else. Selfish, I know, but it's one of the few days that are about me (other than our birthdays, isn't every other day of the year about someone else). I think I deserve a break that day.

What about doing something with your MIL on Saturday? This way you celebrate Mother's Day with her and you get your husband and kids to yourself for the actual day.

Oh honey, please tell me your husband did not say your trying to make it all about you! HELLOOO????? It's Mother's Day...the one day that it IS all about you!!!!! And if you don't want to spend YOUR day going over to his family's house, you should not feel the slightest bit guilty about that!!! I am guessing that you have a pretty good relationship with his family, so is there anyway that you could go to his mom and talk to her? If there are other siblings that also have children then maybe suggest that you do the "big family" Mother's day dinner on Saturday with the everyone and then let each of you have your individual Mother's day to yourselves with YOUR children. That's what our family does and it works our great. I understand that his Mom wants to be with her kids, but she should understand that her kids are grown and have kids of their own, which means that she's not the only Mother to be honored that day. I would hope that she would be gracious enough to allow you to have special time to be honored by your children and not demand that everyone be with her. Good luck honey, and remember....it's called Mother's day for a reason....because it IS all about YOU Momma!!!! Hope you have a great day!!!

We have a similar situation, and we just decided to celebrate with just our family on Saturday instead of Sunday. For us, it's just an easy way to enjoy ourselves and avoid a fight with other family.

You are a mother and that means that mother's day is all about you. We spend the day before with my MIL, but my husband would NEVER expect me to give my mother's day up for his mom. It just wouldn't happen. I like to do a little something just for me (like a pedicure or a few hours floating in the pool ALONE with a good book) and then spend the rest of the day with my kids doing something fun like beach, swimming, park, etc.

This is alway difficult. Remember your MIL is a mom too and she wants to celebrate, but I don't see why that has to include a family dinner. Would it be possible for you just to stop by in the morning with a gift and spend an hour with her then continue on to enjoy your picnic?

I'm going to disagree with most here. I have my morning with my boys and enjoy every moment and then we head to my MIL's home to be with her and celebrate Her, and all of my SIL's, and Me in regards to all of us being Moms. I think it is really important that your DH gets to honor his Mom and be with her and you should be grateful that she raised such a wonderful man... your husband. She won't be here forever... love her while you have the chance and honor BOTH Of you on this special day. I sure as heck hope my sons don't forget me after they get married. I'm sure you don't want your daughters to not be there for you either.

When we lived on the same town as my MIL we had to go out to Mother's Day brunch with them every year because that's what they always did. I HATED it!! It drove me crazy to spend that kind of money on food that wasn't even that good, to sit in a cramped dining room with a bunch of other people. I would have much rather have been with just my family. But I also knew that this was my husband's Mom and he wanted to see her on mother's day and didn't want to disappoint her. It's a tough balancing act. Can you spend the majority of the day with just your family and then just go over for dinner, or is the dinner kind of an all day thing?

Good luck,
K.

I understand your dilemma - if you have dinner with them all the time, it's not really all that special for mother's day. My husband and I spend every mother's day with his mom, too, but she is like a second mom to me - not just extended family - and we usually spend the day around the pool and cooking out - we only get to see her every few months though so it is a treat :o) To mix it up why not suggest to your husband for him to take you and his mom (and your family of course!) out to a mother's day brunch or lunch and then after that it's your choice of what do do for the rest of your mother's day. Get the formalities out of the way first! I hope you have a wonderful mother's day!

M.

For me, MD is for ME!! My MIL has gotten the day for 39 years, it is now my turn. If it was my mom, that is different, but I don't want to share with my MIL. If my husband feels the need to go visit his mom, he is free to do that, but I decide how I am willing to spend the day, just as he decides what he wants to do for FD. Last year, I did give in to a brunch (they usually demand the entire day for things like that), and this year I will be in the mom/baby unit at the hospital :). Next year, it will be back to just being me, my husband and the kids. As for the grandparent part, I have no problem if they want to come celebrate ME, or want another day, they have grandparent day, but again, your kids are only little once, and I want to appreciate that now.

It is always hard for new parents to establish boundaries with their parents to change old habits & traditions. Tell your hubby that it is about you & your traditions. You are the MOM so this should be your choice! Good luck & have a happy Mother's Day!

I ALWAYS spend Mothers Day with My children! I will go to visit my husbands mother for an hour or two( when she was still with us), but my day is always planned around my children and what I would like to do! My husband is great about that! I am a mother and it is supposed to be My day, so we all work together. I'd suggest that you allow your hubby to visit with his mom, for an hour or so, but let him take you and kids "out to dinner-or cook one " for you, with the girls helping. Spend the day with your children. If that is your wish! I pray that your husband will truly understand what Mothers Day is for! It is for the moms! You are the Mother of his children! God bless & guide you on this one!
Truly,
Kathy N.

Let me make this brief. It is all about you! It's mothers day and you are a mother! Maybe he can go and do dinner himself with his mother. But really, most mothers just want a little peace and to know they are appreciated buy their own children & husband. Does he want you to have dinner with his father every fathers day, and what about your father?

All I have to say is AMEN to that! We usually make our rounds and do our visiting. I hate it!! I would love to do something with just my family (husband, daughter and dog) and no one else!

Here's to a Happy Mothers Day anyway,
H.

I so agree with you. YOU are a mom now. This isn't MIL's Day or Grandmother's Day.

Because it has been your family tradition for so long, it might be a little tricky extricating yourself from those expectations. Your husband will really have to make an effort not to have his mom feel suddenly shut out, because you and your kids have been "helping" him meet his mother's expectation forever.

I would be inclined to ask MIL for a separate time for a family get-together, assuming you can enjoy that, and on Mother's Day send her a lovely card and a traditional gift, like flowers or chocolates or a symbolic piece of jewelry. Hubby should definitely be in on all this, and visit his mom at least briefly.

There could be hard feelings, but who knows – your MIL might actually like the change. (As a MIL myself, I have NO expectation that my SIL will honor me or send me a gift, and personally would wonder what was going on if he made a big deal out of it. I guess I'd figure my daughter bullied him into it.)

Can you just do both? Go have fun with your daughters and then go to the dinner?