My 11 Yr Old Daughter Can't Fall Asleep

My guess is that this will straighten itself out once she gets back into the normal school routine and has to get up early every day. Until then, I would treat it as a combination of a discipline and physiological problem.

First, I would tell her that when she gets back into her normal nighttime routine, then she can regain access to electronics (computer, handheld devices, phone, tv, etc.) but until then, these items are off limits. If she's going to act like a toddler, you'll treat her like one.

Second, give her a small dose of melatonin before bed, which will help get her mind and body ready for sleep.

Hopefully she'll get back into her normal routine soon...good luck!

Have you tried to read the stories with her? If you read through the stories with her and point out how either silly they are or how they don't pertain to her it might help her to feel more comfortable.

It also might help to play soothing music in her room while she is going to sleep. Something like classical music with the sound of the waves or Native American flute music.

I would also get her a nightlight of some kind.

I would in no way allow an 11 year into my bed. We have a queen sized bed and no way could they fit.

I also think your daughter is winding and twisting herself into this emotional state. A bit if a drama queen.. When they were younger we would call this a tantrum.

Sure this was brought on by reading something, but she herself did this without permission.

This has gone on way too long, she needs to get back into the habit of going to bed on her own.

I agree, exercise is part of what she needs. She needs to get rid of all of this pent up energy. Maybe extra housework if she cannot go outside. Magic erasers starting on the walls in the hallway.. The cabinets in all of the bathrooms? Every room until she is worn out.

To relax, her evenings will need to be calm. Not a lot of loud talking, rushing around. Maybe cut the TV, that keeps the mind going having all of that extra sound in the background.

No extra electronics. Make her some
"Celestial Seasons, Sleepy Time tea" (no sugar or honey) before her bath time. Encourage her to take a VERY warm bath or shower at night.

Make sure there are no outside noises in her bedroom.

She needs to make sure she already has everything ready for the next day, so she is not concerned about homework, school, supplies etc.

You may want to teach her some calming thoughts. Sit next to her bed with the lights off and guide her.
While she is in bed tell her, (speak softly).. "Imagine your feet are falling asleep", give her moment. "Now imagine your shins are falling asleep.".. your knees, your hips, your stomach, your shoulders, your hands, elbows.. You get the idea..

Do this a few nights, until she will have this in her mind and can do this on her own.

If she throws a fit, screaming (tantrum) tell her you will not go in until she is quiet for 10 minutes. If she starts up again, tell her you are starting the 10 minutes over again.. and mom, do this. Do not break down.. She needs to know you are stronger than her and you will not put up with this foolishness any longer..

She is a preteen and certainly is showing it.. You are stronger than an 11 year old. You can do this.

She's 11, enough is enough. You've comforted her and now it's time to move on. Be firm in making her stay in her room at bed time. The moment the door is opened she's sent right back with a stern "No, get back in your room. Goodnight."

One or two nights I can see, but she's being a bit ridiculous and inconveniencing the rest of the family. Give her a flashlight and close the door. Do NOT give in.

This works with my 7 year old, she's not allowed out of her room unless she has to use the bathroom after the "goodnight" routine is finished. She can play QUIETLY, but she has to have the door closed and the lights off.

Good luck.

I saw "The Exorcist" with my Mom when I was 18 and slept with the light on until I got married. It takes a long time for these images/thoughts to get out of your head.

You might have to make some sleeping arrangements for her until she gets over this-be patient, it's difficult. I have trouble sleeping alone-so most nights, the dog is with me, if she (the dog) has a sleepover at someone's house, I fall asleep around 5 AM or so. I feel for her-this is not easy-she is only crying because she feels that she has to to get help or comfort. She must be very scared. Years ago, I babysat for my best friends' children, one of whom had watched a commercial for "The Grudge". I asked my sister what this movie was about and her simply telling me, with no visual, was enough to scare me. My friend's younger son and I stayed in the same room, every night while the parents were away, prayed The Rosary before bed and fell asleep with the TV on. If I was scared-I could only imagine how a little child felt! I have never felt comfortable in their home; the former owner had committed suicide in the garage. One morning during my babysitting gig, the children were at school and while I was preparing the evening meal, the hair stood up all over me, I turned around from the stove and watched a pencil roll off the kitchen table-scary? Hell yes! One night (during the same stay) after the parents came home, I went up to the guest room and the radio came on-I was terrified-the next night when I went up to bed, I was so exhausted, that I said out loud, "Do not even think about pulling any of your bleep tonight, I've got to get some sleep"! After that, I have never been bothered again. I'm sure you think I'm nuts, but I swear to you these events occurred and quite without any explanation. Maybe you should read what she read in order to try to sort through her feelings and try to come to some kind of resolution; to avoid the tears and drama at bedtime, maybe offer to sleep with her until she gets over this. I have nothing but empathy for her-good luck and sweet dreams.

She is suffering the consequences of what she did without your permission. The mind is a powerful thing. I've had these circumstances with my son not drom reading scary stuff but hearing the wind etc. I told him he's welcome to put a pallet on the floor in our room but he may NOT wake me up unless he's sick. I explained to him that I need rest in order to function well as does he so unless it is more serious than being scared he will be in trouble if he wakes me.

I agree with others that she can do without her screen until she is able to rest well again without a fuss. I have also taken this same stand in explaining to my kids it is so very important to watch what we expose ourselves to. You can't unread or unsee anything. We must be diligent about protecting our minds and heart.

On a personal level I read a book when I was a freshman in high school that scared me really bad. I never read another. I can remember that book like yesterday and it was over 30 years ago. I don't see horror films and I don't read it either. Huge impression on me. I didn't sleep well for weeks.

Blessings!
L.

I agree with getting her back into a regular rhythm, though I think I would lay with her in her bed, instead of her in yours. (If there is enough room...)

White noise is good too. I would put a lock on her iPod so she can't do anything else, and put a white noise app on it. I recently downloaded RM oriental Meditation on my iPad and it has helped me out a lot. :)

Reading before bed will help her focus her mind, and re-direct it from thoughts of the scary stories to the pleasant one she chooses for bedtime. We used to go to bed an hour before lights out, where we would read with book lights in a dark room. Worked great for us as kids/teens!

Also, I would avoid giving her melatonin... It is a hormonal supplement, and studies on the long-term effects of giving it to otherwise healthy children are inconclusive. You are supposed to talk to your doctor before giving it to children, but because it is so easily available in children's doses, many parents jump right into using it. Some say that it can affect their development as adolescents... Where your DD is so close to puberty (if she hasn't hit it already...) I wouldn't want to give her anything that messes with her hormones. Rather, see if you can help her body re-regulate its own melatonin levels.
-make sure she gets out in the sunlight during the day.
-dim the lights a bit before bed.
-make her room as dark as possible when it's time to sleep. (Give her a flashlight to shine if she gets freaked out.)
-drink some dark cherry juice (or better yet, warm cherry tea.) a couple hours before bed.

It's unusual in an 11 yr old.
Maybe she could use a sleeping bag next to your bed in your room for awhile.
She should stay off the internet/computer altogether (except for homework purposes) until she can sleep again without any fussing.
Make sure she gets some aerobic exercise when she gets home from school (shoveling snow is good for this - I've shoveled snow in sub-zero temps - you wear layers and wrap a scarf across your face so only your eyes can peek out - a balaclava is good too).
Get her up at a regular time (even on weekends) and send her to bed at a regular time.
Cut off anything that might have any caffeine in it.
Some chamomile tea and some melatonin about an hour before bedtime might help her to settle down.
She can read a (happy) story before bed (no tv or anything that is bright an hour before bedtime).

I suggest you check out her diet and any meds she takes. Things that might be hidden in her diet that you haven't thought of:
-nasal decongestants like sudafed
-antihistamines with a -D after them, like Claritin-D, Zyrtec-D, Allegra-D
-soda - pretty much any soda other than sprite or 7-up has caffeine
-tea, including iced tea, and coffee
-chocolate
-any dietary supplement since they can have stimulant properties
She should completely cut all of these things out of her diet entirely to see if it helps.
-does she take any kind of stimulant for ADD or anything like that?
If so, talk to her doctor.

Also, cut out all screen at least an hour before bed. For something to do - read an old-fashioned paper book, or play a board game, etc. The flickering light from a screen can really mess up your body's sleep cycle.

Having insomnia is really miserable, and I feel badly for her. I hope you can figure out the real trigger (which I don't think is the scary stories, since you say she's had it in the past before the story incident). When your mind won't stop racing, it will focus on anything, and that is probably where the scary stuff is coming in. I wouldn't focus on that, I'd focus on her diet/meds.

When I was 11 I was scared to death that an earthquake was going to wipe out my family. I slept on the couch in the living room for almost a year because I couldn't fall asleep in my room. I am glad my parents didn't make me feel bad about it. I just grew out of it. It is VERY common for 10-12 year olds to do this. Especially for gifted kids. Give it some time. Let her fall asleep wherever she can. This too shall pass

Why not get her body back in the habit of going to sleep on time what ever it takes. I'd simply tell her to climb in bed with us and we'd all get sleep. After a couple of nights of this and school starting back up she'd start getting sleepy on time again and her body would take over and go to sleep again.

I'd do this for about 3 nights then transition her to her own bed, early bedtime by maybe half an hour. So by the time she falls asleep it would be closer to bedtime every night. Then in a week I bet she's back on her normal schedule.

I'd also have peaceful music playing on a stereo that is across the room, turned on just loud enough for her to barely hear it. The music should catch her brain's attention but not be where she can hum along. Not that loud, just enough where her brain has to strain to hear it. Then her brain will lock into that sound and she will not be dwelling on the sounds of the house.

Try Chamomile tea.
Give her a flashlight

A kid's imagination... is not logic based.
Nor are those scary stories.

When my daughter was in 3rd grade, there were some kids that would go around telling scary stories to the other classmates, just about when it was Halloween time. Those kids did it on purpose, to get the other kids scared. They thought it was funny. And it made them feel powerful.
The other kids, got legitimately, scared. And it caused fear and sleep problems at home, and nightmares etc. My daughter was one of those kids.
My daughter told me, why... and how those kids were telling scary stories to the classmates. I told the Teacher. I was not the only parent that told the Teacher. The Teacher, was not pleased about it. At all. She then, talked to the ENTIRE class, about it. And told those kids, that the scary stories were to stop, and frightening the other kids, on purpose, were to stop. It is not, nice. It is not nice to frighten other kids, on purpose. And that it is causing problems, for others.

Each kid is different. Some get scared by those stories, some don't.
But those that do get scared, are scared, for real.
Their imagination, is not just a switch that can be turned off.
In time, my daughter got over it. But it was not something I could just tell her to "stop it..." and then her brain/imagination turned off.
And let me tell you, it was so irritating.
But in time, my daughter got over it.

My daughter is 11 now.
And she knows herself.
And if/when other kids are saying creepy scary things... she just goes away. Or tells them to stop. She also knows, not to say scary things around my son, who is 7.

Sleeping bag in your room for a short time.
Benadryl or melatonin for a short time.
Patience for a long time.

My only suggestion would be to wear her out during the day - walk around the mall, do some physical activity to get her tired. Hopefully getting back to school will help.

I would let her have a night light on and soft music to concentrate on and give her a melatonin (2 mg). Keep her bedroom door open. That should pretty much take care of the dark, noises, and not being able to fall asleep. Good luck!

If you haven't, maybe one of you should read whatever story(ies?) she read yourselves. It is difficult to comfort a generic fear. But if you know what it is she actually is afraid of, it can be more comforting/effective.

My son had a nightmare around age 9 that scared him so badly that he came to our room in the wee hours and wanted in the bed (he has never had sleep issues and has been in his own room/bed since birth, without any issues, and never nightmares). I let him get some blankets and sleep on the floor on my side of the bed. He was too scared to even talk about his dream. It is really difficult to say "it was just a dream, it wasn't real, etc" when you have no idea what they were even dreaming. Same thing with a book. Unless you know what she read, it will be hard to dispel her fears over it.

Son is 15 1/2 now, and just a few days ago mentioned that dream. He finally had told me what it was about (roughly) a couple of years ago. He gave even more detail this last time we talked about it. It was really bizarre (as dreams can be)... something with an alligator having eating our family, except for our heads. Which were talking to him. Creepy, right? We live not far from the marsh, in the south, where there are lots of alligators. Never seen one here, and don't even talk about them much, but they are around. It was odd. And I had no idea he dreamed about them that night at the time.

It would have been helpful (maybe) to have been able to tell him that they couldn't get inside our house.

Aside from that... the other ladies are on target when they say that something freaky enough can really be difficult to go to sleep after having read it. I read Salem's Lot in high school and it was unnerving. I was fine during the day.. it was when everyone was asleep and the house was quiet and dark that I was wide awake remembering the details in the story.

Saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose not too many years ago (as a 40 year old) and I woke up that night at almost 3:30 a.m.. I was wide awake for the better part of an hour and it was on my mind the entire time, as I laid there trying unsuccessfully to make myself think about something (anything) else.
You can't just turn it off.
I'd let her put a pallet on your floor maybe. Maybe. But there may be other things you can do that might help with her anxiety about whatever she read. Can you show her the ways your home is secure? Make sure she has a phone to call 911 easily accessible to her in her room? Let her put a baseball bat under her bed? Research statistics of the nature of what she read? (I'd do my own research first....).

Melatonin or Benadryl until she gets back to normal and no caffeine after mid afternoon. She is working herself into a frenzy so there isn't much else you can do IMO. Good luck.