My Twins Are Soooo Different!

This happens in plenty of families with multiple siblings, twins or not. I strongly recommend the books Siblings Without Rivalry and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Wonderful, practical, doable strategies that any family can use.

Yup... twins are two different people just like any other two children in the same family. Funny how they can turn out so different, right?

I second everything Peg M said. Those are great books that may give you some assistance in dealing with her moodiness and behavior.

Of course your twins are different. They're two different people. :)

There could be a number of things going on. Talk with your pediatrician. Hopefully he/she can give some insight into your daughter's behaviors.

I have an only who is 10. 4th grade is the hardest year. I don't understand why, but I have asked many parents in real life. Our kids all dislike school because it is not "fun" anymore with all the work. All the kids are having to deal with social conflicts much more. My child who rarely cried has meltdowns. She didn't even do that when she was little.

I have to not get emotional with her and not laugh where she can see it.
I talk softly when I really want to yell rude commands. It is so frustating. I miss how things used to be.

No words of wisdom, but there are many of us having the same issue.

Sorry for what your daughter is going through as well as the upset and frustration your family must be experiencing. That being said, as a mother of twin girls myself, I implore you to please change you mindset about your daughters. I do whatever I can to nurture my daughters as the individuals they are. They are only two years old, but I want a sense of self instilled in them. Just like others have said before, the fact that they are twins doesn't mean they should act the same or similarly. There is more to your daughters than simply being twins. Being twins isn't what makes them special. Being their own, unique person is what makes them special. And you need to start treating them as such. Even if they had been identical they are still two completely different people. I am wondering if you and others frequently make reference or comparison to them being twins. I could see how that could cause some frustration.

Maybe you are treating them a certain way based on how you ASSUMED they would be. At the beginning of this post you said, "...they have always been different starting at birth, one is very loving and loves to hug and snuggle, the other has never liked that kind of attention.now that they are older, I knew this would become a problem." What do you mean about knowing it would be a "problem"? In any event I hope things get better. Please keep us updated. Best wishes.

Sounds like you all could benefit from a good family counselor. You don't know whats going on inside her head and she won't tell you. Maybe she'll tell someone else. And maybe that person can relate on an adult level what's going to you in a way that you can understand. Then, maybe that person can teach the two of you how to communicate with one another - and her with others including her siblings. She may have middle child syndrome, feel like older brother is loved bc he's older and an only boy, and younger sister is loved bc she's "better" since you seem to receive love through touch - cuddling and snuggling - and that has led to the strong bond bw you and the other daughter. She may be very resentful and feel completely out of place within her family, which would create alot of anger.

I strongly suggest finding a good Christian family counselor who can help yall understand one another. Also, give The Five Love Languages of Children by Chapman and Campbell a read. It may help tremendously. You've stated that you've tried two of the five - quality time and touch (which she doesn't like). She may well receive love as words of affirmation, gifts, or acts of service. It sounds as if she's not receiving love at home, even though you try to communicate it to her - you guys may not be speaking the same language! And if her love language is words of affirmation, it may well be the reason she does so well at school (where that is piled on) and not at home.

I hated to be touched too growing up - but I was all sorts of allergy meds from the time I was 5 and they just make one REALLY sensitive to sensory input. My love language is gifts. As a child, typically the only time you see a gift is a birthday or Christmas (as long you have parents with boundaries, right?). For the child with gifts as a love language, they will starve on that frequency.

read the book and try the suggestions....and see a family counselor who knows what they're doing :)

I'm so sorry for your struggles. I wonder if there is any chance the less affectionate twin might have Asperger's condition. In my understanding, folks with Asperger's are often highly intelligent, but have significant social struggles, among other factors. Could you have your daughter evaluated? Regardless, it might be helpful to do some family counseling. Blessings as you navigate these turbulent times.

Sounds like one of your twins might have a sensory integration dysfunction. Maybe you could get her evaluated at a Brain Balance center or by an Occupational Therapist.