S.B.
Wow.
I'm wondering if your father has had depression and serious pain because of your mother's death.
What horrible words for a child to hear..."I wish I had died instead of your mother." BUT, as an adult, have you ever wondered the pain behind such a statement?
It's not abnormal for someone who suffers a great loss to say, "Why couldn't it have been me instead?"
I know that as a child, you felt treated like prisoners, but I'm wondering if he was afraid that if you got too far from him, he would lose you too?
You've been in therapy. That's a good thing.
Sometimes we have no choice but to cut someone who is toxic out of our lives, but I would be willing to bet, in spite of your dad's behavior, that losing you has been a big fear of his all along.
I feel badly for your whole family. Including your dad.
I don't know why you would contact your dad's attorney to tell him to send the message you want your dad to leave you alone.
No offense, but that doesn't make sense to me.
I think you should make another therapy appointment.
If you can't say how you feel in person to your father, discuss the option of writing him a letter letting him know how you feel.
The fact is, he didn't understand how you felt as children and you didn't understand how he felt as a man who lost his wife and had children to raise without her.
Maybe there is a way for you to hear each other before throwing in the towel completely.
That's just my opinion.
I would wish for a better outcome since you already lost one parent.